When I wish not write, I come here. To relieve my thoughts.
As I navigate my way through life, much like this great web site. I get lost, Like being in a small forest I know the edge is near. "Where oh where" I cried out. It never answers back. Then one day, I awoke with a clarity known only to me.
The Beginning of One
Well let’s see, seems time slipped away on me. Last entry was May 15, 2019 at 6:03pm and today is November 29, 2020 at 1:43pm. I read my recent posts, I have good reason for being behind. I started going through changes that will affect me for the remainder of my life.
Enough of that for now, let me open a bit and flow the good stuff. My family is doing well. I spent Thanksgiving with those closest to me. I have four sons, I don’t know if I mentioned that before. Well, we had an awesome day.
Now for a little politics which I despise. I did vote though, I can’t stress that enough, how important votes are. So what’s the popular opinion. The polls have been screwed up for years? I don’t know, I do know Trump should be seeing the light. He lost, Biden won. Next?
For holiday shopping this year, I’m going all online. I usually buy online often, so I see no issues this year. Covid-19 may have us down, but we are not out. I hope you and your loved ones are safe. It is a scary day out there in today’s world.
I’ll try to keep this blog up to date. It just gets tough. Some days are easier than others. Harder too.
Being diagnosed with mental illness is hard for me to wrap my head around this. I’m told I will be dealing with this, most likely for the rest of my life. I’ll write more about it and put it in a self-help folder. I have a lot on my mind lately, writing has been difficult, only due to my current environment.
I guess I can try to describe this environment. First, the area I am in, is too small. Not only have I filled this space with my clothes storage. My desk is here also. The area is cramped. Thanks to my illness, I don’t feel like doing much. Just this writing is ‘work’ for me at this moment.
Things could be worse, always. I’m happy to have the space I do have. Difficult to stretch is all. I got some music playing in the background, old school rock and roll. Which I’m soon going to change to some POP.
Back to my memory issue. I was in my hometown area last week. I couldn’t remember the area at all. I’m already forgetting what I was writing about. Memory loss is scary. Figures, this is one of those days, I had a lot on my mind. I couldn’t wait to write, anything. Now I stare at the screen.
It’s no fun getting older, my vision is deteriorating, I still am not used to the glasses. I have to take them everywhere I go. I’m forty-six years old if anyone wondered. I’m single too.
I’m struggling to put words on the screen today. It’s a tough day, out my way. I hope anyone that reads this, has their own special or wonderful day.
This is my first entry since I started wearing glasses. I keep taking them off, to see...If I need them. Turns out I do. This is not easy for me as I have had perfect vision most of my life. Now I need the bifocals to read and write.
I have been away from my blog for awhile. I was going through some tough times, still am. Seems I have been diagnosed with some serious mental health issues. I may go into it deeper another day. I'm happy to be writing again.
My notes and other tools I use are scattered about and I don't feel like looking for anything at this moment. My workspace is small and cramped. I'm hoping to fix this soon. Without looking it up, I don't remember what I last wrote about, or when.
That is one of my symptoms: Memory loss
It becomes a nusance some days, other days, I find the notes I left for myself. I have to review all of my works and papers all over again. seems I almost went on a tangent. There's so much I wish to say. Time and place, for everything.
I'de like to thank my three (3) readers. Thank You All. More to come...
Entry: 30: Update
Life's been hard recently. My close friends want Me to write. Seems to be a good outlet. Plus, it does help with inspiration from time to time. I often write about experiences and not always mine.
Synchronization is had a huge impact recently. Some say I woke up, others will say everything. The fact is, I feel like I'm stuck, in a world of sludge.
Three months since I have updated My Blog. I've been in the hospital three times during this time. Maybe I'll go more into that another time.
I'm writing now to help Me feel better. I have written well with pen. I enjoy both styles, I also enjoy keeping things updated. With that, My note app, I love. It helps keep me organized.
Another late night, though I did get four and a half hours sleep so far this late evening/early morning. I wanted to drop Myself an update. I do actually read My own blog now and then. Guess that makes four readers I have.
Thank You for reading
Ok, part rant, part ramble, with some truth attached. So a love letter to myself.
It occurred to me, I have no idea, how to use this language. I'll giive an example. Legend, what comes to mind, when you see the word "Legend", or "Icon"? What star, or politician, or parent, or the list is endless. I realized, I have no idea anymore, what these words, specifically mean.
I mean, if there are any legends, on earth in the last one hundred years, well, to me, this means we would all be in imprisoned, or in a free world. I find words just thrown about, or thrust at us like weapons. Marshal Mathers (Eminem) said it best, "Words are weapons", and I agree.
