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Review of She was beautiful  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
She was beautiful because she gave compassion from the heart.

It seems to be one of commonest of traits. We give that which we need...in search of more of the same.

Excellent poem, Tatiana!

Beauty that is truest radiates from the core. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem and for giving us hope. May great hope be yours for you have given great hope!

Welcome to Writing.Com! WRITE ON! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Jade, you were AMAZING in your performance last night! You are AMAZING as an actor in your own right!

You got scared and you cried yesterday because you care about doing well. That is probably THE greatest characteristic an actor can have!

Actors, who are so stuck on themselves that they are obviously proud, like a few of the well-known actors in Hollywood, may be able to act well on screen or on stage, but they are insufferable in actual human relationships.

You want to do your best!
You ALWAYS do your best!

I am very PROUD of you!
There is nothing left over for you to be proud for yourself. Confidence is all you need because your skills are worthy of your confidence in yourself. However, self-confidence and pride are two different things.

The proud soul feels like he or she is better than everyone else in their chosen field of skill.
The proud soul feels like he or she can do it all on his or her own.
These proud souls feel like people are merely props for their own "amazing" performance.

A confident & humble soul realizes that he or she has been entrusted with great giftedness, but he or she is prone to failure without the dear souls, who live life with him or her.

The greatness of an actor is seen in the ability to pull one's own weight, while relying heavily on the relationships with the other actors to pull their weight and let them pull your own. In all but the soliloquy show, acting is a team effort. (However, even in a soliloquy show the actor must rely heavily on the director, assistant director, props people and lighting and sound people to make the show a success.)
We all succeed or we all fail. We do not succeed or fail alone. If we work together the result is consistently a SUCCESS. Failure is usually the result of NOT working together.

The show last night was an AMAZING TEAM EFFORT! The adrenaline was flowing in torrents, meaning that you were all "ON" every moment of the play! The pauses due to forgetting lines or losing your place in your notes was actually very helpful to the audience. It gave us a moment to breathe. (Excellent directors of plays and movies actually create moments of emotionally eddies in the midst of action sequences because the human mind can take in only so much input of intensity without times to pause and process.)

You definitely have a show! Go forth and CONQUER! :D I am so proud of you and your cast mates!
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Review by Jay O'Toole
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Jade, you were AMAZING in your performance last night! You are AMAZING as an actor in your own right!

You got scared and you cried yesterday because you care about doing well. That is probably THE greatest characteristic an actor can have!

Actors, who are so stuck on themselves that they are obviously proud, like a few of the well-known actors in Hollywood, may be able to act well on screen or on stage, but they are insufferable in actual human relationships.

You want to do your best!
You ALWAYS do your best!

I am very PROUD of you! There is nothing left over for you to be proud for yourself. Confidence is all you need because your skills are worthy of your confidence in yourself. However, self-confidence and pride are tow different things.

The proud soul feels like he or she is better than everyone else in their chosen field of skill.
The proud soul feels like he or she can do it all on his or her own. These proud souls feel like people are merely props for their own "amazing" performance.

A confident & humble soul realizes that he or she has been entrusted with great giftedness, but he or she is prone to failure without the dear souls, who live life with him or her.

The greatness of an actor is seen in the ability to pull one's own weight, while relying heavily on the relationships with the other actors to pull their weight and let them pull your own. In all but the soliloquy show acting is a team effort. We all succeed or we all fail. We do not succeed or fail alone.

The show last night was an AMAZING TEAM EFFORT! The adrenaline was flowing in torrents, meaning that you were all "ON" every moment of the play! The pauses due to forgetting lines or losing your place in your notes was actually very helpful to the audience. It gave us a moment to breathe. (Excellent directors of plays and movies actually moments of emotionally eddies in the midst of action sequences because the human mind can take in only so much input of intensity without times to pause and process.)

You definitely have a show! Go forth and CONQUER! :D





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Review of Lust ... for Life  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nicely put, HuntersMoon!

Confession, continued vigilance and recognition of the need for help outside of ourselves.

Without help we could all be consumed by our own appetites. This seems like an intriguing oxymoron...That which we focus on consuming ends up consuming us instead.

Much success to you in this round of the contest! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thank you, Jade Amber, for the privilege of reviewing your good short story with some very interesting characters. I hope my words will encourage you as you grow as an excellent writer.

Congratulations on being selected as a featured Showcase Profile in the Newbies Academy Group for the month of April, 2017!

