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Review of Nice Guy  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Sciwriter, and I thought I'd give your short story a quick review.

Firstly, I see you are quite new to WDC, so welcome to the site, I hope you find it helpful in your quest to improve your writing.

Okay, that said, on to your story...

First off, a little tip... ensure you format your story when posting. I'm sure in your eagerness to post, and possibly that the fact that you are new to the site, you may have overlooked formatting. However, checking the format to ensure paragraph spacing is correct will make for a much easier read, and will no doubt result in more reviews.

Overall, I found your story to be quite interesting, although it does come across as a tad, now how shall I put this, a tad clinical. I reads as if you are labouring to use as many words possible to get your point across, when in fact in this case “less is more” and will help with the flow of things.

For example your first paragraph...

(I believe people who say Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, have no idea what they’re talking about. I don’t believe anyone would say the same if the context was about taking drugs or harming oneself. Yet for some reason, it is perfectly acceptable to use to sentence in the context of love.
This brings me to my next dilemma… Love. A word used so often these days it seems to have lost most of the meaning behind the accursed word. Best Friends often say they love each other, people often say they love their pets or their belongings, it seems nowadays if you feel any sort of attraction to an object or person this feeling would be arrogantly mistaken for love. So it now stands to reason that if someone were to really love someone else then even saying the words “I love you” would now have such little meaning. At least that seemed to be the case in my situation.)

With the opening paragraph, it is extremely important to capture the reader as quickly as possible. You need to grab their attention and hook them into reading further. So rather than push them forward with lots of stuff, try keeping it simple yet gripping. Such as...

(Love. A confusing word to say the least, as most undoubtedly have no idea. There are many types of love, between friends, for a pet, or some belongings. But human love is basically kicked off by physical attraction, and then transforms into that meaningful relationship. However, my own love enthused meaningful relationship turned out to be something quite different; different in a way that led me to be disdainful of the word, love...)

I hope you can see by the above that it is somewhat shorter than yours, yet I feel basically covers what you were trying to get across. And the final part would probably get the reader to want to continue reading so they can find out why your love was different, and why you felt such disdain for love.

There are a few minor mistakes in the story such as capital letters when there shouldn't be, and as for grammar and spelling, well I won't comment because I do not know whether you are American or English. I myself am English and know although we share a common language, our grammar and spelling can be different.

Overall, it is a good solid story, with a somewhat unexpected ending, one I personally didn't see coming.

I hope this small review helps you in some way, but if you do decide not to take any notice, not to worry because that is your right as a creative.

If you do write any more stories, and I see them I will endeavour to offer my view if you wish. There are also numerous groups which you can join so you can learn the art of creative writing and get help along the way.


Happy writing, and enjoy the site,

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Sci reviewing for the HSP Final Exam.

Have to say you have a nice romantic story bringing the Florance Nightingale effect into play. I didn't comment on any spelling, as being British I know over there they use different spelling, although I did find one, maybe two errors, so perhaps a quick edit might be in order.

As to the story itself, you set the scene well, although personally, I would have probably added a bit more description to the beginning, such as using that Glen Miller music in the first paragraph to set the period nicely.

I would have also liked to have known more about where Rob got his injuries, which could have been done in a kind of flashback thing, which I feel would have added to the overall effect. Still, that's me and my personal preferences.

Your characters do draw the reader into wanting to know just how things pan out for them, but I do have to say, it was a tad obvious they would get together in the end.

Overall, a nice well laid out story with characters the reader can connect with, well done.

Sci.
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Review of Dance with Death  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: GC | (3.0)
Hi Sci reviewing for the HSP.

Have to say that in my own personal opinion this could have been the winner of the exam, but unfortunately the lack of any paragraphs and breaks in the story put me off reading it fully. One must put some effort into formatting a story correctly so that the reader doesn't have to struggle to get through the piece.

As a writer of sci-fi amongst other genres, I liked the idea of an erotic dance story between two differing species, but alas I simply couldn't work my way through due to the terrible formatting, something that would put many readers off.

I'm not sure if you intended it to be this way, or forgot to check the layout once posted, but it is something to remember in future.

Good luck in the exam,

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: GC | (4.0)
Hi Sci here reviewing for HSP.

Nicely written erotic story here, with a nicely written dance piece, although I didn't quite see both character's points of view on this situation.Having said that, I did enjoy reading the story that ended with a well written erotic confrontation.

I didn't find any errors so well done.

Good luck in the exam,

Sci.
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Review of Desperado  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: GC | (4.0)
Hi Sci here reviewing for the HSP.

Nicely written erotic dance story here, although I do feel that opening with quite a bit of back story to wade through kind of loses the reader for a while, but if the reader perseveres they get to read quite an interesting story, but one must be careful when using back story at the beginning rather than metering it out over the course of the piece that you don;t lose the reader's interest early on.

