*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/curcio
Review Requests: ON
154 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 ... Next
1
1
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Go, Angus. I can see why this one was selected to represent you and WDC. Good stuff. I like the way you delve into Colt's mind as he makes his way to that second certainty (you know, besides taxes). I like the way he notices everything, as I suspect someone walking to their death might. A couple of tumbleweeds, the wind picking up...even just a dog barking or the curls in a single little girl's hair. All of the little things that you tend to miss when you are preoccupied with having the rest of your life ahead of you. I imagine knowing that you don't would make you hypersensitive to just existing while you still can. My favorite line: "He doesn’t worry, just wonders." Still drinking in all that he can of the scene as he waits for death.

The final paragraph was something special for me. It brought back, vividly, a memory that I had long forgotten. I was in a car wreck once, many years ago. I was young and my brother was driving. We were just chatting about whatever brothers chat about and he had distractedly turned left across traffic before it was clear. I saw the oncoming car. I briefly panicked as it approached, even turned away and covered up some, sure that the impact was coming.

For the longest time it seemed as if nothing happened. I even began to sit up and turn back, thinking that we had avoided the catastrophe. It was at that point that we collided, the oncoming car hitting our Mustang squarely just behind my door, reality suddenly crashing back upon me like a tidal wave.

The time that had passed as I was bracing for the impact couldn't have been more than a few fractions of a second, but my reality had turned it into several long moments. I could feel Colt's last moments occurring like that and you spelled it out masterfully.

Sorry to be so long-winded. I think this item is very cool and exceedingly well presented. Only suggestion (maybe) would be to put Colt's real name in there somewhere. Let the readers know that they were hanging a man and not just an alias.

Write on.
2
2
Review of Her Eyes  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (5.0)
I've got to tell you, Paul. I looked over quite a few of your short works and you have a penchant for finding something to write about in things that might appear simply mundane to most.

There is none of that here. Very touching. Very personal. I'm glad you found a place to air your pain. It is quite evident that this experience destroyed you and the entire exercise was a sort of therapy. Each sentiment at first a star and then, a spear. All a release. Each line as unblinking as a camera lens. Beautiful and sad.

An avid music lover, I would often discover a band and work my way back through their material. Back to their roots. back to what made them who they had become. I'm glad I went back to your roots here on WDC, Paul. The things that we keep closest are the most potent when we choose to share them. Thank you.
3
3
Review of Why I wait  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ah, Niffler. You wait for love, and don't we all?! Or is it just some small "slivers of memory" that we have turned from crumbs into some great feast?

"...A need, a deed..."

Love is both, and we often blunder into the assumption that when we get there, even once, that it has happened by some wondrous stroke of fate that can neither be recreated or experienced on that same level by any other pair. The very fact that somebody can read your poem and nod at the sentiment lays waste to the idea.

Definitely not knocking your work, Niffler. I loved some of the imagery you have conjured ("Had a good look at the bottom of my glass", "Souls were mirrored, matched and mated...bodies followed suit"). Loved it! I would just warn against dwelling too much on the well-trodden path of lost love for material. The beauty of your work can be drown out by all of the other noise.

All of that said, I'm really glad you shared. It is a tough thing to put yourself (and your work) out there like that, and I commend you for making the leap.

Write on!
4
4
Review of Running Away  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow, Jacky. I know a winning piece when I see it. You have done an excellent job conveying a story through mere dialogue, and that is tough. Very well could be based on a real experience :)...Good work!

Just a little P.S. (and a disclaimer that I'm not at all affiliated with it), but if you were not aware of another contest here on WdC called "The Dialogue 500", you might try your hand at it.

Thanks for sharing!
5
5
Review of Midnight Blues  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey, Shivay.

I appreciate you sharing the second part of your story with me. I admit, I did not expect that it would be such a 360 degree turn from the first. Now I understand why the "To be continued" was crossed out in part one.

First, I should say that, as painful as this episode was for you, it is not so uncommon for one partner (particularly one who finds themselves so smitten) to suffer the ill effects of the other partner's shortcomings. That's right, I am calling out your ex for her egregious inability to step up and say "goodbye" if she means "goodbye". You think yourself weak for looking for some kind of hope in resurrecting the relationship that you had (as she left it), but she is guilty of not being resolute for you if she had decided that whatever she was going through somehow trumped what you were ("We both were having problems in our lives") and that you were through.

