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220 Public Reviews Given
220 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Asking questions that may help you develop and expand your story. Inconsistencies tend to jump out at me and I will point out any I see.
Public Reviews
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26
26
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rhymer Reisen, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  — Summer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: There's magic afoot in rural Oklahoma!


Characters: Trey Willabee is a mild-mannered English teacher about to be surprised by new realizations. There are several other mystical/mythical characters, but exploring them might give too much of the story away.


Mechanics: No mechanical problems. I like the voooiiiiceeeees you gave your characters, they worked well.


Presentation Thank you for the larger font!! The spacing and the layout are consistent and lend themselves to an easy read.


Final Thoughts Trey's new world seems like a gold mine, with plenty of room to build and explore. You have created a world with much room to grow. All of the characters are likable in their own way. I hope their adventures continue! Write On!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Shenanigans INC.

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
for entry "A Trip to Athora" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Vaishali , this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  — Summer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: A young girl moves through an unusual jungle world.


Characters: Our protagonist is young Olivia Berns, who is accompanied by her friends Jack and Anne. We haven't met an antagonist yet.


Mechanics: While there are no glaring errors that detract from the chapter, there are a few small ones that gave me pause.

Moreover, the calm breezes caress one's skin like a mother giving his son, a gentle pat on his forehead.
         The red his seems to be referring back to the mother in this sentence, should this be hers, or is this purposeful ambiguity? If so, work to make it clearer that you did this on purpose.

"Don't you think that it's not her first time here.? The period should be a question mark.


Presentation Thank You for using a larger font, it makes for easier reading for those with older eyes. Try to stay consistent with your spacing — in most places you treated each new speaker as a new paragraph, except for here;

"Look at Olivia ! Where is she going?" Anne exclaimed.
"Let's follow her", said Jack.


Final Thoughts So far I like Olivia's story, you have a great start. Expand on the descriptions by including all the senses including smells, sounds, and taste, not just what she sees.

         What did Athora Smell Like? What did the cave smell like?
         What noises did the Chihuahuas make when they greeted the students?
         What sounds were in the background of Athora.
         What did Olivia hear or not hear as she entered the cave?

Draw me in Olivia's world with descriptions!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Shenanigans INC.

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ~SilverMoon~, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  — Summer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: A poem of a love destroyed by malice, sad and dark in tone.


Characters: Two star-crossed lovers as the protagonists, a less than loyal friend as the antagonist.


Mechanics: There were no errors or typos that detracted from the flow of the poem. I did stumble a bit over the changes in point of view. That may be more my problem than the authors


Presentation Well-spaced and punctuated. The rhyme stays consistent. A nice flow.

Sorry; another WriteML hint —

If you use {dropnote:"Text Here"}Note Here{/dropnote}

This way —

{{dropnote:"Author's Note:"}Reference to Isis.
Isis is a Moon Goddess in Egyptian mythology. She was known as the goddess of the moon and of life and magic, Isis protected women and children, and surely men She healed the sick.
{/dropnote}}

It yields this —

Author's Note: ▼


Final Thoughts This poem made me sad, so it achieved its purpose, unrequited, stolen love is a saddening thing. Thank You! I need some cookies now.


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Shenanigans INC.

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ♥Hooves♥, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  — Summer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: Plot? It's a song parody — does it need a plot? Well, actually it does have a plot, a Lonely Bull (wait – that was Herb Alpert) spots a lovely Milk Cow and becomes infatuated. I think the Eagles would approve!


Characters: All unnamed, the poem features a Bull, a Milk Cow, and a Farmer/Milkman.


Mechanics: No distractions or errors to detract from the flow of the poem. The rhythm varied a bit at times from the original song, but that is unavoidable.


Presentation Well laid out, great font size and choice and very appropriate art work!


Final Thoughts This is a well-written song parody, that for the most part follows the rhythm and rhyme of the original song, not always an easy task. Thank You!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Shenanigans INC.

