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Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of Room To Rent  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Mastiff Author Icon,

I found your item "Room To RentOpen in new Window. in the Read and Review section of the site, and thought that I'd leave you with my thoughts.

This was a really interesting piece, and I'm excited to get right to it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Tone


I think the piece reads as a little scattered. Despite being a relatively short piece, there are a few places where it jumps around and doesn't read smoothly. Normally that's something that I think would be distracting, but in this instance I think it actually gives the piece a bit of authenticity.

Since this is written as an apartment listing, and a highly unusual one at that, I think all the randomness sort of fits. I read a lot of listings that are written with almost this exact style, so you get a 10/10 from me in that category.

The random details also keep the listing moving before any of the ominous, unusual things can be dwelt on too long by the reader - and I enjoyed the fact that it just keeps chugging along without slowing down.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Author's Note

The one big suggestion that I have would be to include an author's note with this piece (maybe even as a dropdown if you don't want it to be too obvious or mess with the very authentic formatting.)

I think it would help explain what you're hoping to do with the piece, and let readers know why you wrote it/ what you had in mind. I mention that because before I read too far into the piece, I honestly thought I might be looking at a real room listing as opposed to a piece of fiction. (And again, 10/10 for approach - I really am impressed with how well you captured the listing vibe.)

The other reason why an annotation might be a benefit to you is because you could share information about the contest that it was entered into. The only reason I even knew this was a contest entry was because that was one of the categories, but as a reader I know I might have liked a little more insight into what inspired the piece.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall, I think you did a great job.

It was convincing, strange, and I think you did a great job executing the style that you had in mind. I was a little confused at first, but overall I think it paid off.

I'm glad to have stumbled across this piece.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
102
102
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the MHWA Review Challenge.

I can't think of a better piece to end my challenge reviews on than a piece that's just about mental health, and promoting awareness.

I think you did a great job telling your personal story and outlining your experiences with depression, while also promoting the month and helping to raise awareness. I liked how open and honest you were, and it made this difficult topic seem more approachable, which is something that I really appreciate as the reader.

I do have a couple quick suggestions:

The first is that you clean it up a little. The words were very powerful on their own, so I don't think you needed to draw attention to certain points with all capital letters. Even if you wanted to draw emphasis with formatting, I would recommend using bold or italics on those words - it makes the piece look more professional which I think could elevate this in particular to help promote more awareness.

I also think it would be a great opportunity to include some links to resources for people wanting to read more about depression or get help. An author's note at the bottom would be a great place to get information to people who are looking for it.

As for the piece itself though, you did an awesome job. Thank you so much for sharing with with the group, and I hope that you're doing well.

Sincerely,

Cat








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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
103
103
Review of Down - Not Out!  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Another great piece from you tackling another intense issue.

This is one of the great problems with society, is that it's easier to condemn the people who screw up or fall on hard times than it is to help them.

If there were more places to get help, if certain mental health problems weren't so stigmatized, this wouldn't be as much of a crisis as it is now.

You did a great job of expressing that in this piece, and doing so in a way that evoked so much empathy.

Thank you so much for sharing this with the group.

Sincerely,

Cat








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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
104
104
Review of Homeless  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

This was a hard poem to read, but I think that's sort of the point.

It hurts to care about things like the homelessness crisis in America, because it's such a pressing issue that's so close to home. Being confronted with it is painful, especially when we know that we have it good at the moment.

You did a really good job expressing all of that, and shining light on an issue that a lot of people would rather just push aside and not think about. You raised good points, and I think this poem is the perfect reminder to be a good person.

Thank you so much for caring, for writing this, and for sharing it for the review challenge.

Sincerely,

Cat







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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
105
105
Review of Contrast  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I really loved the movement in this one. The meter and the rhyme scheme worked together perfectly to keep the eye flowing from one line easily into the next, and with such great rhythm!

The theme was also a lot of fun. Contrasts are something that I like playing with in fiction, but I don't think I could ever work so many perfect contrasts so seamlessly into such a short amount of space.

Usually this is the part where I'd highlight my favorite part of the piece, but I couldn't decide. So instead, I'm going to leave you with both of my favorite excerpts:

Problems so big, they’re actually small


This rang really true for me, because it's one of those conflicting issues in life that I run into all the time. Once a problem becomes so big that it's out of your hands, the only thing left is to accept it. That's a small step, but somehow it's also the hardest thing to do, and it leaves you in a state where everything becomes one jumbled mess that seems huge and insignificant at the same time.

