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253 Public Reviews Given
1,198 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Spooky Mission  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
First of all, in order to avoid confusion, you must create a paragraph each time a different character speaks.

"Shudders! Sir, just now a black cat leaped over the front window screen," Daniel said, his voice trembling."I hope you are fine," Andrew replied, his tone calm."Yes, sir, but I got frightened at once," Daniel admitted.

"Shudders! Sir, just now a black cat leaped over the front window screen," Daniel said, his voice trembling.

"I hope you are fine," Andrew replied, his tone calm.

"Yes, sir, but I got frightened at once," Daniel admitted.

Avoid over use of adjectives.

Tenuous gleams of crimson red lamps lit the house in great vain, though their reach was inaccessible to objects at remote angles.

Rays from crimson lamps failed to reach dark corners as if the air fought to reveal the castle’s secrets.

Show rather than tell. It’s more fun to write that way.

But on October 5, 1930, flouting the time-honoured fears, an old man named Andrew, and his manservant Daniel, stepped into this horrendous street number four.

But on October 5, 1930, two men approached. Andrew leaned on his cane and raised his wrinkled face, as Daniel held the large umbrella to protect his master.

In this way you can show that Andrew is old and the relationship between him and Daniel which you can further embellish as the story unfolds.

Last, be careful when using horror cliches such as black cats. Are they really needed?
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Review of Secret Path  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
The image is clear and peaceful.
As for me, I like to add more to haiku. I think changing the order of the lines would add a sinister feel and mystery to the poem with the surprise answer being the harmless doe and fawn.

Secret woodland path
Shadows! Hush-Footfalls approach
Doe and spotted fawn
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
To me, this poem is about the half of our brain that yearns to be a race car driver to pull us out of the well worn road, but the other half pulls us back to a more rational idea of our potential and we become a commuter and stay on the safe and familiar path.
Had to look up a couple of words I’d never seen: fusty and smaragdine.
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Review of The Jump  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very exciting suspenseful story by the master. Highly recommended.
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Review of Sick Day  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Good descriptive horror. However, the use of second person is rarely used anymore. I’ve come across it only a few times, here.

I felt you didn’t need to highlight in bold or in italics in such a short piece. You don’t need to do that. Your writing is descriptive enough.

I use italics to indicate thoughts.

In the fourth paragraph the phrase (the way) is overused. It’s like using the same word too often, gives the impression the writer lacks vocabulary.

Now, after a long, dull period of barely tangible pain, it’s started pulsing.>… it starts pulsing.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Saw this in the For Authors newsletter.

A skeleton giving advice to live it up is an enjoyable way to remind us that Halloween is an opportunity to have fun.
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Review of The Forever Dream  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Okay, much better. The ending was weird, but I can dig it since it was a feverish dream.
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Review of The Forever Dream  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It’s been a while since I’ve read a new story.

You did well describing the scenes as you always do, but the ending left me thinking what the…?

I found a few things for you to consider.

But sometimes the sky opens up from underneath and I awoke cramped and chilled beside a pile of dying embers and the sound of a raging river below. >This sentence starts in the present tense. Sounds a little strange. Also, it has three ands.

My mouth opened in a scream and a gulp of life-giving air.>Needs fixing for the two parts don’t seem to mix well.

Thankfully, I was spat out upon a shallow sandbar and heaved there for a breath of air.> What did you heave?

Dragging myself to shore, I stood upon weak legs that twitched of their own volition. > Dragging myself to shore, I stood upon twitching legs.

I think the ending lacks what he was thinking when he threw himself back into the river.

Aloha,
Kotaro
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Isn’t that bribery?
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Review of Global Warming  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like how this poem moves along almost like a song,
And you’re warning us we’ve got things all wrong,
Yet you’ve forgotten the Canadian trees are all gone.
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Review of The Waterfall  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good haiku. Conjures a peaceful scene though there is a lot of sound in what should be a quiet place.
One suggestion is to reverse the first and third lines, for the last line should be the ah ha moment.

Singing to the trees> you’re thinking it’s a person
Falling down upon the stones> still thinking it’s a person
The small upland stream> so, it was a small waterfall!
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Although, I thought the ending wasn’t clear, I enjoyed reading your story because I liked the main character, Gerhard. A seemingly foolish youth with a dream so dear that he disregarded the dangers of achieving it.

Too bad you were limited to 2000 words in the contest.