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
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Review of Key of Joy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi fyn, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  — Summer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: Very Important Advice!! Find happiness in the small, impromptu moments that can bring joy to you.


Characters: The main voice appears to be the author, who implores us to live life to the fullest by actively pursuing the simple joys around us.


Mechanics: Nothing was amiss, there were no distractions and the poem flowed well.

If I had to quibble a bit, as a musician I would have to point out that dancers have no real idea of the key of the music they're dancing in. BUT! I agree, dance in the key of joy. has a better poetic flow than "sing in the key of joy"


Presentation Thank You for the larger font!!


Final Thoughts A lovely poem, extolling the virtues of the small, happy (and free moments) that provide happiness to us! Thank You For Reminding Us To Celebrate Them!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Shenanigans INC.

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of Finding Flies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I am reviewing your entry in the March "Writing 4 Kids Contest " 


A whimsical delight! A nicely planned rhyme scheme and a flowing rhythm would make this a wonderful poem to read to early learners and an excellent poem for middle readers.

I found no mechanical stumbling blocks that would distract a reader from the poem. Punctuation was consistent and served to accent the flow of the poem and rhythmic structure.

One small comment about vocabulary; the word "aghast" is a bit advanced, But it would provide a teachable moment! So it's the teacher's problem!

These two lines;

So if you didn't know it, friend, take heart, for now you do:
flies will always gather 'round a pile of froggy poo!

Bless the teacher who reads them with a straight face!

Thank you for your entry, please bear in mind that this review is solely my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt. It is also a contest review and as such has been held to a higher standard. Please use what helps and disregard the rest!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I am reviewing your entry in the March "Writing 4 Kids Contest " 


Short, sweet, and to the point! I liked the premise of your story, from a teaching standpoint, it would have set up a "call and response" structure. The prose asks a question, the readers/listeners respond.

I would have loved it if you had kept the structure consistent throughout the story. A question followed by your response, when reading it aloud the reader would pause for students to respond!

To illustrate my comment;

Do you have a favorite character?

I doMe too! His name is Kermit the Frog.

Do you know what Kermit says?

“Time’s fun when you’re eating flies.”

Do you like eating flies? Perfect!

And So On

I really appreciated that you "illustrated" your story, children love pictures!!

This line of your story is great, and is placed wonderfully;

"Time is fun when you are eating your favorite food."

The line creates a fable-like feel to your story

Structured with more "call and response" questions and answers, this would make a great read-aloud for early learners!

Thank you for your entry, please bear in mind that this review is solely my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt. It is also a contest review and as such has been held to a higher standard. Please use what helps and disregard the rest!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi! I am reviewing your entry in the March "Writing 4 Kids Contest " 


A story about a day in the life of Kermit the Frog told through Kermit's eyes. I really loved this line of your story;

"Kermit is my name and catching flies is my game."

As an editor, I might have done this;

"Kermit's is my name, catching flies is my game."

Then used that as either the opening "hook" or the title or both!

Your target audience was intended to be 7th. or 8th. graders, the problem I see with that grade level is a bit beyond The Muppets, they've outgrown them, and won't appreciate the whimsicality of them again for several more years.

I liked that your story included facts about frogs, for the grade level you intended, more facts would have been better.

         Do frogs eat anything besides flies?
         Does anything eat frogs?

Mechanically I found a few things, that need mention.

I'll use this sentence to illustrate;

"My tongue is extra long and I can catch a lot of flies."

My tongue is extra(-)long and(,) I can catch a lot of flies.

         "extra-long" is generally hyphenated.

         "and" is separating clauses and should have a comma. This occurs in nine other places in your story.

         "a lot of" is a phrase we tend to discourage the use of in favor of other words. Perhaps "many"?

Thank you for your entry, please bear in mind that this review is solely my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt. It is also a contest/judging review and as such has been held to a higher standard mechanically. Please use what helps and disregard the rest!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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34
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Teargen, I am reviewing this as part of "Invalid Item" !