*Earth*Overall Impression: You have so many tasty morsels in this story, Jade! It really seems like it could be a much larger story or even a series of stories. In some regards I think you have epic narrative with elements that remind of Star Trek and Star Wars. You appear to have created a story in which Doctor McCoy is the lead character as well as being a much younger, female version of the good Doctor.

I really think you've got something here, My Dear!

*Pencil*Suggestions: There are some plot twists and turns that I appear to have missed because I WAS looking for them. However, knowing you I expect they will be included in the next installment of this saga. I just need to keep reading. *BigSmile*

For instance, the foursome had a super easy escape from the jail and from the planet. Now knowing you as that different sort of writer you are, who likes to make her own new mark on the world, I'm thinking, "Maybe that's it! This foursome is so gifted that they put a version of Smeagol's Precious around the space ship in some way and shifted into hyper-drive so fast that no even Sauron could keep his eye on them.

I guess I just missed having Han Solo blasting his way off the Death Star as he headed back to Tatooine or some other exotic locale, but that's just me.

In another way I was noticing that the big dotted line between the end of the main story and the epilogue holds an entire new story (or maybe two or three stories.) How did Hazana and Japame start their relationship and finally get married? That has got to been a fascinating backstory that I would dearly love to read. What was it like for Hazana to become a mother? What is it like for her to have two children in her life now? Where do Trudy and JJ live? What is life like in that other town or on that other planet?

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Jade, there were a few things that gave me pause to consider as I read your story. I have listed them here with my suggested corrections because I recognize them as similar things that I find when I reread my own stories and poems for three or four times before and after posting. Most of these things seem to happen because I get so excited about telling my story or the emotions of my poem that I'm "thinking faster than I can type" accurately. Reading my own words over and over and over again are of critical importance to me as I present my work to the world. I hope something I say will make sense for you like it seems to help me.

"Thanks, Japame!" I say, then dug into the food. If we change the word, "say" to "said," then both of the verbs will be in the same past tense. My English teacher in high school stressed the importance of verb tense agreement within sentences as well as within entire paragraphs. I'm not perfect at this, but I do try to do this. The corrected version would be, "Thanks, Japame!" I said, then dug into the food.

We walked to the court house, where my trial was to be taken place. In verb tense agreement the verb, "taken" would be best changed to "taking." "...where my trial was to be taking place.

She looks at me, and reply: "Yes." Again, this is another instance of a verb tense agreement issue. "She looks...(she) replies." Also, a comma is used rather than the colon. She looks at me, and replies, "Yes."

She stays silent, but nod. Verb tense agreement needs an "s" at the end of "nod." She stays silent, but nods.

"Hey, we're almost arrived on the same spaceship! I'm Number 2,738.5!" I think this could be an instance of simply "thinking faster than the fingers can type." Could it be like this? "Hey, we must have arrived on the same spaceship! I'm Number 2,738.5!"

"You do know what how to drive a spaceship, don't you?" Again, an exciting story can make the thinking go faster than the typing fingers. Just drop the word, "what." "You do know how to drive a spaceship, don't you?"

*Heart*What I Like: I like this fast-paced story about a strong and determined young lady, who knows what she wants to achieve in life and she chases it with all her heart. She sounds like someone else I know personally.

Thank you for taking the time to read and to accept my review! You have a great story or a series of stories here. Continue to give us great details because you know how much we all like to know everything there is to know about the characters of our favorite stories as well as the real people in our lives.

Great Work, Jade! WRITE ON! *Cool*

Here is my latest signature, given to me by my own beautiful daughter, Jade Amber Jewel.
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Jade, I am so happy to review your poem. It is an interesting and unique theme. I hope you had a great time writing it. I think you must have learned something new in the process of writing this poem.

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: You seem to have a great time as a story-teller. You explain things well. You are interested in giving your friend every reason to believe in pink, fluffy unicorns.

*Pencil*Suggestions: I think you should continue to write poetry because a number of poems to your credit should help you to begin to know the kinds of poetry that bring you joy. The experience of writing poetry starts to bring to the surface the type of poem that makes you feel the greatest comfort and that gives you the greatest satisfaction.

*Apple*Rhythm & Rhyme Scheme: I see your A-B-A-B rhyme scheme very clearly. Rhythmically, you seem to like lines of three, four and five "feet" with the occasional line of two feet thrown in for flavor and to speed up the pace. The rhythm of this poem is not structured as a classical form, but the rhythms are certainly present.

