There are a few things that could be fixed, though.
All "i" should be capitilized, and none of your are.
Also, that entire paragraph is one large run-on sentence. Try splitting it up like this:
My Precious Thing
I knew something was wrong when my mum sat me down to talk to me seriously. Since I was and still am I all was joke and laugh so that's what I did as I did not know the full story yet. Anyway, when mum told me that my dear pop had cancer in one of his kidneys, I was so scared for him and I still am. He is the most precious thing I could ever have, besides the rest of my family. But the amazing thing is that he survived the cancer and I have one thing to say: to everyone else that has ever experienced cancer, or even had a family or friend in this position, stay positive and don't let the worse things get to you or the other person because that just makes it harder.
I love my pop because he is fighter and always be there for me when I need him. He is the most precious thing to me.
The area highlighted in red made no sense to me.
Other than that, you have a very promising piece! If you decide to fix this, let me know and I'll come back for a re-rate!
Great job, you really paint a picture with the words you've chosen.
I rarely reccomend this for poetry, but I suggest you take out a few of your punctuation marks. I think punctuation in poetry should be used sparingly or it takes away the effect. If you get rid of some of it then your poem will be perfect! Great job!
I think I liked this chapter even better than the first!
I like how you put more dialougue in; you really get to know the characters better.
One thing I noticed:
So . . . after walking for about three hours on muddy mountain path that was quickly getting blanketed with ash, we found an abandoned water buffalo, or carabao as you call them.
There should be a quotation mark before "So..."
Also, William and Mary really hit home for me becuase my mom's name is Mary Williams and I plan on going to the William and Mary college of virginia.
Wow, great ending! I'm going to read the next chapter right now. The beginning got off to a slow start, but I see now that was neccessary to include all the facts and mysteries.
This was very nicely written, although a little uncomfortable being written in the present tense. That's just my opinion, though.
No spelling or grammer errors that I saw, great job!
This is a small, but nice collection of sigs. Because sigs really are a peice of art, I think the text in your folder should reflect that. It would be a lot nicer if you use HTML in your introductory.
I think I like the butterfly one better than the dog house one, though!
I am reviewing this as the third of 10 static item reviews you won at the AA Store
What I liked:
I usually don't like long poems, but I can see yours no other way! I like how you take the reader back a few days at the end, but it is all told at the same time.
What could be inmproved:
Nothing really! A few of the words seemed forced, but they sounded good being that it is a children's poem.
Overall Impression:
A really silly poem that is sure to please people of any age!
When you got to the part about the brunette changing to the platinum blonde, I scrolled down and wrote in this box that she changed haircolors instantaniously. Then I read on and realized it wasn't a mistake! lol
You do a good job describing the scenario, but I really think Jake's personality could be better described.
This is a very interesting and attention grabbing introduction to a story. I can't wait to read more!
I didnt' see any spelling or grammer errors which makes it better to read. You do a good job of presenting the story, splitting up the paragraphs and all.
I think you could put a bit more about the characters along with the dialougue, because in the introduction you don't really get a feel for what any of the characters are like.
This sounds like a really interesting subject for a book.
You do a good job building up the character's personality and history. I love the way you start out Between Two Tides (2) you describe the funeral very vividly. Ans cince the beginning and end are pretty similar, it gives the feeling of irony which makes it even better.
This is a really great beginning to a what I'm sure will be a great story.
The ending was very promising, and as soon as you write a bit more of it let me kno! I would love to read more about Allison and the homeless man's legacy.
There were no spelling errors, though there were a few run-on sentences.
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