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Review of Family Vacation  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Schnujo, thanks for the privilege of reviewing your poem. What follows is the thoughts of one writer, who especially loves poetry. I hope I will write something, that will be beneficial for you, personally. :D

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: This hapless father has the short end of the stick. Everything seems to be going wrong. People are upset. The weather won't cooperate. The ultimate suggestion seems to be, "Dad, just save for a real vacation next year!"

Nicely played. Many of us have felt this way at one time or another.

*Pencil*Suggestions: For my part poetry is much easier to read with a consistent rhythm. The A-A-B-B rhyme scheme throughout is a nice touch. (The only exception is the last verse of A-A-B-B-C rhyme scheme.) However, it appears that the rhyme scheme was the focus and the rhythm was about as hapless as the father in the poem. If you did that on purpose, then it becomes a great literary device, mirroring the content in the rhythms of the piece. There is rhythm, but the rhythm is not working in favor of the reader any more than the circumstances of life were working for the father in the story.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Each verse ends with a period. This is consistent and seems to fit the theme of the poem. So, nicely done here. :)

*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact that the story of your poem sort of spoofs the researchers of the given prompt. "Buying things is OUT. Engaging in new experiences is IN." The poem seems to beg the question, "Really? Who says that 'Engaging in new experiences is in'? It's only 'IN,' if it's enjoyable! Let me have same ol', same ol', if we end up refreshed, relaxed and rested!"

Well done! Write on! Thanks, again, for reading my reviewing thoughts! :)
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Review of The Traveler  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you so much for the privilege of reviewing your story. Please, be aware that what follows consists of the thoughts, the tastes and the imaginations of one reader. I trust something I write will spark good ideas for great future writing.

Well, J.K. Wyatt, you have taken the reader on a wonderful trip into a motion picture teaser trailer. You have created many questions in the mind of your readers, that leave us wanting to know more.

This is an excellent "hook!" May I offer that you have a great deal more writing to do in this story?

In a word this is a diving board into a great ocean of adventure!

PLOT: A stranger is observed doing the exact same thing at the exact same time in the exact same way every day. He doesn't talk with any of the locals, but the protagonist has decided he is going to find out the "Why?" of all of this.

1. The stranger is suspicious because he keeps to himself in a small town. Having grown up in small towns, I KNOW this is a big "No-No!" Everyone in a small town MUST know, to whom everybody else in the small town belongs. The expression, "You ain't from here!" is very common for anyone, who is not a relative of or friends with one of the local townsfolk.
2. Doing the same thing at the same time every day is a typical local thing to do, but if someone without "connections" does this, then it is cause for great consternation and suspicion. "State your business or leave!" is another common phrase to those, who "don't fit in."

SETTING: The story is set in a small seaside village of hardworking people, who are more than a little wary of strangers because the "unknown" often seems to feel like "unsafe."

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The main character observes a new stranger, until the habitual pattern of activity is established. The main character is curious, but he finally decides to take action himself moving from "curious in silence" to "curious in the midst of the action." The main character starts as an observer and becomes a researcher.

POINT OF VIEW: The main character, Costen, seems to take the perspective, "Let's give the unknown 'the benefit of the doubt'." Costen doesn't ever condemn the stranger as being "bad" for his secretiveness, but neither does he plan to allow the stranger's secrets to remain secrets, if he can help it.

To observe and to identify something or someone, having the potential for concern or for danger of some sort is wise. To withhold judgment, until all of the facts are in is courageous.

DIALOGUE: The dialogue is limited in this piece to three instances of self-talk with the rest of the story being narrative.

J.K., I think this is a great beginning to a wonderful story. As the reader my interest has been piqued to know more about the real world and the dream world of this story. Is the main character, Costen, dreaming believing that he is awake or awake imaging himself to be dreaming? Is Coston like Lucy Pevensie in Prince Caspian, who awakens to find Aslan in the woods, only to awaken a second time to realize, that it has all been a dream?

Why does the ship float to a seaport in the clouds? (This seems like a great device, but what is it's purpose with regard to moving the story forward?)

Does the stranger ever meet Costen?
Does the stranger ever meet the townsfolk?
Why did the stranger choose this particular town as his daily port of call?
What object fits the key? What is the purpose of the object, that the key fits? Why is the key made in a rectangular shape rather than the quasi-triangular shape of most keys?

In some ways this story is like a dangling participle. It has some very good information, but it has no anchor with which the reader may feel tethered to a main idea. I guess in some ways this story really is like a dream. When I dream I often find myself in the middle of the story, not knowing the first chapter and too often awakening just before I am about to find or to learn some vital piece of information, that will help the dream to make sense to my logical mind.

