Very well done!
Thank you for sharing this with us!
I have a few Christian poems you may enjoy:
1490203 A MAN OF SIMPLE BIRTH
1491354 WHAT A BRILLIANT LIGHT
As noted, I am still learning poetry.
have a Happy New Year
God Bless
Oldwarrior
So much emotion and sadness in this poem. I sincerely hope it was not written for someone who died, that would be agonizing. Perhaps for a lost love?
You are very gifted my friend.
I hope to read some of your stories and other writings...!
I felt the heartbeat in this one a bit more. I can tell you
have probably studied poetry due to your excellent prose.
I envy that.
Well done my friend!
Une belle examination l'âme de l'auteur !
This was well done, however sad.
It is also rather spooky. Almost as if it was written by a stalker!
Is that the message you are trying to relate?
Well Done!!!
Remarkably well done.
You are well on your way to becoming a big demand on this site!
Please write on and keep in touch!!!
I will be waiting for your next jewel!
I enjoyed this.
You have a very smooth writing style that is easy to follow.
Your scenes are well described and your dialogue flows smoothly.
Thanks for sharing.
This is well done and will act as a great prologue. I would make a few corrections:
The speaker sat among the men that at a long wooden table. (the men gathered at a?)
“Was most likely,” Mr. Topper said, dipping his head. “Much obliged, Eli.” (Mr. Topper replied)
Eli made a grumbling noise deep from his throat. “This is man’s talk, Marlene,” he muttered. (I'd drop the "he muttered and end it with Marlene.)
These are simply my personal views and you are not obligated to take them.
I like the concept of the story and look forward to reading more!
Your words are an inspiration and THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
If only our nation could get back to loving each other instead of loving things, we may prevent our downfall!
Very interesting.
Well done, but I would break it into more readable paragraphs.
You left the reader hanging?
Is this the beginning of a book or longer story?
Very well done!
Unfortunately, I am not a good enough poet to comment on your excellent prose. I just started poetry last year and have a lot to learn.
I love it and would recommend you find a professional poet on site to help with your prose.
But, as far as I am concerned.
It shines and leaves a tear in the corner of my eye.
Oldwarrior
Very descriptive and reads very smoothly. You have a good writing style with very few barbs to distract the reader. making things flow well is part of being a good writer and you ae will on your way! thanks for sharing.
Old Warrior
aka
Dr. Gene
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 1:55am on Jun 16, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
