Nice job. When I first started to read the poem I thought your verse was callouse, then by the end
I felt encouraged, your telling the reader to move
one with life.
Two spelling changes: Your opening line s/b Tread.
I think the line: "Stop trading s/b "treading" on the graves.
Hi:
Your poem tells a story that is so sadly true.
The rythem is good and the words gave me a picture in
my mind of this young person on the bus, being angry, sad, but still loving his parent. Nicely done.
There were a few places I lost the flow, in line three:
Did you mean "like the rain feared it would hurt the blooming flowers? Also stanza 4 "Dancing hand and hand
with some pretty face he wasn't instead. I'm not getting the flow of the poem with those lines.
In all it was a nice poem, you used some very colorful
imagery.
I liked your opening stanza, some of the poem didn't flow as evenly as others (stanza 4 for example). Your poem had a lot of feeling and your love for your dad showed through.
Nice imagery, I like the way the poem flows, the first two stanzas are soft and they swirl then the third is
harsher, you feel her pain, then the fourth and
mirror the firts, you see the tradgedy unfolding.
Hi: How sad it is for our roles to reverse and to
now take care of the ones who took care of us.
Your story is very touching and many of us face
the same issues you listed. Thank you for putting
into words what our hearts are thinking.
Ah, which road to take? Never an easy answer.
Your 3rd line did you want it to say "my all despair"?
Also oin the 7th line did you leave out "I" after Will
and before land?
Other than that, liked your poem and I hope you
Still DARE TO DREAM.
You touched a subject so many of us fear. Unanswered
prayers. Very vivid poem, your words made me see you
standing at the door and desperatly trying to get an
answer.
Keep knocking sometimes the answer we recieve is "no"
hard for us to hear,or may it is just not the time for the "yes" to come.
Your poem is fun and true. I too look for the kudos,
no matter how small. If I have entered a poem I can't wait to see the reviews, and if nothing shows up for days, I fret. So you have said what I feel.
Very nice job!!
Your poem made me think of my 20 mos. old nephew and
I could picture him doing what your poem was saying,
nice visual. Yes, it is "cute" and it did bring a smile
to my face.
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