This good story, J.K., is a kernel planted into Imagination's living and rich soil. Please, do us the kindness of watering this kernel, tending it, harvesting the crop and placing it before your readers as the feast, it has such great promise to be.

Good idea! Novel concept! Write on! :D
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Review of Las Vegas Autumn  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Prosperous Snow (Neva,) I like this very much.

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: This is a very visual haiku. The reader can see Las Vegas in the autumn.


*Pencil*Suggestions: I am not sure I would change a thing. Nicely done!


*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: This part really doesn't apply to the poetry you have created. It stands alone without grammatical additions.


*Heart*What I Like: You have given the reader an inside look at the brisk morning of Las Vegas in the autumn. Truth in advertising. Excellent! Write on! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Askpaddy, thank you for the privilege of reviewing your work. My thoughts are, indeed, my thoughts. Please, take as many as you can use and leave the rest. Thank you. :)

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: There is a strong correlation in this story to Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." There is a clear message, that all denominations are important and one is not more important than the others.

Plus, there is a vital message of "Drunk parishioners should probably not go to church, until they've sobered up." ;)

*Pencil*Suggestions: There are ways in which a message can be given to a wider audience with greater appeal to the eyes and to the ears. “Parish Priest Poleaxed by Christmas Crib Shepherd” is (if I may be so bold) challenging to pronounce, and difficult to comprehend at first glance. This has some great alliteration going on here, but it does not come quickly off the tongue. I have understood, that news articles are to be written on a sixth-grade reading level. Again, at first glance this appears to be eleventh or twelfth grade reading level from yesteryear (and probably a college-level of today.)

The meaning behind the expression, “Thou shall not commit adultery - adultery thou shall not commit” is a little confusing to me. Is there a reason why the words needed to be repeated with only slight variation?

As I have been told excessive capitalization of words tends to distract from the message of the story. To my understanding "denominations" and "angel cakes" at the end of the story would improve the receptivity of the story.

The words, "fetes" and "skidpan" are not definitions at the front of my brain. Would it be possible to find a word a bit more universally understood?

As a couple of overall notes, I have been told to do more showing than telling with my stories. I am told to use more imagery to help the reader to see the story, to smell the story, to hear the story and maybe even to touch the story. In my opinion this story could benefit from the same counsel.

It is important to keep characters from becoming cliché. “To Fleece the Public..." seems to create the tone of an author "with an axe to grind." It has been my experience, that good and bad humans can be found in any line of work. In all candor doctors can appear to "fleece the public" with the prices they charge. However, I heard one account, that puts things into perspective. One doctor was asked about his bill, "Why did you charge me $600 for a 30 minute procedure?" His response was simple, "$50 is the charge for my time. $550 is for knowing where to cut."

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: There are a few mistakes here, that are easy enough to catch, simply by rereading "with a fine-toothed comb."
1. On the third line from the top "coincidental" would be honored to have a period following his personage.
2. I my opinion "...the Monday Ministers." (using the quotation marks) would be more in line with signifying a given title (or coined phrase.)
3. I think "Cream Bun Café" could be well-served with the additional capital "C."

*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact, that the community of ministers came out in full force to care for the needs of one minister, who had been treated very badly. Support rather than competition wins out in this story, which is as it should be in my humble opinion.

There is a great start here in this story. If it could be revised and simplified, I believe it is potentially a very readable story. Write on! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*ButtonV*Overall Impression: What a Blessing! Children understand Jesus instinctively. That was the point I got. With that I heartily agree.


*Pencil*Suggestions: I'm not sure I would change a thing. This account is told in a simple way. Any child could appreciate that.


*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: English grammar seems pretty close to perfect for me. Nicely done.


*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact that the parents have followed the Biblical admonition of "Let the little child lead them." (This is certainly Truth in Advertisement as per the title.) I am honored to know this little boy through the venue of this story. His great faith is an inspiration to me.

Excellent account! Write on! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks, Sticktalker! I especially appreciate your candor about your own faults and foibles.

You have emphasized the Encouragement Sandwich, that I have been taught is good in any interpersonal relationship.
1. Tell what you like.
2. Tell what to improve and show how to do that.
3. Thank the individual for the privilege of sharing ideas with him or her, reemphasizing encouragement.

I have been a teacher and a radio announcer. Journalist? I can really respect that.

Thanks for writing on! Please, continue! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
FaeRose, you have on your hands a well-worded article. Your facts are accurately documented.