Sorry, but I detect a selfish somebody who casts their own concerns above somebody else's that they had professed to love. I find it inexcusably weak of character to dodge the unpleasantries of cutting somebody loose (permanently) by texting....TEXTING, no less, that they were leaving it "open".

As much as I hate to break it to you and, in as much as I resisted the thought at first....Yes, I think that you may have been right in asking yourself: "...Did she want me to keep waiting for her when she knew she (wouldn't) be coming back?"

I'm sorry that you fell for this girl. I'm sorry that you still think that she is faultless and that you are tortured because she was so weak. It is important for you to note that the first person that you fell head over heels for was definitely not the end-all-be-all. That you realize that she was a shallow and self-involved individual that no doubt took advantage of your naivete for as long as it served whatever maladjusted whim she found in it. I'm sure you made it clear to her that she was an angel. That she was something special...But you can't convince somebody who doesn't believe it themselves. Eventually you became a reminder to her that she was absolutely NOT what you saw her to be.

And she absolutely wasn't.

I hope you find happiness in somebody who can appreciate the value of another's heart. Your story is not one of introverts and extroverts. It is one of being human.

Write on. Five stars for honesty and reflection!


6
6
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good stuff, Shivay. Love the abject honesty of this piece.

"Doesn’t makes much sense, does it?"...Well, it might surprise you that the sentiments that precede this question absolutely make sense. They would seem familiar to anybody (whether introvert OR extrovert) who ever put themselves out there to a stranger that they held in high regard.

'Am I good enough?' It is a human question. The only difference it poses between somebody who is outgoing and someone who is bashful is the degree to which they let it affect their ultimate decision to find out the answer. Regardless, it was an enormous victory for you to have gone through with it and I hope it has enabled you to dive in and take advantage of many similar opportunities to truly experience your life. We're only here once, after all.

Further, there is something thoroughly modern about your piece here, Shivay. You demonstrate an introvert's ability these days to include himself in social situations he would normally avoid on account of an App. You describe texting in advance of your arrival. For me, it made me reflect on the social state we find ourselves in, where we are both more connected and as isolated as as we have ever been.

Whether it was intentional or not, it's worth noting your repetition of the phrase "never once", "not even once", "never even once" and "not once" throughout. On my end, it punctuated your fascination with the fact that, for you, this experience was monumental. Good job...and the way you describe how you fell into that moment without defaulting to your usual escape routine was as entertaining as anything that I've read in quite some time.

Particularly loved:

"You see, I’m fluent in three languages, each of them with their own vast vocabulary and yet I failed to come up with a single reply to anything she asked."

AND

"It was the first time that I was having a conversation with someone without planning my escape or trying to rip my eyes out" (the "just kidding" part seems less honest than the rest of this item because you weren't).

And finally, I like the way you wrapped things up by nixing the "To be continued" and leaving it there for everyone to see. It was unnecessary to begin with but, as a visual way to wrap things up, it kind of made a statement of its own.

Thanks for sharing and write on.

7
7
Review of Alone  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (3.5)
Alone, but not so alone, Rose.

The isolation you express in this piece is as common a thread as we can share with any living person...or at least the vast majority of folks who have any sense of self-awareness. So, the irony here is multi-faceted, whether you meant to go there or not. In a room full of people you feel utterly alone and being alone in your head, you share the unspoken affliction of everybody else who is there.

Good stuff. Welcome to WDC, thanks for sharing and Write on!
8
8
Review of ENVIGOR  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ha Ha! Time for our "hero" to excuse himself before he makes a scene!

Wonderful story. Imaginative and thoroughly entertaining, presented as it is with a thinly veiled ridiculousness. Even the fictional drink is well-named.

Thank you for sharing, laura... and write on.
9
9
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Love the contrast in this one, Jen. First, of the colors of the leaves and of the season, the magic of the beauty of nature...and then the same to the sad reality of institutional utility that the author finds themself in.

Inside and out.

