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Bare and uncensored personal expression. Beware!!! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." --- Colleen Wainwright "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." --- David Sedaris "Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment." --- Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey "In giving of myself onto these pages every day I allow myself to write regardless of the depth and meaning. I share myself with others without fear of recrimination for these are my thoughts, my feelings and my very being, and there are non who's opinion of me matters more than my own." --- Rebecca Laffar-Smith   The Writer's Round-About |
| I feel cluttered and unable to concentrate at the moment. I was feeling fine most of the day. Still not up but definately not as down as I have been lately. Right at this minute however I feel flustered and jittery. I'm even struggling to write because my mind won't stay in one place long enough to even correctly type a word. This frame of mind makes everything around me a distraction and I see the clutter of my desk and the messes in my house and everything seems to pile on top of everything else feeling like a claustrophobic junk heap. It's interesting to consider how the external environment and internal mind and body seem to relate to each other. I know my mind is often skittish and my surroundings reflect the fact that I struggle to follow through any single task. My house is a testiment to things only begun and never finished. My dishwasher right this minute has clean dishes in it that haven't been put away. My laundry is piled with washing because I'll turn a load on and forget to rotate it, and turn it on, and forget to rotate it. Sometimes I'll end up washing the same load three days in a row because I forget to put it in the drier. The bathroom needs a good sort and scrub down. The kids toys are strewn around the house. The kids bookshelf is practically upended, all the books are on it for a change but they're not stacked neatly. It seems most apparently and chaotic and disturbing when my own mind isn't able to focus on anything. But even now doesn't progress me very far toward improving the situation because I'm most scattered when i'm thinking about it. It's the time I'll struggle to decide what to work on. I'll begin a task then move elsewhere, and elsewhere, and elsewhere and eventually I'll be worse then when I began. It doesn't help that I also want to write. It's Tuesday again already? That means I completely missed last weeks assignment for The Tools of Poetry and let down my students. They don't chase me up about things like that however, sorry to any of them who read here.  I really do need to get all my PPP into some semblance of order.Being scattered like I am at the moment makes me reflect on all my good intentions. I started planning, goal setting, task listing, etc. a couple of months back but I haven't stuck with that either. Sometimes it's just so easy to put off things as if they're unimportant and then find that I'm overdue and running behind in getting things finished. Some projects I wanted to do daily and I'd say, nah, not today, and not today, and not today and a month has gone by and I haven't done any of it. I'm not sure how to go about smoothing myself out with this sort of thing. Sometimes I wonder if it's a switch inside my head I can't find. Perhaps it's something normal people have that got misplaced when I was being created. I try to look back and see if I was ever better than I am now but I can't think of a time. I hope it's something that I can control but then that would require a will power and dedication I've thus far failed to pull to the fore. What is it that controls how your mind compartmentalises projects? What controls the control in your life? How do you stop the ferris wheel of your mind so you can get off instead of constantly going around, and around in circles that get you no where? How do I slow down my brain so that each thought lasts more than a millisecond? For some reason this feels like a manic high, it's strange that my body feels manic high when my emotions don't. *frowns* Basically it's just a very confusing state of existence. I'd like to get off the ride of life and take a holiday. |
| Forgive the anti-socialism I'm projecting at the moment. I really don't much want to be here. I'd like to go back to bed and forget the world exists for another few days. I can't even understand what's thrust me down to these murky depths. It feels like a very strange low but I suppose it's good that it happens now because that means come next week, Christmas Day, I should be feeling better. I guess it's a build up of pressure. I'm running a very tight balance and it's so easy to push off either side and plummet down the bottomless pit of despair. Normally turning to my writing at this point would help but mostly it just pushes me into anxiety today. I try to be here, just hoping that forcing myself out of bed and into reality to a degree will help but my head keeps shouting at me to run away. I feel a bit rediculous putting this here but in the absense of anything else to write about the other option would be to let another day pass without a blog entry. I've already let myself down about my blog over the past few days that it's definately time I started insisting on getting it written. Can you believe it's only a week till Christmas? One week and then the chaos of Christmas day. A week and a day till the deflation of having built up an ideal only to have it far underreach all expectations. lol Gee I'm in such a positive frame of mind. The good news I guess is that I've done most of the Christmas shopping. I still haven't got the tree up but that's on the plans for today. I'll push myself to do it and not go to sleep until it's done. Blah. This is like hot pins under my nails. I give up. G'night. Time to go back under my covers and hope the day goes away. |