If I may, I would like to offer my perspective on the subject. This is my perspective, and you are certainly welcome to take it or leave it.

Virtually every argument I have ever heard, regarding the the Existence or non-existence of GOD, including Pascal's Wager and the Objections to it as well as arguments for by believers and against by non-believers are all tied to The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden. (Genesis 1-3) We adult humans are woefully & quintessentially inadequate, in my opinion (for whatever that's worth,) to accurately discuss the subject of GOD.

If anyone wishes to know about GOD, then that person should ask a child. It's not a matter of having faith. It's a matter of faith having you. It's not a matter of figuring things out to see the possibility of GOD. It's a matter of seeing GOD as children already do in the overwhelming evidences for GOD, that every child can always see.

Jesus of Nazareth pointed out this Truth in the following verse. Look for GOD through childlike eyes, and you will always see Him. Look for GOD through adult eyes, and your age will always miss Him. (This is why I don't ever want to grow up at my Core. I'm a Christian because of childlike eyes, being captured by faith, not choosing to see faith as a tool, that I can use from the strength of my humanness.)

"And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3, KJV)

Finally, I realize my perspective is usually quite different from many humans. Therefore, take my perspective or leave it as you may choose to do. I simply hope this perspective will be received as given in the desire to provoke thought in all of its kindest forms.
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Review of Harsh Judges  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Clearly stated, BBW=Uncle! As humans we do tend to have preconceived ideas about things in general and other humans in specific. I suppose this is why trompe l'oeil, (which is a French phrase, meaning "It was painted to look that way," my paraphrase,) is so popular as a decorating technique. The mind tends to "go with the gut" on first impressions. Sadly, first impressions can be fooled as you have proven with your article.

It is often not fair, that first impressions are so prejudicial, but some aspects of life require personal adjustments, since Societal adjustments are often much slower to become reality. I'm a big guy of nearly 200 pounds. I've had the time, the life experience of dealing with the public and the commitment necessary to work at a local hair salon, but I have seen multiple female temps go through the job I've wanted, and I've yet to be considered. It's not fair, but what can I do?

The point is that prejudice is a pervasive human trait. You've pointed this out well. I have simply confirmed your concept with personal experience.

Nicely put. Write on! :D
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Review of Blog @ Work  
for entry "16 words" 
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Nicely done, WakeUpAndLive! This is a linguistic feast as well as being a wonderfully flowery testimonial. My path is similar to yours. I started as a poet at age 13. A few years ago I wrote my first flash fiction, but I have written multiple essays over the years.

Things are certainly coming together at WDC. :D

Great writing! Great to meet yet another writer through WDC! Write on! :)
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Review of The Arrival  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent thoughts, Dear Lady!

Your imagery helps me to live this part of the day, too, even though the late nights of working well past midnight make it difficult for me to see this explosion of life with any regularity. I always enjoy reading your writing because I feel like I am there in the moment of whatever you express.

I love your last words because they remind me of a strong principle of life. Creativity begins "just by showing up." :D
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Review of 7-11  
Review by Jay O'Toole
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for the gift! I feel so honored! Be Blessed! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hippychick, this certainly sounds like you. You write in emotional phrases with great imagery. Often your words between periods amount more to being phrases, that are the phraseology of the heart rather than to being exact hard-edged English grammar.

You write like the artist, that I know you to be. In so many ways the words of this wondrously emotive story are like splashes of paint on a new canvass with your hands flailing out in multiple directions almost at once to create some new idea or emotion or piece of boho, that is truly...YOU.

I like the fact, that "the lady's house stands in stark contrast" in which "Her porch is festooned with geegaws: the reflective rounds of discarded CD’s hang from the rafters. Bits of stick, painted and striped, are tied together to form mobiles, and lengths of bottle-caps are strung together like garland." I can see that in my mind, and I hope to see that in reality very soon in a place I have enjoyed living for quite some time, now. ;)

There is a phrase in the third from last paragraph, that seems very sad and emotive. To express, that "the young man" was imagining a mother in a home "full of life rather than the death that she instead created for herself" seems to express a very depressed mother or one, who had committed suicide.

The abiding message of this piece is "...she still touches the world..." and "...she follows them although she never seems to leave her chair on the porch." Our lives do, indeed impact our world merely because we exist. We were created to do this. :D

What a memorable character! What a memorable piece!

Great start, My Dear! Write on! :D
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Review of Full Circle  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent poem, written in a running, quickly-moving, emotive style. Impassioned love draws two lives together like magnets. Just like magnets one cannot pull away from the other without the same magnetic force drawing, pulling, desiring for reconnection with the dearly loved one.

