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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/buzzltyr
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80 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Leaves  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great story Jacky! I loved this one.

Blessings
JLL
2
2
Review of Computer Vampire  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Kotaro,

After reading "Computer Vampire", It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.

I simply know what I like. And I like this. For a Dracula / vampire story it is a refreshing change. It stands out in the crowded genre. I like how it is contemporary in the use of computers and new technology to assist him in his ever thirsty quest. Well done for originality where it is tough to be original.

Character(s) - I love your descriptions of Drac and his rising. Indeed the first two paragraphs are IMHO quite amazing. I fined I want to know more about this Dracula.

Setting(s) - largely left to our imagination, with just enough let us fill in what we all know of Dracula - it's dark - no sun - a coffin - a window - and in this case, a computer. With very little actual description, I could see it all. Ditto with Arthurs description. Just enough for us to see what we have all seen before. Hopefully not in the mirror. LOL

Voice / Style - 3rd person omniscient I think. Works well

Plot / Twists - I was surprised the final product was refused. I figured technology would pur and end to all Drac's nightly hunting and give him time for other pursuits. Like writing love poems on WDC. Also Dr. Frankenstein receiving eternal life was an interesting twist.

Grammar / Punctuation - nothing I saw

Suggestions - maybe another line about Dr. Frankenstein and how he got eternal life. Did Drac suck his blood? Curious about that one.

Encouragements - your descriptions are wonderful. My favorite: "As he listened to the mournful, yet soothing notes of Mozart's Requiem, he stared at the needle bobbing on the dark rotating disk as it wobbled like a small life boat on a tempestuous black sea." Awesome!

My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.


“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
3
3
Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Marie (Arakun)

I love this one. As a recent transplant to the Dakotas I find it very pertinent to the history here.

I hope Harry wasn't too disappointed. Good neighbors are a treasure. Fred seems like one of the best kind.

A very enjoyable read. Well done!

Blessings
JLL
4
4
Review of Imagine That  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
After reading “Imagine that”, It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.

I simply know what I like. And I like this exceedingly. I love this type of writing and aspire to it myself. You have done a superb job with this Wendel Berry style yarn. I love it!

Character(s) We meet great gramps and Silly a little at the time through the narrative. This is the best way to describe a character IMHO. We find we like them both not just for who they are but because we ALSO desire to be like them. Great job!

Setting(s) Great setting. We see it clearly. Great gramps rockin. Silly dancin’ and making faces only kids can make. (I saw that part in my head. I raise two sons and have four grandsons of my own) Those kid faces can make me chuckle in the middle of the night.

Voice / Style – from great gramps perspective. We see only care and concern for the boy. What will be best for him. We live it all with Gramps as he works it through, and makes his decision. Wonderful!

Plot / Twists – I like the part about the “magic”. It is too true. We all need a little magic in life. I once stood on a beach on Maui and watched a humpback whale jump, full body out of the water into the middle of the huge red orb of the setting sun. I was with three other people. Nobody else saw it. But I DID. I swear it on a stack of Bibles.

Grammar / Punctuation – who cares, I was too busy enjoying the story.

Suggestions - none

Encouragements – Please write more in this style. You have a knack.

My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.

“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
5
5
Review of The Elven King  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello M.A,
After reading “The Elven King”, It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.

I simply know what I like.

Character(s) – The Princess - is described well in the beginning and further described by the dragon/girl, but never named – we know she is a princess and she is described as his Beloved but we never are introduced to her as a person with a name. I find that interesting, at least for now. We learn of her history and some of the intrigue of her home kingdom. Her personality is developed rather well in the first few paragraphs. We are not sure if we like her yet, but we definitely can sympathize with her. We are well hooked and want to know more. Good job!

Nicoli – we learn Nicoli’s name at the beginning of his description, and we learn of his history and how he, an elf, made the startling leap to love a human. We learn of intrigue in the Elven kingdom. It seems both King and Princess have been betrayed by the very ones they had trusted the most. Again we sympathize.

The Dragon – again no name – just a vague understanding that this dragon/shapeshifter is something different and for some reason, spares, nurses, and sets Nicoli in search of the princess, his Beloved, the other half of his soul. Presumably she has reasons. Or perhaps just because we now find out more about the Princess. How good and noble she is as well as having dragon blood. The plot thickens, and then thickens some more. We want these two to succeed in whatever lay ahead of them. Wonderful story!

Setting(s) – well described and believable, without getting too wordy.

Voice / Style – I like going from one character to other in view. It’s fun to know what each is thinking.

Plot / Twists – the Pricess with dragon blood, unknown to herself is cool. That will be fun for you to flesh out in the future I think.

Grammar / Punctuation – Maybe a few commas needed here and there, but overall pretty good IMHO.