| I saw the movie Eragon today. I wanted to cry. Seriously. Not because the movie is sad but because my heart was broken. Having just finished reading the book I had really enjoyed the way the story was written. The important elements that gave it class, and emotion, and integrity. I enjoyed the theme and the depth. I enjoyed the play of characters, their various strengths and weaknesses. I enjoyed Eragon particularly because he was young, uncertain, and only just discovering the world. Today I watched the movie and I wanted to cry. I got very, very angry, distressed, and generally pissed off because all of that was ripped away. There is no integrity in this movie. It is so different from the book as if they grabbed the basics and tossed them in a blender and spat them out in 3D wide screen dolby digital surround. I can't imagine what Christopher Paolini thinks of the movie. If it had been my book my heart would really be broken. It's made me very aware that if anything I write ever gets taken up to be made into a movie I want a very firm contract in place. I'd want a contact that ensures I am consulted with anything they change that does not match the book. I'd want a final ok to see the movie before it's launched in full with the right to ensure it does not reach the public unless I'm happy that it's a fair adaptation of my book. I know, perhaps it means I'll never have a book make the big screen. But seriously, there have been many great movies that held true to the integrity of the books they were born of. JK Rowling for the most part seems to be able to generate enough respect that the movies are fair adaptations of her books. JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogies were also very good adaptations. I think Eragon, had it been adapted following the book would have been an incredible movie. Now my warning to people is. DON'T read the book until AFTER you see the movie. See the movie first. Enjoy the movie as a stand alone and then read the book and have your mind blown by how different, and brilliantly so, the book is. Understand why the movie could not even compare to the book. It's not even the hint of a shadow that the book is. I feel hurt and disappointed. I feel very let down. I feel like I wasted a good $15 of money because I really did not enjoy the movie. If I had seen it with no idea what the book was about I'd probably have enjoyed it. But as I watched all I could see is this beautiful book being torn to shreds. I watched the characters become empty ghosts of the indepthly beautiful people they really are. I say the brilliant character development Paolini worked across the 500 pages of his book completely obliterated. *sighs sadly* As a writer this sort of thing makes me afraid and concerned. Where is an artists right to have their work respected? Some would say, "Maybe he doesn't care? Maybe he's just glad to roll in the money and see his name and his title on the big screen?" I can't imagine that. I can't imagine an impassioned 15 year old who slaved over this incredible story smiling as he watches his title and his name connected with what they made of it. I can't imagine his family, who supported him, published him, promoted him, happy that his prize was decimated. I can't imagine how the people who he acknowledges in the book, the friends and family who helped him edit, and mould the story, might be proud to see it put up there in motion and color. I know sometimes you just have to let things go. I expect Paolini won't so freely grant the rights to any of his future books, assuming he writes more. As with us all I hope he's accepted this and used it to learn. It's a harsh lesson and I hope it's one I learn only through experiencing it as a 3rd party. Still, today I am sad. I might go and read the book again in the next few weeks. Hopefully, the brilliant characters and the charming delight and intensity of the story as it should be will remove the tarnish the movie has inflicted. And I'll write, because someday perhaps one of my own books will reach the big screen and portray the element that makes the story, and not the bones that protect the shell. |
| *chuckles* Well, perhaps lucky for all of you but unlucky for me because I forgot all about my blog. *blushes* It also tied in with a beautiful movie I watched last night called, "Just My Luck" starring Lindsay Lohan and Chris Pine. I can't say I'm all that keen on Lindsay in general but mmm Chris is a cutey even in his dork stage. *grins* Just what I was in the mood for too, a romantic comedy - complete chick flick but after watching a horror (Silent Hill) and an action (DOA) it was definately time for a bit of romance to send me into dreamland. I might even go buy this one to keep on my shelf with the other chick flicks I have on hand at home to deal with my sappy moods. lol I know, Hermione is laughing at me because I don't giggle but I love a good cry-worthy or laugh-worthy soppy romance.  The whole movie is a dramatisation of luck and the way it may or may not affect life. I think a lot of luck really has to do with the way you perceive what happens in your life. Sure it would be nice to feel pretty much guarenteed to win on a scratchy but why leave luck to chance? To me it's like getting wet in the rain, if you're going to be grumpy about getting wet it's going to feel like rotten luck if it rains. I'd rather feel vibrant and refreshed, dance in the rain and know that clothes and hair and shoes will dry, but it's not every day you can jump in puddles. My consideration of luck is a little silly. I pick up money if I find it but don't really relate it to future luck because finding money is pretty lucky right there. Mostly I let my kids pick up money if they're with me because to them finding five cents on the footpath brightens their whole week. *chuckles* I wish on the first star I see if we're out and about at sunset but with no real expectations of outcome, simply because it's something sweet and child-like to do. I still make a wish when I blow out candles on my birthday cake. I always wait up till midnight on New Year's even if I'm stuck at home with two sleeping kids and no one to bring it in with. (Even when I was married and he would be fast asleep I'd wait up and bring it in alone. ) I would whole-heartedly make out with a guy under mistletoe if the opportunity ever came up.  (Really I'll take any excuse to get some.  ) Um... and etc...I think faith and fate have a say in karma as well. I believe in the three-fold rule, what you give out you get back in folds. In being generous with your time, your material wealth and your spirit you gain so much more then you could imagine. For some strange reason I feel very wealthy and blessed when I give. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination but I have 'enough' which makes me very fortunate. I believe things come in three's, usually the bad things so if you have two things go wrong, prepare yourself for the third because in being prepared you can reduce the severity. You can't prevent it but you can reduce the impact it has on your life. For example, my mother is known to have arguments with her vehicle and objects surrounding it. She's notorious for three's in her car. The first will usually be a scrap, a little paint chaff against a wall or a pole. Second is often a crunch, generally a slightly harder impact with a pole or a wall. *chuckles* You'd think she'd learn from the first. But... having had two within the month or two she's cautious and watching for the third. The third is usually something beyond her control, another vehicle or car failure. Because she's cautious, expecting it the damage is less severe; she was able to take care to move slower, or watch her blind spot more carefully, or avoid taking a risk she would normally take etc. Anyway, totally fell off the point. Basically if something happens in a two it will end in a three. Thankfully this works for the good and the bad. So if your bank clears you a $10 cheque you weren't expecting, and a scratchy hits for $25 I'd buy a lotto ticket. *grins* You might get invited out for lunch with a family member, next week a friend you haven't heard from in a while calls, and then you meet someone knew you hit it off with right away. Three's. Superstitions are funny aren't they. There are all sorts of them out there. Most of them are utterly rediculous. Except of course, to the people who believe in them. Superstition depends on faith, if you believe in it then it's true, for you. Like my three's I guess. I believe things happen in three's and for me they do. I don't really believe in the all day good luck aspect of finding a penny so it doesn't have that value to me when I find one. In the movie, "Raise Your Voice" the main character actually finds a penny, wrong side up (I didn't know the see a penny rule required it to be the right side up and I'm not sure which side is considered the right side.) Anyway, to her it's not a lucky penny so she doesn't pick it up. Instead, she turns it over, "Now it can be lucky for someone else." What a great outlook on that one. *grins*What sort of superstitions do you believe in? |
| *sighs sadly and gets all mopey and lonely* I know, I know, I'm such a bore and whenever I attempt humor in writing it fails miserably. But do you all have to abandon me at once? I might try and kid myself into believing I write this for me but to tell the truth I crave your loving attentions. *sighs* Alas, it's true, I'm secretly an attention whore. Isn't it strange that if I were writing this for my eyes alone it would be different to what I write knowing that others might be reading it. And doesn't it make you all groan thinking, "OMG if she writes this BS for our benefit her personal journal must be full of completely self-centered meaningless drivellings that she would not wish upon even her worst enemy." Oh and I use a lot of cliche in common language. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time you'll have already noticed that. I figure I get most of my cliche's out in common language and communications I can avoid them in the writing that matters. Thus since this blog is just the mental meanderings of a strange and warped Rebecca I toss cliches around like popcorn at a kids birthday party. All this wondering over the curious absense of readers leads me to wonder why I choose to write, and in turn why you all choose to. Somewhere deep inside there is a calling to be heard I suppose. I'm one of those people who are actually hyperaware of my own insignificance. I'm fully in touch with the fact that the miniscule decades of my life will have next to zero impact on the greater scheme of the universe. The good news is that while my life affects very little change over a long term I have a great deal of power in the now when it comes to my own life and the lives of those I love. Everything I do, everyday, impacts that and because the people I love are pretty significant to me that makes me pretty significant too I guess. I'm greedy enough to want to reach future with my impact however. to reach the lives and minds of people, readers, all around the world. Perhaps to impart some wisdom but at least to give them the gift of something beautiful, an escape, and perhaps a realization about the sheer joy in living. *sighs* Sorry, I get into touchy feely mode sometimes. *chuckles* I just wrote a pretty intense scene for Flight of Torque that dealt with a few aspect I'm particularly fond of. Writing is a fantastic tool for imparting personal wisdoms and simply sharing knowledge and beliefs with the world in an acceptable means. When you read a great book you don't pause to refute the beliefs of the characters. You accept them, good and bad. In doing so I believe a great many can be influenced to simply listen, when they might otherwise be closed-minded. There I go dreaming about affecting change again. *grins* Me and my insignificant significance. lol I obviously don't affect much change here on WDC. The good news is I'll have finished reading Eragon tonight. Then I should probably start thinking about actually getting other work done. Here comes the writing lists to avoid doing the things on the lists again. *grins impishly* PS If you're waiting on Tools of Poetry I'll do it tomorrow. *grimaces* Book you see, it's more important. *winks* TOMORROW! Meanwhile tonight, I have to go read these remaining chapters before I pass out from exhaustion. Who knows, maybe someone will actually read this blog entry. At least it's written. *waves* |
| Odd Spot #61: On average, women say 7000 words per day. Men manage just over 2000. See, we know that women had a lot more to say then men. Of the 2000 words men are allowed about half of them are grunts and various other verablisations that women have had to translate over the years. Their intelligable language deminishes swiftly usually asking for breakfast in the morning and regaling their mates at work about the hot chick they scored with the night before. It's interesting that women say so much in a day. It's curious to me because as a writer I do a lot of my talking online and I'm pretty sure I'd cover a great many of those thousands. I probably surpass them in fact but that's because I talk, and type, a great deal. When I'm not in a low I can ramble and rabbit on very well. Apparently I'm interesting because people keep responding when I talk instead of telling me to shut up or go away. I wonder how many words we each really do say on average. Individually the numbers must vary a great deal. It would all depend on circumstance surely. Sometimes there are occasions when the opportunity to talk just isn't there. Other occasions when we can chatter away. Perhaps the reason men grunt so much is because they save up their words for Friday night down at the pub with the boys. That could also explain why in general they're useless at saying anything deep and meaningful. Most would find it impossible to write their marriage vows or an eulogy. I also wonder how much of this language actually serves mankind. Do what we say in a day make any difference in the world around us? I know I for one ramble a lot of meaningless nonsense. This entire blog for example. lol I also know that part of my goal as a writer is to ensure I do communicate something that has value and worth to the world around me. I wonder how many of the thousands of words spoken every day change the world. Odd Spot #102: On average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime. Ok, now this seems pretty lame. 2 weeks? Is that ALL? I'd like to spend months of my life kissing. I mean seriously, out of say 80 years that makes about a minute every day of kissing. A MINUTE A DAY! Sure, some days you'll go without kissing, most of your first 15 years I guess you story up some hours of kissing but really I would hope that there is a LOT more kissing then that in my lifetime. I could spend hours making out with a guy on a good day. Just think about it, hours of your 2 week limit get used up in your teens. How much time do you spend kissing while you're having sex? There is usually a fair few minutes there and l certainly hope I have more than a minute of that most of the days of my life. Where do they get results like this anyway? Who tracks how much time they spend kissing? I look back over the years of my marriage and I couldn't gage how much time we spend kissing. Do people fill in a survey or something? Seriously, only people who barely do any kissing take the time to fill in a survey about how much of it they're doing. I'd rather be doing the kissing then filling in a survey about it. Maybe they take a bunch of test subjects and monitor their day to day kissing practices over seveal months? Do they tap some special sensors onto the subjects so that the signal comes back loud and clear with tongues are tangling? You know I'd rather be kissing right now, then arguing about how deprived we are that on average we only get about 2 weeks worth, 336 hours, 20160 minutes, 1209600 seconds in our lives. Odd Spot #72: Daily, the human race grows by about 214,000 people. Wow, that's a LOT of babies. You know what made me really wow on this little fact though? MOST people don't have babies whenever they have sex. Most sexual intercourse does not create life. So if 214,000 babies are born every day that means a HELL of a LOT of people are having sex. Darn why isn't it me? *pouts* *grins* Think about it, even people trying to have a baby are unsuccessful over and over again. Millions of people are having sex every day. consider that each of these babies has a single carrier, hell go while, some of these babies are multiples from the same carrier, each carrier had sex with someone else. If we just assumed say 200,000 babies were born of 200,000 mothers, that's 400,000 people having sex. That's 400,000 people creating a baby so if they're actually successfully procreating how many hundreds of thousands are protected or unsuccessful? EVERY DAY!!!! Seriously, I want to be in on that action. How many people are there in the world? How many of them are of the age when they are deemed mature enough to have sex and babies? Of those millions of people MOST of them are probably having sex. I know, most of you are groaning like me at those sorts of odds. What's wrong with us that we aren't one of millions having sex? *sighs sadly* One of the many mysteries of life I suppose. The good news is that people are having more sex every day. Population continues to climb. So maybe we'll be lucky and can have sex tomorrow. Any takers? Odd Spots curtesy of Libra womens sanitary pads. |
Wow! I mean really wow. I want to send a huge personal thank you to my cheering squad tonight (rain  ). Sometimes I just need to be pushed and when I was prepared to give up tonight it was wonderful to have a friend give just the right kind of push to remind me that choosing to give up now would lead to choosing to give up in the days to come.Thank you Rain for reminding me that today is my opportunity to change. Today, not tomorrow, is when I have to put my life into action. Now, and not tomorrow, or next week, or a month from now. Yes, I wrote, over 1000 words and I think the scene worked out brilliantly. I suspect it's a wrap for the second chapter and brings the total words of The Flight of Torque to a remarkable 11,000. Hear that Forge? That's 11,000 words done in a week. My confidence grows and grows every time I complete a scene and I really love this story. It's hard, truly challenging, and it gets harder day by day but I'm determined to get it finished because the concept, is too brilliant not to share with the world. I know we have battles before us but I push away the fear and fight through because I know by sticking together and staying strong we can win the battles and come away with a majestic prize. Isn't that what writing is often about? Overcoming adversities. Quite often these adversities are within ourselves. WDC is a great place to nurture ourselves. The strengths of the friendships I've made here have changed me remarkably and with the support of people like Rain, and Forge and all the other names I couldn't begin to list I know that all my dreams are possible. Isn't it amazing to have a cheering squad? Friends who know how hard it is and really want you to succeed. One of the remarkable things about WDC is that we're in a competative market and yet everyone knows that we each offer something unique. In a way it's our mutual love of language and writing that helps us know, deeply, that we as a people and as writers benefit from the success of other writers. Tonight I celebrate 1000 words. It mightn't seem like a huge accomplishment but when added to the 10,000 others written this week, and the remaining thousands to come it will prove to be something magical. Thank you Rain for pushing me and reminding me why we strive and why it was important not to push the battle to another day. *hugs to Rain and all my wonderful cheering squad*. |
| Flight of Torque took a turn towards painful today. I'm not in my best form, grumpy, bitchy, achy. Thus is caffeine withdrawl day one. *grimaces* Thanks to a healthy dose of berocca and asprin with lots and lots of water and a decent meal I managed to knock the head off my migraine but otherwise I feel like shit. Which of course I hope is the cause for my struggle writing today. Looking back over the post it turned out alright. But it was so hard to write. My mind isn't focusing on anything at the moment and I flit from one thing to another without concentration. I couldn't even handle chat that's how bad it was. Everything was a blur and my dyslexia played havok. Eventually I sat there *dead* not actually reading it at all just trying to absorb a sense of being around others but it didn't help either. So I logged and went for a hot bath and some sleep. The bath was nice and I slept on and off all day. Read bits of Eragon in between napping. By dinner time I forced myself to come together enough to produce a decent meal, get my kids bathed and to bed and then write. But the writing wouldn't come. I slugged through and through. But didn't get anywhere near the end of the scene I'd planned to reach. Still it's another 800+ words that don't suck so I guess we'll see where it goes from here. The truth is you can't be in top form all the time. I guess I'm proud of myself for getting something written and posted. It's so easy when you feel terrible to give yourself permission to slack off. At least it is for me. I did for most of the day. I accomplished a lot less then I had planned to. But the two things I promise myself every day got done. I'm pleased with that. Now of course it's time for bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Day two of caffeine withdrawl *grimaces* Fingers crossed I'll get some housework done and be back here for another entry having posted for Flight of Torque. |
| It's true isn't it. Perhaps it's one of those great universal truths. Everyone has their idea of the way our minds should work and everyone has their opinion about how to fix others. There is a great, cosmic opinion of what is normal and for some reason this obliterates any sense of what actually is and implicates only what 'should' be. It reminds me of the MacDonalds information panels. On the panels they have a Daily Intake percentage. Yes that's what I said, a Daily Intake, based on the average daily intake of an adult human male. It made me want to shout, "OMG COME ON!!!" These days the average adult human male (and female for that matter) is obese or overweight. They aren't eating what is healthy for them. If you go on his average intake you're perpetuating his condition in anyone who follows the example. Normality is based on the average community and the average community is insane. Seriously! I talk to many people around the world every day and very few of them don't have some mental issue or other. Depressed, BiPolar, Obsessive Compulsive, Attention Deficit, Insomnia, Whateverphobic... The list could go on. Pretty much everyone could claim one mental illness or the other. This to me means insanity is the norm. I'm a Dyslexic BiPolar Sociaphobe. Apparently according to pop psychologists this makes me a freak who needs to be on medication to live a 'normal' life. *blinks* WHAT??? Personally I'd RATHER live a normal life by not having to depend on medication. Being aware of my condition and the natural, every day things that reduce it's severity seems like a better alternative then becoming dependant on drugs. So many people today turn to their doctors to fix everything. Listen to me, doctors don't FIX problems, they don't cure illness. They TREAT SYMPTOMS, and that is all. You have an infected tooth? They give you antibiotics to treat the infection, to treat the red inflamed, swollen sore gum. But WHY do you have an infected tooth? You can't sleep? They give you sleeping pills. But WHY can't you sleep? You're can't maintain an erection? They give you Viagra. But WHY can't you maintain an erection? See the pattern? They don't treat your condition they treat your symptom. It works of course, because it's the symptoms we're concerned with. So swallow the pills and smile because it deals with the situation now. But don't forget you'll have to KEEP TAKING PILLS for it to keep working. With mental illness taking pills is NOT a cure. Psychiatrists recommend medication to treat symptoms. These medications are used to balance hormone imbalances in the body that trigger effects. Mood swings, insomnia, violence, etc. are things that can be controlled by medicating. However, they balance the hormones only so long as you continue taking them and you MUST take them in the doses recommended by your doctor or psychiatrist. You CANNOT come off them cold turkey because your body isn't used to being kept 'normal' it's natural tendancy is to swing, so you've been stable for months and you come hard off the stabalisers it forces your body into a major swing. This is VERY dangerous, it can lead to manic highs and manic lows both of which can lead to recklessness (that can endanger others) or suicide. Of course, we've covered why medication is used. The truth is it doesn't cure mental illness. It is designed to be used to control the symptoms while you deal with the underlying issues in long term therapy. Sometimes you can't cure the underlying cause. Sometimes you'll have to just learn to live with the condition because it's normal for you. From what I've come to understand about people, pretty much everyone would benefit from therapy. We all have issues through life that have altered our sense of being. Some believe that we have issues from other lives that affect who we are in this one as well. Therapy allows us to delve into these, examine them, understand them, and put aside the negative tendancies they've caused to develop. I think the most important thing is to come to understand yourself. Just be who you deserve to be, focus on being the best you that you could be. For me? I know what I need to do to keep my life in what is a normal balance for me. I'm aware of what I do when I throw it out of balance and I take steps to correct my mistakes. I'm by no means perfect but I try very hard to be the person I would like to be instead. I've learnt to live with my disabilities/conditions. There are things I have to work around. My sociaphobia hinders some aspects of my life but I'm developing courage to face those fears. My dyslexia affects my ability to read certain things but I've learnt techniques to counter this and do not use it as an excuse to fail to learn, or read, or write. My bipolar creates mood swings but I work hard to keep them from reaching extremes and I appologise when I realise something I've said or done may have hurt someone. I explain my condition so that people can understand but I don't use it as an excuse not to be a good person. Ultimately, while I know I have issues, I'm fairly sure I'm pretty normal. Normal people have issues, and difficulties in life, they get happy and sad, they say the wrong thing, they have fears and they have faith. I live a fairly average life. I face my issues and I make efforts to strive toward being the person I want to be. |