The emptiness, that ensues from a broken relationship symbolizes a torn heart, a distracted mind, a forever-changed life.

Similar emotions turned me into a poet so many years ago. Thank you for letting me emote as I reflected upon your poem.

Stylistically, the first part of the poem has a slower rhythmic four-count per line, which waves into two-count lines, then back to four-count & three-count, but in the middle of the poem, the paces quickens to two-count lines as the passions and emotions run high. As to rhyme scheme the poem is much more free verse.

In short, the pace of each line seems to mirror the emotion that the characters are experiencing.

Nicely done! Write on! :D
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Review of Deny Me Not  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Grumpy Bart, this certainly is a stylized free verse poem. Some of the sensory touch points remind me a little of pulp fiction. "Lips brush,...droplets,...icy,...against...skin,...hand seeks,...slippery,..." This seems to illustrate a great deal of fluid, hot, steamy passion, which if that was your intent, then you definitely hit your mark.

I really like the concept, that end the piece, "Deny me not...any second, except those spent without you." Strong wording to emphasize, that you want to be with your loved one.

There is no consistent rhyme, nor rhythm, which is obvious. There is just a great deal of desire to be close.

Great beginning! Write on! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for the mention, Sam! Your words are always so encouraging! You are a great friend! :D
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Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice lay-out. I will endeavor to explore it more in the next few days and weeks.

I am having a little difficulty finding specific groups. I was told, that the are poetry groups on WDC, but I can't find them per se.

How should I search for groups?

I have found one writer here, who has become a good friend. We have a good conversation going.

I guess I'm such a newbie, that I am still not effectively using the NAG group...

In some ways I feel like an inexperienced swimmer flailing over the Mariana Trench.

Maybe I just need a couple of tandem parachute drops onto the target area. Thanks for the forthcoming help. I'm sure I will make a go of it sooner or later. :D
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Review of On The Verge  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
As you have said you have the beginnings of a very good story.

The following thoughts are just my opinions, so please take them for what they are worth to you.

I have a few notes, that would make the reading a little easier for me, and possibly others like me. In the fourth line, "...those blue marbled eyes..." would read better as "...those stunning blue eyes..." for the reason, that "marbled" is a difficult adjective for me. It always seem to remind me of a playing marble. I hope that doesn't seem too silly.

In a similar way, "...glistened upon you..." seems a little formal for this story. "...glistened at you..." sounds to my ears more like the consistent style of the story.

The eyes of a girl do have great effect on the heart of a young man in love. Well told. You have left me wanting to know more.

Write on! :D
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for entry "Stubborn Dreams " 
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! Excellent, Carly! Shades of "It's a Wonderful Life!" Being noble is important, yet as we live this way of life we find, that personal sacrifice is almost always part of the bargain.

Family is very important to Daisy, which is as it should be. However, Damon is interested in starting a new family or at least have her to himself.

Decisions! Decisions!

Carly, you have captured nicely this very common experience of life. To honor one commitment we have to dishonor (or at least give a lower priority to) another commitment.
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Review of Back to school  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The desire to be loved and needed is so very real in every one of us. The last line of your piece showed just how much Liz did care about the friendships she felt were lost, even thought she tried to portray a tough and unfeeling exterior.

Though I am many years out of college, your work reminds me of some painful experiences, that I, too, had, making the story as fresh as today's newspaper.

Nicely expressed!

As to grammar and punctuation, it would make my reading a little easier, if you took notice of a couple of items. Personally, "Whys that?" would be better written as "Why's that?" since the apostrophe shows that the "i" is missing.

Maybe the rules of English have changed in the past few years, but "...the anonymity she so desperately seeked out..." is an expression, that is a little uncomfortable to this reader's eyes. May I offer some options, "...the anonymity she so desperately sought out..." is correct English, but seems a bit stilted for this piece. Maybe, "...the anonymity she so was so desperate to find..." could be an acceptable option for maintaining both good English and the sense of this piece of writing.

Again, these are my thoughts. I hope at least a few of them benefit you.

Keep writing! You obviously have skills! :D
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Review of Noticing Newbies  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Ruwth! I like your avatar because Jesus IS Lord!

So far as East - West living goes, I think we just about switched places. I was born in Fort Worth, Texas, but I started elementary school in Oklahoma, where I was born again. Now, we live in Georgia.

Ergo, I was born in the West and now live in the East. You were born in the East and now live in the West.