Color and none.

The pairs couldn't be farther from each other. Nor fleetingly, I suppose, could the author's mind be farther from her cell.

Oh, the beauty of the things that we can no longer have. When they surround us, we don't notice, and in their absence we are robbed. This piece reminds me of a song called "Green, Green Grass of Home". There are many versions, but google any of them and I think if you haven't heard it you will enjoy it immensely. I mention it because it builds on the homecoming of a young man who obviously has been gone a long time. The twist at the end is not unlike what you portray in your own poem, but having delved much farther into what he's missed, the reveal has tremendous wallop.

That said, I think I knew too soon what was developing in this one. Admittedly, I tried to see where you could have spent more time on the buildup with an eye toward intensifying the end, but came up short...Only a suggestion. I did thoroughly enjoy the piece.

Thanks for sharing and Write On, Jen.
10
10
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Good stuff, Harry. I like how it comes back around full circle to the child and his dismissive father, complete with the boy realizing the gravity of what he was seeing, not being jaded enough to accept such a callous disregard for something that was once living. It wasn't lost on me that the stanzas in between illustrated a progression of the model of his father's attitudes before snapping back to "the beginning" and the child's innocent rejection of them.

Write on.
11
11
Review of GAMING  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (3.0)

I don't know, James. When you present an item as an "argument" for or against something, you invite some counter-argument. With this in mind, I might suggest that you spend some time shoring up your points with something more specific than "A lot of studies have been conducted..." What studies might those be? Are these studies something that you've actually seen and read or is it something you just heard about or something somebody told you? To not cite a source for such studies almost certainly casts some doubt on their findings, even their existence, and weakens any point you're trying to make.

You seem to have worked a lot of supposition into your positions, as well. For instance, when you make your argument that inappropriate content is not so bad when it is introduced in a controlled environment and under the supervision of an adult, honestly...how often are parents monitoring the games their children are playing? Have your folks ever sat down with you and played these games? Even asked about them or know what their titles are? Most likely not. In a perfect world maybe, but we aren't living in one.

Generalizations are another weakness when arguing a point. You mention that gaming daily will improve the reaction time and speed of most users, and that can be applied in real-life activities. I would argue that playing a game daily may improve your speed and reaction time for that game specifically, but it is a stretch to say that your skills are improved across the board. Not to mention that if you are playing a game daily, then you are no doubt limiting your real-life activities.

Real-life activities like interacting with real-life people. Not an avatar or some cloudy online persona, but real people. The internet is a social medium no doubt, but it is a social tool devoid of feeling or inflection. A forum rife with anonymity and all of the resultant inconsequence. If you say something hurtful to somebody online, you will never see what you've done reflected in their body language. You will never experience that human feedback. That shame for having been out of line or the threat of a consequent ass-whoopin. Yes, the internet is social, but it is often an artificial social.

Sorry to digress. Let me summarize. I can see many of the points that you are trying to make in this item, but these (and any) points are weakened with supposition, generalization and lack of legitimate sources to back your claims. The essay seems more like one that you have written for yourself to affirm what you already are inclined to believe than one that is written to convince anybody who might disagree. I appreciate the effort, though, and I hope you don't take any of this personally. I think that you will find more satisfaction making an argument that doesn't leave a lot of room for dispute. Make them work for it, James, and write on.


12
12
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice, Angels. It is very special work to be a writer and/or a poet. Though we often write for ourselves, we also write to strangers. When we write of our loves, our losses, so we write for theirs. It is a beautiful tool, the written language, and it can connect people deeply who may never meet.

And so malleable! Like, when for some time after a breakup we feel that every sad song on the radio was written with us in mind. How could they know the depths of our pain and speak so eloquently to it? It is our lot to show the dew on the grass, to describe the wreckage of a spider web as the work of a starving artist, to be the crunch of the gravel underfoot and to hail the shadow that makes a square into a cube. 'The gleam on the snow', 'the rain on your window', 'a tear in your baby's eye'. It is a lonely existence because we merely highlight it and it is the reader who owns it. But therein lies the nobility of our work...and the relevance.