Always punctual, I arrive late


This one stuck with me for a much lighter reason. I have a friend who is so consistently late that we've just started telling him events are twenty minutes before they actually start - and he always shows up just in time.

There was something that was just so easy to relate to in this piece, and every line was its own little contrast that seems impossible, but that we really encounter as humans every day.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece!

Sincerely,

Cat



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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
106
106
Review of Aches & Pains  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello again!

I really liked the concept behind this piece, of explaining about aches and pains. The opening line in particular really piqued my interest:

What is an ache and what is a pain?


I thought the poem was going to be a little bit more about explaining the nuances between aches and pains through emotional examples. I was a little disappointed to see them just grouped together so often after that, but you went above and beyond in providing the examples.

Reunited, the pain will go – the ache shall remain.


Since the first half of the poem really focuses in on that difference, as mentioned before, I think it was the stronger half (or at least, the half that appealed to me, personally.) The second half had a nice message though, that I also really appreciated.

Show your emotions to keep yourself sane.
Talk to someone when you ache or feel pain.


I hope that this review has been helpful in shedding light on the many strengths of this piece, as well as showing my perspective reading the piece. Thank you so much for sharing it!

Sincerely,

Cat


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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
107
107
Review of Dark Scribe  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thank you so much for submitting this lovely piece to the MHWA Review Challenge.

For as much as I know about poetry (which is not a lot, honestly) I feel like you've done a wonderful job. The meter was great, the rhyme scheme was consistent, and as a reader I really appreciated how you were able to convey the dark feelings behind your thoughts.

Of course, one of my favorite aspects of the piece is that you were able to bring a little bit of hope right there at the end, and in a way that I could really relate to. I think a lot of people on this site in particular can probably relate to writing being a source of solace in the darkest emotional times.

All in all, it was a very well done piece that I found myself really enjoying. Thank you again for sharing it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work for the challenge.

Sincerely,

Cat








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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
108
108
Review of Gambler's Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello! *HeartT*

It's been awhile since I've gotten the chance to review something of yours, so I was very excited to see your name come up on the item list for the MHWA Review Challenge this month.

I really liked this piece.

Being a bit of a gambler myself (well, more of a casual card-player) I was able to easily get lost in the imagery of the metaphor. That being said, one of my favorite lines was actually not related to the card games at all:

Call it what you want;
we're all the name-brand
version of wanting to die.


I don't know why exactly, but that line just struck me as being so powerful, even though it was sort of the odd man out in terms of drawing comparisons. Or maybe I liked it because it was the odd man out? Either way, fantastic job!

You shed light on a terrible issue within the system, and I think acknowledging that there are problems with how we handle things is the first step to handling them better. I hope that others read this, and that one day, things are better for the people suffering in situations like this currently.

All the best,

Cat




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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
109
109
Review of The Empty  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello,

This was a very dark (and I got the impression) a very personal piece, but it was well executed and I enjoyed reading it.

I like how you personified emptiness as a sort of location, but did so in such a subtle manner. It was very effective, especially in a piece as short as this one.

There was one line in particular that really stuck out at me, on that note:

Nothing I do will ever fill the empty.

If your goal was just to explain your depression (like it says in the description for the item) then I think you did a wonderful job. That doesn't necessarily mean that people who don't struggle with depression will be able to understand exactly - because that's quite a challenge, but I think this does a great job painting the picture.

All the best,

Cat





______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
110
110
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

Thank you for submitting this to our MHWA Review challenge. It was a very well-executed piece that illustrates what it's like living with depression and or anxiety. It was emotional, and able to put imagery to the feelings associated with these particular mental health challenges.

I also really appreciated in the item description, where you tell those people who are suffering that they're not alone. It was a nice touch, and a good way to shed some light on this issue with this dark piece of prose.

The one suggestion that I have for you is formatting based - in that it might be easier to read the piece if the font were a bit larger. Other than that, I think everything was perfect.

I hope that I get to read some more of your work soon.

Sincerely,

Cat







______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
111
111
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

This is the last piece I saw from you on the review list, but hopefully I get to read some more of your work soon.

This piece was executed very well. It had a good meter and steady pace throughout, meaning that it was very technically proficient.