*Heart*What I Like: You have taken a page from the Lewis Carroll Playbook. You have apparently created some new words, like "pinkier," "snuzzling" and "tempore." The last one is in a place where I might have been tempted to use the words, "temporary" or "temporarily," but you have forged a new road, which seems to work for you.

I hope I have said something that made you feel encouraged about your good poem. You have great potential as a poet. You have many more to write I am quite sure.

Here is my latest signature, given to me by my own beautiful daughter, Jade Amber Jewel.

Image #2116941 over display limit. -?-
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you, Rainmaster, for the privilege of reviewing your short story. Welcome to Writing.Com!

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: This is a tender story that appears to be written in the setting of a monarchy of some type. A servant has fallen in love with the one he serves, meaning that it would be socially inappropriate for him to ever express his feelings to the lady in any form, including writing.

*Pencil*Suggestions: The style of writing is more difficult for me to read. (Maybe others will feel this way, too.) The story is created in one large paragraph rather than in three or four smaller paragraphs. You appear to have intended some sort of unique paragraphs, since you have spaces at the end of three lines. It would be good to simply add an additional line of space at those places.

1. "However, your mind is lost among the words..." Just put an entire line of space between this and the previous sentence.
2. "I know the answer without even a thought." Again, just put an entire line of space between this and the previous sentence.
3. "Must I say it?" Finally, put an entire line of space between this and the previous sentence.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: The punctuation is pretty good. The spelling is accurate.

There are a few expressions that I think need to be adjusted just slightly to make them sound a bit more natural.
1. "I cannot help the wants of pining heart." I think this would be a little easier to read and understand in the following words, "I can't help the desire of my beating heart." "Pining" has more of the idea of "wasting away to nothing." Though this may be close to the truth, we all want our idea of Self to be more in the realm of strength. At least that is my belief.
2. "...express these feelings ascending in my soul." I think the expression, "express these feelings rising in my soul..." would have more of a native flavor to them. "Ascending" is accurate, but it is more appropriate to use with a set of steps, "She ascended the stairs..." or with an airplane, "The airplane ascended into the clouds."
3. "...even if it is to a slice of paper..." is certainly understandable. However, "...even if it is to a piece of paper..." is more native to contemporary English expression, at least in America.

*Heart*What I Like: Your main character, Sebastian, has expressed his heart deeply, while maintaining the respect of keeping his feelings hidden in a culture that requires this distinction between roles that are played in Society. His respect shows a greater level of love in its strong, silent expression. Nicely done, Rainmaster.

WRITE ON! :D

*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and the "The Newbie Research Center" *Vine1**Flowery**Vine2*

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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you, Peter Plum, for the privilege of reviewing your poem!

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: We've had a proverb in America for the past century and a half, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." In other words the loudest or most obvious problem is the one that gets the quickest or the largest amount of our attention. This phrase, "So ill plead, ill wait, Ill simply agolonize, until you speak" seems to be saying the same thing. This is the main idea of the poem.

*Pencil*Suggestions: I'm thinking you might be well served to give a little more background in your poem. Is this a conversation between you and the reader? Is the reader intended to learn the perspective you have for a lost love?

There is a great deal of emotion in this poem, but the reader tends to be a bit confused as to your purpose and the desired response from your reader. Is my review of your poem the thing you were hoping to receive? Is so, then you now have your desire.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: There are very few punctuation marks, no rhyme and no rhythm that I can comprehend. However, the lack of these seems to work for your poem for the most part.

There are a few things that give me pause.
1. The pronoun, which refers to you, the writer, is inconsistently capitalized. "I" or "i" is doable for a poem, but using both inconsistently is a bit confusing.
2. In this phrase, "a little bit to.." the word, "to" should be changed to "too" in order to be in agreement with the phrase.
3. In this line of poetry, "...ill plead, ill wait, Ill simply..." each instance of "ill" should have an apostrophe, making it "I'll."

*Heart*What I Like: There is "truth in advertising" in this poem. You certainly are persistent.

Thank you for reading my review! WRITE ON! :D

*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and the "The Newbie Research Center" *Vine1**Flowery**Vine2*
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Noraan, I would like to thank you for the privilege of reviewing your good work of prose. I will share my ideas with you. I hope these ideas will be a great encouragement to you.

*ButtonV*Overall Impression:You have created a tender story about a mother in a very difficult situation. The mother loves her children very much. However, she herself is still feeling great grief, regarding the loss of her husband. There is no easy answer to this.

