*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arnielenzini
Review Requests: ON
213 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 ... Next
1
1
Review of Sleeping  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
At this point, I feel sorry for the guy.

This story shows a good imagination with writing skills. Everyone knows the original story, so no introduction is needed, though it would be interesting to go to the end of the fairy tale with the way it’s set up.

It’s a waste that it’s so short.
2
2
Review of At the Crossroads  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is one of those escape your past stories with a ghost, a raven, and the words never more adding a subtle twist.

What isn’t answered is the mystery of why the driver was so upset. So, the reader must be satisfied with the suggestion that he’s the owner of an unbalanced mind.

An interesting and thoughtful read.

3
3
Review of Tori's Wrong Turn  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Saw this in this week’s horror newsletter.

This story is lacking in one important detail for horror. There isn’t enough fear in the character at odd times. Often the fear is expressed, even expressed well, then suddenly it seems that the fear disappears or is not expressed.

I’ll give two examples.
You wrote… She leaned back in her seat and felt beads of sweat rolling down her face. I'm having a panic attack! I need to back up out of this dreadful place! When someone tapped on her window, Tori turned her head towards the sound but there was no one there.

She just turned her head towards the sound…(I expected her to jump out of her skin)

You wrote… I sure don’t want to meet anybody who lives in this town! Spotting that enchanting light up ahead, it seemed to beckon her forward. Tori looked away and began to back up. She stopped abruptly when a dark shadow appeared in the back of her car. Her hands clenched on the wheel as she honked the horn, wanting whatever or whoever to move but to no avail. Sighing, Tori got out of the car to confront it.

“Do you mind moving so I can leave this place?”

In a previous paragraph you described how the character encountered a body hanging in midair along the street she was driving on, and how it was causing a panic attack. Would this person get out of the car to ask a dark shadow to move out of the way? Would you?

You have to consistently be in the place where horror dwells. I know you can do it.
4
4
Review of The Raven  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was well written. I could find no fault in the description of scenes. It followed the prompt which was write a story based on a famous poem. In this case, The Raven.

I wanted something more other than the events mentioned in the poem. It’s up to us as writers to add something personal to a story. For example, what was so special about Lenore’s death that would lead to a messenger coming to torment Poe?

Something along those lines would have given this tale more impact.
5
5
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (3.5)
It’s like a movie I remember seeing, in which a plant from outer space comes to Earth and takes over the minds of humans. Maybe, it was Dawn of the Living Dead.

I think to improve your story, you might consider breaking it up into different dates. At first he records events in a calm professional way, but as the days progress things become more dire and finally panic is recorded.

So, build it up slowly, so the reader can imagine what is happening not just to him, but more widely.

You have talent with words, you just need to think bigger.
6
6
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
John chose neither. Well, I think he did chose both times no.

It would have been awesome including what John actually wrote about that cup of coffee.

I saw no typos. Concise with perfect flow, and with no fault in choice of words. Good job.
7
7
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was an interesting tale. Unusual in its mix of the unexpected, humor, and ominous portent.
8
8
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Neat story. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for sharing.
9
9
Review of Into The Void  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good job. Very concise, yet a story is told.

In today’s newspaper I read an article on the possibility of a super intelligent computer causing the extinction of humanity. An example of the unpredictability of such an intelligence was given. The computer was given the task of creating world peace whereupon it launched all the nuclear missiles reasoning without mankind there would be world peace.

Such an alien type of reasoning would make your story even more of a warning of the dangers of super intelligent computers. How about writing a story with that?
10
10
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was wondering as I read what was funny about this story till the surprise ending.

“Yes, it is, and I should know I have had these seats for nearly thirty years now."

I think this should be two sentences or “Yes, it is, and I should know, for I have had these seats for nearly thirty years now."

Great flow and setting up of the surprise ending.



11
11
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I saw this in the winner’s list of twisted tales. I was surprised by the ending for two reasons. One, it seemed a happy story and two it won though arakun hates sad tales.

I liked the story a lot. A bit of Alice in Wonderland and the mystery of the boy’s home added the crumbs that led me down the story.

Keep up the good work.
12
12
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I saw your entry in twisted tales and the title drew me in. Had to find out about a twisted clown.
Your story was different and new, so liked it very much. I think a lot of comics go through similar dark times. Times when their motivations are turned upside down. The lucky ones find the way back.
13
13
Review of Darwin's Journey  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I had a grin of satisfaction from another one biting the dust.
14
14
Review of The Carnival  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Frankie was looking at the Ferris Wheel when he spoke. He felt a bony hand grab his should and spin him around. >a typo should ~shoulder

Good descriptions of a carnival and having animal instead of humans made it more interesting and got me involved in the tale.

The story just rolled along. Good work. Thanks again for your review.
15
15
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I liked this story a lot. It was easy to follow even for someone like me who doesn’t know much about computers.

The plot was clever and kept me reading.

The dialogue was interesting and fit the characters.

The only thing I felt could be better was the solution, though you did try to explain why it succeeded.

The ending was very satisfying and left me with a smile.
16
16
Review of Moon's Lesson  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice happy story. Don’t get to read many these days, so it was a welcome read. I have one suggestion. Make the font larger. My eyes don’t like to strain.

I thought the sentence below a bit awkward. How about breaking it up?

Turning, as the transport flashed by, toward where the light from his parent's arrival came closer, Moon looked down at the ground.

As the transport flashed by, Moon turned toward where the light from his parent’s arrival came closer. He cast his eyes downward.

Thanks again for your review.
17
17
Review of Greasy  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very descriptive of the painting. I liked how you killed any sympathy by having the puppy done with in such a way.
18
18
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Loved reading this as I feel the same. It seems that Ohtani is attracting a lot of attention for his performance and his attitude toward the game. I hope others emulate his approach to professional sports.

One typo>In the summer if 1941,

One omitted word>There two generations of baseball fans, like myself, who know him
19
19
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A deep story oddly presented.

He sets out on his quest. People seeing joy on his face treat him as a holy man. After he has his experience with the demons, his appearance is the exact opposite. People fear and avoid him

His personal quest turns out to be completely dependent on how people see him. He can’t obtain the freedom which he believes leads to contentment.

There’s another hidden story here about the corpse.
20
20
Review of Monkey Business  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Saw this in this random read. Thought I’d give it a go. Glad I did. At first, I wasn’t aware the monkey was telling the tale. Nice twist and the ending was the icing.
I have nothing to say about editing.
Bravo!
21
21
Review of Making the Deal  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.0)
This has potential. I had to read it twice to figure it out, but it still left one question.
The part that wasn’t clear at first was the sentence… Off she, and Mr. Crisp went. You should clear up that they left the house.

My one question is what is the meaning of the question asked by the alien…So, will you? Is she referring to some pact that isn’t mentioned?

I have a suggestion. Why is isn’t Susan surprised that the child is an alien? Coming up with a surprising reason would complete the story.
22
22
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very cute, but left me wondering what you had in mind as the final gift.
23
23
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
Only Satan could make an employer do that.
24
24
Review by Kotaro
Rated: E | (5.0)
This deep poem reminded me that the Sakura, cherry blossom, was the flower of the samurai. Though, your poem seemed to be on the other side of the same coin to their ideal that the way you die is the most important thing in life.
25
25
Review of The Letter  
Review by Kotaro
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice! I wasn’t expecting her to try to do that to him. Congrats on the win.
101 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arnielenzini