Hi, this is Angel2blue from the Weekly Newbie Challenges hosted by Annalynne. I am here to review your piece for this weeks challenge.
What an unique piece you have written here! I don't think I have read anything like it. I love the humor that you use. Nice job. Below you will find any erros that I may have found.
So don't about body odor or my appearance. Should this be so don't worry about body odor or my appearance.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember When" group. I am here to review your piece.
This is a good story with a lot of potential. There are a few things that you can do to make this story better.
Take for instance the first paragraph. In this part of the paragraph:
Jason was a 14 year old boy in 8th grade, he had a great life, he was on the student council at school, he was pretty much everyone’s friend, and he had a great family and had pretty much everything a 14 year old kid could want. {/b}
This sentence needs to be rewritten. There is actually too much information for this sentence and it doesn't really sound right. Break it down into smaller sentences.
“Today expect highs in the lower 40’s, and an 80% chance of Thundershowers. Tonight, those Thundershowers will be switching over into snow showers as temperatures dip into the 20’s.
In the above sentence or two, you have capitalized the word thundershowers. Is there a particular reason for this?
There were also some misspellings of words in this story. Nothing to major that a good spell checker can't handle. Also I would like to suggest that you add more blank lines between paragraphs and dialogue.
As I said before this is a good story. It just needs some tuning up. Keep up the good work.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from Angel2blue's Heavenly Reviews. Thank you for submitting your story for my review.
BOY, was this story action packed. You did an incredible job giving such detail in this action packed story. Although, science fiction is not my forte, this was an enjoyable read. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read and review it.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from Angel2blue's Heavenly Reviews. Thank you for submitting your story for my review.
It was a real pleasure reading your story. It was a good read. I do have several suggestions.
Here they are:
A village built many years ago on the northern edge of a swamp. In the shadow of the Aldemaar Hills, it was built into and on the largest trees of the swamp itself.
These two sentences are basically saying the same thing. I would reword it and make it just one sentence.
Space between the third and fourth paragraphs.
Also, the switch from talking about "The Riders" and Jaydon was very sudden. If this is going to be a new sectin within the chapter, you need to make some sort of notation. It was confusing to me when I read the last part of "The Riders" and then suddenly I was reading about Jaydon.
Hi, this is Angel2blue, a reviewer for "This Week's Item For Review".
Writing letters is a good thing to do. Whether or not you actually send them to the person is not important. The important thing is for you to be able to convey your feelings in a healthy way (on paper). This helps alot.I have written similar letters myself, to people who have hurt me.
I did see a couple of spelling errors that I would like to point out.
First, I never asked you about your upbriniging. That should be upbringing.
Secondly, Did either help you get involved with extraciricular activities? . It should be extracurricular.
I don't think it is necessary to capitalize the following when it is in the middle of a sentence.
You know the saying:Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me"?
I am here to review your piece for this weeks challenge.
I am not quite sure that I fully understand this poem. I am thinking that maybe you should put more spaces between the different parts in the first stanza. Right now, it is all running together. I think, then, it will make more sense.
It was a real pleasure to read this story of your mother. We never know how much our mothers sacrifice for us until we get older and have children of our own. Even though I don't have children of my own yet, I can appreciate everything that my mother has done for me.
In these couple of sentences: She became a successful teacher, and taught students till she passed away four years ago.
I got married around four years ago.
you first said your mother passed away four years ago and then you said you go married four years ago. Later on you mentioned that your mother died a couple of years after you were married. This is no biggie but you might want to correct it.
Also in the paragraph from the bottom, you have the word "I" by itself. You may want to delete this.
Anyway, this has been a very enjoyable read. Good luck in the contest.
Hi, this is Angel2blue again here to review your poem for the Wild Card Review.
This was an excellent poem! I really enjoyed reading it. Take a look at the first, second and last stanzas and check to make sure that all punctuation that is needed is there.
Other than that, the poem was terrific. Keep up the good work.
I really liked this poem. It has a nice rthyme and beat to it. I would suggest that you add some punctuation at different places in the poem. This would only make it better that it already is.
Again, I enjoyed reading this poem. Keep up the good work.
I really enjoyed this poem. I do suggest that you add punctuation where it is needed within the poem. There are several places where a comma or period needs to be placed. The rthyming did not sound forced. All in all it was a good poem.
Did you write this for "The Poet's Sorrow" contest?
You did a great job job with this poem. I am all too familiar with poetry dealing with depression, since I have a whole folder in my port dealing with it.
Have you personally experienced depression yourself?
Again good job!
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