| Yeah exactly what that says. The good news is I've done a lot today so I'm not feeling too guilty about not getting on to Tennyson today. I posted another entry for The Flight of Torque and the story is coming along incredibly. It's brilliant in fact. I'm having a ball with it and it's really inspiring me and encouraging my belief in myself. Each day Forge and I develop the story further and further and it's all coming together. But enough about that. Seriously I could ramble on about it all night but the truth is I'm still a bit protective of our baby *winks @ Forge* besides, the way it's going it'll stay in my head for the next 110 entries. The good news is that we've been writing a few 1000 word entries which means we won't have to write 60 each after all. 60 entries was based on approximately 500 words per entry. If we write 1000 word entries it would be half that to reach a reasonable sized book. Still, the point is, one entry at a time until it's finished. The number of entries and the time it takes is immaterial, the important thing is to get it written. While I didn't get a chance to work on Tennyson I did get most of my Christmas shopping done today. Got a lot of exercise doing it too and suffered a bit in the heat of our summer sun. I'm very pleased with how well I did with the shopping. Most of my family is accounted for. I do want to write up cards and design e-cards and c-notes for the rest of my friends and family. That's on the plans to get done soon. I also still haven't got hooks for the lights. The house is in dire need of a lot of catch up housework. There just never seems to be enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Since housework is something I rarely ever even want to do it often gets put last on the list. I know, terrible of me really since it's very important to keep the house tidy. *grimaces* On the good news front I bought myself a gift today. Eragon! Yes, I went and bought the book because I'd promised myself I would read the book before I watched the movie. Even better was the fact that the book was on special. I'm looking forward to getting stuck into it. I just hope I don't get so entranced in Eragon that it starts interupting or mixing with The Flight of Torque in my head. *frowns* Of course that sort of thought might just be my mind trying to procrastinate.A few of my favorite bloggers have been slacking off lately. *pouts* All of ya, I wanna see more blogs. Ger I'm waiting on one from you. No excuses ok? Rain's has been fun to delve into. For some reason Rain is blessed, or perhaps cursed, with an interesting life. In fact all of the blogs I read show people who lead interesting lives. I wish my life were interesting. I'm sorry for boring everyone but if you want to read some interesting lives check out the blogs on my blog list.  Over There!Speaking of other blogs that need updates. Anyea, I'm still not a word in your B*tionary. *pouts* There must be something... I mean none of my words have been used in their either. Aren't I creative or something? *ponders* I know, I guess I just don't say anything interesting. Forge, you have to update too. Cause you better cause I said so. I discovered some features the other day that I can activate thanks to my premium membership. It's a menu on the right side of my screen that lists the top 20 of my favorites and automatically orders them by last updated. This is awesome. Utterly awesome. Now I can put my regular blogs into that list and when they've been updated they move to the top of the list. I've got some blogs, some forums and a couple of campfires in there. Ohh that reminds me I should add a couple of I/O's as well. *grins* I love this feature. There are a few other clever little things in that menu too, like the ability to change some of my account settings, even my handle with just a single click. I can send GP's to anyone with another simple click. It lists my Recently Viewed items and lets me search by item type too. Oh and Custom Links. I haven't started putting the custom links section to use yet but it looks like it could be handy.Now I love my premium membership. I bought it just because I wanted to keep my pretty flag for always. For the past year I'd buy the customicon subscriptions during the special occassions and have my flag but then SM would steal it away again when the subscription ran out. Now I have my flag all the time and that was the biggest reason why I upgraded to premium. But now I'm starting to get used to some of the other fantastic features it's even better then I imagined. Anyway, it's late and I've flittered about and rambled on long enough for tonight. I suspect I'll be out and about again tomorrow. *sighs* But should have another entry for The Flight of Torque at some point. Not sure what else I'll factor in. There is so much to do, as always, and it's hard to prioritise because I don't know what's more important. *grimaces* Right now, sleep, or perhaps a little Sims 2 is in order. |
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I'll let you know when I get it done.