Chapter #22Loss by: imaj  The first member of the Stellae that you see on arrival in Olympia is Malaika Mbulu.
She stares down at you from a billboard as you step of the bus. It’s odd, seeing her like that, many times larger than life and advertising lingerie in a state of undress. Beside you, Bea squeezes your arm. “I can’t get used to seeing ‘Gen like that,” she says, referring to the other girl on the poster: Her sister, Imogen. “I wouldn’t mind as much if she sent me some free samples.”
“Bea,” you say, your voice sounding shocked for a moment before dissolving into giggles. It feels good to laugh, even just for a little while. Bea locks her arm in yours and smiles at you, chasing away the numbness for a fleeting few seconds.
Behind you the engine of the bus chokes into life. It pulls away in a cloud of oily smoke, leaving the pair of you alone.
“Nobody here to meet us,” you say sadly, looking round the deserted bus station.
You look at Bea again. Her smile is gone now, and the odd numbness that you have felt since you heard the news a few days ago floods back in. She looks at you with eyes the colour of a stormy sea. She’ll be fifteen in the summer and she matches you for height now – at least in your Siobhan persona. “I know…” she says, tailing off without finishing. “We’ll have to walk.” You nod weakly
You mind drifts back, back to London. You’d been in Imogen’s old room again, toying round with a mask you’d made using the Libra sigils locked within yourself. The Bea had called you and you’d gone downstairs to answer the phone.
It had been Joe.
It was the first time you’d talked to him in years, but his voice was slow and thick. He stumbled over the words. You’d muttered a response and then just stood there with the phone in your hands.
“We should get moving,” says Bea, tugging on your arm. She grabs her suitcase and starts wheeling it along. You follow behind her. You can’t think of anything else to do.
But the words Joe said to you still ring in your ears, even now, days later: “Dad’s dead.”
*****
It’s a sunny spring afternoon in Olympia. No clouds mar the sky and light breeze stops it from being too warm. Yet when you reach the modest little tract house that Charles Brennan called home, you suddenly feel cold and uncomfortable. The colour seems faded, and the house diminished somehow. Long shadows cover the neat little garden, and they seem to grow as you walk up the path.
You shake your head. It’s just Eldibria, you realise. Charles’ passing has left the house just a little bit lifeless. Besides you, Bea gasps and grasps your arm tight.
You knock on the door sharply and wait. After a minute or so there is the sound of someone moving inside. You hear the lock clicking open and the door swings open. Joe stares back at you with lifeless eyes. His shoulders droop and his face is rough with several days’ worth of stubble.
“How are you holding up,” you ask him, your voice trembling.
His mouth twists up and he stifles a sob. To your surprise, Bea break off from your arm and hugs Joe. You’d thought that she had outgrown that. She looks up at him and smiles. “I miss him too,” she says quietly.
Joe seems to relax a little. He hugs Bea back. “Come in,” he says softly.
You follow Joe inside the house, placing your and Bea’s suitcases inside the door before moving through to the living room. Joe slumps onto the sofa besides an uneaten plate of breakfast. He stares into space, unmoving.
Bea sits down on the floor where a toddler is playing with a pair of stuffed toys. “Hi,” Bea says to the little girl. “You must be Charlene.” Bea folds her legs underneath herself. “I’m Bea.”
Charlene looks up from playing. “Oh. Hi,” she says, exposing a toothy grin. She holds up one of her toys, a friendly looking stuffed octopus and offers it to Bea.
You move the plate of food to the side – it is quite cold and must have been lying there for hours – and sit down next to Joe. You don’t know what to say to him, so you just sit there for a few moments, watching Bea play with Charlene.
“Rosalie is out shopping,” says Joe eventually. His voice is barely above a whisper. “You’re the first to arrive.”
“Who is coming” you ask, wanting to make at least some kind of small talk. Seeing Joe so… vacant… is just heart rending for you.
“Frank is arriving this afternoon,” answers Joe. He still seems lifeless but at leas he is talking now. “Ed, Nash and John too.”
“What about Rick,” you ask.
“He’s bringing Malaika from New York tomorrow,” answers Joe. You find yourself smiling, the thought of the dishevelled and unkempt Rick driving a famous model like Malaika across the country in his beat up old junker of a car just seems ridiculous. Joe must see it that way too, for he manages a weak smile. “I know,” he agrees. “She’ll want a long shower when she gets here.”
It isn’t funny, but still you laugh a little. You continue before Joe’s thoughts have a chance to start dwelling on Charles again. “Is Kali coming?”
“Yes, with Verity,” answers Joe.
“Oh, she chose to join? I didn’t know,” you say to Joe. “She’s training with Kali now?” Joe nods. “What about my brother? I haven’t seen my family in…” You tail of and your head sinks as you realise you’ve just said the exactly wrong thing.
Joe’s eyes seem to lose focus and his head drifts downward. He falls silent again.
“I know it hurts,” you say. You place one hand on his, hesitating before speaking. You want to help him, but you aren’t sure how he’ll react to what you can offer. “I can make it go away for a while, if you’d like.” Joe looks up at you again, looking thoroughly wretched. “With Eldibria,” you explain nervously. “I can… I can soothe your emotions.” Your eyes flicker about Joe’s face, looking for some sign a reaction.
Joe stares at you with despairing eyes. “Do it,” he says. “Please.”
You nod before closing your eyes and meditating. The featureless blue-green disc of Eldibria shimmers into view in your minds eye. Gently, using the softest touch you can manage, you send a little stream of it towards Joe. You let is wash away his sadness, dampen away his pain and float his emotions higher. “Try to remember the good times,” you say quietly.
You open your eyes. Joe smiles back at you vaguely. There’s a little more vitality to him now. You only used the slightest of touches as you didn’t want to push his feelings too unnaturally. “I didn’t feel you do anything,” he admits, causing you to flush with pride. “Except that I feel a little better now. Thank you Siobhan, Dad wouldn’t have wanted me moping around like this.”
You smile guiltily. What Joe doesn’t know – what none of the Stellae know – is that you still have a copy of Charles Brennan’s imago. You skim the surface of Joe’s dad’s thoughts, ignoring the unhappy sensation that leaves you feeling as if you had just walked across someone’s grave. “He’d hate to see you like this,” you agree. Charles’ thoughts tell you as much. “Your dad would be worried about you. And he’d want you to support Rosalie. As much as your dad had retired, he still helped her out. Now it’s just Rosalie and Malaika leading the Stellae.” The words stick in your throat, but you manage to force them out. “Rosalie needs you Joe.”
There is a brief flash of surprise across Joe’s face, but it fades in an instant. “You’re right,” replies Joe. “I’m being selfish.” Joe smiles at you again, this time he seems almost himself. You feel something brush you hand and look down. Joe now holds you hand in his own. Did you touch his other emotions without meaning to?
You look back up, into Joe’s eyes and…
Rosalie walks into the room.
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