Although I didn't agree with all of the views expressed (particularly in regards to some of the ideas behind the terminology) I appreciate that this was less about commiserating, and more about seeing the string of consciousness that goes through your mind and presumably into your work.

It was very interesting in that regard, and I am glad to have read it.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Sincerely,

Cat







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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
112
112
Review of Just Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

This was a very poignant piece.

I don't have any suggestions for it, because I think it's very powerful as is. I can't really imagine it being changed.

There's a strong narrative element, but at no point did you sacrifice emotional impact to tell your story, and the poem is just so full of character - which I think is perfect for a poem that's about finding your voice and being accepted as yourself.

I hope that writing this made you feel better, and I hope that you get through whatever life throws your way. Poetry can be such a strong outlet and it's something you have a clear talent for.

Thank you so much for sharing this, and making sure that it got reposted.

Sincerely,

Cat






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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
113
113
Review of Battle Crow  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I can see why you consider this one to be a work in progress, but I'm very excited with the direction that it's headed in. The form matches the narrative perfectly to give it the feel of a proper battle epic, and the high fantasy elements pulled me in right away.

I don't know a lot about poetry (or the form you're using) so the best suggestion I could make at this stage would be playing around, exchanging words, and trying to focus on the meter. The rhymes and narrative were both pretty solid, but there were a couple lines that felt like they had too many syllables squished in when you read them aloud.

I would also consider adding one more stanza - to give the impression of charging into battle. Then you still get the ambiguous end, but it feels more like there's action involved, even if we don't know who wins.

I wish you all the best with this piece, and I hope that if and when you finish working on it I get a chance to see the final product.

Thanks again for sharing it with the group!

Sincerely,

Cat







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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
114
114
Review of invincible?  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello again! *HeartT*

This piece, obviously, is less structured than the last one I read.

I don't think it reads as smoothly, being free form and jumping from one metaphor to the next in such a short space - but there is something undeniably appealing about the raw stream of consciousness and emotional honesty in the piece.

There were so many good fragments in here, that I really did want to read more. I only wish you had expanded more on some of these ideas - although perhaps that would be better suited to other pieces so as not to stretch this poem beyond its limits.

The line that really jumped out at me was this:

this Empress needs her Crown.


I would have loved to see more of this particular train of thought, and if you ever do decide to expand on it, I hope you'll let me know!

Overall it was an intriguing piece, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

Sincerely,

Cat






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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
115
115
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

Thank you for submitting this to the MHWA Review Challenge this month. I hope you don't mind me spamming you with reviews tonight, but I noticed you have a number of pieces on our list. If they're all this good, it looks like I'm in for a treat.

What I liked best about this piece was that it was cyclical. You start with a question being asked in dialogue and return to the same question being asked internally, illustrating a wide variety of feelings in between.

There was one line in particular I really liked:

Even more so now
since I removed the mask.


I thought the implications of this were just so powerful. Even though you're making progress in emotional honesty, people are asking you more and more if you're okay. It's sort of a negative reinforcement for a positive step, and I think that highlights a lot of the problems going on behind the scenes.

Thanks again for sharing this piece with us, and you'll be hearing more from me shortly.

Sincerely,

Cat



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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
116
116
Review of Loneliness  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hey again!

I'm always so excited when I see your name show up on the review list for our Monthly Challenge. You've supplied so many quality pieces for us to review - and this is no exception.

I have to say that I'm really impressed with how coherent this poem is overall, especially since it's your first attempt at the form. (My first attempts at poetic forms never come out this cleanly.) I also really liked that you were able to squeeze that internal rhyme in there right at the end, tying the piece back around to its opening line.

The only thing that I wish had come through clearer was the message of the poem being about loneliness, which I don't think I would have gotten without the title. That being said, I don't know how you could have worked much more in, considering how strict the form is.

Overall, this was another spectacular piece, and I'm glad to have read it. Thanks again for submitting to our review challenge *HeartT*

Sincerely,

Cat







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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
117
117
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

Thanks for including this for review in our Challenge thread this month! This was a fun read, and (in a weird way) lighter than a lot of the entries that you've submitted (probably because the inclusion of the celebrity made me less inclined to take it as seriously as some of the other pieces I've read from you this month.)

I really liked that the death scene (or implied death scene rather) happens just out of the shower - which I assume was an allusion to one of the most iconic scenes in the film included in the prompt. I also like that you were able to work Psycho into the title of the piece.