A few quick suggestions for spelling and word omissions, see below:

and the large body? of the dragon shrank into a human one.

and treated even the servants with the up most (utmost) respect, and humanity.

There were those in his own kingdom who'd rather have a limb cut off then (than) show compassion to someone lower than their station.

Her only alley (ally) was the male standing in front of her.


Suggestions – please write the next chapter!

Encouragements – You have done well in capturing the reader and making them care about the characters. Descriptions are good. Not too wordy. Overall a very pleasing story to read.

My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.


“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
6
6
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
After reading "West of Bloomington", It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.

I simply know what I like. I really like this.

Character(s) - Believable. Carl is introduced and we can tell we will learn more of him as time goes on. Mary feels like a clever person and we get to see her personality coming forward. The others are there and developing nicely.

Setting(s) - small town is described well in a very few words. Again we know we will learn more as the story moves along. Some added description of the town up front may be helpful but not absolutely necessary. IMHO

Voice / Style - I like it. The character dialogue and development always lets us know who is speaking with out all the "he said / she said" - Thank you!

Plot / Twists - Lots of good hooks to keep us interested. The corpse getting up and walking off was a good one. Didn't see that coming. Then the skin suit idea was another good surprise. What was in that skin suit? Where is the man's real guts and stuff? We want to know! Good job!

Grammar / Punctuation - maybe some comma work needed. I struggle with commas myself, so I am reluctant to advise. But I think there may be a few places that need attention.

Suggestions - Perhaps a bit more description of the town, and background issues of what brought Carl in.

Encouragements - Great story! Great hooks! I want to read the whole thing. Please write it.

My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.


“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
7
7
Review of The Dinner Party  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello J.E. Allen,
After reading "The Dinner Party", It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.

I simply know what I like. I like this very much.

Character(s) - Believable. We can see each of them.

Setting(s) - Left to our imagination. But works fine. When words are limited the imagination is best anyway. IMHO.

Voice / Style - Flows well - makes sense - takes us to the ending nicely.

Plot / Twists - I deduced the butler would get the inheritance pretty early. But I wasn't sure. My other thought was that the butler would be the rich guy, having changed places with the butler. I love when a story does this with the reader.

Grammar / Punctuation - I think there may be somme commas needed here and there. But I'm not good enough with them myself, to point them out. LOL

Suggestions - none - nice story in a very few words.

Encouragements - Keep writing these shorts. It is rare that one can paint such a picture in so few words. Well done!

My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.


“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
8
8
Review of Is This a Joke  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Paul-D,
After reading "Is this a Joke?", It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

Please know that I am in your corner and on your side. My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.

I simply know what I like. I like this quite a bit.

Character(s)both characters are believable in the situation. In a very few words this a nicely done.

Setting(s)We don't really know. Store? Restaurant? It does not matter for the conflict.

Voice / Style - I love all dialogue. Great job here.

Plot / Twists - I didn't know if the woman would be in the future or on a different planet. Answer: future. It would be fun to know how it happened.

Grammar / Punctuation - seems good to me.

Suggestions - Let's here more from this woman in 2078. Please write it.

Final thoughts: The really freaky thing is, I can't remember when I used cash last.

My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.


“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
9
9
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
After reading "Meeting at the Park", It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.

Please know that I am in your corner and on your side. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words, ideas, and creativity. Please don’t allow anything I say to hinder you in any way.

I simply know what I like. And I like this very much. I can relate. In fact, most can relate. that's why it connects with us the way it does. Either we have been the one that is suspect due to appearance, or we have been suspicious of others due to appearance. We think it terribly unfair when others treat us this way, but we somehow justify treating others this way. Very strange human conumdrum.

Character(s) - We get to know them through the very clever description of their clothing and words concerning the "stuff" - all our prejudices kick in. Oh no what are these delinquents going to do now? The stage is set well by you, for some drug sale or fencing of stolen goods. We just know it. Well done! Good job playing off our fears and stereotypes.

Setting(s) - the place is a perfect setting for our fears to dwell. City parks at night? No one doing good ever goes there. This is common knowledge.

Voice / Style - The dialogue is believable and realistic. I have been one of those boys at one time. Minus the tats and piercings of course. Wrong generation. Our long hair was enough to earn the disdain of most adults in the 60's and 70's.

Plot / Twists - the ending was un-expected. Your wording made us think there were junkies waiting for their fix. But then we find out they are just hungry, homeless people waiting for a bite. In that moment all our prejudice and hard-heartedness is exposed. Now we must actually think, the next time we see people different from ourselves. Perhaps I will be the man in the suit who greets the boys warmly instead of showing fear and prejudice. Having said all that, there is still fear. Right? Not all young men in the park after dark are noble. Some ARE junkies who will rob strangers for a fix. Some homeless have committed crimes. Overall the greatest value of this piece is, IMHO, that we must be careful to not paint with too broad a brush, and tolerate differences.

