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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| It's Christmas evening. The tv is on, blaring about Charles Krauthammer, lol. They always put on something about him at Christmas, as if to negate the idea of Jesus living in this world of ours two thousand years ago. Charles Krauthammer is quoted here as saying on Christmas he shuts himself with his kid or family (I dont remember which one) and eat Chinese and watch horror movies. All Christmas day and night. So I wondered then whether this guy has a problem with Jesus. He is Jewish. But it seems rather a weird tradition to get into a small room watching horror movies and eating Chinese all through Christmas and into the next day? I wonder why this guy is so well loved by FOX NEWS that he is here as a tradition to watch when Christians celebrate Jesus' birth? And, why should anyone really care for Charles Krauthammer anymore. I think he's done and deserves to get some rest. Haha. It's coincidental that I am hearing FOX on this guy again. I would rather watch It's a Wonderful Life or that musical The Sound of Music on Christmas day or evening. Or some other Christmas movie but I am an old-fashioned girl. Must fly, Mary |
| My Christmas has been good enough so far. I awoke around 11:30 pm last night after a longish nap, then went off to bed when I heard some noises outside my window in the kitchen. I slept soundly and got up about 4 or so am. Then had a few browses on the internet. I made tea for me and my Guardian Angel, then cooked some sausage and then it wasn't good as it took a whlie to get browned. So I went and found a hard boiled egg near my computer so I ate that while I was vlogging on YouTube. It was fun and then I decided to colour my hair and now it's slightly more edgy and not conventional. I do not like being my age in that on paper it automatically puts me in an age bracket that tells people I'm out of it, out of the running, over the hill, everything that makes older people look unpalatable to those who might be interested in hiring or meeting or collaborating. An aging person doesn't feel good and the people who are hiring and wanting to collaborate get this feelilng that the applicant over 60 is boring and has nothign to speak for themselves. Well, i'm still good and eager to work for whatever is creative in writing. I am energetic enough but I do suffer from the creative blues and I tend to want to rest more frequenly as a result. I am also told that I'm pregnant and this is a fantastic thing for me as I've always wanteed to have kids. But the people who know of it are cautious as I've lost babies before but I'm hoping this one makes it out alive, haha. My SO isn't sure he wants babies now at our age. So I'm not telling him exactly. I'm also cautious but I feel as though I can confide in this place and I won't make it free to see it. I have had to stop writing since ODLT was released on Amazon and other websites. I feel like this book has killed me and my SO and my happy creative self. I do not do much more than the minimum for each day. I do knitting (I'm on another project - a sweater for my puppy) and I might actually finish it. I received a nice sewing machine by Singer for Christmas. My dad has a new laptop. My pets have a decent kibble to eat. I'm still able to make meals as usual. I don't like to make anything much but I have decided to stop making breads. The batters never seem to do anything and I am not about to waste more flour. I am not sure about desserts or small things like scones or cookies. I have some leftover bags of chocolate chips and even some nuts but i think nuts have a shelf life. I think chocolates have no real shelf life. I don't have any really good sugar but if I had to make cookies I'll not make too many. Rolls of bread might be stil under the category of breads so I won't do any rolls. Not unless my SO wants any. I started something like Merrys Syrian bread but I've stopped. our oven has stopped working anyway. I havent money to repair it and my Dad won't spend on this sort of thing any way. he is not eager to do this spending unless it's a matter of keeping us alive body and soul, haha, and so it will be mostly spent on us going from day to day and also on my trips (with him of course) to see my therapist and srhink in Indianapolis. I see the therapist next Monday at 10:30 am. The travel to and from Indy is harrowing and I'm very afraid we'll meet with a fiery end on the highway. I am afraid of those awful semi trailer trucks and once I saw one edging us off the highway. He was awful and seeme ddelighted to have me take his photograph for my evidence of who it was who got into our path! I sent it to someone I thought was a friend but it turned out it was a stranger. I never got a reply anyway. I'm not working ona full time or part time job. the last job was a scam. I am sure people have known this after it was known that the man was trying to use me to launder his filthy money. Do NOT work or do business with Singular Logic as that is what they said they represented when they hired me. I still have their "Employment letter" and also any "google hangouts' he and I had are archived. I dont know if Google is good any more but that place should have a record of the hangouts I had with the man who hired me. I wont go into more about how I've had such a negative life and filled with sadness. I have accepted that as a part of living on this earth and I am given a lot of support from having read people's books who've been able to give some views on how best to live a life of suffering. People I've met seem not to want to be suffering or be sad and it's a difficult thing to talk to them about it. I've wondered how they are now and if they are really able to discuss with people how they feel they can't handle pain, or sorrow, or suffering without the help of psychotropic drugs or marijuana or other illegal drugs. It's sad but they ought to seek help. I cannot be with them any way and I know some of them are in a big hurt and are put into such a tightrope where they have this idea that seeking help even in silent prayer will make someone they love sad or die. Let me say this: If you but pray every day, for a second or less, to Jesus or God Almighty or St Michael the Archangel every day every day every day this seeming abyss that you tread over on some rope wlil become less in profundity and you will find someone to share your difficulties with. Finding someone is always good - someone who's rooted to a sense of God's miraculous help, His ability to see before you what might lie ahead and to be prepared to keep you from getting off on the wrong foot at least. God will see your life and what is impacting you and your wish to have some sort of happiness. I'm not sure what is on for dinner. We have some steaks, a crab sushi meal, a beef something that's to be heated in the microwave. I am sure that because I've already eaten a big meal (pork hocks and curry rice) that I won't be that