So, my take on the ending was he gained knowledge from the library. How?
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Review of In a Day or Two  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
The first chapter made me think it was a story of a dream.
The next chapter changed my perception to a two worlds story, kinda like through the looking glass.
The third chapter was my favorite. It reminded me of the scene in the tavern in lord of the rings where Frodo is chased by the dark riders.
The last two chapters made me think what did the the title had to do with the story. Why time was so limited isn’t clear. Anyway, it was like the matrix.
I think clearing up how Martin knew exactly when and how his existence would end and yet keep going would help the reader understand better.
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Review of Mushroom Day  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well written which made me keep reading. Dark as warned. The ending made me sad. I felt it was too extreme without more explanation for the cause, for hope to flee.
The old owl down in the barn, the crickets, the frogs by the little pond, the trees swaying in the night wind.>I don’t think this is a proper sentence.
A desire from someone with weak eyes is a larger font.
Thanks again for your review.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed the writing language of the early twentieth century. Reminded me of the tales of Poe which I read long ago. The plot was faster paced to suit the lack of patience nowadays and the characters were well balanced. Good job.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting. Easy to understand. Well organized. Recommended for those planning to write a horror novel.
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Review of Schrodinger's Cat  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a silly story until… you consider it might actually happen to computers. The way the cat changed doesn’t bode for our future.
Anyway, it was fun to read. Well done.
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Review of Bite  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Thanks for your review. It’s been a long time since I got one filled with accolades. So, I’ve come to review one of yours and provide a few pointers.

I suggest using a bigger font for people with weak eyes.

Cut down on needless words.

John bolted straight out of his bed, sweat trickling down his face, his arm suddenly numb as if he were having a significant stroke, providing him no sensation. > John bolted out of bed, his arm numb, as sweat trickled down his face.

Describe what happens from your memory of similar events. Don’t just write his vision blurred.

A steady stream of blood trickled down his back. His vision suddenly blurred as his blood boiled inside like something radioactive had just injected itself into him. > Blood trickled down his back. The walls spun then merged with the darkness. Sweat oozed out of every pore.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (3.5)
The first thing you should learn is to not make reading hard on the eyes. Break up long paragraphs and use a bigger font.
I noticed you could have had more variety in starting your sentences by using gerunds. Also, try to include the other senses more. Sounds, smells, texture, and taste can break up the monotony of only seeing things and make descriptions come alive.
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Review of Future Dreams  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
An excellent start to an adventure. You should keep it going. The dialogue reminds me of Sherlock Holmes and it fits the story. Well done.

I thought the following sentence would sound better with the word shall inserted.> But it must be told in the hope that such errors never be made again.
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Review of Night Bird  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Starts out filled with dark images and forlorn thoughts. Then builds up to friendship on a sinking boat. Good descriptions. I love the image of bottles scattering like cockroaches.

I don’t drink and have never had a hangover, so the story was revealing to me. The reason I don’t drink is due to genes. I’m half Japanese. A lot have a gene that doesn’t process alcohol the same way, so a sip turns my body red and makes me feel sick. I used to drink when I was young, but I never felt high or different from it, so eventually I stopped.

I liked the dialogue which shows the deep and constant need for alcohol. The ending left we wondering how things will turn out, though I felt pretty sure it wouldn’t be good.

A suggestion. Put a space between paragraphs, for my eyes were getting weary.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A story filled with descriptions that take the reader to another world. Being such a short story, the scenes of being in a fire overwhelmed the rest of the story.

I found no errors, however, I thought the rat staying behind to nibble on charred flesh was unrealistic.

Thanks for sharing a thrilling tale.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think your version is more for those with higher education than mine. One thing that might change everything again is the idea that the universe might just be a hologram.
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Review of Sleeping  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
At this point, I feel sorry for the guy.

This story shows a good imagination with writing skills. Everyone knows the original story, so no introduction is needed, though it would be interesting to go to the end of the fairy tale with the way it’s set up.

It’s a waste that it’s so short.
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Review of Tori's Wrong Turn  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Saw this in this week’s horror newsletter.

This story is lacking in one important detail for horror. There isn’t enough fear in the character at odd times. Often the fear is expressed, even expressed well, then suddenly it seems that the fear disappears or is not expressed.

I’ll give two examples.
You wrote… She leaned back in her seat and felt beads of sweat rolling down her face. I'm having a panic attack! I need to back up out of this dreadful place! When someone tapped on her window, Tori turned her head towards the sound but there was no one there.

She just turned her head towards the sound…(I expected her to jump out of her skin)

You wrote… I sure don’t want to meet anybody who lives in this town! Spotting that enchanting light up ahead, it seemed to beckon her forward. Tori looked away and began to back up. She stopped abruptly when a dark shadow appeared in the back of her car. Her hands clenched on the wheel as she honked the horn, wanting whatever or whoever to move but to no avail. Sighing, Tori got out of the car to confront it.

“Do you mind moving so I can leave this place?”

In a previous paragraph you described how the character encountered a body hanging in midair along the street she was driving on, and how it was causing a panic attack. Would this person get out of the car to ask a dark shadow to move out of the way? Would you?

You have to consistently be in the place where horror dwells. I know you can do it.
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