There are those, who understand, that words contain much more, than the face value they present. How many swords can you create with words? It's a rhetorical question, and I admit, my thoughts are racing a little at this moment. As I recall some myths and ideologies.
I'm gonna go deep, and out there for a moment. One example, Jesus Christ. Son of GOD. I want to be certain, I understand this, it's important to me. I am to believe, the son of GOD, was...a teacher, and healer, and one day, decided to tell people, 'no no, it's ok, i'll die for you, just don't do what your doing again, hmmmmk?"
Now, I have read, the old testament, the King james version, and this one tickles me, "Holy Bible - Comfort Addition". I didn't find a whole lot of comfort in that one, either. Everyone does have opinions, and that is good. My opinion, if the son of GOD, is known. Would he not be...you know. King of the world. Our Lord.
Now, being a true Roman Catholic, I'm so happy for my church. It is the richest organization on the planet. Kind of makes me wonder, who should be donating to who. You know what doesn't make me happy? Bishops molesting little children. I would personally lop their heads off, in private. This whole public execution thing, is disgusting, and a form of "crowd control".
It also conveniently generates revenue for a few select organizations. Most of my work, is based on facts, and years of research. Of course, being an author, my emotions and feelings at times, can be caught in my writings. You know what, I'm pissed off. Are you not, world? About Nine (9) million people, families, Fathers, Mothers, Children. Die each year of starvation. Yeah, I have to pause for a moment.
Whens the last time, any readers watched a television, and what did you watch. Anyone know what this "Mandela Effect" is? I recently started to research this. The media, in all forms, is fluidic, meaning it seems to constantly change, and reflects someones interest. I'm not sure whos, as 'History' for example, should be locked in, solid. But nope, "we're rewriting history" ~ Today's Media
I guess, I am left with a bitter taste and no true understanding of what a legend actually is. Another thing, whens the last time, anyone's looked at an online dictionary? If you use them enough, over the course of time, you'll notice, words and their meanings, change.
How is that, and why. My personal favorite, I looked up a word one day, it had twenty nine (29) definitions. Seriously, as if communication was not difficult enough. We have to have "intellectuals" creating more definitions to words, most people don't know anyway.
Before I leave this planet, if anyone see's this. Understand this. Fear = the lack of understanding. Nothing more. If you understand something, you will not fear it. What is "Perpetual War". A fear driven campaign. Why do countries fight? They can't communicate properly (avoiding all conspiracies and accusations here). If you can't understand something, do to a lack of ability to communicate, you may fear it, let the 'IT' start lobbing missiles at you, and for sure, you will know fear.
Today, we have the combined ability, to communicate globally, for the first time, 'according to history'. Yet, there are a small few, who want to control our communications, and cut them completely. Why is that.
Thank You for reading,
I felt there would be days like this.
It’s one of those days, I want to write, and I will. Or I am? It’s funny to me, at times, I don’t think of my blog, as writing. I feel it’s one of the best tools I have, to unload words, words that build up, and clog my thoughts. Other times, I use my blog, to fill in a time gap, or to occupy my time. With that, writing in my blog, I find is a great way to relieve stress, and other things. Of course, this is writing, in it’s purest form.
I can’t really hide under the claim “I’m new to writing” anymore, as some time has passed, and I know better now, as well as know more. This particular blog, is all over the place, as it is my first blog. It’s a well-blended mix, of madness, personal on goings, and some randomness tossed in. Yet, some people enjoy it! I know I do too.
Now, I do keep a large collection of hand written work, including diaries, journals. I use my journals more like logs, a time line of my life, I can look back on. Whereas the diaries, I keep my most personal stories. True Stories.
Here’s the problem, I have had multiple people, steal my work. For various reasons. Needless to say, I have some sort of feelings about this, and it’s not always good. Today, I am more open to many things, compared to say, ten years ago. For example, someone here at WDC. Once told me. “Writers often write dialogue in their heads 24-48 hours ahead of time”.
This I find is true, as I do this often, sometimes, well in advance of a day or two as well. Now, here’s the kicker, I currently am taking shelter, with a family member. One day, after many days of working on a project, with a lot of dialogue. Spoken dialogue. This family member had me committed to a hospital, as they could not understand, and reported I was talking to myself….
Where I live, you could once (I don’t know if you still can) earn a cash reward, for having someone committed. Sadly enough, this seems to be a thing in New England. You can have people locked up, with little to no reason, or evidence. Just make something up, and presto.
