I enjoyed reading this peace. It was very intersting! I do have some concerns, however, on the structure of the piece. I have listed one below for your review. I would take a good hard look at your whole piece because in some parts the sentence structure just doesn't look right.
I want to live fully alive! Walking the paths of earth as a sojourner with my fellow seekers. I would make this one big sentence. Try this: I want to live fully alive, walking the paths of earth as a sojourner with my fellow seekers.
Anyway, keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember" reviewing group.
This was such a nice poem to read. This is a very heartbreaking topic that we all need to address in some way. Many times we don't fully understand the seriousness of a situation until you sit down and try to see it through a child's point of view. Now enough rambling and on to the review.
Everything looks really good. I am assuming that you intentional misspelled words as a way of viewing how a four year old would pronounce them. The form was perfect and no grammatical errors that I can see.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember" reviewing group.
This is a great story with a message that all of us need to take to heart. Thanks for such a great story. Now on to the review.
The first thing that I noticed about this story was the spacing or the lack of spacing between paragraphs and dialogue. I suggest that you do put an extra line in between paragraphs and dialogue. As far as spelling and grammar goes, I saw nothing that needed to be corrected. There were at times sentences in which it was too wordy. For example, in this sentence:
She walked into her kids’ rooms, waking them up and telling them to get dressed. After fixing breakfast for the kids she tended to herself, and prepared pancakes and sausage for her and her husband, just as he walked in the door.
In the first sentence I would leave out the word up. The second sentence I would rewrite so there is less words. I hope this makes sense to you.
I really did enjoy reading this story and I hope I get a chance to read more from you, especially if they are filled with good messages as this one was.
. I am a reviewer with this group and I am here today to review your poem.
This was a simple yet beautiful poem! I really enjoyed reading it. The one thing that I would suggest doing is adding punctuation in the poem. Other than that the poem looks great. Good job!
group. I am one of the reviewers with this group and I am here today to review your poem for this weeks challenge.
You did a good job with this poem. For some reason I wasn't really able to get into the flow of the poem. It really doesn't have a good flow to it. Also, you might want to consider adding some additional punctuation at the end of the lines where needed.
. I am one of the reviewers with this group and today I will be reviewing your entry for this weeks challenge.
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I liked the rthyme scheme that you used. It wasn't too forced or anything. I do suggest that you add some commas where they are needed throughout the poem.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the Nature's Beauty Haiku Contest. Thank you for entering in this round of the contest.
I enjoyed reading your entry for this round. Keep up the good work. I also look forward to reading more haiku from you in future rounds of this contest.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from Angel2blue's Heavenly Reviews. As requested, I will be doing a review of the poem that you submitted. Thanks for submitting your piece for review.
I really got a chuckle or two out of reading this piece. I am sure stuff like this goes on all the time in Vegas. I enjoyed reading it. I did not see any grammatical or spelling errors.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember When" group.
What a nice story! I can relate to it very well. I was the only child for six years and then my brother and sister (who are twins) were born. Two years later when I was eight, my youngest brother was born. So I was never the baby again after I was six. Just a big sister.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I saw no errors that needed to be fixed.
Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more from you.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember When" group.
My, this is a short read but so informative! I would like to see a longer version of this piece. Describing happiness should take more than a paragraph or two. Well anyway, good job!
There were a couple of spelling errors I found while reading this piece.
If only evreyone This should be "If only everyone", without the parenthesis of course.
Then wouldnt This should be, "Then wouldn't".
bec a better place This should be, "be a better place".
This word, vauge was misspelled. The correct spelling is vague.
well-repsected This should be well-respected.
I dont This should be don't.
To your happy futre This should be "to your happy future".
I look forward to reading more from you. Keep up the good work!
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember When" group.
Nice poem! I can actually see, through your written words, how the cemetary is your favorite place to go.
After carefully reading through this I saw few grammatical and spelling errors. The one spelling error that I saw occurred in stanza 3 and line 2. I believe that the word "rlish" should be "relish".
I also noticed that you used very little punctuation. You might want to consider using a little.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember When" group.
This was a nice presentation of your experiences as a teacher. We are so fortunate to have teachers like you who are teaching teenagers the fundamentals of human life. Keep up the good work!
Throughout reading this magnificent personal essay I did not see many errors at all. There was this one brief sentence or two in the fourth paragraph down where it reads kind of awkward.
Jesus says that those who follow Him are close friends when He tells the disciples, “’I no longer call you slaves.’ (John 15:15)”
Hi, this is Angel2blue from the "I Remember When" group, here to review your piece.
First I want to tell you that I enjoyed reading your short piece here. Secondly, there are a couple (or maybe more) things that I would like to point out to you for possible correction.
First, in the beginning paragraph, In the haste of everyday may I always remember my faith. Alaways giving thanks and praise?, should this read "In the haste of everyday life may I always remember my faith. Always giving thanks and praise. {no question mark}.
In the second paragraph, the line Brightly shone the sun in heaven giving forth a love that is driven from within in us both. should be "Brightly shone the sun in heaven giving forth a love that is driven from within us both".
Further down the following line "When the new day breaks I pray to god to make things right always keeping me in sight from heavens great height." should be "pray to God" with a capital G in God.
I enjoyed reading this story but I want to suggest some things that will improve the overall story.
In the first paragraph the word highschool should be high school.
In the second paragraph, it should be we saw instead of we seen. Also there are a couple of times that you used the word "were" when it should be "where".
In the third paragraph, there are a couple of times that you misspelled the word "comming". It should be "coming". You also mispelled the word "conversations".
In the fourth paragraph, you misspelled "second". Should you capitalize the word "elementary"? If you had given a proper name to the elementary school, you would have then capitalized the word.
In the fifth paragraph you have misspelled the word "class".
In the sixth paragraph you have misspelled the word "tried".
In this sentence, When I reached Mrs. I didn't look at him once. you left out the teachers last name.
There are other errors that were made in spelling, grammar and sentence structure throughout this piece. I won't name every single one of them because it is too many. My suggestion would be to run this through a spell and grammar checker. This will help reduce the errors throughout the piece.
I believe that this will be a good piece once these changes have been made. I would also separate any dialogue from the rest of the paragraph. Other words, make new paragraphs.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from Angel2blue's Heavenly Reviews. First, I would like to thank you for submitting your poem in my forum for my review. Now on to the review...
This is a breathtaking poem! I really enjoyed reading it. After reading through the poem, I see no changes that need to be made.
Again, I think that you have used too many words for this poem. Not as many as the last poem, but still a little too much. Somehow you need to find a way to convey the same message with fewer words. That can be hard to do. In the end though, your poem will greatly benefit from this small task.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from Angel2blue's Heavenly Reviews. Thank you for submitting your piece for review.
I think what you have here is good but it reads more like a story than a poem. If you were to take away some words you would have more poem here than story.
I love the words that you use to describe the tree. So you have to be careful in which words you eliminate, if you decide to do so.
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