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447 Public Reviews Given
452 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm discursive and I want to have a conversation with the writer. I'm not keen on "checklist" ways of reviewing, and as a result, some of my reviews are quite long. I like to focus on the positives and highlight the good points, but if a piece is obviously "sloppy", I won't hesitate to look closely at it. I won't be deliberately negative and NEVER cruel, malicious, abusive or intolerant. These are definite no-nos. I can be a bit of a wimp about this, and I would rather not do a review than focus on a piece's shortcomings.
I'm good at...
Looking at how a story builds to its climax and then to it's end. Good characterisation is important as is the strength of the story idea. I look for the internal logic of the story - that it follows a predictable pattern; not that the outcome is predictable, but that we can see what's happening. While not a grammar/spelling/punctuation fiend, I do look for obvious errors, but not let that have too big a bearing on my rating. I love happy endings, but that never influences my reviews.
Favorite Genres
Romance/love, Erotica, Relationships, Philosophy, Psychology, Family - more to come.
Least Favorite Genres
Fashion, Food/cooking, Religious. But almost anything else
Favorite Item Types
Watch this space
Least Favorite Item Types
Watch this space.
I will not review...
There's nothing I won't review; if you can write it, I'll review it. I will, in fact, review anything, but I'm better at some than others (see my favourite genres).
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 ... Next
76
76
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
Hi Raven. I like this; it is highly descriptive, and your knowledge/love of horses shines through very clearly. The pale woman, maybe the hero of the tale (or maybe it is the stallion) is an intriguing figure, heavily armed on some mysterious quest.

That far, you have done an excellent job, but you have left your readers begging for more. Who is this mysterious woman? Why is she so heavily armed? What role will the stallion play in this story? All sorts of interesting questions beg to be answered.

Please don't leave us in suspense, Raven, the beginning is too good for that. The plot sounds potentially engrossing, and your powers of description suggest a real capacity for effective characterisation.

I do have a couple of minor issues; points of punctuation and grammar. "Nights" and "moons" both require apostrophes. Also be careful of the seductive nature of adjectives and adverbs. We know the speed at which the moon "goes down", so you could do without the "slowly". Similarly, "ebony" is, by definition, black, so you don't need both. Also, but with a good deal less justification, we know that stars are both "scattered" and "twinkling". You might want to think about the value of these adjectives.

In spite of my pickiness, I think you have created the beginning of a good story, Raven. More please.

Regards

Abstract impression of a clock

** Image ID #1795158 Unavailable **


77
77
Review of The Bob  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bob, um, sorry, hi W D Wilcox. Not at all sure why I keep laughing at this - everybody knows that the lights up there are held in place by duct tape and paper clips *Cool*

No, seriously for a minute (why, bumblegrum, why be serious ?) After I shut him up, I can say that this is genuine 100% 24 carat comedy and that is rare. Attempts at comedy are too often either forced or too weak to raise a laugh. I think I can detect a whisper of Douglas Adams in your writing - and that's no bad thing as he was another comic genius.

Your plot is very well worked out and moves delightfully through an oddly logical process towards its climax. I like the characterisation, too - You get a very clear picture of Bob, who remains remarkably sane rather than deteriorating into a quivering jelly, and Phipz and Belchen are archetypal space aliens - you know, the type you see at any shopping centre any day.

All that said, you have cheated just a bit. Bob has fixed all the red stars but then is left with one planet. Hang on a minute, he's not supposed to be fixing planets, they don't shine anyway. And if he had to fix all the planets in the known universe, he wouldn't be finished by the time Gabriel blows his horn. Maybe that's just a little device to explain the need for the paper clip. Doesn't change the whacky humour of the story, it's just something that pedantic old farts like me can chortle over. *Smirk*

On the subject of pedantry, I did detect one very minor typo. Where you say "that Bob Galaxy is prejudice against aliens", "prejudice" should have a "d" on the end.

W D, you have crafted a belly laugh from beginning to end, one that I thoroughly enjoyed. I picked this up from Updates, and I do agree; we need a comedy contest, and I suspect "Bob" would win; well, if you use enough duct tape and paper clips!