I see that you have indicated that this is the beginning of a larger story. There is great room for helping both your character and your readers in the larger story. It will be good for you to write it.

*Pencil*Suggestions: I am a reader, who finds this kind of prose a little more difficult for me to process mentally. This is one large paragraph to tell the entire short story.

"She forgot about herself..." could start a second paragraph.

"After preparing dinner..." could start a third paragraph.

"After the death of her husband..." could start a fourth paragraph.

"Her children were busy..." could start a fifth paragraph.

Now, I must confess there are many readers, who would not be challenged in reading the larger paragraph. I am simply giving you the viewpoint of one reader. These smaller pieces would help me as there are pauses between each paragraph for me to "digest" a smaller thought as I begin to "chew" on a new thought.

You must decide if your audience would be better served by one large paragraph or five smaller paragraphs.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I, personally, try not to use the ampersand (&) in formal writing. I believe the "&" is good for texting, informal letters and the names of businesses in which it is part of the name, but your piece of prose would be helped, I think, by using "and" rather than the "&."

"Her children were busy in eating dinner..." could be improved by removing the word, "in." It is not necessary to use it for proper understanding in the English language. I see that you have used the word, "in" as part of the sentence twice.

However, the verb in the first part of the sentence shows the action, "were busy eating" with "busy" as an adverb modifying, "were eating."

In the second part of the sentence the verb shows the state of being, "was lost." "In her thoughts" is a prepositional phrase, which modifies the verb phrase, "was lost." This makes the prepositional phrase, "in her thoughts" act as an adverb in this case.

*Heart*What I Like: The mother is committed to performing her responsibilities as a mother, even if it means she must suffer the lack of food. She is a compassionate and good mother. Good for her! :D

Thank you for taking the time to read my review. WRITE ON!

Here is another way I can show the world, who I am.
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent tour, Jade Amber Jewel ! You have a wealth of writing already! It is a challenge to keep reviewing everything that you write. You are very quick on the type-pad. I look forward to reading some of your most recent works very soon.

Congratulations on your upcoming Newbies Academy Showcase!

I'm guessing that "the Beast" reference on this page is from the movie, The Beauty and the Beast. If I am right, then he does he quite the library!

Much success to you, Dear Daughter! You certainly have a great deal of talent! :D
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Review of My Drawing  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
As always this is a nice drawing, Jade Amber Jewel ! Keep showing your skills! You are a good writer and a good artist!

Keep on keeping on! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey, Schnujo! Thanks for the privilege of reviewing your "What a Character" entry! Great piece! I enjoyed it very much! However, you never told me that you knew my Mom. (For that matter Mom never told me that "Mrs. Santa" was her night job. It kind of explains why so much got done around my childhood home in such a short order.)

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: Mrs. Santa Claus is a very industrious lady, who is reminiscent of the lady described in Proverbs 31:10ff. She is a wise woman. She is a great organizer. She knows how to delegate responsibilities. She is disciplined about maintaining the good health of herself and of those she loves. Mrs. Santa Claus is a strong woman with a loving, compassionate, tender heart.

*Pencil*Suggestions: Please, by all means give us a follow-up story describing the Christmas Eve trip of Mrs. Santa Claus delivering the part of the gifts she held out as her responsibility. Does she do anything that would benefit Santa on his upcoming trips in future years? The ladies of my personal experience are excellent at multi-tasking. Are there any multi-tasking skills Santa might learn from Mrs. Claus?

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Over all the structural elements of English are pretty good in this piece, Schnujo! The following sentence gave me a momentary pause. "I bet they would, grubbers." I think the fact that I have often heard it expressed as "money-grubbers" made me pause to think for a moment. "O, that's short for 'money-grubbers'." Would it make any difference, if we added a word or two? "I bet they would, those grubbers." "I bet they would, those money-grubbers." I'm still not sure. Forgive me if I just "muddied the waters."

*Heart*What I Like: You made Santa and Mrs. Claus seem more like real people, who deal with many of the same things with which the rest of us deal. This is a very endearing tale, Schnujo! Thank you for sharing it with us. Write more of these! :D

Thank you for taking the time to read my review! WRITE ON!!!

Here's a new M2M Review Sig, I just created, with iPhone photo of Christmas decorations.

Image #2105494 over display limit. -?-
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Review of Mumsy Dearest  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Carly, thank you for the privilege of sharing this review of your good poem. I am counting on my words encouraging you in your writing. :D

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: You seem to be fully enjoying your tribute to your Mum! That's great! It shows quite clearly!

