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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/anxiousgeek/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
243 Public Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Poetry reviews, reviews of shorter fiction.
Favorite Genres
poetry, fantasy, sci-fi
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Rain  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
General Thoughts
This poem feels like it needs a few words added here and there and few taken away. It's a good poem but not quite right. "down poured rain" sounds very clumsy.
"I gasp as I run." Seems far too short compared to every other line, and might need extending or changing.
"Concerned left behind by broken will," - in this line do you mean 'Concern' or do you mean 'The concerned' I was left a little confused.
This line - "I shutter with lack of sense." - I assume you mean 'shudder and not shutter." - It makes for a clumsy line either way.

These two lines though - "A wrinkled past that makes one ill,
I stand with absent heart. " are wonderful however and I know there is a good poem in here, just needs a little work to bring it out and make it shine.

Form
You keep to the rhyme scheme and use strong full rhymes which work well, and make sense in the grand scheme of the poem, keeping it's message throughout. Perhaps keeping to a syllable count might help with some of the flow of the poem.

Final Thought
It's in there, it just needs work. Trying reading your work aloud and see if that helps.

Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.


anxiousgeek: A member of "Dark Dreamscapes



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
Review of Maria's Canto  
Rated: E | (2.5)
General Thoughts
A sweet poem, but hard to read with this formatting. You really need to dial back the double spacing on the lines because it's hard to see what the actual line breaks are and any stanzas you're trying to create are completely obliterated. I like some of the sentiments in this poem, this line in particular is nice - "To my existence grant sense." There is also a couple of lovely descriptions here.

Form
Any form is hard to see with the formatting I'm afraid.

Final Thought
Could be a great poem. Some nice lines.

Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.


anxiousgeek: A member of "Dark Dreamscapes


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
Review of Doha Drivers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Thoughts
A quick funny read, I like it. Reminds me of when I when I lived in a city. I wonder about these lines:
"What is the message
That you are trying to send?"
I personally think a line about anger or trying to get someone to move would be better suited here. But overall the lines work together well.

Form
The rhymes are strong and the pattern stuck to well, makes for a an easy read, which is always good for a light-hearted poem like this. You've missed a letter here however- "Weaving n and out."

Final Thoughts
A funny poem. Good job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
Review of Turn the Page  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Thoughts
This seems to by a popular form right now, and I am learning to like it and the final line in the stanzas is excellent and makes for a great final line over all. This makes for a good impact. I like most of it, but I there is something about this line - "expose the anguish she has born." that I don't quite like, it doesn't sound quite right and I wonder if there is a better way of putting it. For me, personally, it's a hard poem to read, which just means you've written it well and that it gets to the core of my emotions. Well done.

Form
You follow the form well, and the rhyme scheme is solid. Nothing really wrong with it.

Final Thoughts
A painful poem to read, personally speaking. A good poem.

Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.

anxiousgeek: A member of "Dark Dreamscapes
30
30
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
General Thoughts
I like this, I like the finishing line for each stanza "In this nightmare I am confined." It's great, a solid line that's got a lot of impact. I like the way you've tied the prompt into this, you've not over done it, it's subtle, but really is all about the prompt all the same. The final stanza is wonderful, ending the poem perfectly.

Form
I like the way you've woven the repeating line into this, it's powerful. The rhyme scheme is good and the punctuation well placed.

Final Thoughts
A solid poem, I like it.

Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.

anxiousgeek: A member of "Dark Dreamscapes
31
31
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
General Thoughts
I find this makes me shake a little, the violence is graphic but within this rhyme scheme it makes it sounds sing-song, like the violence is hidden within the poem despite it being blatant. It's like it's trying to make it sound normal and not such a horrible, horrible thing that's being done here. I like that, as terrible as it is, it reads well and the end is just haunting because you know there are others still being held by this person.

Form
The first half of the poem flows really well, with the short lines and perfect rhymes, but suddenly the lines get longer and while the rhyme scheme remains solid, it does throw of the rhythm of the poem when switching like this when there is no line break or visible caesura.

Final Thoughts
Decent poem, just a shame about the break in rhythm.

Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.


anxiousgeek: A member of "Dark Dreamscapes

32
32
Review of Walls  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Thoughts
A simple poem, and effective in it's message. It's not cliché , you avoid some of the more obvious images of storms and angst, turning them on their head a little which I can really appreciate. I really like the lines - "Instead of a burning plea,
out comes a lullaby."
I think it's the perfect example of avoiding the obvious. I very much like the almost quick pace of it - at least that's how I read it.
The title is good as it opens up the poem and gives you a little background. That one word says a lot when combined with the poem.