I bring all this up, as I go through my own personal journey. Which I began to document here, in 2014. Then spread this across multiple platforms, so as not to be easily understood, or worse, destroyed in one act. First, was the awakening. OK cool, that was exciting. Now, I work on ‘Enlightenment’. Well Fuck me, I didn’t know, there was a second part to this.
Today, I understand, the moment we stop learning we begin to die. Fortunately for me, I am in good health, and I learned this, from elders. One day, my body will fail me, they all do. With that, I began to increase my “Mind Work”. So that, in the event, I can still be strong, mentally. As for enlightenment, well it’s not just a word, and it appears to take years to reach.
Great, as much as I would have liked to have learned this at an early stage, I understand, everything happens for a reason. Also, to trust in the timing of My Life. If you read this. Trust in the timing of your life, everything happens for a reason. Every sight, sound, smell, you experience. Is no coincidence. Immediately “The Law of Attraction” comes to mind, as we really do attract, every experience into our lives. Good and Bad.
There is plenty of literature on the subject, happy hunting on that. I also find, ‘interpretation’ is a huge issue in this world. When you do read, and research. Check your source, in todays world, there’s an over flow of information out there, and the avenues you may think would be the most reliable, often times, are the opposite. Check your sources, absorb what you have learned, take time to process, before you interpret.
This blog in particular, acts like a note pad for me at times also, if I hadn’t mentioned that in previous entries. I do go back now and then, and review for my own purposes, it’s a time and place thing. I think I may have more time freeing up, which will allow me to write more. Which means I can work on my stories and I am excited about that.
I can also separate some of these thoughts, and am considering branching out to create another blog or two. This way, I can keep them to specific topics.
Another thing I look forward to writing, is about things of ‘Divine Nature’, based on my own personal experiences. What I avoid struggling with today, in other words, what I prevent myself from doing today. Is blasting out my experiences I have already interpreted, or in many cases, transcribed.
Once you begin to understand synchronicity through experience. Your life begins to take on new meaning. It’s one thing to hear of something, and it’s another to experience it, yourself. A quick example, when you can’t tell if you’re causing a desired effect, or perhaps a loved one is helping out silently, or if nature itself has helped out.
This is all part of a greater understanding and I couldn’t possibly cover it, in this manner. Plus, everyone draws from experience, only what they need. As the day progresses, I can feel the fire igniting, I want to write more, however, this is why I came to my blog. Outside influences will prevent or interrupt me shortly. Another fun thing, I have to find a way to keep my blog running, as well as my premium services offered here.
Having things stolen, and being locked up, against My Will. Has pretty much taken everything I own, including my day job. It’s funny to me, as I don’t want to use the word stress. I do think a bit much about “how will I keep my account in premium status”. I do this because I believe in supporting one another, and I have seen WDC do amazing things in the short time I have been here. I enjoy learning here.
I may start taking requests, if anyone has a story idea, or perhaps would like a poem written for them. Inbox me and we’ll see what’s on your mind, and I can schedule time for this. If nothing else, I can be certain, of two smiles. Which is twice what I wanted when I began writing. I once wrote, to unload a burden, it made me smile.
When I write online, I write for you, all. I know when I do this, I am going to get at least one more smile out of one of you. To me, this is the “icing on the cake”. I also do reviews if anyone wants one. If I read it, I review it. Many writers here at WDC, enjoy having their work reviewed.
Thank you for reading,
What is Love.
Writing of course!
That is not why I’m about to blog some thoughts out of my head. I have to write, and stories to tell. Some we know, some will say they know them well. Another day perhaps, I will open up my flow, and let it rip.
No, today, I write with a heavy heart. As from my point of view, It is about a year now, she and I, have been obviously on each other’s radar. I am still not sure, who has watched who, the longest. Come July, will be one year, since we have exchanged feelings, with words, and knowing who was on the other side.
Today, a year later, she has so many accounts, and aliases, I get headaches trying to keep up. I mainly use one account. I do have several others, for specific purposes. She most likely knows them all. Now, in all fairness, on of her accounts, has more “followers” than most people can dream of even seeing ever in their internet experience.
Now, what troubles me is, she and I play this game, it’s called love. However, she has gone from carried away, to too far, and from there. Beyond words. We shared thoughts of a family life, and I am a soldier, and I have been through a lot. So has she. And we are both single parents, and I can understand her concerns, with having a militant type of partner.
That being said, the way I leave you outside life outside while at work. I can also leave the warzone, on the battlefield, when at home. I feel she knows this already. What hurts me most, is not only this sort of hide and seek fetish. She won’t open up to me, infact, she won’t speak to me, at all. Yet, she shows me love and support in ways, that only I can understand, as I too, will from time to time, play this game.
