This week: 2021Edited by: Robert Waltz
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It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
Resolutions are popular because everyone feels they could use a little improvement.
I believe in living life the way that you want to live it every day, and if you do that, you don't really need to have New Year's resolutions.
So, it falls upon me to do the first Comedy newsletter of 2021.
If you've been following along for the more than a dozen years I've been doing these editorials, you know what that means: I get to rag on the idea of New Year's resolutions.
As of the release of this newsletter, it's been nearly a week since the beginning of the year, which means, statistically, we're all going to have to wait for New Year's 2022 to try again on our resolutions.
In past years, I referred to January at the gym as "tourist season," a time when it's impossible to find a machine to work out on. Not a problem for me this year; I canceled my membership when it became apparent that the negative health effects of going to a room full of heavy breathers during a pandemic far exceeded any health benefits of working out. So I have that going for me this year, which is nice, but it's gotten to the point where I almost miss exercise. Almost.
Getting in better shape is certainly one of the more common New Year's resolutions, right up there with "stop smoking," "drink less booze," and "be nice to my mother-in-law," but from what I've seen at the gym, such a resolution lasts an average of six hours before you're back on your couch eating Doritos. By mid-January, attendance is almost back to normal. By the beginning of February, the place is a ghost town. But hey, they're still getting paid, so at least the gym's finances are in better shape.
Now look, humor or no, I'm not going to stand in the way of anyone who genuinely wants to improve themselves in whatever way they choose. I just think we're all going about it the wrong way.
For instance, if you notice your clothes are starting to fit more tightly in, say, August, then start eating better and getting exercise in August; don't wait for January. Every day can be New Year's Day if you have the right attitude; after all, the Earth's orbit is (roughly) circular and doesn't really have a beginning or end.
Instead, I'd suggest that, in order to feel better about yourself, if you must make New Year's resolutions, make them ones that you know you can keep -- or, alternatively, ones that won't leave you kicking yourself when you fail. For instance, last year, I resolved to go to the movie theater every week. This lasted until, as you might imagine, March, when the decision was taken right out of my hands.
Or maybe, if you know that you'll always fail at your resolutions, make ones that you want to fail at. For example,
Drink more booze.
Eat more fried foods.
Wake up late on weekends.
Of course, those sound like the kinds of resolutions I'd make, anyway, and then fail to fail at them.
So we're back to the idea that it's probably best not to make resolutions at all.
Whatever you decide to do, it won't hurt to keep comedy in your life. So, succeed or fail, keep laughing!
So let's have some New Year's laughs:
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Last time, in "Apples" , I talked - obviously - about apples.
Beholden : Thanks very much for including my short story, Homecoming, in the Editor's Picks.
Hope you got some positive feedback from it!
Lilli ☕ : 10a. An apple will keep just about anyone away if you throw it at them hard enough.
It helps to have a good supply of ammunition.
TJ-dodging Cupid's arrows : I once told my daughter that an apple is the best contraceptive available. She didn't believe me but still asked, "Do you eat it before or after?"
I smiled, and just before I turned to walk out of the room stated, "Instead!"
Now that's Comedy Gold(en Delicious) right there.
So that's it for me for January. See you next month! Until then, resolve to...
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