hungry much later. We are grateful that we have some money left but this is going to be gone soon. I have some cash I received from Dad and it will buy a few things, including cigarettes, haha. I do have some liquor for the Staff. I haven't tried a recipe for a hot toddy. I might go somewhere tomorrow to find some of the ingredients. I already have whisky. I have a wish to make other cocktails just because. We have ouzo and no beer. I've finished or maybe the Staff have finished the last of the beers. We have some sherry which Dad is keeping cold in the fridge but I have to say he might have forgotten it already. We have some warm on the counter. I don't remember the brand of the sherry. I don't think being 'pregnant' will be affected by the alcohol. My Guardian Angel tells me so. I always believe things are going to be alright. I have felt that God was in charge whenever I was in some places that I've never been to before. for example, I went to Washington DC for a two day meeting to learn about regulatory. I checked into a small hotel and used the GPS to get to the office where the meeting was held (RAPS office - Regulatory Affairs Professional Society). I walked there early in the mornings and passed their Chinatown and then got to their nice crowded city and went to the meeting and then the next day we were dismissed early. I saw a coffee place on the corner aruond the RAPS offices and went there but it was also busy and yet I did sit for a while to drink a coffee. I went round a bit to see what was what. I was able to shop at JCrew, got a top there, then found a church that was locked (I was surprised), then I went back to the Chinatown area to buy a curry noodle dish whcih was a generous servig which I ate some in the evening and some for breakfast. Then I also got to sit in the hotel for some breakfast, and then I signed up for a taxi service to pick me up from the hotel to take me to the airport. It was a frazzling thing as I had to wait for the taxi and was dismayed that the taxi service had to pick up more passengers and my time for departure was drawing nigh! but I got to the airport and felt so relieved to get going. I sat by a young girl who was listening to her iPod (or whatever it was ) and then i prayed a rosary and then sat back to do nothing in particular. Then the girl and I talked and she said she hated traveling. Another time I had to attend a RAPS conference in maryland and that was alternately good and frustrating and even a bit saddening. The woman who was my superior (she got promoted soon after I was transferred over to that department) had to be my roomie and she was not a great friend - she always ran late and it was something I was impatient about. She also complained to me that I snored. Well, I sort of do snore but i felt a bit unhappy she complained. Then she and I would go to these dinners with all the other members of my employer (all the time) and in the evening so I and she had to WALK all over to the restaurants where the group wanted to eat at. The lognest walk was somewhere at the end of the water or bay area and it was in a rather nice restaurant but the neighborhood wasn't that comfortable for me. I preferred a taxi to get there but no we had to walk. Then one of those days was a weekend and my roommate had a meeting that day so I was at loose ends and I decided to attend Mass. I googled churches in the area and one was at the St Jude Shrine in the inner aprt of Baltimore. Well, I was not a happy camper to see that walking into the inner city was a very iffy thing to do. I met nobody really on the way there, very lonely city streets with a few questionable but perhaps self-absorbed people there. I hunkered down and was grateful that I wasn't that attractive nor was I any sort of pretty face to get them to follow me and perhaps attack me. I had a largish Dooney and Burke portofolio that had a long shoulder strap. I got to the Shrine early. I saw some Filipino women who were holding forth and knew a lot about the small souvenir shop in the basement. I bought a St Jude bracelet. Then i went up to attend the service but it wsas still early. I went to the Shrine where they had a statue of St Jude. It was also crowded with mahy pilgrims. Then I noticed a number of tourists who arrived. They were there for St Jude's Feast Day! It was so crowded that I was glald to have a front seat and prayed with the ladies the rosary before Mass. I left that church but someone before I did mentioned St Someone's house which was a tourist spot. I was feeling a bit adventurous so I went off with my GPS to find this house. It was also a place where tourists went and there wwere two ladies who greeted me. They told me there was a small auditorium where I could sit and watch a short video on this woman's life. Then after that they showed me this woman's house which dated back to I don't kjnow George Washington's day. I went to all the rooms, took pictures, saw how very frugal and sparsely decorated her house was, and then went out and toured the premises and too more pictures. i left and then decided to walk to the Basilica. At that point i went on this city street and I was surprised (almost out of my skin) by a man who asked me if I carried any cash. I felt my spine chill and it was so frightening to hear this man's voice behind me. I decided to look at him like he was a pest and told him I never carry cash. I suggested that the bus (because he said he needed cash for the bus) might have credit card slots to pay. Then I turned away and kept on walking this time faster because I was still afraid I was going to be murdered right there. I found the basilica and saw a gaggle of tourists from some other place - all Filipinos. They were posing for pictures outside the basilica. I got inside and saw the service had been ended and hardly anybody were sitting there. I took more pictures. Sat a bit and then left. by then I realized that my iPhone's battery was running low. I was filled with great alarm and I said to myself this battery needs to stay on until I get to my hotel!!! I followed the GPS again, trusting it too much. Then I felt the air change from hot to breezy. I realized I was near my hotel which was near the edge of the water. I was so happy that I walked and then i got to my hotel all the time feeling grateful. I got to the hotel, went straight to the restaurant and ordered a pizza. Iate most of it, put myfeet on the chair nearby and felt so fucking happy and quite tired. i went to my room and slept soundly. i was roundly scolded by my Guardian Angel about this trip to the inner city of Maryland. I had to defend myself and answered that it was a Sunday and I had to attend Church. I think he's still upset about this. It's been two or three years or maybe four years since this happened. I think that I won't travel on my own anymore. I hope that it will be something that someone needs to understand. I am so sad that I've alarmed some of my Family. Must go, Mary |
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