Grammar / Punctuation - I didn't notice any glaring errors

Suggestions - None - still mulling this over - thanks for that!!

Encouragements - You write well. You use words well. You create a scene well! Keep writing!

My desire in this review was to be first courteous and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.


“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
10
10
Review of Survivor  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Shawlyn.

It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English or grammar by any means. As such, I feel fairly unqualified to rate with regard to the more technical aspects of writing.

I simply know what I like, and I like this very much. The description of the alien forest is good. We get an idea that this is a dangerous place.

We don't know who he is, or what he is, but we find out that Gabriel is brave (or foolish?) and very capable. I find I want to know more about him, his people, his world and reality.

I love the little bits of technology thrown in here and there, that tell us we are not exactly in Kansas anymore.

Overall very well done. Keep on writing. What is next for Gabriel? I want to know!

Blessings
JLL


11
11
Review of I AM :)  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Phophet,

I appreciate your love and zeal for our Lord and Savior. It is great that you want to write and share your joy and love for him.

To get the most impact you will need to maybe spend some time on spelling and punctuation. For instance:

Is your name "Phophet" or "Prophet" - the second is the proper spelling.

Perhaps English is not your first language. That would explain some of your other punctuation and grammar errors. I would be glad to help with editing in English if you would like me to. (c:=

At the very least you need to read over this piece and correct the spelling. Again, I can help if you wish.

Also, the all caps format is not just shouting, or excitement about your topic. It is also very difficult and tedious to read. Many people will refuse to read it.

I assume you want your message to ring out, and be as effective as possible. You may need to think about your format and presentation in such a way that the message itself is more important than your excitement.

Please don't be offended by my suggestions. You are the boss of your writing, not me. Or perhaps the Lord Jesus Christ is the boss of your writing. Pray and see what He says about my suggestions.

I love your zeal. Please keep writing!

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay

12
12
Review of "Sleep"  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Angus,

This is a pretty good short story. If the aim is to take us somewhere quickly, in a very few words, You did a great job. The characters, such as they are, human and spirit, are believable, based on the events surrounding them.

I understand that "horror" often ends darkly, so I get the ending here, where everyone goes of to hell or wherever. There appears to be no "good" character. Even Tammy goes with the evil husband and the cloven hoofed (demon?) off to eternity that doesn't sound like heaven.

I'm a happy ending guy mostly. I might have preferred to see Tammy fade upward on a bright moonbeam as Darren was dragged away.

Totally my preference only, and not meant to be critical of the story in any way.

Technically, I don't think I can be of much help. I saw one word that may not need to be there. the word "was" in the sentence below. Doesn't seem to read right to me.

A few minutes after 11 o’clock on a Saturday night a blue Chevy Impala (was) crashed into a huge pine tree on a lonely stretch of County Road 19.

Overall a great story for it's genre.
Blessings
JLL
13
13
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Tania,

I am pleased offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert on grammar or punctuation, so I feel in adequate to judge on that criteria. But from what I have learned here on WDC as to the technical merits of writing, I see nothing amiss.

I liked this story very much. It grabbed me and held me to the end. I am a little confused as to who is the victim. What is the wetsuit crumpled in the kitchen? Why is Glenda called an "it"?

In some ways these questions make the story scarier because we don't have all the answers. The final twist at the end is well played.

Keep writing. You have real skill and a good imagination.

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay

14
14
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello K.HBey,

I have enjoyed reading your story. While your English is quite good, I can tell that English is not your first language.

But that does not hurt the story. In fact is is quite fun to read and see the words you use and how you seek to express yourself in English.

Your story is written as though a narrator is speaking to us. This can be a good way, but I think you should try writing your story from the first person perspective. Using "I" - instead of "he"

Here is an example from your own story. You wrote:

He takes the plane and flies to Cairo. He has a hard research to do with his professor. After long hours he finally arrives to Cairo. At the airport he finds his professor waiting for him. He is one of his favorite students and believes that he has got a great potential in archeology.

But what if you wrote it like this?

I take an early morning flight to Cairo. I have hard research to do with my professor. After long hours I arrive in Cairo. I find my professor waiting for me at the airport. I am one of his favorite students. He says he believes that I have great potential in Archeology.

Now it is YOU telling us the story from your OWN perspective. This is much more personal and connects with the reader on an emotional level. We can now begin to feel what you are feeling.

This only my suggestion and only my opinion. For medical journals and scientific papers it will not be the best way. But for stories, I believe it is a very good way. But you must decide.