Having said that, I couldn't fault your writing with both character POV shown very well.

Good luck in the exam,

Sci.
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Review of Movies and More  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: XGC | (4.5)
Hi, Sci reviewing for the Tales contest…

I have to say this is a good erotic story that draws the reader right into the scenes; the characters are believable and the setting has been described well. The build up and anticipation of what is to come grabs the reader’s attention so they want to read on to find out what happens.

The erotic scenes are handled with finesse, not giving too much too soon, enabling the pace of the story to flow. The build up in the cinema holds the readers attention and carries that attention onto the journey on the open-top bus to find out if they accomplish the deed. Which of course they do so doesn’t let the reader down at the last moment.

Nicely written, I enjoyed ‘Movies and More’ very much, there are a couple of errors that can be easily fixed with a quick simple edit, such as …“This is our stop,” he said and rpse swiftly (should read rose)…and… Yes! she thought. (she should have a capital S).

Couldn’t really find anything else wrong with this write, so well done and good luck in the contest.

Sci.
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Review of Skinny Dipping  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi I'm Sci reviewing for HPS.

Nice write this, the erotica has been handled very well, and it is nice to read a story that is set in a differing setting that normal. The romp in the lake was a nice touch, and the description of surrounding and other parts added to the overall feel of the story.

I didn't find any errors, and enjoyed reading this.


Well done and good luck in the exam.

Sci.
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Review of Christmas Joy  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Sci reviewing for HPS.

Have to say I enjoyed this story, it is written very well and has all the elements that a good erotica story requires. The story flows well interlaced with good dialogue, and the erotica is handled with expertise, and the characters are believable.

Nice touch with the garland by the way, adds to that Christmas feel of the piece. Having a certain amount of description about surroundings and such always adds to the quality.

The only tiny thing I would say is when writing a character thought, usually it is done in Italics to denote a thought and thus doesn't require the ""

“So soft,” he thought to himself.

“So warm,” she thought to herself.

Other than that small thing, I think you have done very well with this. A real nice write.

Good luck in the exam.

Sci.

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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: GC | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Sci reviewing for the HSP.

Nice write you have here, no mistakes that I could see, and the story flows well, albeit I did feel it took some length to reach the erotic part. As for the erotic, you handled it well, although leaving the story short of that actual deed by just summing up with "he took her," which I kind of think cheats the reader a little.

Still it doesn't state in the exam you have to actually do the deed, so that is by the by, and what erotica there was captured the interest.

Well done, and good luck in the exam.

Sci.
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for entry "S4A1: The Reunion
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, I am Sci, and although not taking the class this term, I will on occasion be popping in to review a couple of the assignments, and thought I'd make a start with your piece. Of course anything I say is meant to be constructive, and can be disregarded if you wish.

First of all I'd like to say you accomplished the task that was required, and within the word limit, which I know does constrain, and most find it somewhat of a difficult task. I also understand that on occasion a writer rushes, but one should always take the time to format a piece properly when it is to be reviewed, and should make sure spacing between paragraphs is accomplished before submitting, so you might like to go over the story and format it correctly.

Now as for tightening up the piece and saving that word count for later, we'll take the first paragraph...

Bettye sauntered into the restaurant and sat down at the bar. It had been a long, grueling work week and she was glad it was Friday. What she wanted most right now was to relax and release some of the tension she was holding onto. She turned towards the bartender and asked for a hot buttered rum. Taking a sip, she let the warm, sweet nectar slide down her throat as the tension melted from her tight forehead. (wc-78)

Maybe...Bettye sauntered into the restaurant sitting down at the bar. She was glad is was Friday, it has been a long grueling week. Relaxing and releasing tension was now on her mind, and turning to the barman ordered a hot buttered rum. The tension eased from her tight forehead as the sweet warm nectar slipped down her throat. (wc-58) saving 20 words for later.

I'm not saying my paragraph is better than yours, but shows that with a little thought and rewording you can save those much needed extra words throughout the story so you get to embellish more later on.

The dialogue was strong and believable, well done with that. Good character back story worked in well. The erotic scene was handled well although somewhat short; this is where that previous rewording would allow you more wordage to play around with.

Overall the story was enjoyable, well done.

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi I'm Sci, had a bit of time so thought I'd give you a quick review, your main review will of course come from LoneWolf.

I note you said you found it was somewhat difficult in keeping to an 800 word limit in the lesson, however as you will no doubt learn along the way there are ways to get that word count down, it's just a matter of choosing the right words and sentences, for example...