Many thanks for your story, and write on - which I'm sure you will do.

Regards

Abstract impression of a clock

A dragon reading a book by candle light
78
78
Review of A Robot's Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Nina. This is a fascinating glimpse of a potential future. You implicitly ask the question of when does a robot cease to be a robot and approach being human; I was immediately reminded of Lt Cdr Data in Star Trek, The Next Generation. That a robot should have a wife (for heaven's sake, we can't even agree on gay marriage, let along robotic marriage *RollEyes*). Ribbits is able to smile to himself, and there is even the faintest possible hint of the erotic as Ribbits holds his wife's arm and soothing music flows from her communications centre. I would love to know what she actually DID get him for his "birthday" (And there I go, attributing gender characteristics to robots *Blush* It must be catching!)

This is a very well crafted story in less than 300 words. There is a slim but well defined plot, and some good "characterisation" of Ribbits. And I couldn't find any grammar, spelling or punctuation quibbles. Great stuff.

Thank you, Nina for an enjoyable read, even if it is a bit out of left field. In fact, that makes it even more enjoyable.

Regards

Abstract impression of a clock

** Image ID #1795158 Unavailable **
79
79
Review of You  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi april. This is a beautiful exploration of love and a deep, caring relationship. You are expressing the passion of the writer for the one person who is central to her sense of being cared about by another. This is powerful stuff, but at the same time, it may also be fragile.

Any relationship needs to be a 50:50 deal, and if it gets too far out of balance, the relationship may fail. If the writer pours out her heart and her innermost feelings in this way, there is a danger that she may be hurt. Any relationship is under the control of the person who care less.

I know, I sound dreadfully cynical, but years of personal and professional experience have told me that this tends to be true.

Having said all that, I'm going to be a bit picky about technicalities. The personal pronoun "I" needs to be capitalised. You've done that in the first four verses, but thereafter you've used a lower case "i". Also, you need to look at capitalisation and punctuation in the poem as a whole. It helps to get these points correct, otherwise you risk losing your readers.

Thank you for this sweet, charming piece of free verse, april. I suspect that it is at least in part, autobiographical. If so, I sincerely hope that all the hopes and emotions you've expressed in this piece are and remain absolutely true.

Regards

Abstract impression of a clock

** Image ID #1795158 Unavailable **
80
80
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi lumpypuppy. This is a sad, sad piece, but before I get to content, I do just want to touch on form. Writers have two possible audiences, themselves and the readers. If you are primarily writing just for yourself, you can do it however you please. If you are seeking to affect your readers (and I think you are), you do need to pay attention to the mechanics. So, "frail week body" needs to be "frail weak body". "emotional wreak" should be "emotional wreck", and I think "may it be" would read better as "it may be", and "bye" in "tears that passed bye." should be "by".

Having got all that out of the way, you're quite right - it does hurt both to be alone and to cry alone. I can't help including one of my favourite quotes here; it's by an author named Stan Barstow who you may or may not know. "If this life is all any of us have got, and that it time and again appears senseless to the point of lunacy, then the only choice is to get out and take it by the short hairs and make it sing something at least resembling our tune."

You can only be lonely, you can only be weak, you can only be an emotional wreck, IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE. We live our lives by the choices we make and must then accept the consequences of those choices. Tough? Yes, it is. Impossible? No, not quite, although sometimes it seems that way. And there is ALWAYS hope, even in the darkest night. Check out the legend of Pandora's box if you don't believe me.

Thank you, lumpypuppy for this poignant, powerful statement. I just hope that the future can look brighter than suggested in this piece. And for a good antidote to these blues, please keep on writing.

Regards

Abstract impression of a clock

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
81
81
Review of Black Box  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi KelleBelle. Thank you for this little story. It is well constructed; its form is excellent and I had no issues at all with grammar, spelling or punctuation.

That said, I have to confess that it left me with a feeling that, in some sense, the story was incomplete. This seemed to be so in two areas; firstly, I would have liked to know a lot more about the characters, particularly the mysterious lady. Who is she, what is she doing at the construction site? Is there anything special about the construction workers, or are they simply "generic" workers who have found the box? You have built your story in under 500 words, but unless this is for a word-limited contest, I suggest there is scope to have us further intrigued by the "mysterious lady" with the echoing voice.

And what is special about the box itself? The story seems to stop abruptly; when it came to the end, I found myself asking, "And?" You tell us that this is a story "All about a mysterious lady and her dangerous box." Okay, but what is so dangerous about it? Please, don't leave us in suspense.

KelleBelle, this has the makings of an intriguing tale with all sorts of dark possibilities. It is well written, but IMHO, is lacking in plot and characterisation. Also, KelleBelle, please accept that this is entirely my interpretation of your story; it's your baby and you may write it however you choose. My comments are aimed at highlighting areas where, again IMHO, some changes might be made to give the story more pulling power. I hope this is okay with you, but please feel free to tell me that I don't know what I am talking about *Blush*. Please write on; you have real potential.

Regards

A simple, name only sig

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
82
82
Review of Accept  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Raygunner.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference." (Reinhold Niebuhr)

Sometimes known as the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer, I suggest that this talks about acceptance in the best possible way.

Your item is a powerful warning, well constructed and with a ringing message for anyone with the wit to hear it. But there are challenges here as well; you say, for example, "We find work and regimentation; our time is not our own, nor is our mind." But this is a matter of choice. We make a value judgement about the cost/benefit of accepting that regimentation. If we are wise, we toil to change those things that we recognise we can change but accept what we know with certainty we cannot change. Our mind is ALWAYS our own - we have not (yet) been reduced to the status of automatons - George Orwell's "1984" has not yet come to pass. It is for this reason that I reject substantially the these that you have proposed in this piece.

That said, I return to my point about the power of your writing. This is well constructed and fires a warning shot at those who simply (from your point of view) accept what is thrust at them from outside. You make a compelling and potentially scary case in a deceptively simple format which is well developed. potent and certainly worth making. However, "Beaten, you dare not raise our eyes; or your voice. You accept that you must accept." IMHO, NEVER, while there is breath in my body.

Thank you, Raygunner, take no notice of my objections and keep on telling it as you see it. Very worthwhile.

Regards

Abstract impression of a clock

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
83
83
Review of The Couple  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi strlcuckoo. I liked this. It is well constructed and compact, yet covers the lives of two people who embody the true concepts of love. Sometimes, poetry of this nature rambles and never really reaches a proper conclusion. Not "The Couple", however, as it tells a compelling story. In addition, the way the poem is constructed, the characters come to life - not in the sense that I could actually see them as individuals, but through their shared emotions creating a viable couple. Those shared emotions set against the analogy of the fire brings them briefly into focus. Beautiful.

All that said, it may sound uncharitable to nit-pick a truly minor technical fault. But this is so good, I feel I can't let it slip by. You don't need an apostrophe in "tomorrows" in the last line. "Tomorrows" is neither possessive nor an abbreviation.

Thank you, strlcuckoo for a warm and heartening poem

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
84
84
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi sunflower. This is an interesting and important issue and you are addressing it head on. As a social worker, I have and have had a number of clients with a bipolar disorder, and it is clear that there is still a stigma attached to this, as with other mental health issues. I should say that I am coming from an Australian perspective in general and a South Australian perspective in particular, but I doubt whether the story is greatly different in Texas. The stigma is about difference, and the belief, entirely false, that there is something to fear in people who are 'different'. In this case, simply because, for no fault of their own, they have a difficult mental illness. But the stigmata remain, and it's great to see that you are prepared to do something about it.

One of this issues with bipolar disease is that there is a spectrum of disorders - not all people with bipolar react in the same way. The main characteristic is the swing from depression to so-called 'mania', but the depth of either extreme can vary greatly. Many people with this condition experience quite prolonged and significant depression with bursts of mania only for a short duration.

One of the issues with bipolar conditions is that many sufferers avoid taking medication because they find the manic phase very rewarding. Artists, musicians, writers etc. often find that the manic phase generates some of their most successful work. As you no doubt know, the manic phase is characterised by great energy, lack of sleep, sometimes spending money rashly or unwisely, and sometimes committing to ventures that really have no hope of success. The depressive phase is similar to other forms of depression.