I found this little gem while I was searching for tales of elusive Leprechauns.

You almost made me snort green beer, your poem is quite funny!

I enjoyed its rhythmic lilt and the rhyme scheme you set up, this could easily be transformed into a "pubbish" ​drinking song, which is what I heard in my head as I read it. The first stanza would make a fabulous chorus, as each following verse added to the song's humorous conclusion.
​
Mechanically, I didn't see any major problems. If I were composer to your lyricist I might negotiate a few very minor word changes to fit the rhythm I hear flowing through the poem.

The only thing I spotted was in this line;

I drink too much, O’Reilly thought,
and now inpatients I do in.

I think you mean impatiens, as in the flower?

Thank You For The Laugh and the lovely poem!

** Image ID #2246051 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of LEPRECHAUNS  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E
Hello Monty, I am reviewing this as part of "Invalid Item" !

Oh, but I do believe! Your poem makes me wish I could spend an evening in a comfortable old pub, plying story after story out of your Uncle Pat, and quite possibly the rest of your family, with libations of their choice!

Leprechauns are of course very real and live among us. Their gold isn't actually kept in pots at the end of rainbows, and you don't really have to chase them or catch them to find it.

Nope, The gold is in their hearts, minds, and heritage. The rich histories that they'll gladly part with to all those willing to listen. It's in the songs they sing and the poems and stories they write.

‘Tho I know this sounds fictitious,

No, embellished perhaps. Enhanced by generations of storytelling Bards surely, but the grain of truth runs through all the tales, connecting us all to times long past.

I saw no mechanical points to comment on, if I were the composer to your lyricist we might negotiate a few words on rhythm. But simply said this is a wonderful poem filled with vivid imagery, and great storytelling!

Uncle Pat and Da are not the only ones gifted with the Art of Blarney! Thank You!!



** Image ID #2246051 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing this as part of "Invalid Item" !

I found this poem while I was searching for Leprechaun Gold!!

The story/poem clearly catches the essence of Leprechauns, their crafty and mischievous nature, their love of storytelling (blarney), and their zest for good times.

It is well written, with very descriptive text and rich imagery. For the most part, it has a pleasant and an AABB rhyme scheme. There are five stanzas bracketed by the opening stanza, very reminiscent of songwriting style.

The opening stanza sets an almost mystical tone, evoking the sound of "tiny violins" leading seldom seen dancers until late into the evening. I like that, although "tiny fiddles" might have been more apropos. A little bit of a non-sequitur here, as we're led to believe that at sunset their retire for the evening, yet later in the poem/story we find them out at night creating mayhem and mischief.

I was particularly moved, this was the work of a "White Case" member. It makes me happy that, to some small extent, I can honor COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME's memory by doing this review. I don't know how these White Cases are maintained or if any of the mechanical aspects are editable, of which there are only two that I saw.

The only mechanical aspects I would note are missing spaces in the first line of both the first and last stanza;

In the fields beyond the moors,(add space)the sound of music drifted.

And a misplaced space in this line of the fourth stanza;

Although they have fun doing their mischief(misplaced space).I declare

I truly enjoyed this poem, the imagery, and emotions that it evoked.

** Image ID #2246051 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
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Review of Turkeys' Revenge  
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I laughed out loud at these limericks! Splendid job!!

One quick note should Dinners be Diners?

Otherwise PERFECT!! Brava


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
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Review of Randomly Writing  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It's great to see someone see the positives of a situation, rather than dwelling on the negatives!

So much has been made of the inconveniences Covid has caused, but we tend to ignore the benefits. Like the time to do things we don't normally do. It's a great thing that Covid has adversely affect you or me and that we have stayed healthy.

It's good to here you have adapted to Zoom classes, some students struggle with that, as do some teachers. I find that I am spending more time on classes, I have had to limit my time. I was answering kids questions twenty-four hours a day! *Rolling*

Again, thanks for reminding us to look for the positives and to not always dwell in the negative aspects!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of CCRD  
Rated: E | (5.0)
'Rubbing Peter to pay Paul' ~ I think you mean Robbing?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of JOY IN CHRIST  
In affiliation with Open Door To Grace ♥  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Favour and welcome to WdC — again!