Although this one was not as emotionally heavy as some of your other work, I have to admit it was one of my favorites. I had a good time reading it, and I think you did a great job responding to the prompt. It was cool to see that you made a story out of Anthony Perkins as opposed to just doing Psycho fanfiction (which is probably where my mind would have went.)

Thanks again for sharing this, and I hope I get to read more of your work soon!

Sincerely,

Cat








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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
118
118
Review of Mother  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello,

This is another piece where you show what you can do with a limited amount of words. There isn't a lot of exposition or narrative, you've just taken the most painful bits of the story, allowing the reader to piece it together for themselves. There's something very compelling about that in your writing, a lot of the narrative comes in at the parts you haven't said - but I still feel like you're not holding anything back when writing. It's very natural, very unique, and undeniably compelling. It always leaves me wanting more.

For that reason, especially, I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing.

All the best,

Cat



______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
119
119
Review of Regret and Sorrow  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Thanks for submitting this piece to the MHWA Review Challenge!

This has been one of my favorites *HeartT*

I really like the abstraction of this one, the almost leaking of metaphors into reality.

But do
step over the liquid of black molasses
oozing and hovering around my feet.




The last stanza really highlighted your talent for imagery, and served as the perfect (albeit it very dark) conclusion to the piece. It hit all the right emotional tones.

The only thing that I'm not quite sure I understood was the formatting. The way that some words were spread out I felt like you were calling attention to them, but then again, I know that sometimes the auto-formatting can be a little weird for poetry, so I wasn't sure if it was intentional.

In terms of execution, the piece was flawless. Thank you so much again for sharing it!






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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
120
120
Review of Drops of Essence  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thank you so much for submitting this piece to our Review Challenge!

It was really interesting to learn about a new poetic form, and this might prove to be one of my favorites. I like that the rhyme scheme from the form meant that the fragments of thought didn't always rhyme with themselves, but other bits of the longer train of thought. It was a good way for the piece to be structured because it tied itself together well, but it's hard to single out a single line at any point because of how interconnects the thoughts and rhyme seem to everything else. It read smoothly, but at the same time it reflected that sort of larger, internal conflict that the piece was about.

You did such a fantastic job opening with the darker emotions behind the poem, putting imagery and words to dark thoughts:

Essence drips from my soul, as if I'm dead.


and a lot of the poem carries this tone. I think that makes the end, which ends on a more optimistic note (while still acknowledging the enormity of the fight that it will take to get there) all the more powerful.

You did a wonderful job incorporating the elements of this piece together, and I really enjoyed reading it - not to mention learning about a poetic form that I wasn't previously aware of. Thank you again for submitting it to our challenge, and I hope to read more of your work soon. *HeartT*

All the best,

Cat





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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
121
121
Review of The Struggle  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello *HeartT*

I'm going to keep this review short and sweet, like the poem itself; I loved it.

You did a great job using imagery to convey the different sides of depression and leave an impact with the reader. You were able to, very quickly, relate, evoke sympathy, and leave the piece on a powerful, resounding note that I was very empowering for those of us in your audience also struggling with depression:

Strength answers with a dragon’s roar
I will not break


This was a beautiful, emotional poem that was executed brilliantly. Thank you so much for sharing it with us for the challenge. *HeartT*

I hope I get to read more of your work soon.

Sincerely,

Cat





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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
122
122
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Dragonbane Author Icon,

Thank you so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your item "The Rise of a Dragon Queen- Chapters 1-9Open in new Window.. Even from the title I could tell it was going to be something that was right up my alley - although I will admit the warning at the beginning had me a little scared (I'm not a huge fan of jumping into a series anywhere but the beginning.)

In my review I'm going to try and address the merits both as a stand-alone story and as part of a series. So with that being said, let's jump right in.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


What stuck out to me most was the rich sense of history in the story, especially in relation to the character dynamics.

I think this speaks to the fact that it's stronger as a sequel than a short story. Coming in at this point, the pacing does make it feel like I'm playing catch-up with the characters and the situation. The structure (with the chapters) also makes it feel more like the beginning of a second novel than a short story. That's of course what you intended with the piece, but you might want to replace the current note you have about the piece reading as a continuation or a solo piece, with a note stating it's a sequel and a link to where they can read the first one.

The people on here are (mostly) avid readers, and I'm sure they would appreciate reading the story as intended if at all possible.