We are connected spiritually, mentally, and we have both been hurt. Infact, we have both had other people emulate, or pretend to be like us, which the negative affect, had drawn us to these clones. Only later on, after we met, did we realize, we had fallen for people, who pretended to be like us.
I have little joy in noting, we have more than made our points as far as getting even with someone who pretends to be someone they are not, for the purpose of self-gain, infact, we may have overkilled it a bit, and most likely, would continue, as this was an awful experience.
When you love someone, and you find out, everything you love about them, was copied from the way another person behaves, speaks, their mannerisms, and so forth.
Now, We are in love, and I do not understand, why she will not meet with me, nor speak directly to me. She has spent a great deal of time on me, and through her friends, and coworkers, lets me know, I am not ever alone. I simply fill her inbox, and then I get replies through other means.
Is this what the internet has come too, people are so hurt, they lost the ability to trust all together? Now, I feel she trusts me, as we have spoke of marriage and family life here and there, however, we don’t use spoken or written words directly.
Here’s where the life becomes interesting more so. She and I, both have strong psychic abilities. Maybe you have heard of an empath. Well, My Lady and I, can teach you how to become in tune with your inner abilities. As we all have these traits. ESP, for example. We can teach that.
For me, after a year of hide and play, I grow tired, I want nothing more, than a night, or omg, a weekend alone with her. For example, without words, she may answer me with a picture, or image. And she has the most beautiful mind and ideas, I have ever seen in a mate.
I simply don’t understand why we can’t seem to get together. Now there is much more to this than I am writing, and while it is my blog, I am omitting much on this topic. I long for togetherness, and I don’t want to say she is stringing me along, and I do feel at times, like I have a carrot on a stick.
She has spent far to much time, assuring me, I am not alone. Now friends and family aside, I am focusing on my love, My Lady. Infact, we have embarked on perhaps the biggest project in either of our careers. Plus, she was already busy with countless projects. I would like her to be human with me.
Togetherness, and I’m not rushing things. I don’t feel asking for a hug, and a date now and then, is too much. I can’t really get into much more at this point, due to our lifestyles, and working arrangements. I needed to vent, and I am certain, she will read this at some point. I feel she is a member her also, and of course, under one or more aliases. That’s a story for another entry….social media addiction….
Good day to all, thank you for reading. When life catches up, or I slow down, I have some great stories to pump out. First, I have to take care of Me, then I will be free to write again.
With some extra time on my hands, in a manner or speaking, well writing. I figure to my blog, I would log. Yet another day, that’s gone far away from the path set fourth by, well me of course. Duality comes to mind, like when you make plans, and then life says ummmm no, today this will take place instead.
Well, it’s one of those days, weeks, hell years and lives. I felt I needed to get some writing out, and while this isn’t the writing I need to do, this is a for of therapy for Authors too. “Be Specific and write it down”. Words that will haunt me for years to come, I have no doubt.
I have found some nice things to write about, and while I am not in the right place and or time, there are those who would steal my work, and call it their own. That’s the mild version of things. I already have original works stolen from my files, and I have caught others on hidden video, steal my writing and destroy it.
That is not a good feeling, and now, with no home, no place to write, and what seems like a team of evil people out to prevent me from helping the world. I must admit, I am kind of depressed here. I won’t go into what precisely I intend to publish one day. I will say, I would enjoy it if I could sell a best seller or two. However, those are not the writings I have to protect, under lock and key.
Just look at the world around you, if you don’t see war, famine, corruption, greed, and a list of other dangerous circumstances. Well you must live in a mountain retreat or can afford to run and hide far away. For today anyhow. Well, that’s all I wanted to get out, there is more I need to release; however, it is personal to me, and while I may be sad today, tomorrow, I may find a new way.
Good day all!
|3, 2, 1 ....|
I had to take a moment and dispel some energy, this is a day, I try with all I am. To be paitient, show empathy, compassion, While I forgive, and the more I forgive, it seems the worse the world is becoming. Between the "gimmies" and those who pray for mountains of gold, and naked virgins.
Here, in Mattpoisette Massachusetts it is currently thirty four degrees, with a nineteen mile per hour wind blowing from the west. It is cold, and I am hungry and not in a good mood at all. Now, thanks largely in part, because the United States Government, The State of Rhode Island, and the mental issues of my own mom. Who is as I refer to a Malicious Manipulator. I found a temporary shelter, from the elements, I can contact my clients from here, however, I have my Twenty year old son here with me also.
My son while I don't recall the medical terms. I need Only one for me, she knows who this is.
