|Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...
CONTENT:As I dont know the context of the piece, I judge this on what you have described it to be, a character description.
STYLE:really well written, I like the the way you used conversation, just the right amount. The details are intriguing, would love to know what happened.
STORY: It is a brief snippet of a longer piece? but it really well constructed. It flows nicely, no major issues at all!
COMMENT: As you said this is a character description, I will comment on that alone. I think the decsription of his eyes has a little too much desription, especially ' clear, steady' describes a gaze, rather than a colour...about the green glass: It doesn't conjure up an image I can easily see. Perhaps his eyes could be described as being 'the smooth well-worn sheen of a pebble, like many you find on a beach, only they were infused with the colour of...'....rather than broken glass beaten... I think that the association of texture and colour you mixed a little too much. Otherwise it is really good. perhaps add in a description of the feel of his hands also...rough, wrinkles, cuts , scars, colour.
I hope you take this as constructive, and not a complete mash of your writing. I am being honest as this is how you learn. You can see that you have talent, but for me the senses must be given a complete work out when decsribing something specific, and that includes a character. use texture, colour, taste, smell to describe as much as possible, leave the reader as if they met the person.
I dont know if you were limited in the amount of words or anything, so please accept this review on the merits of just what I read.
If I can be of any help at all, please feel free to ask, I would be only too happy to help.
Regards, and write on!
Keep writing Friend....!