I enjoyed and appreciated reading your first offering on WdC. Thank You for Sharing!!

I found your use of storms as an analogy for life's tribulations fitting, particularly now when the storm waters are coming from so many directions. So many are having difficulty dealing with their personal storms.

Your words work equally well as free verse poetry, hymn lyric, or simply a prayer.

A question of punctuation;

It doesn't matter how tumultuous the storm may look like

It might even seem as if it's going to blow one down

We are not going to fill our own boat with the waters of wearisome thoughts.

Do you wish those lines to be one long sentence, with no stops or pauses?

I suggest you read this aloud and add punctuation to match what you read.

I also noticed you added a Copywrite disclaimer, while you can certainly do that, every item you post on WdC is Copywrite protected as per the Terms of Service Agreement. Just so you Know!!

© Copyright 2020 Favour (favour1 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates, and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.


Again, Welcome, and Thank You!!


P.S. One of the "things" on WdC are groups dedicated to specific topics and subjects, this is a group that might interest you {emdash "Open Door To Grace ♥" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Autumn as a Child  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lovely poem that brings back happy thoughts of Autumn's past. I miss the "Old Autumns". To me they seemed to have lasted longer, with their brisk yet comfortable temperatures. We had many maple trees, that were always a glory of color.

I particularly liked the creation of your new word "Autumnly" — I always enjoy the artistic creation of new words or the use of older words in their archaic form.

I didn't stumble over any of your poem, the writing was clear and easy to read.

One small comment for possible edit;

In this line –

kickball and softball witch the three trees would be used for the bases

Did you intentionally switch which to witch? If this had been an October or Halloween Poem, I wouldn't even ask, thinking you might have added an "Easter Egg" for us to find.

I really enjoyed reading this poem, and to make up for your "missing" CR from the Merit Badge, I will be awarding it an awardicon! Thank You for sharing your talent with us!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
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In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, that was certainly unexpected! That was quite a bit of very fine writing packed into a compact and concise package. I enjoyed reading it very much! There were no errors or things that jarred my reading pace, everything moved along quite well.

Now for a bit of business. Had I NOT (foolishly) entered the Coffee Calamity Competition your entry would have placed first. Personally I think it should have been first, if for nothing else other then the brilliant twist at the end.

So, I am discounting my entry and assuming you placed first which means —

I owe you some points (sending them with this review), an Awardicon and a Merit Badge, which I'll add to the list for when you get CR for them.

Thanks for the great story!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Divorce  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello and welcome to WdC! I hope you don't mind, I poked around in your portfolio and found this flash fiction you wrote fro a contest entry.

I liked the tight language you used to portray the ending of the marriage, you got quite a bit of impact from very few words. I would have liked to see a bit more description of their emotional state, this must-have been a very charged discussion, yet it came off dry and somewhat emotionless.

A few nitpicky points, mainly proofreading items;

After two years of marriage[COMMA] I thought everything was great.

60 race horses in fact. Generally, numbers, except for very large numbers should be written out. Racehorses is one word.

“what do you talk about all day?” what should be capitalized.

“Well, what do you talk about all day? Your together so long what do you even have to talk about?” "Your" is a possessive pronoun used to show ownership. "You're" is a contraction for the two words “you are.” You are either looking for You're or You are here.

"I cant deal with that. cant needs an apostrophe, can't

"OK." I answered quietly Sentence is missing punctuation.

In several places "it's" the contraction of "it is" was used without an apostrophe.

Please realize this review is written to be helpful. Your writing has a great deal of promise and I think you will be a great addition to our community. This isn't meant to discourage you, you shouldn't let any review or reviewer discourage you!

