Very intriguing. Gives me the feeling that if I properly understood what is going on her the world would bea stranger place. I do like the fragment of a conversation piece, and this is a compelling example.
Nicely told. I really enjoyed the intelligence expressed in your story, especially the twist which allowed a happy ending. Other strong points for me were that Mary was prepared to fight for her man, and that she saw that Shawn was not passing her the 'incriminating' photos disinterestedly, he had ulterior motives.
You expressed that being asexual is not a bar to a loving relationship, delicately. It certainly didn't make Mary any less sympathetic as a protagonist.
There were no errors that jumped out at me to distract. No hesitation in giving this five stars.
This is an intriguing story. I thought it unlikely that Mary would be the one to die, so in that respect it was not surprising. Not sure about her thinking she had caught Damien's virus though, she was clearly acting in self defence, it was not a premeditated killing. If she does feel infected, then I think you need to try and explain why that is, does she feel excited, and or powerful?
The biggest weakness in the story is your descriptions of the two protagonists. It is clear that you have built up a clear picture of each of them in your minds eye, but they read as an information dump. If I had a suggestion it would be to break the detail up, and spread it through the story. Further, I'd suggest making it be used as part of the protagonists thoughts... 'He reminds me of the Persil man she thought, it's that straight jaw, the way his mouth is closed like a line'... Damien glanced at her, taking in her bright blue long sleeve fishing shirt' - You get the idea I'm sure.
Quibbles aside, I started reading this a few days back, and bookmarked it because I didn't then have time to finish. I have now finished it, because your plot is very intriguing, and of course I wanted to know what happened in the end. I did wonder if she was going to do something amazing with one of the plants, maybe paralyse Damien (I don't know if any plants do that - it was just an idle speculation). ALl in all, I am giving this five stars because it is well written, and I can image wanting to re read it.
An interesting and well thought out piece, that seeks to present both positive and negative sides of the cancel culture phenomenon in a clear, understandable manner. I like the intelligent use of sub headings, spacing and bullet points to break up the large number of points you are making, thus making them accessible rather than off-putting. I was not aware of the history of the term, and it was helpful that you had included this, to help understanding of how the idea had developed. This is an excellent piece of writing.
You have a good eye for little details that help flesh out a story and make it seem real, without feeling 'padded.' The word count shows that you're serious about your writing, as I've read quite a few pieces on WDC that tell a story in a lot less, and consequently read as though they are doing the bare minimum. Didn't have any errors leap out at me, but I know you are attentive to proper grammar and spelling, so that came as no surprise.
The story is interesting, (I mean that as a high compliment), and because of that I had no trouble reading to the end. The characters develop nicely, and I liked that Jason wasn't as he at first seemed. All in all, a great read. Thank you.
What makes WDC so special are the people who take part in making it that way. Your essay highlights this beautifully. It does of course miss that YOU are a part of the community that helps make it special, and your reviews and comments are much appreciated. I'm fairly sure I am correct in thinking that many others besides me hope that you continue to be an active member for many years to come.
The first thing that i notice about this piece is that it is presented as a large block of text, and sadly for me, most of the text is quite small. To make a longer piece like this attractive to read, you need to use space. Simply putting a space between paragraphs dramatically improves your chances of being read. I would also suggest separating out headings more. I notice that you have used bold to add emp0hasis, and that is good, but space around the headings, and also perhaps using a slightly larger font than the main text would further help. Last thing to say on the presentation is that a larger font in general is probably a good idea. I usually use at least size 4.0 There is no downside to this, and it helps those of us who's eyesight isn't all it could be.
Your article covers a lot of ground, and is well written. I haven't seen any glaring spelling errors or similar, which shows that you've made the effort to check this sort of thing (you'd be surprised how many don't).
One thing that you might consider is adding something personal. Someone reading this without knowing anything about you may wonder, "why should I take advice from this person?". A few words about why you wrote the article, and how you have come to your various suggestions and conclusions about love, you can answer their question and incline them to read the whole article.
The one piece of advice that you give that I personally feel is on shaky ground is where you advice not to discuss your relationship with others. I like that you qualify this with a warning about physical abuse, but this is not the only way a partner can be abusive. My concern is that you may give someone the impression that they shouldn't listen to anyone unless it's about a physical abuse. I do see the point that you are trying to make there, but it needs very careful wording.
Overall you show that you are a thoughtful and caring individual writing about something that matters to you. You use nice clear phrasing and for the most part communicate your ideas very well. An excellent piece of writing, well done.