*Pencil*Suggestions: Maybe you would consider writing another poem to highlight some of the awards and other successes that your Mum has achieved on Writing.Com. Another great pat on the back that would be!

*Apple*Rhythm & Rhyme Scheme: There seems to be rhythm, but it is not a traditional rhythm. Therefore, it appears to be a choppy cadence that underscores your excitement. That is certainly doable as well as being important. The rhyme scheme is A-A-B-B-C-C-D-D-E-E-F-F-G-G-H-H. In other words, every two lines is basically a couplet with the same end-rhyme.

*Heart*What I Like: "I sing your praises and wish you the best." This is a great line because this line is saying what you are doing. Excellent approach!

Thank you for taking the time to read my review. :D

This is my most recent signature, given to me by Jade Amber Jewel - Valentine's Day, 2017.

Image #2098718 over display limit. -?-

Image #2113005 over display limit. -?-

*StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* I'm a member of the Rising Stars Program for 2016-2017 *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV*
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Winnie Kay! We have always taken aim at clear thinking and the clear expression of thought. Indeed, nothing has changed. :D
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Review of Family Secrets  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
CanImagine, thank you for the privilege of reviewing your first chapter of this new novel. I trust I will encourage you as a writer.

Congratulations on being part of the NAG Showcase!

*ButtonV*Overall Impression:The short chapters are a plus for readers like me. This puts you in the same class of writer with Anthony Doerr in his novel, All the Light We Cannot See. Novels often leave me cold, causing me to leave them on the shelf. Why? Page after page after page of wall-to-wall words broken only by numbers as the markers of new chapters. My eyes glaze over and the novel becomes of little value to me. However, yours is different. You section your chapter with subheadings. Nicely done! Keep doing this,...PLEASE! :D

*Pencil*Suggestions: You should write this novel in my humble opinion. I see many plots twists in the nugget of this opening chapter. If you have a little "Steven Spielberg" in you, then you could draw out the potential romance into multiple cliff-hangers before the boy and the girl finally "get each other" to "live happily ever after."

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Your usage of the structures of the English language is quite good. I see no problems here.

*Heart*What I Like: Lindsy is an engaging young lady with multiple skills and interests. She is a strong young woman, who can match wits and strength with the best that manhood has to offer. She is not the meek and mild "little woman," who needs a man to protect her. She is a worthy companion/completer to any young man, who has strength of character to his core as well.

Andrew appears to be that young man. He rides his horse at full-tilt to give himself and his mount the breath of freedom they both desire to experience. Andrew and Lindsy have the makings of the kind of strong romance that readers like myself love to see. Neither has the desire to be first. Neither has to dominate the relationship. Neither considers himself or herself to be the best at everything in life, but together they create a formidable unit.

No woman nor man is either strong or wise to attempt to subjugate the other. Demand to be victor destroys relationships. Deference strengths relationships.

Thank you for taking the time to read my review. I really think you have something here. WRITE ON!!! :D

Here is my latest signature, given to me by my own beautiful daughter, Jade Amber Jewel.

Samberine Everose

Image #2098718 over display limit. -?-

*StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* I'm a member of the Rising Stars Program for 2016-2017 *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV*
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Review of Secret Cave Swim  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Schnujo, thank you for the privilege of reviewing your short story. I hope I will encourage you, personally, and strengthen you as a writer.

*Earth*Overall Impression: You created an intriguing character. She was very perceptive. However, I could not quite grasp the danger that made her wary. I could not quite identify the type of animal or humanoid your character was. She doesn't even have a name. I found that piece of trivia to be deeply intriguing, too.

*Pencil*Suggestions: You have so many "loose ends" in this story that you can run in many directions. Explore a few of them.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Schnujo, I reviewed this in conjunction with the Comma Class DT for the week. If I may confess this, there are many complex sentences with commas going all over the place. I struggled a bit trying to identify the Comma Rules for many of the commas you used in this story. The spelling is pretty close. I didn't notice any errors in spelling. May I suggest the reconsidering of the style of this piece? In my humble opinion complex sentences are good for flavor, but "too much salt can make the steak inedible." Is that too harsh? I don't want it to be.

