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Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #2186370

Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool!

A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes.

I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore!

I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children.

I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be.

I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone.
July 23, 2019 at 5:16am
July 23, 2019 at 5:16am
#963037
09:58

I wrote an entry last night. I know I did. I stole the advice prompt from the 30DB Challenge to do it. Either it's vanished into the ether after I saved it or...I never saved it. Memory, am I right? In any case, I received an email telling me to update so here we are.

I took my kitten in to get neutered today. I'm not too concerned. I feel I don't give him enough attention. I feel bad but I'm so lazy that I can't be bothered being more proactive in his upbringing. I should have gotten an adult cat - they're just as lazy as me, from what I've seen! I wanted a pet that was low maintenance but kittens are very playful and require quite a bit of attention. But since I didn't know anything about animals and since Dean is the first pet I've ever bought, I didn't really have much of an idea how things would be. Plus, I'm easily scared. Animals freak me out. I love em, but they freak me out. So I thought "Let's start out small!"

In other news, I've written about 1100 words of the beginning of the new novel. Two weeks and two days before my deadline! *Shock2*

10:16

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