Glad to meet you! :D
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Review of Wasting Time  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Prosperous Snow, this is a great perspective on the subject of Time. Time is depicted as a black cat, which is ominous, dark and spurious in motive. Black cats fade into the background, keeping us off-balance as to its next move. This holds a strong similarity to Time, which is always with us in this life, rarely telegraphing its motives or intentions.

I remember haikus in pattern, but I am less familiar with sedokas. Thank you for the lesson. Very good poem. Nicely done.
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Rhyme Maven! In years past I had a greater amount of hope, that my vote could make a difference in Washington. Now, I'm not so sure. It seems more like a shell game without a ball under any shell. It has become an elaborate game of charades.

Your A-A-B-B rhyme scheme and lilting gait make this poem easy to read.

Just before I read your poem, I posted something I had just written. They could be twins. (Your post was at the bottom of my post page as a suggested/related title. Frankly, I think they are more than just distance cousins.) :D

 
STATIC
...And Now We're Out of Carrots  (E)
Politics feels like a mule chasing a carrot, that is always out of reach. Now, no carrots.
#2091591 by Jay O'Toole
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Review of Network Marketing  
Review by Jay O'Toole
Rated: E | (4.0)
Pavann3008, your concept is good. It has been called, "Failing Forward." Just as we learn to walk by taking a step, and then falling, by taking two steps and then falling, and then again and again, doing the same thing, until we learn how to walk, we can fail in our careers, until we become successful, when we do not quit. (Study the story of J.C. Penney.)

I have seen a quote, that is something like this, "To fall is not a failure. To stop getting up is a failure."

As an ESL teacher I see your style of writing has a few errors of syntax, tense and word order. This article can be improved to sound more like a native speaker, if you will have someone to help you to edit these little details.

These are my opinions. I hope they are helpful to you.

You have good ideas. Please, continue to write them for us to read. :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice creation, Jellybean!

The rhyme scheme starts out A-B-C-B, but then changes verse by verse like a white canvas changes as the painter paints on layer after layer of paint.

Like a butterfly which does not light on any one flower for any length of time, the thought takes flight and the reader is gone with it!

Thanks for the privilege of reviewing your poem. :D

Nice work. Keep writing.
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Review of Endure the Night  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Timothy, this is an excellent piece in so many ways. For one, I am a runner, who has completed two marathons in my lifetime. I have attempted an ultra-marathon, but I didn't finish. That is the connection for me with your wonderful story.

The reading of the story mirrors the race in so many ways. The words you use are often not common. Ergo, the reader is forced to stretch linguistically, like the runners are forced to stretch as athletes. I have already had to search for the definitions of "crepuscular" and "gelid."

"TheÂ" is in the 10th paragraph. It appears to be a typing error.

Your usage of "blister-full" is certainly understandable. However, may I suggest, that "blister-ridden" might play better in the style of writing. This is just my impression.

I am enjoying the story line as I can perceive it, but I must confess the at-times-extreme verbiage does slow my progress measurably. However, if this is your purpose, which seems to match the stresses of ultra-distance racing, then you have hit your goal dead-on. (I often do this in my poetry. I try to illustrate the point of my poem by the choice of words and rhythms used.)

In many ways this reads like a runner in the race with a little bit of the mental confusion mixed in to boot. My best marathon was about 3:38 in my prime, which means an ultra-marathon is woefully out of reach for me, physically, but not beyond my imagination.

100 elite runners in the Western States 100? I believe it! More than 60% would not finish the race? Very conceivable!

"...his body has exhausted all its resources..." About the fourth paragraph from the end I believe the "has" should be changed to "had," since this a recounting of the story. The tense of the verbs needs to be consistent throughout the paragraph.

"The voices thou..." I like King James English as well as the next guy, but I believe the word here is "though." ;)

"Just don't go to fast now..." Please, use "too" here. Thanks.

Nice touch at the end with the father remembering the Western States Medal of many years ago as he trained his son for things to come. I remember those days of running exploits and my current gratitude of being able to walk 3-4 miles in a day now.

These are my many thoughts as I read this intriguing story. I hope I haven't seemed too critical, but I was reading it in much the same way as I would read my own work for editing purposes.

I understand the story very well. I can relate to much in this story. However, it is due to my background as a runner, that kept me going through the nearly one and a half hour reading.

As I've said before there is great similarity between the writing of the story and the running of the race. Few will attempt the race. Fewer still will finish the race. Yet, the sense of accomplishment in completing such an arduous task is as much of a trophy as the medal around the neck.

I hope my review of your work is helpful and encouraging. You have great potential as a writer and obviously great experience as a runner!
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