The stigma is strengthened by attaching the label 'bipolar' to an individual suffering from the condition. It is more empathic to refer to 'people experiencing a bipolar condition'. I suffer from diabetes; I do not see myself as a diabetic; that is a label to which preconceptions are attached. A 'person with diabetes' focuses on the condition, not on the individual. So i is with a bipolar condition. Much kinder, really.

Good luck with your project, sunflower. Please let me know if you think I can make any further contribution.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
85
85
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Munmun. This is a very clever little story, and you have camouflaged the reality in a way that immediately had me feeling desperately sorry for the young woman around whom I imagined the story to be centred. I understand from your bio that English isn't your first language, and you have done an excellent job in an unfamiliar environment to create a story that held my interest from the first word. Your last three words shine a new spotlight on what has happened, and the emotions of the mother cat as she struggles to care for her family. There is another story very similar to this on WdC, called "Adopted" (if I remember correctly), but that has the central character being hit by a car - and it is only then that you realise the story is about a cat.

I can't resist just one small comment about technicalities; "when and how did I entered this house, who was my parents," Firstly "entered" should be "enter", then a plural noun ("parents") requires a plural verb - "were", not "was". But I'm really just being picky.

Thank you Munmun, for an enjoyable read with a great twist in the tail.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
86
86
Review of Crusade!  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Michael. I had to think for a long time before I reviewed this piece, because my philosophy/approach to life is so different from yours. I identify as a secular humanist; the Catholics would call me a freethinker, so I don't fall under the general label of "Christian". Nevertheless, I recognise and understand the strength of your argument. The parable of the good Samaritan should never be ignored, and Chapter 13 of the first epistle to the Corinthians makes our duty very clear. As you do in this piece.

The English essayist, G K Chesterton once said, "The Christian ideal, it is said, has not been tried and found wanting: it has been found difficult and left untried." And I think that is precisely the point. It is also said (somewhere) that true Christianity does not consist of being good, it is about doing good. As you have highlighted so well.

Thank you, Michael; I am afraid we would have to agree to differ on many points, but I think the key thing is not that love is everything—love is the only thing. I think we might just agree on that. And perhaps on a statement made by Hugh McKay, one of Australia's leading social commentators, that God is manifest through our willingness to love, in its true sense, free from the debasement that it has come to suffer.

I suppose I should comment on the form of your piece—the spelling, punctuation, grammar etc. My problem is that there's nothing to comment on! It all looks to be well constructed and properly in place. A very important and thought provoking piece.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
87
87
Review of broken mind  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Hi lionheart. This is a powerful story that needs telling. Victims need a voice, and Chris is very much a victim. But that said, I had a great deal of difficulty following your story. You need to decide whether you are writing for yourself or for your readers. If for yourself, then the form doesn't matter - you can spell, punctuate and use grammar in any way you wish, but if you write for your readers, it is important to pay some attention to those issues, otherwise you will lose your audience. I counted at least nine such errors in the sentence starting, "it is the forth week in a row." I've taken the liberty of rewriting this, as it might help to make my point.

"It is the fourth week in a row that Chris didnt get some sleep, becuse of the nightmares. So his parents think, but the ugly truth is that Chris is being abused, pushed around, degraded; physically and emotionally."

It would help to at least run this through a spell checker; there is one in WdC, and while this won't fix all the problems, it may clarify some of the words. You may also find it helpful if you can work with a more experienced author who could mentor you through some of these issues. Incidentally, I presume you mean "Pete" rather than "pet", Tom's twin brother?

lionheart, the story is worth telling, but it is hidden by the problems with form - grammar, punctuation and spelling. I hope you can come to terms with these as potentially I think you've got something going here. Keep on writing.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
88
88
Review of HE NEEDS ME  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi karen. This is a touching and insightful poem that mothers - fathers as well - can identify with. As parents, we are the guardians of a new life while that life grows and develops and can stand on their own. What we owe to our parents, we repay to our children. And yet, that bond doesn't break if both sides work on it. He watches over his own but will not abandon the one (or those) who brought him into this world.