She saw him watching her, and turning away, she called the waiter over and ordered a crab salad and another glass of white wine - her third while she'd been waiting. (31 words)

How about...She saw him watching, and turned away. She called over the waiter and ordered a crab salad and her third glass of white wine. (24 words)

He had noticed her when she came in earlier, and wondered why she was alone. When she took off her jacket, his groin had tightened as he took in the curve of her body in the red dress, the v-neck allowing a delicious glimpse of the swell of her breasts. He didn't usually react that way to a perfect stranger, although she did look pretty perfect, he thought wryly. (69 words)

How about...He's noticed her entry earlier and pondered why she was alone. His groin tightened when she removed her jacket and his eyes fell upon a red dress that hugged her curves with a glimpse if her ample breasts accented by the v-neck. This wasn't his normal reaction to a stranger, but she did look pretty perfect. (56 words)

She glanced his way again, and he smiled and tilted his head towards her. Flustered, she looked away, but he was rewarded a few moments later, when she looked over and this time, she smiled back. (36 words)

How about...She glanced at him again; he tilted his head and smiled. Flustered, she looked away, but after a few moments returned her gaze and smiled back. (26 words)

So in those three paragraphs 30 words have been saved simply by rephrasing the sentence, there are more where word count could be saved and thus giving you more wordage to play with, but I won't go into that now.

Overall the story was in line with the lesson remit, while the erotica was handles rather well, nicely done, just need to reread your writing and tighten up those passages and you'll soon get the hang making a limited word count work in your advantage.

Of course these are my own personal views, and can be ignored if wished.

Again well done, an good luck in the Erotica Exposed class.

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: XGC | (5.0)
Hi, Sci reviewing for the HSP Final Exam.

Well having seen Gone with the wind, I already know the characters in this piece, Clark Gable's Rhett Butler, and Vivien Leigh's Scarlett O'Hara, actually my daughter is named after this movie, Tara.

However I have never thought someone could put an erotic slant on such a dramatic civil war masterpiece, but you have proved me wrong.

You handle the situation between Rhett and Scarlett extremely well whilst remaining in the era of the original and adding another dimension to the characters that none have seen before, the erotic dimension.

The erotica was managed tastefully and I found no errors.

Reading this story I was actually hoping you would have worked in that immortal line at the end..."Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Have to say I am finding judging this round of the HSP final exam somewhat difficult, good luck in the exam, I enjoyed being carried back to that movie great although on another plain.

Sci
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Review of Cherie's Smile  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there, I'm Sci and reviewing your story for the HSP.

Overall the story is well constructed and you manage to capture and hold the reader's interest, albeit taking quite a while to reach the all-important erotic part, but when reached that too will well constructed.

Your writing paints a good minds-image of the scenes in the story whilst not overpowering the reader will a deluge of description, well done.

There are a few minor errors with the piece which I have pointed out below...

“Isa. Short for Isabelle,” she replied, then wondered why she added that. (either remove the comma or put, and then)

“I always wanted to go there,”, she said, excited. “Tell me about it.” (remove the comma after the closing “)

avoiding the flying candlesticks, knicknacks and whatever else Isa laid hands on. (Knick-knacks)

She didn’t how long she stayed there, but he stroked her back…(She didn’t know how long)

hard before rising to lay atop him. (lay should be lie)

Other than that, nicely done.

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Reviewing for T.

Unfortunately I feel you seem to have missed the point in this particular round, the point being that although the married couple have been looking forward to some alone time, one is exhausted and neither has energy or enthusiasm, but you do reveal what the partner does to turn things around.

Unfortunately there is a decided lack of any real erotica in the piece as more importance has been placed on revealing what they get up to in the restaurant, information that really in my view isn't require.

The story is drawn out with the unnecessary and I feel should have been delivered at much faster pace, as the reader becomes rather bored with the read early on as there really isn't any real hook to keep the reader wanting to read on.

Fast and snappy works best with erotica or at least a strong hook in the first two paragraphs to grab the readers attention, hence the rate.

This of course is my personal view and can be ignored if desired.

Good luck in the contest,

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Sci here's reviewing for the HSP Final Exam.

A good write that draws the reader into the scene with the description used, a nice choice of settings and and the characterisation is handled well.

However; I get a feeling that the erotic portion was left too late to enable the writer to completely get into the erotic, probably due to the word count limit, and thus the erotic unfortunately lacked passion and thus seemed to be added as an afterthought to comply with the exam rules.

With a word count restricted erotica, the author can't afford to waste words and needs to get to the erotic segment as quickly as possible while maintaining the flow, hence my rate of 4.5.

Had their been more erotic writing in the piece I may have given a 5 as the rest was written well.

Well done and good luck in the exam.

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Sci here reviewing for the HSP Final Exam.

A story told in the "classic" fairytale "princess and pauper" line, with the description drawing the reader into the story well with the set up clash between the main character and mother. Reminded me of a classic Arabian Knights romance type thing.

I do however have to point out that the erotic is somewhat lacking, whether this was due to the word count restriction I'm not sure, but it seems like it was thrown in at the last minute, hurried and cut short, which is a pity and hence my rate of 4.5.