Maybe I could get the name of the scientific cousin and her professor? Seriously though, I enjoyed this a lot, nice dash of humour to help it along, and a great pace. I very much appreciated the sizing of the font and the spacing, little things that make a story so much more appealing to read that are often forgotten.
My favourite paragraph is the one that begins, 'The agents, lining at my door. The publishers, lining at my agent's door.', ah well, we can all dream can't we.
This is nicely rhymed and I like the touches of humour despite Felix being a furry killing machine. Sharing is just a cat's way of showing love as I'm sure you're already aware. This little poem beautifully captures the essence of kitties and their relationship to those who care for them.
This is an interesting little piece, and I like the concept of a witch sleep-casting. These characters deserve to be given a long piece, so that they could develop.
One small typo, Only if you cone with me ..." should be "Only if you come with me ..." I think.
I think an astrolabe needs slightly more than a glance to be used by the way, but it's a cool alternative to a clock, and so adds to the 'witchy' feel, so it works (apart from pedantic remarks from certain reviewers ).
Hope to see more of Leah and Bridget in the future.
There are of course also C.O.B,s of the female persuasion (Crazy Old Bags), whose stereotypical depiction involves a lot of cats. Suspiciously many of these sound like Terry Jones of Monty Python fam.
What a great concept, I love how you've handled this prompt, and can see why it's a winner. Intriguing that in this story it is Life who is if not the bad guy, then at the very least hardly providing a full picture of what is involved with his offer. I could imagine this as a lead into a longer story, maybe Brad would meet some of the other victims, is everything Life told them true? I think that is what makes this so good, it leaves me as a reader wanting more.
A talented man, but also very lucky to have a poet as a friend, so he is still remembered, and others learn of him and his talents.
I had come across 'canard' before, but couldn't remember exactly what it was, though the context made guessing easy enough before I checked. The first verse is my favourite, and this is a neat and thoughtful little poem.
This is a cute little tale, and I especially love the idea of there being many Chapters/Divisions of the Groundhog Union. Surprising that Chester didn't also take umbrage at the 'Woodchuck' appellation, but he had his priorities right.
You convey your love of bananas very effectively in this short piece. We generally only see one type of banana in the UK supermarkets, though other kinds can be found in smaller shops sometimes. I like making banana bread with over-ripe fruit, and mashing them into porridge makes a wonderful breakfast. Thanks for sharing this lovely insight into this important foodstuff.
In my one sentence review of this piece I will pass over the fact that some of these are quite long sentences, as it might wind up a case of the pot calling the kettle, and besides it's a fun idea, brilliantly executed by your good self, I was very pleased to see 'Aelita, Queen of Mars' in there, although my favourite review has to be for the terrific, 'Everything Everywhere All At Once', so, no complaints here and I look forwards to Part Two!
Sadly, you aren't alone in feeling the stress these days. Knowing that never helps, (at least I don't think it does), but hang on in there Sir. You have a lot of talent, and you are definitely valued by many in WDC, both for your newsfeed contributions, and your writings in general. There are always those who will kick back against things that personally affront them, ignoring them is the very best response. Glad that you are managing to see your strengths. Personally I think I survive sometimes because I'm a terrible coward, whatever works I guess.
Your piece admirably illustrates how a song can become entwined with a memory. This works two ways, with the song ever after evoking the emotional impact of the event when it is heard, and it itself being coloured by those memories, (in this case sadly tarnished).
My first experience of this was having just bought Bowie's cover of 'Wild is the Wind', and playing it, when my mother came in and told me that my grandmother had just died. Can't hear it now without remembering that.
Your ruthful autobiographical piece is well written in an accessible and intimate manner, and left me hoping that you subsequently found someone to share joyous music with.
'Summertime' is a favorite song, though I confess I have never heard this version of it before. Have to say, I loved it.
Your poetry blended biography with emotion. Free verse done well, (like it is here), is a pleasure to read, and re-read. You captured the power of Joplin's voice, the channeling of powerful emotion with a smattering of Gershwin's lyrics. You allude to her untimely demise, and tie that in to a terrible sense of loss.
It's a great poem, but these lines especially stand out for me:
"And what have they to do
With singing Summertime? And yet
And yet they did
And bent the knee of rock
Before the Blues"
A first class entry. Thank you for introducing me to this version of the song, and more so, for your wonderful poem.
What a beautiful tale, with the sort of magic that brings tears when it's read. I have to say I hoped the ending might be what it was, and I was so pleased you did go for such a happy conclusion.
I did spot an oddity that had been left in the story:
The paragraph that begins 'I love performing for young children', ends with ' {/linespaceer'.
Sadly you won't be able to remove that now until after judging, but it isn't something I'd mark anyone down for, (too prone to typos myself).
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