I use to think I was without a doubt emphatically certain that survival was my right the soul responsibility of life a divinely given right that I had to do whatever it took to protect and for a time I did without regard for anyone or anything other than myself.
I like the style of writing that you have chosen to write this poem.
I can relate to this poem in ways that I wanted to protect my mind from thinking wrongly of someone (assuming that I knew what they were thinking, when I really didn't).
You expressed yourself well by stating that your method of survival was that of thinking only of yourself, not caring what anyone else thought. That's okay, as long as it doesn't hurt someone, especially when it wasn't their intent to do so.
Keep on writing, and hopefully, your thoughts will be a bit better next time around.
I enjoyed reading your poem, "Make People Do." I like the style that you had written your poem in.
The part that reads: The sum of the game
The weight of the shame
A burdensome effect
Set to well-crafted music
Listen in peace
As parts of you die
I can relate to this in ways that a lot of people don't seem to understand. I think that something goes right, like music, and then my heart would get broken, leaving me feel dead inside.
The part that reads: An observer of freaks
I see what they repeat
I know the games they play
The lives they dare betray
I see them slowly walking along
Caution is their theme song
It is kind of spooky at times when I see things happen over and over again, taking caution (a sneakiness that they try to get by with without getting caught). I thought that this was good also.
The part that reads: Make people do
What exactly
I'll leave that up to them
And thus up to you
I'll only transpose what is seen
By me way out here
Beyond all that they could
And are comfortable with...
I encourage you to keep writing. The poem was good.
I appreciate the fact that you shared in your story that you had taken the time out to help out a friend, Robert, even though he was a drunk. It was mighty brave to get him back into his house, even if the woman didn't approve much of him. I want to encourage you to keep writing; it sounded like you were off to a good start. Thanks for sharing your story; I was glad to have been able to read it.
I thought that this was a cute story. I got a kick out of paragraph 22, which stated the kind of problem that Haden Larchmont had the first time that he met Bertha Kittenfrau from New York City, who was such a naughty woman. The problem was the traces of chocolate smudges on her fingers and the smell of cookie dough on her breath when she peppered his cheeks with kisses. Poor boy.
After prom when queen Kittenfrau got the judge alone in his chambers. Santa chuckled also, though he knew he shouldn't. It was just plain wrong.
When I saw the title, I wasn't sure exactly what to expect. Your story made me laugh; it was one of those stories that made me want to keep on reading it. One part was interesting about when she read the book "How To Be An Assassin For Dummies Guide" and had failed the Assassin Academy Training.
Also, I enjoyed how you were able to dance around the crisis of getting shot at and had avoided being hit like you were doing a choreographed dance.
You and Darcy were both friends and she got upgraded as a Decoy Assassin and you were her ring pop.
This was very helpful. I'm glad that I took the time to read your six suggestions for a great review. Any way of improving myself is very well accepted.
This is my review for the title of your poem, "My Tiny Gospel Book of Poetry".
I enjoyed the part where you said do not ever end writing a book. I enjoy writing and I will continue to keep on writing; writing is fascinating to me; I will not quit, I learn something new all of the time.
I love the Lord Jesus Christ. I love to share what he has done for me. For all of the trials that I have gone through, I have learned something new. With everything going on the world today, people are getting wiped off from the face of the earth and that scares me sometimes.
It's nice that someone agrees with me on things, and you have an interesting approach to things in this poem. Keep on writing; it's good for the mind and it's good for the soul.
Wow, you're very descriptive with those eyes; I like that.(1)Clustering to the right are the eyes that dominate, to represent all those who died to conquer greed and hate. It would be nice to be able to conquer greed and hate. (2) Eye abides that are not as wide, to indicate the gift of love that people hide. - People shouldn't hide the gift of love - The gift of love is very precious. (3) The eye right near the bottom that gravity endears - weeping stream of airburst spray perhaps to represent our tears. People that have lost their loved ones through death, separation or divorce, have shed a lot of tears in the process. (4) Eyes that are not quite complete abide with silver core like life's evanescent pace sparkle as they pour - It's nice to have a pace to sparkle as they pour; it would make it very interesting. (5) Little eyes of fire offset a wide-eyed glare, see oppression's Waterloo; a vision which we all can share - you can feel the emotions of the oppression and (6) Despite the cool of fireworks declaring all that's right, due to deep unrest, it's hot in the city tonight. - The unrest makes people feel uncomfortable, you can feel the hotness of the explosions. - Very good writing!
I thought that this writing on "Self-Evaluation Essay" was interesting on how you come up with your characters, real or imaginary, the things you watch, the enjoyment of writing, watching play-throughs of a game or people that have influenced you were very helpful in learning what keeps you writing. I know for myself, I do a lot of free-writing and then go back and re-write my stories in order to clarify them so that they can be more readable for people to understand; I call that revising.
I liked the point you made about wanting to show your story instead of telling it. I had never thought of it that way before. When you have the right influence in your life, such as in your case, a teacher, it gives you the motivation to keep on keeping on with your writing. I'm so happy that you have been giving that kind of support.
The people that you have created to come alive is a good way of showing your characters, making them real to the reader, keeps the story moving. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year of 2020. Keep on writing. Thank You for letting me see a different perspective on writing, I'll keep these things in mind.
The poem you wrote "The Nostalgia Season" took me back to the times when I was with my family during the holidays. Now, that I'm older, I miss some of the conversations that I used to hear.
I thought your poem was good and a bit sad. I remember how my grandma used to cook up a big spread whenever anybody was coming over to visit. She made the best fried chicken I thought. You mentioned that your grandma made oatmeal raisin or peanut butter cookies; I bet that they were delicious also. Yes, I do remember those days.
I encourage you to keep writing. Hope that your Christmas of 2019 and the New Year of 2020 will be a good one, and the past holidays, I hope were better ones also.
Your contest entry "Word lace lines the wall", is interesting to me. I needed to read it a few times to understand it more. When you mentioned that the twisted words were luminous, I was picturing in my mind how brightly the words had shone up as they were floating around. That was very descriptive, I was imagining words floating above my head, creating a new idea with bright lights, signaling to me that my idea wasn't as bad as I thought it was.
I liked the phrase turning tangles into treasures. This would be a wonderful thing. Turning disasters into design elements, and missteps into mastery is a wonderful thing. It's the thing to do to add color into a life full of creativity that is guaranteed to light up the world.
Keep up the good work of writing and enjoy your day.
This is an interesting story. It's true, Big Joe really does help out his friends. In the story, being that Eddie had faith in his friend Big Joe, he really got blessed in the end by getting a car with insurance on it for life, a five bedroom house with a lady that came with it. The house also had three bathrooms. What more could you ask for! It's true, this was another book of Job story. Nice work.
I like the way you have expressed yourself in "My Weakened Heart". You used your words from the heart. I noticed the pattern that you used in your poem; it looks like a person. At the ending of your poem, you mentioned that you will always stay true to the beating of your heart and all that it comes to mean; this is a spark that will continue on, and then, one day, you just may have the answer, and it should be a good one. Thank You for sharing.
I wanted to enter a contest that wanted 100 lines of a story or poem. I entered, "A Proper Welcome". It would be helpful if your directions on how to enter was made clearer. My entry was disqualified and they could not locate the contest. I looked the contest up again and found that it was an older contest. Could you help me pick one that is currently. I would like to try and enter the contest entitled, "Knowledge Is Power". I was disappointed to find out that I made a mistake in my entry; I apologize for that.
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