%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 23:36 I was calmly watching Stranger Things before I realised I only had less than half an hour left before the day is done! I don't really know what to write about...which usually seems to be the case. The only productive thing I've done today is some ironing for my sister. I went shopping with my aunt, who bought me a nice top. I don't buy myself a whole load of garments so this time I ended up getting two! I got a whole load of fabric to make myself some white trousers, of which there always seems to be a shortage in the shops. I say I don't get myself many garments but does fabric come into that? Hmm... I tried sewing myself a case for my Chromebook but it's not working out. The sewing machine my sister has is an ancient thing and the thread keeps snapping. I'm still trying to get used to the environment here. It's always lively. I don't get a moment to myself until my little one has gone to bed - I'd thought it would be different with so many family members here to keep an eye on him, but that's not the case at all. I feel guilty for leaving him to someone else when I'm not doing anything particularly important. My sister called me lazy earlier. I don't make it a habit to hide this fact. I don't like cooking and it seems that, in an Asian household, no matter which generation you were born to, such a thing is practically blasphemous for a woman. As if by being born a woman, I am in some way hardwired to enjoy household chores. And cooking is a chore. It's the biggest chore! Those who eat wolf down what you make with nary a word of thanks, or even acknowledgement that you took the time to cook. It's expected. But if there's something even a tiny bit wrong with the dish, you are in for some criticism! This is the human race in a nutshell, right? When things are good, we expect them to be good. When things are bad, we rant and rave about them being bad but don't really do much to better the problem. On that exceedingly positive note, I bid you all adieu! 23:54 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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