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310 Public Reviews Given
901 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of White Lace  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a heart wrenching story, told with sentiment and feeling. If there were any mistakes I couldn't see them through the tears forming in my eyes. To have a good relationship with a mother-in-law is not always easy, ut to not have a good relationship with a parents is devistating. Ginger
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Review of The Nova  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a great story. I almost didn't read it but I'm glad I did. Having had several vehicles recalled myself is really no big deal. You portrayed the manufacturer's greed very nicely. Right up until the end the CEO was still not thinking about consumer safety. Some people never learn from their mistakes. the mother-in-law part was a nice touch. Ginger
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Review of Valkyrie  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You have out done yourself with this story. What an ending. I can sympathize with Val being over weight and wanting to escape. Your descriptions of the Viking way of life was wonderful. Her wanting to be loved for herself, and to be appreciated for the way she is, is understandable.

I think you should use smelled instead of smelt.
[smelt] the odors of cooking meat, old smoke and sweat.

Smelt is a noun meaning a small fish. I have eaten it every Christmas Eve when my parents were alive. It is also a verb meaning to refine, such as in refining iron ore. Ginger
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Review of False Accusations  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Sandra is definately not all there. You made that evident in your writing about her sketchy memory of the events of the day. She showed no remorse for her actions surrounding the death of her neighbor. From her own mouth she confessed and yet I somehow feel that there is more to the story than what was told. You leave me wondering if she really did it or if she was drugged into remembering she did the murder. The reason I think this is because, why would she feel rage, jealously, or desire. In one minute she was trying to help the old woman the next minute she killed her. That makes no sense. No motive. Something or someone else is pulling the strings. Leaving the reader guessing at alternative endings makes for an interesting read. You do need separate the story into paragraphs and put spaces between the paragraphs, it would make the story easier to follow. Ginger
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Review of Good Mourning  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an adorable story, I just love the ending. I have had several of those days when nothing seems to go right when I am late and the problems seem to keep piling up. I hope the problems end with the parents an the kids have an easier time of it. At least they both kept their heads and didn't let it get them down, it's amazing how something positive can come out of a difficult situation. Ginger
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I gave you 5 stars because I felt your words are ever so true and that expressing your sorrow over a loss is extremely important. I myself have suffered a loss. My 9 year old son was killed in a car accident. He was kept alive for three days on a resperator, but to no avail, because he was brain dead. I too never showed my emotions except for the time he was in the hospital and at the funeral. All my emotions were kept inside except when for when I was alone. I didn't talk to anyone about it not even to my husband. He also never spoke about it. His younger sister was driving the car
when the accident occurred. I guess what saved us and kept us together was the fact my 5 year old daughter survived the accident. It took her several months to recover and five surgeries later on in life to try and correct the damage done to her from the accident. Our energies and thoughts were focused on her and not the death of her brother. The pain is still strong and the loss is felt by all of us including my younger son who was three at the time of the accident. All the well intentioned phrases you mentioned are still very destructive to a grieving person. "I'm so sorry for your loss I will remember him and you in my prayers."
Is a lot less hurtful to those grieve. Thanks for a good story. It helped me remember the one I lost. Ginger
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Review of The Cage  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Ok. You made me laugh with that last line.
I thought for sure he would escape and you fooled me. LOL
I was wondering if you spelled Magic with a k on the end on purpose, or was it a mistake.

The bars of the cage were solid, the leather lashings fastened with some magick he could not comprehend.

There was, however, one thing that his captors had not realized. They were not the only ones with
magick.

Nicely done. Ginger
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Review of The River  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The river has fascinated people for thousands of years.
Although I love looking at the rivers and oceans I prefer good old terra ferma. I'm not saying I'm afraid of the water but I have great respect for it. Your story shows the many faces of the river. When it's calm and serene, to the rushing rapids, and to the dry season when the water gently trickles. The people who
travel the river are also depicted well. Each has their own personality and reason for being there. I enjoyed reading about the way the entrants set up camp.
The entire story had a calming effect. The only thing that seemed to jump out at me was the following sentence.


I am just the facilitator of one man’s annual escape that has grown to this motley group over twenty-five years.

I think the above sentence needs a few additions to make it more understandable.

I am just the facilitator of one man’s annual escape, that has grown into this motley group over the last twenty-five years.

Nicely done Ginger
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"Y10ou may want to do something for them and you can but do realize you are in two different worlds!"

In the above I'm sure the first word is a typo.

In Chapter Three I found a few minor mistakes that are easily corrected.

These two sentences can be combined for a smoother flow by adding a few commas and changing the period to a comma. Also, instead of saying 'focus your form' maybe you could say 'focus your thoughts'.
You wrote:
“Well you won’t have a lot of strength with this but you focus your form where your hand is. It becomes... thicker and won’t go through things as easy."
Try this instead.
Well, you won’t have a lot of strength with this but, if you focus your thoughts where your hand is, it becomes...thicker, and won’t go through things as easy."

