After reading “The Elven King”, It is my privilege to offer a review of this piece. I am not an expert in English, or grammar by any means. As such, I feel unqualified to rate it regarding the more technical aspects of writing. However, if I notice any glaring spelling, or punctuation errors I may point them out simply as an assistance for possible edits.
My desire is to encourage. Anything I share is only my opinion. Your writing is yours. You are master of your words and creativity.
I simply know what I like.
Character(s) – The Princess - is described well in the beginning and further described by the dragon/girl, but never named – we know she is a princess and she is described as his Beloved but we never are introduced to her as a person with a name. I find that interesting, at least for now. We learn of her history and some of the intrigue of her home kingdom. Her personality is developed rather well in the first few paragraphs. We are not sure if we like her yet, but we definitely can sympathize with her. We are well hooked and want to know more. Good job!
Nicoli – we learn Nicoli’s name at the beginning of his description, and we learn of his history and how he, an elf, made the startling leap to love a human. We learn of intrigue in the Elven kingdom. It seems both King and Princess have been betrayed by the very ones they had trusted the most. Again we sympathize.
The Dragon – again no name – just a vague understanding that this dragon/shapeshifter is something different and for some reason, spares, nurses, and sets Nicoli in search of the princess, his Beloved, the other half of his soul. Presumably she has reasons. Or perhaps just because we now find out more about the Princess. How good and noble she is as well as having dragon blood. The plot thickens, and then thickens some more. We want these two to succeed in whatever lay ahead of them. Wonderful story!
Setting(s) – well described and believable, without getting too wordy.
Voice / Style – I like going from one character to other in view. It’s fun to know what each is thinking.
Plot / Twists – the Pricess with dragon blood, unknown to herself is cool. That will be fun for you to flesh out in the future I think.
Grammar / Punctuation – Maybe a few commas needed here and there, but overall pretty good IMHO.
A few quick suggestions for spelling and word omissions, see below:
and the large body? of the dragon shrank into a human one.
and treated even the servants with the up most (utmost) respect, and humanity.
There were those in his own kingdom who'd rather have a limb cut off then (than) show compassion to someone lower than their station.
Her only alley (ally) was the male standing in front of her.
Suggestions – please write the next chapter!
Encouragements – You have done well in capturing the reader and making them care about the characters. Descriptions are good. Not too wordy. Overall a very pleasing story to read.
My desire in this review was to be first courteous, and respectful, but also encouraging, and helpful. I hope you find it so.
“There are two levels of humility. One level, is when one is humble enough to give. The next level, is when one is humble enough to receive.” - JLL
J. Lynn Lindsay