No ratings.
Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
18:44 Yesterday, I got a sticker on my car telling me my vehicle wasn't taxed...yeah. So I taxed it for the beginning of August and...now I'm carless! And relying on others to get me places, because clearly it is an affront of me to go anywhere by myself on foot! I don't live a country away from my parents' place but here I am, unable to go back home. My sister was going to take our auntie home and I asked if I could hitch a ride back to my own place and she said agreed. When I got home, I remembered I'd left my keys at my parents'. What an idiot. ![]() Since my sister got back from work, she's not had a chance to just sit down and relax so I feel bad for pressing the issue since we came back to my parents' but I don't want to ask my dad either. And now, like the idiot that I am, I'm sitting here moaning and groaning to myself but not really making any effort to speak to anyone about getting home. Maybe I could ring my brother, but he works odd times and I have no way of knowing where he could be at any given moment so I'm a little hesitant to ask. I guess I could walk out of here but I did some shopping and I have my little one and no pushchair to take him back. Too much hassle. I hate this. I hate having to rely on others. 18:59 Not sure I did a full ten minutes of writing there, as I had a bit of a break in-between. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |