*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brannick
Review Requests: OFF
102 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Homunculus  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinons. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...*Smile*

1ST IMPRESSION: A really interesting piece, but a little confusing.

STLYE/FORM: It's written like a letter, and perhaps would have worked better as a conversation, or a story-telling by the author.

CONTENT: This is actually quite good, some grammatical errors, but nothing too serious. Again though it read like a letter, and would work better perhaps with an apprentice asking a 'master' about all the creatures...you could still leave in the last paragraph as the finale...still have the 'twist'. The other point is the introduction of the words 'DNA'. Out of context without knowing the authors history...did they know about DNA way back then?

OVERALL: It is still a good piece, but needs some alteration to be a great piece: the underlying idea is the kernel, and has value, but the method of telling it could be changed to be more 'personal'.

COMMENT: The main character is ancient...the prose should allow this to be evident, and should match the theme. Use 'old' words, and maybe old style writing, as if being ancient, the character has yet to lose his connection to the past. But a very good effot in all!


Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
sig created by Brooke - ((Jace)) :( (214)
2
2
Review of Sibling Rivalry  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
LOL!!!

This is SO good, it just rolls along on ter ryhmes, and the last line made me yelp with laughter!

Brilliant.

Thanks for sharing, and the laugh!

Markymark
3
3
Review of MY WISH 36 lines  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow!

I can't imagine how the loss of the one you love feels like, and it scares me to think about it. But reading this makes me feel like I wil be able to look back at the love we shared and smile, because nothing can take that away, it is an indestructable force that nothing can change.

Beautiful writing!

Regards,
Mark
4
4
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinons. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...*Smile*

1ST IMPRESSION: This is a really beautiful piece! It speaks straight to the heart, full of emotion.

STLYE/FORM:I like the way this is set up, short verses making it so easy to read, but each one packed with imagery and feeling.

CONTENT:A wonderful tribute to the man in your life. The love you feel really comes across in strength. My favorite line :
What we had will live on deep inside me forever
nothing else need be said.

OVERALL: Beautiful. So nice to read a tribute as clear and 'preceise' as this.

COMMENT: I have never liked making suggestions to writers who have written such personal pieces as this, but I always say that it is only a comment on the writing, not the sentiment: I love to write about emotions, and this is just a personal opinion *Smile*:
perhaps in the first verse line 2, you could change it to 'With eyes as deep as rippled blue waters'? It still gives the image personality, but cuts out the repetition


Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
A review signature for Talent Pond members.
5
5
Review of Let It Go!  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi PoeticFox

This is a really good feel-good factor poem. I like the sentiment, the urging us all to chill out and let go...some of us certainly need it.

However, there are some basic mistakes in it...all grammatical...and easily fixed!

Read through it slowly and you will see them, there are some spaces missing between words, and a few commas.

If you need any help with this, I'd be only too happy to.

Refards,

markymark
6
6
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinons. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...*Smile*

1ST IMPRESSION: A great read! I was hooked right from the start by your character Cara, very noicely described. This continues throughout the story, with plenty of good dialogue and imagery...very nice!

STLYE/FORM: Very well constucted, it moves effortlessly from start to finish, however it would help if you used dots or asterisks in the break, only that it would help visually for the reader to follow that there is a change of 'scene'.

CONTENT: A great story, using one character to introduce the vilan, and another to finish the story is very well thought out!

OVERALL: I really like this piece, it has a few great characters, a nice plot, and a great ending! I could see this expanded to a series quite easily!

COMMENT: The only thing I would point out to you is to go back and read this slowly, there are a few grammatical errors, nothing major, but it would 'tidy' it up to be a great piece! otherwise, a fantastic read!

Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
A review signature for Talent Pond members.
7
7
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinons. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...*Smile*

1ST IMPRESSION: This is a really nice little story, great characters, and well described. The imagery is nice and crisp, and the inclusion of the smells is excellent!

STLYE/FORM: nicely constructed, I think the opening is spot-on, and the dialogue is written correctly, especially the language used for the little boy.

CONTENT: I got to the end thinking there could have been a little more! Maybe including a longer description of the horse, as in young Tommy telling us that he used to sit on him often without anything happening? or something similar, would make it's reaction more of a contradiction to its mormal state. I don't know if there is a word limit to you story...

OVERALL: A very nice piece, but with a little more it could be great: expand on the imagery and the descriptions ( just a few lines, nothing more )of the horse, its reaction, the boy's delight/fear at being taken for a ride...The grammer is perfe3ct, the flow is perfect, just wish there was more! But that's a good thing :)

COMMENT: I would love to come back and see this piece expanded, but as it is, it still works really well, and certainly shows your talent for writing a story!


Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
A review signature for Talent Pond members.
8
8
Review of Awakenings  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Hunters Moon!

Really nice job on this form.

The imagery is fantastic, really crisp, andcertainly give the impression of springtime!

Just one very small thing...

First verse, lines2 and 3...would you consider it written this way?:
'lose purchase as nature commands.
The earth, released, no longer bound,
...Do tou think it flows a little easier?

Only my impression, The poem is great!

Regards,
Markymark
9
9
Review of She  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Conspire!

I had to read this quite a few times to get a rythym for it, which is why I gave you the rating.

The content is great, I love the wording and imagery, but I dont think that the layout of the poem works to the best advantage.

There are SO many forms for poetry, you will find one that suits this perfectly. There are some sentences rhyming in this, others that dont, and I think It is simply a matter of changing the layoput..

These are just personal thoughts, but the core of a good poem is there, a little editing and it could be great1

Good work!

markymark
10
10
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello cfreeman1

This is a very nice piece!

I love to write about emotions myself, and I found this piece very touching, honest, and easy to read.

I dont know if you have written much poetry, but the only reason I didn't give you a higher rating is because the flow of the poem is broken up by some uneven lines. Read it out loud, and you will see where this lovely poem could be improved, just by changing a few very small things.

'before nearly each day is done'....leave out nearly
'most likely avoided'....maybe 'more easily avoided'...?

these are just my honest thoughts, I know and feel what you are trying to say, and It's a great piece!

well done!

Markymark

11
11
Review of FREE RENT??  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jennyj

This is a very interesting introspection on how much of your thoughts, and your mind, you give to the one you love.

My own personal impression is that it would work a little better if it was centered on the page, and broken up into 2 parts, or possibly 3... @.. yours', @ ..free rent'. For me, this would help the flow.

That is only a layout thing that I would use, otherwise, I realy like the way you conveyed this thought, nice emotion and nice ending!.

noce work!

Markymark
12
12
Review of Release  
Review by Markymark
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Elementactual,

This is a really great piece!

The insight into the mind of the addict you manage to portray is both deep and emotional.

'A patient contender, a master of subtle coercion
Marshaling thought and action toward ever deepening obscurity'

This is my favorit line, evoking the seeming helplessness that the person must feel in that situation.
Excellent!

well done,

Mark
13
13
Review of Pretty Blue Eyes  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kings1

What a beautiful poem!

I am immediately touched by it's sincerity and truth, and I like it's simplicity, a really perfect expression!

Well done...

Mark
14
14
Review of White Water Life  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it!

Gotta try one of those forms.

the refrain really boosts the message!

very crisp interpretation of life as a rough water ride!

MM
15
15
Review of Unencumbered  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Ken,

What a beautiful poem.

I always relate the reading of a poem to a state of mind....and this put me right at ease!

It takes you to the waters edge, and you feel the calm and the sun and hear the sounds...

The only thing ( and I feel silly saying it to someone with so much experience! ) is the flow is broken in a couple of places where the sentences are stopped in the middle...verse 2, line 3 perhaps into the water, so.... and verse 4, line 2...perhaps writen as 'as the sun warms my heart, and clouds display,...'

But honestly, they are my humble opinions!

I love it as it is.....

MM
16
16
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

EXCELLENT!
17
17
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Miguel,


This is beautiful!

As a fan of romance, I can relate to this in so many ways.

Inspiring, and the depth of feeling is quite evident reading through this.

Very well done!

The only thing I could comment on that you might change is 'As I review in my mind what I just have said,'...swap have and just?

Otherwise...Beautiful!

Markymark.
18
18
Review of Your Intense Kiss  
Review by Markymark
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Yacolt!

you most certainly have a gift for the erotic poetry.

I've sent this to my girlfriend, hope you dont mind.

brilliant!

MM
19
19
Review of Azai  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...

CONTENT:As I dont know the context of the piece, I judge this on what you have described it to be, a character description.

STYLE:really well written, I like the the way you used conversation, just the right amount. The details are intriguing, would love to know what happened.

STORY: It is a brief snippet of a longer piece? but it really well constructed. It flows nicely, no major issues at all!

COMMENT: As you said this is a character description, I will comment on that alone. I think the decsription of his eyes has a little too much desription, especially ' clear, steady' describes a gaze, rather than a colour...about the green glass: It doesn't conjure up an image I can easily see. Perhaps his eyes could be described as being 'the smooth well-worn sheen of a pebble, like many you find on a beach, only they were infused with the colour of...'....rather than broken glass beaten... I think that the association of texture and colour you mixed a little too much. Otherwise it is really good. perhaps add in a description of the feel of his hands also...rough, wrinkles, cuts , scars, colour.
I hope you take this as constructive, and not a complete mash of your writing. I am being honest as this is how you learn. You can see that you have talent, but for me the senses must be given a complete work out when decsribing something specific, and that includes a character. use texture, colour, taste, smell to describe as much as possible, leave the reader as if they met the person.
I dont know if you were limited in the amount of words or anything, so please accept this review on the merits of just what I read.
If I can be of any help at all, please feel free to ask, I would be only too happy to help.

Regards, and write on!
Mark



Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
20
20
Review of Words  
Review by Markymark
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...

CONTENT:a really nice poem on how a person can have an affect on you, and how you feel. very well written.

STYLE:
nice, simple constuction, easy to read and understand. the movement from start to finish has the complete story, no pause or break to put the reader off. well done.

STORY: I have felt this way in my own life a few times, and you manage to convey the feelings very well, leaving the readed in no doubt as to the impact this person has on you.

COMMENT:
There is only one thing I would like to see changed in this, and it is the sentence 'rusty and unstable'. I dont think it fits into the image of a lock in the process of being unlocked :). Otherwise it's a great piece.


Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
21
21
Review of Ripple Effect  
Review by Markymark
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions! So, here goes...

CONTENT: An extremely well written poem revealing the emotional strain brought about by a descision to stay or go.

STYLE: I would have given this a 5 but for the fact that I would have liked the LAYOUT to be different, not so 'chopped', but thats just a personal thing. For me it would have made it easire to flow, but just as powerful in its telling.

STORY:
It hints at an argument but doesn't reveal it. very well thought out, and delivers its message effotlessly.

COMMENT: I like the theme and the subject. very good indeed, the way its written, lets the reader see themselves in the situation!



Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
22
22
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!

CONTENT:what a fantastic way to portray the story. the words actually expressing themselves is brilliant.

STYLE:including the symbols was a great idea, and the way the words speak in brackets shows you have a great imagination for writing.

STORY: An unusual idea, but brilliantly portrayed. the dialogue is smooth and imaginative.

COMMENT: I haven't enjoyed a flash fiction storey as much as this one, excellent! very well done!



Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
23
23
Review by Markymark
Rated: E | (4.5)
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!

CONTENT: a great flash fiction story, love the interaction between the husband and wife!

STYLE: stuck to the flash guidelines very well. the dialogue is exellent, brought me right into the room with them.

STORY:
very well thought out, and you managed to deliver a larger story than the 300 words!

COMMENT:
I love the flash fiction challenges myself, and this has done it considerable justice! well done!


Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
24
24
Review of Prisoner of War  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!

CONTENT: an excellent use of the prompt, and a great effort at a 300 word story!

STYLE:
I know this contest well, and this is a very well thought out reply!

STORY:a great vision of a brief moment in the life of a prisoner of war! O like the imagery, and could easily be elongated. nice idea!



COMMENT: Very nicely done.



Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
25
25
Review of Snippets  
Review by Markymark
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I Am Glad To Have Reviewed Your Piece, And Below Are My Thoughts, And My Honest Opinon. And Remember, These Are Only MY Impressions!

CONTENT: I can understand where you are coming from with this piece, very easy to read and understand. simply written but evocative.

STYLE:
simple but eloquent, the way I like it to read.

STORY:
n/a....a very nice piece on your appreciation for your art.....


COMMENT:well done! if anyone can't understand from this how you feel about your writing, nobody will! very nice!



Keep writing Friend....!
MarkyMark
Image of a bright angel create for the Angel Army
40 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brannick