In the following sentence you might want to substitute
'threw' for something like this.'I placed my hand on the wall' Also it ties into the next sentence better.
I threw my hand in front of me and tried to 'focus'...

They both smiled at each other as they stared into eachothers eyes. Easy fix, just a typo.
Also leave out 'at each other' it's not needed.
b}They both smiled as they stared into each others eyes.

Good dialog, keeps the story moving.

Part Four

She was in a room being asked questions she didn't know the 'answer' to. This word should be plural. more than one question is being asked.

"Yes you were there and yes you did! Josh was there with you, and... he's dead! Kris!" Thats why you killed him."

Place a comma after 'Yes, there, and yes,' The procecutor would most likely want to emphasize his words to get more of a response out of the witness.

"Thats why you killed Khris." In this sentence put an apostrophy in the word, That's, He is saying that is. Also a comma after That's, Procecutors are very dramatic when they try to get a meaning across.
You can express the drama through punctuation.

"Unbelievable." The man in the black suit said as he turned away from Kathryn. He had enough of her little act, though he began to wonder if it was in fact an act. Well of course it’s an act she remembered it all yesterday!

In the above sentences, put the exclamation after the word, "Unbelievable!" He would raise his voice here in shock and probably raise his hands in the air in frustration, so this word needs an exclamation mark.
Also, in the third sentence put a comma after the word act, eliminate the exclamation and replace with a comma. He is just making a statement.

I liked all the dialog in chapter four. And Kathryn's responses to the questions. It truly showed that she was not thinking straight. Good job in this chapter

Chapter Five

This sentence seems to be all one thought, maybe it should be all one sentence.

“So you think that if the police have memory of Ben dying… and have memory of his dad hiding Ben’s corpse. That Ben can leave because he will have justice, and I may leave because…”

I noticed you start a lot of sentences with the word
So. Try not to use it so often.

Example:
You think, that if the police had a memory of
of Ben dying and of his dad hiding his corpse, Ben would be able to leave, because he would have had justice, then maybe I could leave because...
So, you see what I mean. LOL

I went ahead and helped Kris to see how exactly he could mess with a living things memories.
In case I needed to do the same thing.

The above sentences need to be combined. It also needs a little rewording.

I went with Kris to see exactly how he could mess with another living thing's memory, in case I needed to do the same thing.

So when we wanted memories of Bens murder we went to his old house where his father still lived.

The above sentence could also use rewording. Again you started with the word So.

{c;red}Since we wanted memories of Ben's murder, we went to his old house where his father still lived.

I looked over there and I saw him. It was a clean man,

Change It, to He was a clean man. The use of it refers to things.

This sentence needs restructuring.
"Ben? Is that you?" He asked as apparently he felt our presence somehow, that or he was very paranoid… That’s what happens though when you kill your only son though, isn't it?

Example:
"Ben, is that you?" He asked, somehow he apparently he felt our presence, that, or he was very paranoid… I guess that’s what happens when you kill your only son, isn't it?

There is no need for two questionmarks.

Glad to see you are still writing your story. It is coming along nicely. Be more careful with your grammar
and punctuation. I will keep in touch with you if you need more advice. Have to go now, work calls, need to pay some bills. Ginger
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Review of Oaths  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written and filled with lots of descriptive phrases, combined with blood and conflict.

Only one mistake seemed to jump out at me.

Both were attired the finest armor of the age yet each knight bore different pennants and colors.

Corrections below are in red.

Both were attired in the finest armor of the age, yet each knight bore different pennants and colors.

Wonderful story, though it was unusual to see the villan win. Ginger
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Review of Trick-Or-Treat  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: E | (4.5)
At the end of your story Bobby's father wasn't mad at him for having the candy. I had expected Bobby to have to throw it away. His father sounded so controlling and mean throught the story. The pregnant part with the baby ruth gave me a chuckle. So unexpected. Ginger
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Review of Open windows  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: E | (5.0)
In your first stanza your descripton is so visual I can almost smell the odors permeating the air in the shed. In the second stanza, again visual but with the
volumn tuned in. In stanza three, there lies a more melodramatic description of peoples lives in turmoil as over heard on a hot summer day. The forth stanza, refers to remembering that things were not much different back in the old days than, they are now.
Lastly in number five, we come full circle in understanding the similarities between the past and present. Well done. Ginger
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Review of Rate Yourself!  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: E | (4.5)
Each inividual writer has different likes and dislikes.
Some writers prefer free form over verse and rhyme, others prefer the opposite. We are not only rated on content, and meaning. We are also rated on grammer, punctuation and spelling. When many individuals read our work we are rated on their likes and dislikes. One reader may give us a 5 star rating while the next gives us only a 2 or 3 star depending on weather or not what we wrote fits into their criteria of what they like. In rating ourselves, we are either confident in our achievements or unsure of what we know. Sometimes we are better than we think and just need that boost of confidence by a good rating. On the other hand we may think we are better than we really are and need an honest R&R to help put us on the right track. This poll may not seem too important but I suggest everyone take it and vote. To those of you who visit the members ports and read their creations and do not R&R I ask you, why not? You do not need to correct their spelling or punctuation mistakes, but even a one or two word comment is better than nothing.
They would like to hear what you have to say. Did they make you laugh, or cry? Tell them, you won't be sorry. Friendships are founded by a simple word HELLO. Say hello and meet the author. Invite them to come to your house, sit a spell, and read what you have written. You'll be glad you did. In viewing the activity in my own port, only 1 out of every 10 viewers take the time to R&R. That is a lot of lost friendships. Ginger
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Review of The Voice  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I love the way you described and developed your characters. You also must have done a lot of research on cave exploring to write so knowledgably on the subject.