A telling and worthwhile piece of work. Thank you.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
89
89
Review of Ariadne  
for entry "Prologue" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi cvwriter. As you were kind enough to review a piece of mine, I though I'd have a browse through your port. I must confess I'm not into vampires, ( and I know this is not about those beasties) but this piece grabbed my attention as soon as I started to read. It's firmly constructed, with believable characters who have been well developed in a relatively few words. There is a clear backstory that is relevant to the developing plot and we can visualise the scenario as it unfolds. I enjoyed this; it has the hallmarks of professional writing, and the biggest one of all is that it leaves us (well, me, certainly) wanting more. I could only find one miniscule grammar error, but I'm constitutionally incapable of not commenting. IMHO "Going to clue in on a secret" probably needs a "you" after "clue" - but this is from an aging Anglo-Australian, not a Midwestern Yank (as you described yourself). But that in no way detracts from a 5.0 rating.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
90
90
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Wally. This is a touching but sad, insightful but worrying story. You have constructed an all too believable future where androids and humans can love each other, but the blind bigoted majority cannot accept that. I hope you are not prescient; I fear you are. Your story is tight and powerful, the charaterisations effective - especially for the "non-characters", "From the pulpits and statehouses, from courthouses and street corners, the cries rang out. Unnatural, they proclaimed. A travesty in the face of that which is good and wholesome, they protested. An abomination, they shouted." This is also a high-profile morality story, a morality that looks at the challenge of not doing harm where two beings care for each other. I don't want to enter the debate about where/when androids approach humanity (see Lt Cdr Data in "Star Trek, the Next Generation"), but given the capacity for humans to be inhuman towards other humans, perhaps androids would be a preferable alternative.

I must say that I expected Lisa to be the android - perhaps that has something to do with our (my?) gender focus. I also found myself reflecting on the hostility common to gay/lesbian relationships and cross cultural relationships. there is nothing new under the sun!

Thank you, Wally, for a fine piece of writing, and one that makes you (me) think. Great stuff.

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
91
91
Review of Not In The Mood  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Bill - I hope I may call you Bill as I've just read your bio. I am filled with admiration, and not a little envy at your ability to write such a detailed story in only 330 words. This is a bit like a jigsaw puzzle - every one of the 330 pieces is essential to the story, which is compact, delicious and leaves the reader clamouring for more, which is just the effect that a micro story should have. You have been able to paint accurate and revealing micro pictures of the protagonists; "Kitten's" arms "draped sadly over her eyes", Howard as an "ill-mannered boor" and Ryan, by implication, as a big risk-taker, totally besotted in his love (lust?) for "Kitten".

An eternal triangle indeed, strongly constructed and sufficiently believable to hold up even to a strong light of enquiry, review and criticism. And in only 330 words, forsooth (sic)!

Thanks, Bill a delightful read - I will certainly visit again,

Regards

bumblegrum

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review
92
92
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hi Dannie. This is a painful, gut-wrenching story. I hope that it isn't true (well, it can't be because you're telling it and Leela has killed herself). But if there is ANY truth in this for you, I beg you, please find some help Even with the teachers, who you can't seem to trust, you may be able to find one who will genuinely help you.

In your portfolio, you say you want to write but it's impossible. Why? You have poured out your soul in this piece; it's powerful and shows how desperation leads to death - for Leela and for her mother. And, I guess, not too long afterwards, for her father. The power and the passion are clear throughout the story.

Now is the time for me to be picky. Grammar, spelling and punctuation are essential for a good writer, so one or two things you might want to watch. You've called this piece, "Dairy of a Broken girl" but a dairy is the place they keep cows! "one of my closet friends" needs to be "closest". "the things they do and say to me isn’t nice" - plural noun ("things") but singular verb ("isn't") should be "aren't". "I lost my innocents" should be "innocence". "your pretty, it’s a shame your my daughter" ought to be "you're" in both places. And the title of a TV show should really be capitalised and shown in inverted commas - "family guy" should be "'Family Guy'". There are a few more, but if you read over what you have written carefully, and perhaps use a spellchecker, this might help.