This "Life of Silver" is a gorgeous examination of what every writer aspires to, placing no blame, demanding no recognition. It merely sheds light on a mission statement and drifts slowly away, leaving a reader to ponder what he has experienced.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Poetry and me  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hey, Tainted. Stumbled across this item and was intrigued by the thoughts that it triggered for me. Perhaps you'll forgive that this is not going to be a review in the deconstruction-and-discussion-of-your-chosen-approach-and-mechanics sort of way, but rather the impression-the-piece-left-on-me-after-reading-it kind of thing. Just the fact that it got me thinking is testament to its worth. After all, we write for another's reaction, do we not?

I'll admit that my first instinct when realizing the content was to think, "Oh God, not another description of how depressed the author is in a depressing world." I quickly realized that it is less that, but an honest admission of what powers your inspiration.

This in itself sets your poem apart.

There is even some hint of lightheartedness in these lines. You're not blaming the world or playing the hapless victim, you are OWNING who you are and where you are coming from and it is refreshing. It is rather a shame that you find no counterbalance in happiness or beautiful things, as I've found that both darkness and light can be equally inspiring depending on the day. For you, writing is therapy...and it is cheaper than actual therapy. To this I say 'write on', Tainted, explore those demons, write your destiny and by all means, keep self-medicating : )


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Skills  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (4.0)
Paige, you write beautifully. You conjure up so much strength with so few words and it works very well. I poured over your portfolio and absorbed a good bit of it, wanted to comment on everything, but wasn't sure what to say about most of it other than it affected me. I only thought it fitting that I comment on a work called "Skills".

This item is short and sweet and speaks to one girl's mastery of all of the shallow and the artificial machinations of beginning a relationship with somebody. While her abilities on the front end are proficient, it has become apparent to her that beyond that, she cannot maintain anything more satisfying than playing the game itself. All previous forays into dating have failed (possibly by design) and, as is often the case, the one relationship she thought she would want to nurture walks away.

Turns out it is a story of growth or the opportunity for growth, as such a recognition will open the door for somebody to change their patterns. You've heard it many times: "You can't fix what ain't broke". Learning that something is, in fact, "broke" allows you a window to fix it.

So hopefully, our character will understand what brought her to this realization and recognize it as a sad second chance. Most probably, though, what she'll do is jump right back into old habits in an attempt to make herself feel better (doing what she knows she's good at), forgo this opportunity and complete another turn around this vicious circle.

Fingers crossed, everybody. Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of The Dream Fox  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey, shadowstalker. I've got to say, this is a wonderful work in progress. I wanted to look it over because you asked whether you should "dumb it down" for the children it was meant for. Absolutely not.

I find that children are far more perceptive than they are given credit for and this story accepts that. If anything, you might look to refine your message to some degree. There are a lot of lessons and ideas you address--the miserable fox wanting to be something he's not, the ogre's beauty being skin deep, happiness is right under our noses, that there can't be good without bad, money and power aren't fulfilling in and of themselves, etc, all of which are excellent fodder for impressionable kids. I think that all of them together may be more difficult to digest, thereby eroding the lessons on the whole.

I'd be tempted to simplify the ogre's explanation of what makes an individual, well...themselves, and to curb or delete the beating he imparts to Sly late in the story (it doesn't do much to make the ogre less ugly and he could impart his wisdom just as well by chiding the fox rather than roughing him up). You don't name the fox, BTW, until the fifth or sixth paragraph, which kind of threw me off. I had to reread the last few sentences to figure out where that came from.

Anyway, I really like where you're going with this and can already imagine the beautiful illustrations that would accompany the story in print. Hope that some of the above suggestions are helpful and I wish you the best of luck as you develop it. Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Significant.  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: E | (3.0)

Slyralxi, I've looked over your port and can appreciate your thoughts and the unusual way much of your poetry is presented. You have a talent for noticing clever inconsistencies (and consistencies) in language and in everyday words and phrases, familiar aspects of life and the like. In this case, might I suggest that you deconstruct "significance" a little further for purposes of exploration and sheer breadth of your poem? It is all too convenient to yank "cant" from the word and try and extrapolate that the fact that it is there completely extinguishes the more noble aspects of it.