I just loved how you described the following passage, but I feel the words in bold type are unnecessary, and the sentence flows smoother without them.

They followed a large stream for hours under a canopy of Ponderosa Pines. And as night approached, the last of the glow of the sunset waved orange and gold across the face of the mountain like an affectionate farewell.

The following paragraph is a little off.
If the tunnel was narrow he would have to turn sideways
to squeeze through, and not crouch down. Maybe you could use the word shallow in place of narrow.

The tunnel was now so narrow that Sal found himself bending over -- eventually having to crouch down to navigate further.

You did it again and left me wondering about what happens next. Was it the ghosts of the indians in the cave, or something else? If it were indians, I'm not sure if they would speak english. Also, maybe the bones were not bones from an indian burial ground. My imagination wonders every time I read your work, which is a good thing. Ginger
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
An interesting twist to an old tale. Although I expected the phone call to be from a vampire I didn't expect it to want a replacement so he could travel. The dialog between the characters developed the story nicely. This was extremely well done. Ginger
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Review of The Beast  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
When a good intriguing story drops into your lap, it is hard to put it down. This was one of those stories. I did not want it to end. I feel disappointed and let down. I want to know what happens next. I hope there is a follow-up to this story. Maybe the blue light doesn't appear and John is left to raise the monster's cubs and protect them from other hunters. Give me more. Ginger
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very nicely written. Kept my interest to the end.
Reminded me of Stephen King's, "Children of the Corn"
Maybe even a prelude to his famous story, depicting how all the children came to be in the corn worshiping the creature within. keep up the good work. Ginger
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It was good to see Joe's human side. You showed his feelings could get hurt and yet he did not get angry. This showes that Joe is really a nice guy. You do however like to get to the point of the story quickly, which is good, but sometimes a little more detail adds to the enjoyment of the reader. Sometimes the reader would like to be in on the plot and see how things develope. Maybe even though they knew Joe would leave the bar if business was slow, he might accidentally screw up their plans by catching up on paperwork and not leave. Then there would have to be more plotting a foot. As the old saying goes " The best laid plans."
I'm sure you know the rest. Super Sleuth
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like this girl Joy, she had him begging. She knows how to control a situation and bring a man to his knees. You go girl. This story brought a smile to my face. I liked the dialog between Tom and Joy. It seemed natural. He acted like a fool and she made him look like a fool but without malace. You can tell she loved him she just needed to be sure they both really loved each other, you don't just jump into a marriage proposal without being sure. Nice job introducing new characters. Super Sleuth
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This has to be the best of the series I have read so far. The paragraph where Joe and Bo meet Crystal for the first time after the plane crash caused my throat to tighten. I had to fight to keep from crying. Very emotional writing. The characters are finally becomming human. I hope the next part is as good. Super Sleuth
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Much more interesting than the first introduction to Nobody's Place. I liked the character descriptions and they seemed to meld as a unit. It would have been nice to introduce at least one waitress at this time. I will continue to read on. Super Sleuth
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was so cute. My grand children will just love it.
Easier to read than Dr. Seuss with words they can understand. Great fun.
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A very powerful story about a young girl's belief in her faith. An interesting twist to a terrible tragedy
surrounding the events of 911. Very descriptive portrayal of her visions of the future tragic event.
Wonderfully written. Look forward to reading more of your work. Super Sleuth
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Review of Dentistry  
Review by super sleuth
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nicely done. Not the typical vampire story. Cute and funny in a way. Super Sleuth
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Review by super sleuth
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A little sad but heartfelt. Animal poems creat lots of room for emotional responses. The animal lovers know where your comming from. Although i'm not much of a cat person I really enjoyed your poem. Thanks for sharing. Super Sleuth
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