*Heart*What I Like: You have a great storytelling persona about you. I get caught up in your story and forget where I am. The sights and the sounds, the flavors, the tastes, and the smells wash over me like a creative cloud. The challenge is that we get so deep into the forest, and we turn around at some point to realize that we have neglected to tie white ribbons on tree limbs for the purpose of finding our way out of the forest.

You have so many commendable things going for you in your writing. Let's hone our skills at pruning the rose bushes in order to produce a greater bounty of blooms. Did I say that well? Blessings, Dear Writer! Write more! :)

Thanks for taking the time to read my review. Have a great 2017! :D

Here is yet another signature, that has been provided for me by my good friends, WS & GG.

Image #2098718 over display limit. -?-

*StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* I'm a member of the Rising Stars Program for 2016-2017 *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV* *StarY* *StarV*
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lostwordsmith, thank you for the privilege of sharing this review of your good poem. I am counting on my words encouraging you in life and in your writing. :D

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: You were very accurate with your form of the quatern poem. The first and last line are the refrain. In the four verses the refrain sinks lower into the verse with each subsequent verse. I was not aware of this visual stylistic feature until I did a little research. Thank you for teaching me something new with this poem.

*Pencil*Suggestions: The rhythm of the refrain is iambic tetrameter. In rereading the poem I see that iambic tetrameter was the intention throughout the poem for all of the lines. If I may offer an insight,...some of the lines seem a bit forced with regard to the iambic meter. I my own poetry, especially where iambic meter is used, since it is my consistent rhythm of choice, I maintain a strictness in grading my own meters. Bottom Line: I try to keep the emphatic parts of the rhythm in the same place where the emphasis would traditionally be in the word used.

In this line "in a place untouched, still pristine" an iambic meter can be maintained by the following pattern of emphasis. "in A place UN-touched, STILL pri-STINE." "A" & "un" are usually syllables without emphasis. If we reorder the line just slightly, we maintain natural emphasis, while maintaining iambic meter. The line would become, "in PLACE un-TOUCH-ed STILL pri-STINE." I hope I have expressed this well, encouraged your heart, and remained true to the intent of the poem.

In the line "a command performance just for me" iambic meter is maintained easily by simply omitting the first word, "a."

In the line "in THE won-DROUS waltz OF the SEA," if we drop the first word, "in" and substitute a new word for "the," then the iambic meter reads naturally. The result would be something like, "the WON-drous WALTZ of A-zur SEA." Here the syllable "a" for "azur" is only one syllable, but it is the emphasized syllable.

I'm really impressed as to how well you wrote in iambic meter with just these few minor changes. I hope it is well-received to emphasize the importance of logically keeping the emphasis in its natural place in the words we use in the meter we have chosen. I go around and around and around with myself to avoid using one- or two-syllable words in emphatic positions in metric rhythm schemes especially when the small syllables are not usually emphasized. However, I still find at times that it is unavoidable.

*Apple*Rhythm & Rhyme Scheme: As we have just discussed the iambic meter is well-maintained throughout the poem and the A-B-A-B rhyme scheme is kept as well. However, verse #3 has become the interesting A-A-A-A rhyme scheme.

*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact that you pull the reader into the poem. The question for me in bas relief is "Who is the lady?" Are we watching a show from the viewing window of a large oceanic aquarium? Are we swimming alongside a nature photographer or videographer, who is capturing the on-going relationship between a swimmer and her dolphin friends? There is a great deal in this poem to create mystery, which was no doubt your intent with this shadowy poetry genre.

Thank you for taking the time to read my review. I hope I have been beneficial to you in some way. :D

*StarB* A Rising Star Member to Member review.

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Review of Music Challenge  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Seuzz, your presentation of favorite music causes me to bow low in honor of your great understanding of the themes, the content and the purpose of great music. In some ways I feel as though you have created a great cathedral, rendering whatever I might attempt to present as being rather meager. However, I shall not bow-out. I am well aware that our approaches to music are so different as to make both perspectives highly valued in their own right.

The bottom line for me is that your understanding and choices of music are exquisite. Bach, Mozart and Debussy are great in themselves without me ever having to say as much. The performers you have chosen to represent the great composers are great in themselves as well. André Previn and Glenn Gould are masters of their skills!

It is my great privilege to express my thoughts, regarding your choices of favorite music. I trust something I say will both encourage you, personally, and as a writer. Ultimately, I must thank you for an hour of one of the most pleasurable reviews that I have created, yet, since I have been listening to the links you have provided as I have been writing the words I am now sharing with you.

"Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun" by Claude Debussy along with André Previn and the London Symphony Orchestra are all excellent choices. The combination is phenomenal. André Previn is one of the greats! The London Symphony Orchestra is one of my favorites. "Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun" is, indeed, a most ethereal tone poem. I would expect this to be in the play-list at my favorite coffee shop. Nicely chosen! :)

"Peter Gunn" as performed by Henry Mancini is definitely a fun piece. I see the lead trumpeter cutting loose into the stratosphere, then finally when he returns back to the platform, it's like he looks around as if to ask, "What? You are watching me? I totally forgot you were here!"

The Swingle Singers performing Bach's Partita #2! What a fascinating rendering in scat no less! I have the sense that Johann Sebastian Bach, the consummate musician, would most definitely approve. The instrumentation of the voice clearly presents a fresh new look at the stunning composition of the most excellent Mr. Bach. The voices create a glorious homage to the original composition in a way that is both beautiful and rare.

“The Marriage of Figaro” with its many twists and turns is as you have described it, dialogue-optional. Mozart was brilliant in this way. His ability to create understanding through movement and tonality is beyond compare. In my mind there is a comparison with Sir Kenneth Branagh, who has the amazing ability to make Shakespeare accessible to the average viewer through strong acting, replete with great facial expressions. One has to know but a few of the main words in order to understand the plot of the play. “Much Ado About Nothing” is a prime example of comprehension beyond words like the performance of “The Marriage of Figaro.”

Thank you, Seuzz, for the pedagogical descriptive of the "Goldberg Variations." That fits well my understanding of Mr. Bach. As to the 32 notes Bach used in creating the "Goldberg Variations," it seems to my mind that he was demonstrating his skill in writing pieces for the center of the piano. The two octaves below Middle-C would be 16 notes and the two octaves above Middle-C would be the other 16 notes. This means Bach was writing music for the student pianist as you have indicated with the word, “pedagogy.” It is much easier for the beginning piano player to read music written for the two clefs, bass & treble, with no more than two ledger lines above and two ledger lines below the five lines and four spaces of each staff.

You have taught me many things about the "Goldberg Variations" with which I was not previously aware. Your wealth of knowledge about the back-story of musical compositions is staggering. Nicely done! :D

Should I mention anything about the grammar and spelling of your piece? Possibly, but I really see nothing that comes to mind.

If my presentation in this musical challenge is half as good as yours is, then it will be truly amazing! Excellent presentation! Five Stars! Should be more! :D
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Review of Moon  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice description of the regular monthly occurrence in nature. The crescent moon lose more light with each passing night, but you point out the beauty of the change. Nice done! :D
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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you, Words334, for the privilege of reviewing your poem. As we both know, I will be sharing my thoughts in the hope, that something I write will encourage you, personally, and strengthen you as a writer.

*Earth*Overall Impression: You are deeply, madly, overwhelmingly in love. You express the depth of love with the repeated phrase, "Upon the Crescent Moon."

*Pencil*Suggestions: This phrase, "Upon the Crescent Moon" appears eleven times in this poem. I think you could make it even more readable by simply creating one line of space after the first 10 times, "Upon the Crescent Moon" occurs. The line space would create eleven unique verses of poetry.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: The new verses would help the punctuation to be more understandable to the reader. In its current format the poetry has the feeling of being one big run-on thought. The reader does not have any opportunities to rest and to take a break in between the verses. The eyes must work very hard to read this poem.

*Heart*What I Like: You are very honest about your passion toward this one individual. There is great pathos in this poem.

Thanks for taking the time to read my review. Have a great 2017! :D

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Review of Dear Me  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Piratess Dawnibelle, thank you for the privilege of reviewing your letter to yourself. As we both know, I will be sharing my thoughts in the hope, that something I write will encourage you, personally, and strengthen you as a writer. I am sharing this review with you conjunction with the "I Write in December, January & February" Challenge.

*Earth*Overall Impression: You have some very specific goals for yourself in the new year. Excellent! Specific is better than general in the accomplishment of goals. Much success to you in the completion of your goals.

*Pencil*Suggestions: Continue your daily reviews, congratulating yourself on even one step accomplished toward the completion of a goal.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I did notice a few points, that gave me pause, but then I reconsidered because this is a letter to yourself and is written in colloquial terms. The one I will mention follows.

"...going into an out of..." I think the word, "and" would be clearer for the concept you are expressing here. "...going into and out of..."