Form
The quick flow is good and lasts throughout the poem until you come to the last stanza. I find that the last two lines seem a little out of pace with the rest of the poems meter. They sound find out of context and the rhyme is fine - as it is in the rest of the piece but the lines themselves mean the poem ends badly. Not terribly so, but it's not a great way to end a poem if the lines sound off compared to the rest. I would consider re-wording them so they have fit in with the meter of the rest of the poem.

Final Thoughts
A decent poem that needs a little editing.

Remember: This is just one poet's opinion. The next review may be entirely different.


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33
33
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
General Thoughts
I like some of the images you've created here, very dark and quite violent in places without being gory, which I personally prefer. Gore is easy, the threat of it less so. I really like the last stanza, the way you've brought this poem together and ended it. I am wondering if, in the last stanza, you could use another word for devil in that first line. Perhaps Beelzebub r just using the word evil there. It would give that last line a little more impact then? I also really like this line:
"Grossly profane words spew from me."
Great use of the word spew there. love it.

Form
As a constanza it works really well. Each stanza is truly independent from the next and preceding, but the theme is clear throughout. I feel like the flow, the metre of the poem is a little off in places, for example the final line of the second stanza doesn't sounds like it belongs there. Like it is a separate sentence independent of the others. I suggest changing it slightly to connect with the line preceding it. I feel the same about the first line of the fourth stanza. It seems to have no connection to the rest of the stanza and it ruins the flow of an otherwise good poem.

Final Thought
A really good poem that might need a couple of tweaks.

Remember: This is just one poet's opinion. The next review may be entirely different.


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34
34
Review of On the Dark Side  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Thoughts
I really like this, it really works as a Constanza, it really could be eight little poems and one large poem. I'm impressed. I love the first stanza, as it sets up the rest of the poem, giving us a whole new dark world to consider in just a few words and lines. I particularly like these lines;
"In secret place where dreams are strewn
to slither there in vile array,"
I really like the use of the word vile, I'm not sure why, it just fits and make the poem really something beyond just simple darkness but danger too.

Form
The only stanza that struggles with the form - with being a short independent poem of it's own is the very first stanza. It really does end like it's going somewhere, which of course would be into the second stanza. I think starting the poem with "Here," makes it seem like after the short description of the dark side of the moon you will be telling the reader something. To be a truly independent poem, the stanza would only be offering that dark description of the poem. I would suggest something like "We're on the dark side of the moon, where..." or something like that. Or simply "On the dark side of the moon...."

Final Thoughts.
A somewhat disturbing poem, I like it a lot and it can be perfect with a quick edit.

Remember: This is just one poet's opinion. The next review may be entirely different.


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35
35
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Thoughts
This is a hard form to do, and you've managed it well. Each stanza does indeed stand independently well enough, but that deeper theme is obvious throughout and I'm impressed. It's more difficult a form than one would think at first glance. I really like the theme of the poem, the idea of being stripped bare by a storm revealing this darker side beneath. It's a powerful message.

Form
As I said, you tackled the form well, and it mostly flows nicely through the poem. I really like the second stanza and I feel this says the most in the poem and the writer. It has the strongest imagery in the poem too. In my opinion at least. However, I keep tripping up on the comma in the middle of the line. I feel like it would be better served without it, or with an 'is' instead, the pause the comma creates seems unnatural. In the forth stanza, I feel like the word petulant is the wrong word to use, it makes the storm less angry and more sulky which isn't what you're trying to get across I suspect.

Final Thought
A good poem in a hard form that needs little work.

Remember: This is just one poet's opinion. The next review may be entirely different.


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36
36
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Thoughts
This is a nice little rhyme, though it's hard to be sure of whether it will be good for the novel without having read it, or knowing the synopsis of the plot/story. Though, within the poem itself is a small story of weather which I quite like.

Form
I prefer the second version without the line break. With it being such a short rhyme, with it's a,a,b,b scheme I don't think the caesura it creates brings anything to the poem. Though I can see why you would want to put the pause in there, i personally think it's better without.

Imagery
I love the imagery, it's everything about a summer storm condensed into two rhymes, without saying too much, or getting too far into talking about the weather, which as a metaphor can be a little cliche and over-done.

Punctuation and Grammar.
I wonder about the use of doth, it's hard to know the background of the choice of word in such a short poem to be placed at the beginning of a novel. Perhaps I'm analysing it too much, but if it's language used in the novel then it'll fit in fine. I usually like punctuation, but this looks so clean without it.

Overall Thought.
I nice little rhyme that would do well at the beginning of your novel.


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37
37
Review of Lost  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Great poem, definitely gives me chills towards the end. I really like the story you created through this poem and you really used the image well. I'm really impressed.
I find this line - "Wicked trees forboding warnings creak aloud."
reads a little awkwardly. I find it confusing. Also foreboding has an E in it.
Good poem otherwise, a great read.


