%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 22:53 I've done stupid things in my time - who hasn't? But you would think that I would think twice before pulling an all-nighter to read some dumb-ass manga when I'm already suffering from lack of sleep, have a back problem that makes sitting on a stiff chair for hours on end a very bad idea, and have a small child who will not let me have a lie in come morning. Oh, and of course, while I was reading this manga, I was supposed to have been writing. And then, through most of today, I finished reading this crappy manga...and then decided to watch a movie on Netflix! I can practically feel my vision getting worse from all the screen-staring I've done. So much for laser eye surgery! What really makes me so annoyed with myself though is that the story is sort of starting to hit its stride and I went and ignored it in favour of some entertainment which should have been transient but because I have no self-restraint when it comes to things like this, it lasted way too long. If I'd spent an all-nighter working on my story - and actually sat to work on it rather than fallen asleep in the chair - I would have had a large chunk of it done by now. All-nighters for writing only happen when the inspiration has hit hard. Anyways, took a bit of a break. Not even a break - I think my mind wandered for a bit and I started watching YouTube videos of Keanu Reeves, just to see what his take was on his performance in Always be My Maybe, which was the movie I watched earlier. His scenes were hilarious! And I should go before I find something else that grabs my attention, ending with me leaving my blog entry hanging until four in the morning or something. 23:23 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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