I found no errors, well done and good luck in the exam.

Sci.
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Review of Laramie Swanson  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Here is your review for the HSP Final Exam entry.

Nicely written piece overall with the erotica handled well. However, personally I would have mentioned of Jody's age early on as not to give the impression he may be under age.

One other point, I don't think it was necessary to have uncle Jeff inquire about Laramie's last period as I think it lessens the quality a tad.

Other than that, well done and good luck in the final.

Sci.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, here is your assessment for lesson 6 of Erotica Exposed.

Nicely done, not only did you manage to fulfil the lesson requirement of voyeurism, but also continue with some mild domination from another lesson, and managed to give a vivid picture to the reader.

One tiny error...

“I’m sorry Mr. Hardin, please don’t be angery…” (angry)

Other than that, well done you have now completed all 6 lessons in the Erotica Expose course. It has been a pleasure, and I wish you well in your future endeavours with writing whichever genre you attempt.

By now you should have receive the link to the HSP Final Exam and I look forward to reading your entry...good luck.

Aires.
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Review of The Sex Toy  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Hi, here is your assessment for lesson 4 of Erotica Exposed.

Nice write, you adhered to the lesson very well and covered the erotica with ease. Nice touch using an extension to deliver the required element.

Again just a single mishap...

( ") Clarisse and I thought we’d stop by for cocktails. Get it?…Cocktails!”

Now why did I instantly think of Silence of the Lambs went I saw the name Clarisse...lol

Well done,

Aries.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Here is your assessment for lesson 3 of Erotica Exposed.

Nicely done, you stayed with the theme of the lesson completely, and showed the domination setting rather well, a scene that could easily be expanded upon to form the basis of a complete story in itself, hence the rate.

One tiny point...

Mesmerized she watched with a panicky look. (panicky would probably sound better as "a panicked look") although that's just a personal thing.

Other than that, well done with this round.

Aries.
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Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Here is your assessment for lesson 2 of Erotica Exposed.

A reasonable detailed story that delivers on the visual side enabling the reader to use their "mind's eye" to visualise the situation nicely, well done.

You have delivered on the lesson requirements, although more attentions should be given to showing the change in the male character's character. We really need to see his change from a timid and meek man into this wild tempest of lust as he does the deed with the female.

I also suggest you work on creating more of a hook to the beginning of your stories, something that is needed to grab the reader's attention right from the start. beginning with the back-story of a character is never a wise move as this should come later in the tale.

Other than that I found no errors, well done with this round.

Good luck with lesson 3 which will be available Monday in the forum.

Aries.
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Review of Casual Encounter  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, here is your assessment for the first lesson in Erotica Exposed.

Well, firstly I have to say the lead up to this is quite good although a tad lengthy. The object of the game is to as the lesson asked, have a chance meeting which leads to a night of unbridled passion.

As I said, the "led" part is fine, but you stopped short of the "night of unbridled passion" bit. The object was to keep the led short and snappy and thus leave enough for the passionate encounter.

However, as this is the first lesson, and I may have set the word count requirement somewhat on the low side, I will let it pass.

I will check lesson two to make sure it has sufficient word requirement, although the main object of this course is to get you writing erotica in a much lower word count than the norm which should help make for compact erotic writing in the future.

So I have based the rate on the quality of writing rather than the lesson requirements.

Lesson two will be available Monday in the forum.

Just one tiny error...

It was one of those uncontrived spontaneous openings that just sort of reared up. “Looks to me like you haven’t been quite so fortunate. Let me buy you a drink and share some of my karma. ( you missed the closing " )

Well done with this first attempt, good luck with lesson two.

Aries.
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Review of Ndola's Paradise  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Here is your review for your HSP final exam entry.

Excellent write, you captured the essence of the pirate scene extremely well, and carried it throughout the story. Your characters came alive with good "piratesque" dialogue which suited perfectly and the description painted a visual landscape.

A good strong pirate erotica...well done with this.

Good luck in the exam.

Aries.

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Review of The Pirate  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Here is your review of your HSP final exam entry.

Strong story toughing on the taking of virginity. Description of the erotic was done well, however more could have been done to set the scene as a pirate tail. When reading your story I got the impression this was more of a southern plantation tale rather than the rough and ready of pirates ravishing lustful women at Tortuga.

Having said that, the story was a good one in the plantation setting and I could not find any errors.

Nicely done, good luck in the exam.

Aries.
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Review of Erotica Exposed  
Review by Sciwriter
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Hi, here is the assessment for lesson 6 of Erotica Exposed.

Nicely done with this, giving the story from the voyeurs point of view. Descriptions were well done and timed perfectly and added to the anticipation of what to expect when Anabela finally shed some clothes.

Great job, well done, I look for ward to your entry in the final exam.

Aries.

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