Now, this is not a vote, this is up to the people. My ex fiance whom I had my sons with, was admitted to a hospital, for people with mind injuries. I have joint custody, the DCYF people didn't call me, I had a 2 bedroom condo, my two young sons, could have had their own bedroom.
Not only did they not call me, to come save my young sons, and shelter them. The state has made the childrens Grand mother who is feeling ill, register her house as a foster home.
Now, I have two young sons, missing and they should have been with me. Now, As I am homeless and rather cold. My Twenty year old son is with me, as he has no Id, or paperwork.
I'm certain his mom kept it, and from me. I do have his Birth Certificate, and I took hin to find out what he needs to go back to his home. Now that the state has made his grand mother register as a foster home, I have a fifteen year old son, who also lives there.
This is how the state made their grandmother register as a foster home. So My fifteen year old son, could remain in the house. No, with the Twenty year old son, we are told, anyone over the age of eighteen, living there, must have the proper paper work, be finger printed.
Without all this, My twenty year old is now homeless. As for me, My own mother, had giving me shelter, and she was away in florida, Hence I hade the condo to myself, and I did take my twenty year old in.
No, this woman, my birthmother, I picked her up from the airport, and her boyfriend. Not five minutes was she in the airport, she told me my son had to leave, knowing full well he had no where to go. As I didn't like what she was saying, she through me out also.
This was 4/5 days ago. I have already lost everything, if you know anything about me, you would know why. The state, and the Government took everything, and Once, blamed "Poorly written laws", as the judge apologied to me, then sentaqnced me to ten years in prison.
That's how I lost what I had saved from the recession of 2008, which if you understand money at all, again, the Government shut my business down. Several years later, took all I had left.
Now, they took my youngest children, and as My Now Adult son, and I shiver in the freezing cold. We are hungry, and we are still luckier than the babiesand humans who will die in the next twenty four hours, from starvation over the last 30-61 days.
I needed to write this down, as their is much more to remember, and I can't recall it [RIGHT NOW]....
Oh, now, my own mother, I have video footage, of her destroying my work. She has called my employers in the past and tell them I did drugs, I was a drunk, and other terrible things. I had a couple different employers pull me aside and ask me what was going on. Well, that BVirth Mother of mine, is the very reason I am shivering, hungry, and much more missing from my life.
But hey, she wants to know if I want to come over and eat some corn beef and cabbage.
I will write more, I have to help my sons. I can't help myself. We need help, and ironically enough. I want to help you. All.
If you understand, if you're aware, please, Help. Support comes in many ways, however, I need all forms of help, as do my sons.
As for you, how is your community doing today?
Please help us.
Yay, I have my blog back!
OK, awesome. I was going to take to pen and paper, however. There are times I prefer to bust out the ole keyboard and tap away at the keys. While I could use word pad, or something similar. I have learned, to trust in the timing of my life. With that, there may be times, I write something, on word, and then tuck it away, essentially overthinking things. when I should have published my thoughts.
There is a reason for that, and I cover it in various writings. This entry however, is months behind, and I have too much energy at this moment and I have to let the flow go, you know. As for trusting in the timing of our lives. Perhaps no one will read this, and I got a good mind release and finger workout.
Then, there's always the chance, that even if only one word, at a specific time, was seen by another. unbeknownst to them, or I. a reaction occurred, and maybe in a form of inspiration, another found something they didn't know they needed to see, or read.
I had noticed My last blog entry was about eight (8) months ago, and I try to update it now at least once a month. I would enjoy writing more, however, there are those around who do not like to see others happy, or dare I say, enjoy themselves or what they choose to do.
I am proud of myself, I wrote a song last night, I'm not sure what genre it may be, if you listen to music lately, many genres seem to blend together, or mesh well. I have noticed, some artists, are impressively creative in the way they create music.
That's another thing, I can't show enough gratitude for. From day one, when I joined WDC, I came here, as though guided. For the purpose of learning how to write. Well, that is what I initially thought. today, I can say that is true, however, I have come to understand, I came here to learn howto communicate well also.
This is my fifth year in this community, and while I do see the difference in my ability to write, I digress slightly, and will say, I still feel like a novice. I do have to give thanks, to the many people, here at WDC, and in the world around me. I have received compliments and experiences, that go well beyond words.
OK, I feel a little better now, I got to let my flow lose a little. Now, I think I will work on some projects I have been longing to get busy with. I love you all, all three of my readers. You are the best. I'll update my blog again asap. Life is difficult today, however, I am somewhere, in which I can write, and learn more. With that, time to Write on! and Learn More!
Thank you all.