Does it mean that "I can't be significant"? or that "none of us are really significant"? Of course it doesn't...and of course none of us are (in the greater scope of things). I think you short changed your readers by ending your analysis on so simplified a note.

You could have just as easily extracted "can" from the word and compared the two extremes present in the same example. Google "cant" (no apostrophe) and you'll find yet another meaning contained in your chosen subject word. It can mean talk of a hypocritical or sanctimonious nature, it can even denote a phrase or catchword that is temporarily in fashion, as, sadly "can't" is in this day and age.

I'm not knocking your poem. I like it. I just would have liked to see a little more effort spent in getting involved in the thoughts you conjure. It is very easy (and common) to just write as the depressed or forlorn author and dwell only on negativity, but I think you will find plenty of growth...an enormous amount of it as a writer if you spend the time to delve and not take the easy way out. This poem might have been much longer, but I think it would have had more impact, more substance. The thoughts are good ones, just seem a little rushed in this case.

You are a talented writer. Write on.

17
17
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hats off to you, Lee Lawson. You've put an excellent entry forward. Original and entertaining. I can almost see a compilation of stories involving Mr Tesla's janitor and all of his misadventures at the hands of his employer. If you don't take first with this yarn, you will at least have given a gallant attempt. I'm glad I read it.....please, write on!

KC


18
18
Review of Jingle Jangle  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hey, stuckintime. LOVED this! Very cool and very creepy. I can feel the fear, the tension of the main character as he sits and sweats out this perennial encounter. Goosebumps as that thing tries its best to get him to turn around and engage it. It prods, it pesters, it baits and terrorizes our young hero, ultimately to no avail. He has steeled himself for the horrific and inevitable encounter by fixating on a wall. That bare white wall serves as the perfect conduit for him to relive the nightmare that now finds he and his tormentor reunited. The creepiness is intensified by the revelation that it will happen again and again as it has for years. I must say, stuck, that Colin has been wise to do what he has always done and resist facing his ghoulish visitor. It seems to want pretty badly that he confront him, but also powerless to force him to do so. Inevitably, it must retreat to whatever hell from whence it came and then there is peace again. Three hundred and sixty four days of certain life in exchange for one of absolute terror every year seems a fair exchange given the (unknown) alternative. This is fantastic stuff and I thank you for sharing it. Definately going into my "static items favorites" folder. Write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


19
19
Review of The Garden  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Joe Nelson . Perusing your port as part of your PDG gift pack I stumbled across this little gem. Excellent work. Especially effective for me were the haunting visuals beamed to Nova-Eight from which Adam learns of Event-Zero's passing. The premise for this tale is very good, I tend to like depressing sci-fi fare. Not that you left it at that...In cooking, it is taught (bear with me, this WILL come full circle) that an exceptional meal is one that includes a balance of flavors in appropriate proportions--salty and sweet, pungent and sublime...Writing is no different, and you counter the depressive atmosphere in the beginning of this piece with the introduction of some promise for the future (not accidentally invoking the biblical origins of the main characters' names). Nice.

Suggestions? I think that the lengthy intro preceeding the story isn't necessary. There is no information in it that cannot be injected throughout the tale itself to slowly make your readers aware of the circumstances which led our heroes to where they are. I'll also take the opportunity to suggest to you something that has been suggested to me on many occasions and I wasn't sure until recently exactly what was meant. Your writing, like mine, is very linear. We tell stories. Folks have told me that I need to show a story. For instance, instead of writing that a character "felt awkward", try to describe him doing something that demonstrates he is feeling awkward. Another cure for linear: After you have written your first draft (and, like me, I see that you don't often revisit something after you've posted it) go back over it and move the paragraphs around like pieces of a rubik's cube, shifting their order to achieve a more interesting take on the same story you've just completed. You'll be surprised how many ways a story can come together.

Anyway, I thought this item was a very entertaining read. Very well done. I look forward to finishing looking over your port as you have an interesting imagination. If you have the chance (or the inclination) I would appreciate your looking over my own port (Kyle Curcio ). It would interest me to get your take on some of the stuff that's there. Write on, Joe/Leon!




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





20
20
Review of My Woundrous City  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, Liam .