*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact, that you are very upbeat and encouraging to yourself as you focus on your goals for the year. You even give yourself a motherly nudge in places in order to get motivated. Great job! WRITE ON!

Thanks for taking the time to read my review. Have a great 2017! :D

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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice job, Jade! Thank you for the privilege of reviewing your poem. As we both know, I will be sharing my thoughts in the hope, that something I write will encourage you, personally, and strengthen you as a writer.

*Earth*Overall Impression: You are encouraging people to participate in having fun and sharing good times, together, as friends. Nicely put! Well done! :D

*Pencil*Suggestions: the A-B-C-B rhyme scheme works well in this poem. I'm not sure I would change anything. I must say, I believe you are the first person I have ever read, who has used the word, "chimichanga" as a rhyme. SWEET! :D

*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact, that your words in this poem celebrate JOY as much as encourage others to do the same! You are doing well! WRITE ON!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read my review. Have a great 2017! :D

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Review of I Miss  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for the privilege of reviewing your poem. Thank you for allowing me to share something so dear to the heart with which I can truly relate, since I lost my own grandmother so many years ago. As we both know, I will be sharing my thoughts in the hope, that something I write will encourage you, personally, and strengthen you as a writer.

*Earth*Overall Impression: You had such a dear, deep and abiding relationship with your grandmother. How precious this is, especially now, that she is closest in your memories of her.

*Pencil*Suggestions: I like the way you have written so many wonderful thoughts about your grandmother. I suppose the only way to change this at all would be to write more of these remembrances, if you so choose. The sensory touch-points are great for the reader. I think we might want to share some of her pumpkin pie, if that was one of her delicacies. :)

*Heart*What I Like: I like the tenderness of this poem. You have written well of a most precious relationship. WRITE ON!

Thanks for taking the time to read my review. Have a great 2017! :D

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Review of My Name Is Mud  
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Winnie! Thank you for the privilege of reviewing your wonderful story, which is an anecdote from your life. "Truth is often funnier than fiction." I will be sharing some of my own thoughts with you. Please, take what you can use. I hope I will be an encouragement to you in this review.

Congratulations on being in the spotlight this month in the Newbies Academy Showcase! That's where I found your name in the need of a good review.

*Earth*Overall Impression: Clichés are so much a part of the English language. They can really cause great consternation, especially for people in other countries, like China, who are learning English as a Second Language. I had the privilege of teaching ESL to some Chinese students, who wanted to learn to speak "like a native speaker." That was an interesting task replete with myriads of photographs in the teaching process.

*Pencil*Suggestions: I think you need to take this on the road, and become a stand-up comedian. When you make the YouTube video, then please let us know on WDC. I'm sure the delivery has got to be hilarious! You should write more of these. You could become the Tim Hawkins of WDC. :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWGelhBR3hE I like his idea for a new President! :D

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: This looks strong in your story, Winnie! No worries, here.

*Heart*What I Like: I love the paragraph, that ends with this sentence. "It costs your parents an arm and a leg to send you to these halls of learning, and your name is mud if you don’t pull yourselves up by the boot-straps and carry your own weight.” What's that? About five or six idioms or clichés in that one sentence? That hilarious!

Great work, Winnie! WRITE ON, especially with these types of stories! I love to laugh! :D

Thanks for taking the time to read my review!

May The LORD give you His Greatest Blessing in 2017! :D

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Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you, Schnujo, for the privilege of reviewing your great piece of flash fiction! Young love! We all have those experiences! We can all relate! :)

*Earth*Overall Impression: The obvious is rarely the Truth, since we humans have been good at hiding our true intentions ever since we lived in the original garden, the Garden of Eden. Nice little twist there at the end. The abrupt "Hi" and return to conversation were more about "nothing to say" than about disinterest.

*Pencil*Suggestions: Excellent story here! I think there is a great deal more to be said. What happened to lead us to this point? How will they solve their communication hesitancies? Will the boy connect with the girl and "live happily ever after,"...at least until next week? I think you have the potential to expand this story for a longer style story contest.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Nothing jumped out at me. I think you're good, here.

*Heart*What I Like: I love the last paragraph because I have lived that paragraph. I had so many "romances of the mind," until I was a junior or senior and actually got the courage to sit next to a female musician on the band bus as we headed to an away game and back. However, I didn't really start to date, until about the second year of college. Yes! I WAS a late-bloomer. ;)

Thanks for taking the time to read my review and for taking away anything you might need on your road of being a Rising Star Writer! :D

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