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A modest journal. |
| My life's ups and downs... |
| Sunday, April 3, 2011, 9:14am Woke up at 6:46am and then lay back down for two more hours. Now I am ready to take on the world. I don't mean that in the literal since. =) We will see what the day brings. To all you engineers out there, I have a couple of devices that need to be invented: (1) a workable gizmo to put lotion on one's own back; (2) another workable gizmo that reaches around the back of a couch to snap a cat silly who can't seem to stop using it as a scratching post. Work on those two things and get back to me in a day or two. |
| Saturday, April 2, 2011, 9:46pm I am so excited! and I just can't hide it!   I am about to lose control! and I think I like it! I found a site... not sure if I first came across it here on Writing.Com or what! Anyway I have been submitting proposals for writing assignments! So cool, right? I will let you know what happens.  |
| Saturday, April 2, 2011, 10:23am Listening to the birds again this morning... my anxieties are evoked by incessant callings. I do prefer the song bird. Think I'll close that door right about now. Guess not --- my kitty is sitting in the doorway enjoying himself. Today, I start again, heading in a more sure direction... staying put while I look for a job locally rather than trying to move back to St. Pete. A day in the life... |
| Thursday, April 1, 2011, 4:49pm Though scary, I had it clear in my mind what to do. Now I am unsure. "They" want me there but are unwilling to help me get there --- provide a place to stay until I find work. In the face of that, I wonder... Should I remain here? I would rather move to yet another place in this vast country and start anew... maybe Vermont where there is a school with a literary program. I am ready to unpack, pay the rent and stay put indefinitely... until I get my affairs in proper order. That was my plan from the get-go. As days turn into a week, it seems that may be my best plan after all. --------------------------------- Jeremiah 17:5-8 |
| Friday, April 1, 2011, 8:44am I woke up and I was fine --- now my adrenalin is pumping and I am angry. A former work-mate is apparently saying I "borrowed" her medical dictionary. What a load of crap. I never even knew that she had a medical dictionary. All I can think is they are all sitting around downing me and she --- posing to be a friend --- jumped on the bandwagon. What a liar... a pack of liars. I am shocked by their behavior. ----------------------- Funny how everyone is out for themselves. They pretend to care until you need them. Then they disappear, like a puff of smoke. I am at a magical show. |
| Thursday, March 31, 2011, 9:01pm The things we buy --- material possessions --- are a ball and chain, keeping us from freedom, enjoying a life without worry. I feel like Jonah as I have been running away for some time, thinking I could serve Him on my terms. I was wrong, and I don't want to serve Him on my terms. I relinquish it all to follow Him and to fulfill my purpose in the earth. Being stripped of pride, sustenance, stability --- I release my need to control and bring order to my surroundings. |
| Thursday, March 31, 2011, 11:46am I am stuck until I receive my final paycheck, which is being held up until they receive confirmation that my security hang-tag for the parking garage has been returned. I mailed everything out last Saturday. What's the hold-up? It wouldn't bother me quite so much but I am not going to be paying rent here next month; so, I am feeling guilty about that. If I cancel my internet and Direct TV now, I will be completely alone until I get out of here. Lord, I need your help. |
| Thursday, March 31, 2011, 9:33am Jorge isn't keen on me staying with him --- though he is okay with it until I get a job and am able to get my own place. He suggested I move in to the apartment below him. The only way I can live where he lives is on a short, temporary basis. The apartment building is run-down, unkempt. He wants me to see if I can find someone to keep Goober while I am staying with him; and I've asked my mom via e-mail to think about keeping him for me through the summer --- a last ditch effort. I really don't want to leave him. |
| Wednesday, March 30, 2011, 5:28pm I have been packing boxes for the last three hours. Just got a shower. My back hurts! Ugh! Gonna get the number for the Mexican restaurant that's close by and order myself a Taco Salad. Haven't heard from Jorge yet. Not sure at what time his flight arrives today. If all else fails, I guess I'll move back to St. Pete and get a hotel until I find an apartment. I know I can start work on Monday through a legal temp. service. =) I will not fear! |
| Wednesday, March 30, 2011, Noon CDT Heartsick, I wish I could just throw-up and be done with it! I keep praying, God help me accept this and move forward in peace! ...just ain't happened as yet that I can tell. Slept in until 11:01am! That's a first in years. I slept twelve hours straight. It felt like it was early morning, but alas --- after checking every clock --- it wasn't. I am experiencing waves of emotion --- sadness, fear, alarm, discontent, mixed up... God, help me process and move forward. Help me overcome this shifting obstacle. -------------------------- I started packing yesterday. I'm hoping to get it completed today --- except, I won't be able to move anything yet. Just get it all ready and then look at the remains and feel like an uprooted cherry tree after an earthquake, unable to bud and flower because of disturbance, detached from nourishment, foundation... roots beginning to dry out and die. |
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