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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arnielenzini
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85 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hope all is well Jaya,
A long while ago you reviewed my story Clock Tower. I finally found time to visit your port.
I picked this poem for several reasons. It had an award icon, was at the top of your portfolio, and the intro attracted me.
Your poem has three parts. My favorite is the first one, for it conveys your feelings clear and direct.
The other two were more general and how can I say... like time heals all wounds, expressed through the the details of nature and finally of faith. Well done.

Aloha,
Kotaro
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2
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for your reviews. Sorry it took a long time for mine. I think this is the first one that isn’t a poem.
The first line was very good. Simple, yet one that hints at something funny waiting for the reader.
I didn’t see any typos or errors and the story was easy to read and understand.
The singer goes way back, so would high schoolers know who she was? Being in Japan for so many years now, I’m not sure. However, for me the image brought a smile. Thanks for sharing.
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Review of The Old Man  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
So how were you able to cheat Death this time?" he asked sarcastically
I was surprised you used the adverb since you seldom miss a chance for interesting dialogue such as “So, did you cheat Death this time with a loaded pair of dice?”
I loved the novel choice of words you use to describe things, as I always do.
The way James changed as the story progressed made me wonder how the story would end.
Cool ending.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
For a rough draft, well done. The episode with the bartender was the best part. I thought you missed a chance for another snappy answer when she answered her brother with “You’re going to do what?”. The story did satisfy the intro of a strange request and was worthy of a read to the end. Good descriptions and concise writing.
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Review of The Flower I was.  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a fine poem that shows the power of a simple flower or person to make a difference in life.
I don't know if the the seventh and eighth lines were intentionally left to not rhyme. Was it to add emphasis?
Anyway, it made me feel we should look at life more positively. Keep on writing.
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Review of Autumn.  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Chariot,
This is a return review. Thanks again for yours.
Since this is autumn, I chose this poem.
After the first reading, I thought it had a very good rhythm with simple common words.
Then, my critical mind came into action. I thought the first line sounds more like winter, then if it’s a frozen land why isn’t the water ice.
On third reading, I thought everything is a metaphor. Then, there’s some deep meaning here.
Anyway, I give it 5 stars for making me think about how simple words can change how we think.
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7
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great story to read to a circle of kids at night.
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8
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks again for your review. This is my favorite contest. Those erotic pictures are good for the imagination. I think you have a good chance of winning. You did a great job of showing how a person in love can misconstrue the feelings of their object.
One thing you should clarify is who pressed the button in the elevator. I think you left out the word and.
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9
Review of The Golden Pool  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Cool story! The descriptions were beyond words forming pictures. I could hear and smell the scenes.
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10
Review of The Diedra Lee  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very concise. Not a word wasted. I felt I was there. Thanks again for your review and for sharing your time.
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Review of The Sacrifice  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bravo. Very well done. I liked the attention to detail.
In particular, the image of the witch swatting away the imps was cool.
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Review of Tabby  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lovina,
That was an unexpected ending. I like it.
I have a few suggestions.
Avoid adverbs. Tabby walked steadily... Tabby strode...
Avoid overused phrases. It was dark as pitch in the woods.. How about? The woods were as dark as the center of her eyes... Anyway, the drift is be original.
Use strong verbs. It threw a fireball... It flung a fireball... It launched..
It’s really important to review and edit your work since Bill Wilcox is reading it.
You can edit until September 30.
Good luck,
Kotaro
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for your review of my story.
When I saw this was written for the Weird Tales contest, I had to read it since I have a folder of tales I’ve written for it.
The style you chose for this tale reminded me of the stories I read when I was an adolescent, something out of Grimm’s Tales.
I don’t think the intention of this one was to scare, but to entertain which was well done.
14
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Review of Three Wishes  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks Chris for your review of my poem Drugs.
I loved your ending. So simple yet so real.
I found no errors though I have a suggestion. Reading your story was a little hard on the eyes. If you could break up your paragraphs and insert a space between them, it would help.
The style of writing was simple yet fit the character and everyday feeling of the story. Well done.
One more suggestion if it’s okay. Relate one of the mysterious situations that occurred to Bob to build up sympathy and understanding of is character.
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Review of Halloween Night  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Candid,

I enjoyed reading your story for the vivid descriptions of the house. The intro kept me going. It went in a direction I didn’t anticipate! A couple if pranksters having some fun.

I found a couple of errors.

Cecelia found the hall at the bottom of the stairs as dark and suffocating as the attic had been before she discovered the light switch.>...before she had discovered...
A typo. She headed down the stairs, bypassed by Felix

Thanks again for your review,
Kotaro

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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
A fascinating story! Thanks for sharing.
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Review of Dream Catchers  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I had never heard of dream catchers. This tells a story of how they originated among the Indians. Concisely written with advice on how they should be used. Two photos are added with one that reminds me of Indian corn.
Thanks again.
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Review of Dream Catchers  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I had never heard of dream catchers. This tells of how they originated and how to use them best. It has two photos of them. One of them reminds me of Indian corn. Very concisely written. I plan to investigate further.
Thanks again.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think what holds us back from freely expressing ourselves is the reaction from others. So, it requires courage which many get from talking to trusted friends, or loved pets, or from alcohol.

To put in down for anyone to see, as you've done, requires courage, too. As for your fear that you will explode into a Super Nova, if that happens, it will be something awesome to see and remembered through time.

Thanks again for your review.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Ladee,
This is a return review. Thank you very much for yours.

I very much enjoyed your story, especially of your description of her walk through the garden. You gave a lot of hints so the ending was expected, though it was very satisfying.

You wrote Elizabeth’s heart beat in her throat making it hard for her to breathe. How about adding a strong word here?

Elizabeth’s heart beat in her throat choking her breath.

You wrote Elizabeth buried her face in hands between her legs which sounds a bit awkward. I'll leave that up to you to improve.

Aloha,
Kotaro

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Review of Aloneness  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Zeke,
Thanks again for your review. I like your observations on modern life.
However, I'm not sure what your feelings are about the impossibility of being alone.

I just watched the movie Passenger. It's about a man on a spaceship being woken up 88 years ahead of time by a faulty computer. The only one he can speak to is a robot bartender, though there are 5000 other passengers sleeping. He breaks down after one year and wakes one up.

So, I chose to read this.

The fourth and fifth lines needs careful clarification.
Yet, he played the role of quiet observer.
His life was void of caring or observing.

It seems contradictory that he was an observer, yet his life was void of observing. Another thing I thought was is caring in the line meant to be from him or from others toward him or both.

A thought provoking item. Thanks for sharing.
Kotaro
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Review of Fade  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for your reviews, sadorose.
I like the first two lines the most. I also like shadow to shadow I roam, for it's good beat.
I wonder what you think of changing the I to you? Do you feel by doing this it involves the reader more. Or, it could mean the poet is looking in the mirror. Or, is it more important to show directly how the poet feels?
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a return review. Thanks again.
I enjoyed reading about a day in your life. A great ending.
One typo in the second paragraph last sentence.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It is very amusing. I got a good laugh. Saw this in the horror newsletter.
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Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the title. Would be great in a song.
You did a great job. It evoked how life is so fragile and disappears in time.
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