Thank You for sharing your talent with us, and keep on writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Hello  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Harmony, and welcome to Writing.com (WdC). I read your monologue with great interest.

It's interesting that you say you base your work on others assumptions, but that feedback makes you defensive. Well, Harmony, you aren't alone! Feedback makes everybody a bit defensive. How can it not? We work hard and nurture our stories and then someone we don't even know (like me) comes along and tells us what they think about them. The nerve! It's funny because I just did a post in my blog about this. You can click on this link, {entry:#982498} if you'd like to read it.

I can tell you that I have had nothing but positives since I joined WcD, for the most part all of the reviews I have received have been helpful, insightful and are helping me to be a better writer. No one here is judgmental or "looks down" upon anyone else. The site fosters talent, and helps encourage it in many ways.

I know it's sometimes hard to step forward, but everyone here is on your side, everyone here wants you to succeed at what ever you plan to do.

Just to end with a few things that might be up your ally; "Write An Essay About..."  is an essay contest you might consider entering, the prompt might be perfect for you.

Also my own contest; "Newbie Contest Challenge!!"  which allows writings from any genre is open, the prompt is about "Firsts" and again, sounds like it might be right in your autobiographical wheelhouse.

If at any point I can answer any questions for you or help in any way Richard ~ Shenanigans INC. , just click on the envelope and send a email my way!

As many people here on WdC like to say - Write On My Friend!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a delightful start to a mystery, a dead body on an island with no way off.

I was sorry to see it end so abruptly, You had me hooked and I want to know more. I want more clues, information and intrigue.

The story flowed well and except for a few very minor glitches I found along the way was an enjoyable read. The descriptions are rich and full of imagery.

We don't really learn much about the characters yet. But, hopefully you'll come and fill in that void.

Just a few things I noticed along the way;

This sentence: He unburied the bottle and realized that the bottle wasn’t as empty as he thought.

I stumbled a bit over the use of "unburied", I know it kind of works but generally unburied refers to something that has never been buried. If I were editing your piece I'd cross it out and offer you some other choices. "He kicked the bottle loose with his foot ~" "He dug the bottle out".

This sentence: It appears as though someone is trying to cover up their guilt by pin the murder on a ghost.

"pin" should be pinning I think.

And, lastly this sentence: We’ll met you at the docks in ten minutes.

"met" should be meet.

If you do grant my wish and return to add to this lovely story and want to "beef" up the action, look for these words and replace them wit more descriptive language; "There, its and it" are all Telling words.

My own personal bugaboo is filler words, I have to read and re-read to scrub them out of my writing, look out for "just and that". Very often they sneak in and serve no real purpose in the sentence, a great place to trim fat in a word restriction situation. The added plus is trimming them helps the pace of the story.

Thank You for sharing your talent with us, I hope you might come back to this mystery and solve it for us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Happy WdC Anniversary! Oh MY! How I love finding works in progress. Such an interesting window into an authors mind and creative process.

I like the story so far, there's rich descriptive language and I'm already worried about several characters, I need to know what is happening to the wolf, the kid and the old man. I am intrigued by the wolves ability to communicate. There's gold here and it needs to be mined!

Since this is a WIP I am going to hone in on a few errors that jumped out at me;

~ telepahy = telepathy
~ collasping = collapsing
~ lesson = lessen

I Googled it and found no reference, so at some point you're going to need to explain what a Dolvine Wolf is.

Showing vs. Telling;

"There, Watched, Saw and It" are all Telling words, any place you used them can be "amped" up by replacing them with richer descriptive Showing words, a great place to start your editing process.

Filler Words; (my own personal nemesis)

"Then, Seemed, That, Just and Seems" are often filler words, quite often they add no real value or description to your sentences. They're the first words that should be trimmed if your looking to get below a word count. Trimming them also helps with the pacing of your story, making it flow better for the reader.

Like I said before there is gold here, I'd love to see you revisit this tale, expand it and let us know more about these characters. I hope my review is helpful and encourages you to pick this story up again! Thank You!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of We will survive?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello and welcome to Writing.com, (WdC)!