I'm also puzzled about the time line. You have set this out as Leela's day-by-day diary, and talked about Leela's parents actions, but in Day 6 you reveal that her mother died two months ago Perhaps this needs to be clarified.

Dannie, if this is just a "work in progress" then you have an opportunity to have another look at some of the technical issues. You have written a harrowing story, and this could be worked into a first class modern tragedy. Please keep writing - the promise is there - make it happen!

Regards

bumblegrum

PS - How many eyes has Leela got?
93
93
Review of The word of life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi James. I deliberately chose to review this because the content is the polar opposite of everything I believe. I am sometimes accused of being an atheist; the Catholics would call me a freethinker but I identify as a secular humanist. I wanted to choose something where the content might interfere with my ability to make an objective review. It hasn't. I must say that I am enormously impressed with the structure and form of this poem. You have chosen an A-B-C-B rhyming form, and it works perfectly, The rhymes are accurate and not strained, and each line scans as it ought to. This is the mark of a poet who understands his craft and has developed and refined it over time. (I find rhyming just too difficult, so I usually stick to free verse.)

Congratulations on this piece of work. I regret to say that the content has not influenced me in any way, but, for me, that isn't the point. For people for whom it is the point, this will be an inspiring and reinforcing experience. As a poem, I believe it works and works well. Thank you.

Regards

bumblegrum
94
94
Review of A Shadow of Guilt  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hoo boy, Bill, you've done it again. This is a searing look into the mind of a man driven way beyond any normal experience into a dark, forbidding and ultimately fatal place. It is all too possible; yes, it's supernatural (I suppose) totally dark and a tragedy of epic proportions, but who is to say that it couldn't happen to anyone, given similar experiences. The fascinating point is that, the "cold light of day" reality is that this is a spectre that Will has created himself in his own mind, and guilt is a potent and toxic emotion. It would (ought to be) within his own capacity to change and to forgive himself. However, you have added that supernatural touch that takes his guilty conscience outside the man himself and turns it into a lethal predator as if it had an independent external existence. To kill the monster, he had to kill himself. This is possibly the way in which much horror fiction works, although I'm an old softy with a preference for "happy ever after" endings. And maybe Will's was; maybe he was reunited with his wife and son - but then, we'll never know!

Thank you very much, Bill, for a well constructed story with entirely believable characterisation, even though it was only one character - I sometimes think it is more difficult when you don't have other characters to compare your central protagonist with. You have createdv a story rich in atmosphere and in that inexplicable something that keeps the reader glued to the words, even though, in my case, I rarely read horror fiction. Still, good is always good, in any genre.

Regards

bumblegrum
95
95
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Bill. Oh my good Lord, this is a superb piece of horror writing - not normally my genre but I wondered about Carolina Stump, thinking, perhaps, that it was a place. You have created a really compelling sense of place and of the pain and terror in which Carolina lived. Your characters are acute and well observed; each stands out as a well rounded interpretation of who they are and what drives them; in most cases, almost entirely base motives.

You have created a plot full of suspense, leading the reader through a nightmare of pain and revenge until the last scorpion twist, leaving us suspended above a pit filled with knitting needles. The influence of Dean Koontz and Stephen King is obvious, but you've achieved something substantial by yourself. Thank you (I think - I can only confirm this thanks so long as I don't get nightmares :))

Regards

bumblegrum
96
96
Review of This Heart  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi cym. At your suggestion, I turned to this poem, but I beg leave to query whether this really is lighter than your other works. I won't call it dark because it clearly isn't, but there is a thread of pain or insecurity or uncertainty running through it that is compelling and, in its own way, strangely beautiful. I also have to be careful because I have no knowledge of the Native American Church, so I'd better not say anything that might highlight my ignorance even further.