While I do think it would work better as part of a series, I have to admit that there was plenty in this excerpt that piqued my interest in reading the first part. I particularly liked Emeldra's characterization from what I saw of it. I think she has a lot of potential as a character (and I swear, it's not just that I'm dragon crazy.) You did a good job laying a baseline of who she was and how she thought about the problems in front of her, to the point that I would really like to see more of her journey in the first installation.

Then, as a final point (even though I think it's something I've mentioned to you in previous reviews) you've done a really good job with the tone and language. I felt like I was reading a high fantasy novel from the first sentence because of your word choice, and that's just the mindset that I want to be in before the dragon shows up.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


Aside from the one formatting/note suggestion I made, I do have a couple others.

The first is that you focus a bit more on the dragon. Having not read the first one, I don't know what the characterization was like before, but I think anyone who the people are calling "The Dragon Queen" should have a strong connection to her dragon, (and that's always what makes me relate to a character) so it would have been nice to see a bit more depth there - especially in the opening section.

My second is just that you do some editing. The style and tone were awesome, but there were some technical errors throughout (typos, stray commas, etc.)

And, like I said above, I really do think this makes a better excerpt than a stand alone. A lot of the beginning feels like recap (which makes the pacing more rushed than would be ideal - not to mention how quickly characters are introduced) and the end just sort of stops without a lot of closure or resolution. These are things that I'd consider structural issues for a short story, but for an excerpt of a novel I think you're right on track! *Heart*




*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Thanks again for sending this to me, and I hope the review was at least somewhat helpful in identifying what to work on, and maybe how to get more traffic for the piece.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
123
123
Review of Solitude  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thank you so much for submitting this to the MHWA Review Challenge. I thought this was a great, emotional piece of free-form poetry, and I really appreciate you sharing it with everyone on the site, and especially everyone in the group.

I was very impressed by how smoothly you were able to convey private thoughts while simultaneously opening up, and how effectively you were able to emulate solitude to an audience. You did a great job finding balance in this piece and using it wisely.

There was one line in particular that I really enjoyed:

Interrupted dreams,
Interrupted lives.



I do have one suggestion, and it's that you consider getting rid of some of the instances of your repeating line:

Alone, I rise.


It's a very powerful line, and a great way to start/end the poem, but having it at the beginning and end of every stanza seems like a little much. Even with the symmetry it offers to the individuals stanzas, I think by the time you've used the line the eighth time, it's just lost some of it's meaning - not to mention that the line showed up next to each other 3 instances because of this structure.

Other than that, I think it was great. You wrote a good piece with a strong impact, and I'm really glad to have read it. I hope I get to read more of your work throughout the month and in the future.

All the best,

Cat


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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
124
124
Review of Abandoned Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello,

It's so nice getting to read another one of your poignant poems for the MWHA Review challenge. I was so glad to see your name come up on the review list a second time.

What I really liked about this piece was the imagery of the hourglass that you've woven throughout the piece. It gives the reader something concrete to form in their mind's eye as you tackle the more abstract concepts of the passage of time moving only in one direction and the dreams that get lost and abandoned along the way. There's so much lost potential being described, and it's something I could really relate to as part of the audience.

There was one other metaphor included that I thought was really strong:

Return trip ticket:
nonvalid, expired.



This was another tangible image that just stuck with me and illustrated the message really well.

The awardicons on this item are well deserved, and I am looking forward to reading more of your work throughout the month. Thank you so much for sharing this piece.

Sincerely,

Cat




______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
125
125
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

It's nice to be getting to read more of your work for the challenge this month *HeartT*

Before I get into the meat of the piece, I just have to say how much I really appreciate your author's note. It provided some context into the guidelines you had to work with, and really showed your dedication to the emotions behind the piece in your willingness to edit and work the piece. It makes me wish that I had some more concrete suggestions for you moving forward and editing, but I have to say I really like the piece as is.

There were some things I would have liked to see, primarily more character development and more sensory-descriptions (particularly in relation to the bedroom setting) - but those are both things that could all too easily push you past your word count limit.

For such a short piece, I think you got a good balance of everything. The first person, present tense style keeps the reader in the moment with your protagonist, and you carried those feelings of unease and tension throughout.

You did a wonderful job, and I hope that if you ever dig deeper into this concept (maybe to do a longer version of this story *Wink*) that you'll let me know. In the meantime, thanks for submitting this to the MHWA Challenge, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work throughout the month.

Sincerely,

Cat





______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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