I found your poem under the Read A Newbie Header on the right column of links, I hope you don't mind if I share a few comments about it.

First thank You for sharing your talent with us, it's always great to read and meet new people. That's one of the best things about WdC!

First impressions; I really liked this poem, it speaks powerfully of an issue that's very important to me, the environment and our misuse and abuse of our planet.

A few things I noticed right off;

Your title is perfect, it caught my attention, which is great! However, normally ALL of the "important words" in a title are capitalized - instead of Will we survive?, I think "Will We Survive?" is what works.

In this line; Hanging from a thread we we're, I stumbled a bit reading it. Did you mean to repeat "we we're" or is it a typo? (Just my opinion ~ "we are" works well with your flow and rhyme scheme.)

On the subject of rhyme scheme, you do seem to have one going on, though it doesn't follow a set pattern. I'm not sure if the rhymes are on purpose or just fortuitous. What I see is ABCB ABAC ABCD.

Great Job! Thank You Again!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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48
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Poetry is always a difficult review for me. I either like the poem or I don't like the poem. The poem either speaks to me or it doesn't.

This poem spoke to me, on several levels. It is a glimpse into a unique personality of a writer, a statement of the poets moral compass. It speaks to me because it is a truth that I share. A poet speaking for those who can't be heard. Voicing a message that doesn't come from weakness and a strength that comes not from power, but rather compassion.

Two things puzzled me; the choice of "justification", part of the poem justified left, with the last two lines centered. I almost missed the last two lines. My fault entirely, I just wonder why it's done?

I'm also not sure if you meant to "felicitate" (congratulate) an argument or "facilitate" (make an action or process easy or easier).

Strangely, my mind accepts either word, but it changes the meaning of the line.

Thank You for sharing your poems, please take my comments as encouragement!!


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings! Welcome to Writing.com, that you for joining and sharing your talent with us. I just finish reading your Flash Fiction "Not As Advertised " , I enjoy it! I have a few comments to share.

First let me say you did a great job working the prompt into the story, it flowed well and was natural to the dialogue. The entire story flowed well, there were no glaring punctuation or spelling errors.

This looked to me like a contest entry, usually contest test entries have word count restrictions. Did this one? Very often contest with word count restrictions ask you to include the word count, often in a specific place. Did this one?

As I said there were no "glaring" errors in punctuation, but there was a tiny one;

In this sentence ~ “Yes, but I don’t know…I have a bad feeling about this.” He replied

The ellipses should have a space on either side; The Punctuation Guide  

I Think your Flash Fiction would make a great jumping off point for a very good short story. There are plenty of unanswered questions and much more material for you to develop.

The last thing I want to touch on is Showing vs. Telling, writing is richer when you show your reader something rather then telling us. Some words are indicators that we've been told rather then shown. Take a look at the words ~ it, know, and to a much lesser degree, get, feeling and saw. Look for those words, very often those words are places you can enrich your writing with more descriptive Showing!

Thank You For Sharing Your Talent With Us! I Look Forward To Reading More Of Your Work! If your are looking for contests to enter check out the link below!


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Review of True Freedom  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi and Welcome to Writing.com! I came across your story using the Read and Review link. I hope you don't mind if I share a few thoughts.

I enjoyed your story, it was very descriptive and pulled me in. You used language very well to make me feel your characters pain and anguish.

There are a few things I'd like to share;

These words are Telling words: "knew, could, felt, feel and it" all tell me something, I would rather you Showed me instead. Search those words out and where you can remove them and beef up the descriptions for an even stronger story.

Great Story! I can't wait to read more of your work, Thanks for sharing!

"That" is very often a Filler word; many time you can edit "that" out without changing the meaning of your sentences. It helps improve pacing and comes in handy if your facing a word count restriction.

In this phrase: are no more than forgotten memoirs do you mean memoirs or memories?

Signature created for me by Roseille. Thank You!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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