Please keep writing. You do have talent and I enjoyed this story!

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
15
15
Review of Silent Film  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am pleased to offer a review of this piece. I feel unqualified in the technical aspects of writing, and far too lacking myself, to instruct you in technical areas. There are others on WDC that will help you.

I simply know what I like and I like this story very much. Your character and scene descriptions are quite good. They lead me into the story and help me experience it with the character.

Please keep writing. You have some real ability.

Blessings
JLL

16
16
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Tajabo,

It is my privilege to review this story. The technical aspects of the story need some work. Commas, paragraph indents, white space etc.

Since I am still a little challenged in those areas myself, I will leave all that to more competent reviewers.

I like the story very much. We get to know the character(s) pretty well in just a few words and the story flows nicely for the most part.

At first I didn't understand that the man of short stature was the pizza baker who was quitting. Perhaps I am little slow. LOL

Overall it is a good story with a wonderful message. Sacrificing to serve others in the everyday is not as common as it once was. But we see in this story just how easy it can happen.

Please keep writing and heed all the great advice you will get on this site.

Blessings
J. Lynn Lindsay
17
17
Review of Ringo  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jacky,

Very cute story! I love the personification of animals, and now apparently, insects too. Thanks for that. I think.

The story is well written and catches our curiosity right away. At the end it all added up as was quite entertaining.

Little Ringo. What a character. Well done.

Blessings
JLOLL
18
18
Review of The Dance  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello W.D.,

This is really a great little story. And what fun it would be to share it with grandchildren. Some of the words may be a little steep for most children: Tarn, beseech, keratin. But that only opens a door to explain them to your young listener I guess. Plus a little mystical air is good in a story like this. After all, you "danced with unicorns."

Greatly enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

Blessings
JLL
19
19
Review of A Summer Friend  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rob,

Just had to read everything you have here. This is so good.

I loved this story. As a child spending every summer in northern Minnesota at a very rustic cabin with my grandparents I have had many similar experiences. You have shown how wonderful it can be to write about them.

Please keep writing. I look forward your next piece.
20
20
Review of Welcome Home  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rob,

I am privileged to review this piece. Wow! It is a pretty creepy story for the Halloween season. Very well written and drew the reader in nicely.

This could be the beginnings of a longer story I think. Well done!

Blessings
JLL
21
21
Review of Odd Lesson  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jacky,

Cute story. Reminds me of many a cookie baking day as a child with my sisters.

I can't help but wondering if this story is auto-biographical for you?

Thanks for grin!
JLL
22
22
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear bubblebear,

I really liked this piece. It strikes a chord that needs to be struck in all of us. Humility!

Everyone wants to be in the position of the elderly lady who kindly offers money to assist the person in need. We like THAT thought of ourselves. We pat ourselves on the back and feel good the rest of the day because we were kind and generous, reaching out to help where we could. And there is a certain humility in that for sure.

But we really don't want to see ourselves as the one in need of another's charity. We don't like THAT thought of ourselves. Suddenly, our pride kicks into high gear. I may be humble enough to give, but now the question is: am I humble enough to receive?

We find, in your little story here, that there is an unselfishness in the act of giving to one in need. But a greater unselfishness in the act of humbly receiving the gift.

Especially poignant in your story is the two characters are out of place. Normally we see the younger person assisting the elderly who may be on fixed income. But here is the elder assisting the younger. This must take even more humility to accept. Then the recipient must overcome the prideful teaching from her mother too.

Well done! your writing is subtle and effective at helping us to take a look at ourselves. I would love to use it in a teen Bible study or church youth group and see who each person identifies with.

Keep writing. I love meaningful fiction.

Blessings
JLL

23
23
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Max,

I am so thankful to have found you on WDC. What a great gift you are to all of us amateur writers seeking to express ourselves in meaningful and creative ways.

I have so much to learn. My goal is to convey information in a way that people can relate to, and even perhaps be changed by. I think all good writing does that to some degree or another.

To my mind, all stories should leave the readers with a message. The best message, (again to my mind) is one that the story plants in a readers head, like a seed, that grows to become wisdom to the person as he encounters life. I believe what you have written here today will greatly assist me in doing that. Thank you sincerely!

I think every writer on WDC should read this article. I like your style as your instruct with the authority of a knowledgeable and learned person, without the high-handed, immature pride, and conceit of so many others.

Blessings
JLL
24
24
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
A good and timely word. And one that I hope will be well received and implemented.

Blessings
JLL
25
25
Review of Friend  
Review by J. Lynn Lindsay
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Gaudil0cks,

Very nice story. I love the feeling and personality you give the "bot". Seems more human than the human.

The characters are developed well and the style is engaging. I would like to read more of these adventures, if you write them.

Blessings
JLL
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