Even with that thread of unease, you have demonstrated real positives; "The songs and drums never leave me hopeless" and "my desire to survive" point in more optimistic directions. I also recognise that this poem talks about your dear late uncle who you obviously loved, so the poem will be infused with sadness. But remember, he will always live with you in your heart. That way, there is no death.

cym, I'd just like to mention a technical point about this poem. You appear to have adopted a rhyming scheme where the second and fourth lines rhyme - sometimes called A-B-C-B. The problem is that this doesn't work at all in verse 3, and the rhymes are rather strained in verses 4, 6 and 8. This doesn't detract from the power of the poem, but might strike some readers as ineffective. Might be worth a look if you can get the relevant lines to rhyme.

Once more, cym, you've produced a compelling piece of work. Thank you for this and all your other poems, and please keep going with your writing.

Regards

bumblegrum
97
97
Review of Damon's Lilies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Trevor. You have a fine gift for writing horror stories and illuminating the rampant insanity that possesses the Damons of this world. I have to confess it's not a genre that attracts me - maybe I can be more objective in that case, but the writing is very well done, and the characterisation neat and appropriate. We start to enter Damon's mind; not a pleasant prospect, but you have delineated him carefully and well. I'd be interested to know just what happened to his mother.

Thank you, Trevor, this is well done. The subject matter gives me goosebumps, but that's my problem - maybe that is one of the motivations of a horror author.

Regards

bumblegrum
98
98
Review of Days Slip Away  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cym, you write powerful poetry, so powerful that sometimes it's difficult for someone like me, so far removed from your life and experiences, to fully appreciate the pain that you must have gone through. That final line, "Just a shiver that the shadows took" sent shivers down my spine. It is potent but a cry from a broken heart (that's how it seems to me!)

There appear to be two quite different themes in this poem; the first two verses talk about loss - loss of a love, loss of a loved family member, but loss all the same. The other four verses focus on a car wreck; again involving love. "Please let those screams be mine"; the hidden agenda is, "Please don't let those screams be his".

I will just say this about the apparent philosophy behind your poem. You are right "No one wants to live a nightmare forever", but I challenge you about hope being long gone. There must always be hope - without hope we might as well be dead. Look up the Greek legend of Pandora's box. When it was (wrongly) opened, all of mankind's troubles flooded out. But when Pandora looked again, one thing was left in the box; hope.

Cym, you write compelling and challenging poetry. Could I prevail on you to please try something with a rather lighter theme? But then, I'm an old softy who loves happy endings!

Thank you for this poem, Cym, you have a real talent - keep writing and refining your work, I really do appreciate it.

Regards

bumblegrum
99
99
Review of Redux  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Cym. I don't think this is awkward at all. It's a beautiful piece of free verse that captures so well the pain and fears of what seems to be a one-sided love. There is a mystic quality about this that had an interesting effect on me - when I tried to read this line by line, looking at its structure, it became hard to follow - almost like looking at a skeleton and trying to see the person behind it. But looking at the poem as a whole, absorbing its essence in total gives it a quality of humanity - here is the person clothed in their pain and sadness.

Cym, I can only say I found this compelling but sad, the central character chasing a love that she cannot hold onto, forlorn and in danger of losing hope. I can see why you're hooked on poetry; this is an excellent example. Please keep writing; it's well worth reading.

Regards

bumblegrum
100
100
Review of Xon  
In affiliation with Sensual Infusion  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Bob. Yes, indeed, what more could an imp want? This is a delicious little story, well put together and with characters who are interesting and well developed, especially in so small a number of words. I think this contains the seeds of a much longer story, even a novel; the plot is intriguing, and the capacity to wholly dominate the priest would make for a good story line. Very IMPressive!

I must confess, I'm not really clear how Mormons can increase the power of the immortals, or even how they would influence the election. But then, I'm in Australia, so what would i know from US elections!? I was also a bit puzzled about what happened to the girls. The debauched priest has taken them and left them twitching on the sidewalk, but then they are commanded to follow him - presumably his spell had the power to make them get up and walk - and chew gum. So what then happened to them - apart from the one who rode on the priest's back to his rectory?

Thank you, Bob for a delightful romp - even the debutantes (well, at least one of them) got something out of it. Keep up the fascinating work.

Regards

bumblegrum
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