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38
38
Review of My Inner Despair  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Really good use of the all the words, a great poem. I get a real sense of not fitting in from this poem. I wonder if this line - "in shallows of my mind." should read "in the shallows of my mind."


The rhyme scheme is tight and works well, and the only lines that I don't like are the following - "Constant stares from strangers,
shards of glass in my heart."

Are the stares the shards, or do you generally have shards of glass in your heart?
Just some thoughts.

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39
39
Review of Conflagration  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I did not think this was going the way it did. I thought it was going to be about a house fire or something (I'd seen the prompt before I'd read the poem) and then it took a hell of a left turn. A dark turn. I really liked it. The rhymes are really good and sound perfect. I really like those last two lines, separated like that gives them impact. It's an intense poem but a good one.



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40
40
Review of HOUSE OF TRAPS  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Reminds me of that film Saw (I only ever saw the first two I think), and this horrifies me, more than the films actually. Turning that film into a rhyming, flowing poem, is a little twisted, even if that was no your intention. It's good, most of the rhymes and half rhymes working, except you seem to throw it out the window for these lines -
"You have poison running in your veins
Which will be robbing you out of your sense,
To which only he has the antidote,
Now start consuming the time you've got,
Which is getting finished every moment,
Do it till you further can't,"

I see what you're trying to do, but for me it doesn't work, perhaps a re-think of those words and lines is needed.

Good poem.


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41
41
Review of The Beam  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this, though, a quick note, you've ended the poem with a comma and I assume this isn't intentional but a slip of the finger to the wrong button. And I do love that last line, the word arcane is well used here.

I am confused by this line - "But landed like a fallen angel-" as the light has landed but then, gone, like an angel turned dark I suppose. Poetry is very subjective like that and I do enjoy the puzzle this has offered me.

Good poem.


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42
42
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting poem.

It needs a good work over for punctuation, there is an apostrophe missing in friends in this line - "where your best friends like a sister"
and you need to decide if you're going to use periods or not, because you've use them in some stanzas but not others and I find that a little distracting.

I really like the bit about parents, and towards the end it's very lovely. A decent poem all in all, just needs a little edit.
43
43
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I really like the idea of the homeless being 'waiting people' and it's a good poem but I would love to see you expand on it a little, on the idea of waiting people. I think it would be really interesting to read, as well as write. I hope to read more from you.
44
44
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I like the rhythm of this, the odd rhymes in the lines and in the middle of the lines really make it nice to read. There are a couple of lines that are a little awkward though - "Believe is what you said" and "Trust is what you said;" both need something to make them a little clearer. The very first line is very hard to read and take in without perhaps a little bit of punctuation for example - "Believe," is what you said - or something similar.

45
45
Rated: E
This is strangely intense. I like it a lot, this bit in the first stanza -
"Velocity, unpinning
the axis of my being,
tells me I won’t last."

I like the way you've woven the creation and the creator.

I'm not overly keen on this line - "neath life's subtle girth." I don't like the 'neath really.

Great poem though.
46
46
Review of NaPoWriMo  
for entry "Spring- Etheree
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Lovely. This works really well and paints a beautiful picture of the transition of these two wonderful seasons. The addition of an extra word on each line is dealt with well, and the flow is great, very smooth. I really like the way the last line just says everything and ties it all together. Great poem.
47
47
Review of LINES  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I don't like this font in general, but I think for a poem about lines use should use a straighter font to illustrate lines. I really like this overall, especially this line- "My heart is full of nostalgic nocturne." but don't quite understand this line -"Every night, on the spotlight of the scaled four sided trace." and think maybe you mean paper.
I like the idea of the pencil being tired though, either as well as you or instead of you.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
48
48
for entry "Spring's Approach
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lovely poem but there are a couple things I personally would change. I dislike the word bog. It stands out so much and really doesn't fit in with the image of Spring beauty.
I wonder if perhaps in the second stanza, as you've written 'opening' you should also change breathe and sigh to 'breathing' and 'sighing'.

Just a thought. Nice poem.
49
49
for entry "Morning
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great poem, really well written and well put together. Keeping to the syllables really helps with the flow and makes it so good to read. I really like that last stanza especially this line - "Stand up tall and stretch with might"
Makes the morning worth getting up for if it's always this beautiful!
50
50
for entry "Beauty Unlimited
Rated: E | (3.0)
It needs a little more punctuation than just a full stop at the end, either than or it needs clearing up a little as the lines run on and I get a little confused about which line connects to which. It's a shame you didn't follow through with the rhyming as it was a good start to the poem. Overall I enjoyed it and I liked the fact that both the beginning and end started with the same line.

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