I am one of the judges for "The Poetic Pen Workshop/Contest. It is my pleasure to read and review your entry for this week.

The first thing that grabbed me about this piece was the exceptional rythym and flow. It keeps the reader plodding along and smiling all the while (It does me, anyway). The simple, fairy tale-like storytelling also serves this item well, not relying on fancy literary devices or nebulous emotional concepts to describe what amounts to a restating of the age old addage: "Those who would give up their freedoms for security deserve neither." Intentional or not, your poem is quite reflective of the times we live in today.

On your edits: they are good improvements for the most part and show you've done some reflection on the item. Specifically, your choosing to swap "...An occasional rogue..." for "...All the thieves and the rogues..." lends more of an urgency to the townsfolk having to build a wall to thwart them. Also, your reworking of the final sentiment I think lends more weight to the idea you are trying to present. Its poetic "with a bit of a tear" and the alliterative "...caravans haven't been here for a year" work much better from an enjoyment standpoint. The first part of the final stanza, though, feels a little awkward. Not sure why. Could it be that you switch tenses from one sentence to the next? Maybe a word or two too many? It is the one part where the flow of the piece stumbled a bit for me. Maybe you want to revisit it, maybe not...perhaps you can roll the end of the previous stanza right on into the beginning of the final one:

To protect our fair city by building a wall

that was thicker and higher than any had been,
the portals so sturdy thieves couldn't get in.


Just a thought, Liam. I love the premise and I love the poem. Excellent job.




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


If you get the chance, look over this similar item..."Invalid Item




21
21
Review of Red Destiny  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey, Farooq. You explore an interesting topic in this piece, summed up quite completely with the very first sentence. I'm impressed with how quickly you were able to set up this entire scenario. With three brief paragraphs you've staged all necessary backstory, allowing yourself to float freely in and out of Sayali's mind and back and forth between present, past and future. Nice. There is even a sort of classic "play" feel in the intruder's monologue when he first comes on the scene and reveals his intentions. In addition, you capably describe the roller coaster of emotions that course through our heroine as she lies bleeding upon the floor. One can't help but feel that a great wrong has been done here at the hands of an angry and impatient young perpetrator. Well done. I must say that I love that the very end is left up in the air as far as Sayali's survival of the ordeal. Whether this was intentional or not, it is my impression. I always love an open ending.

That said, I would be remiss not to mention a few things that distracted me as I read:

"...she found herself staring into the dark eyes of a stranger. He was in his early twenties and his head was covered in a hood." It seemed odd to me that the intruder be described so thoroughly after it is said his face is obscured by a hood..."There was rough stubble on his chin...A dark scar on his cheek gave him a menacing look."

Also as the story progresses, the wound inflicted, the intruder's reaction was puzzling. At first, I thought that he had come to scare her and was thrown by things escalating to the point they did (from a cruel prank to an actual murder), but then he stuck around, which brought me to assume that he had it in his mind to rape Sayali before killing her (which might have been an addition to his original plan). You can see my confusion. Was the statement "Sheesh! What a lady! Guess you had to do that. I wanted a little fun and you had to go spoil it all." meant to villify the young man further?

Finally, there were some minor grammatic and typographic errors (the Sheesh statement above for example, which I've taken the liberty to correct, sorry) : ) which can be remedied by simply running a spellcheck, no harm, no foul.

To wrap it up, Farooq, I think you have a pretty entertaining yarn here. It is clear you are a sympathetic writer and can involve yourself in your characters' emotions. This is a skill that will add enormous depth to your future endeavours. Thank you for sharing and write on.






22
22
Review of TEARS OF WAR  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Dannoden: Thank you for sharing this grisly, sad and beautiful item. Though the subject is an ugly one, you lend it beauty with your heartfelt empathy for the men involved. Your descriptions indicate that you put yourself on the scene in your mind as you wrote it. I have often thought about how horrific it would be to fight in a battle in the days before soldiers could feel somewhat removed from what they were involved in. In days when you came physically against your opponent, saw his eyes, were extreme witness to the damage you might inflict upon him. One on one, there was no great equalizer, you were stronger than him or you were not. In the tumult of the melee, however, in the mass of those attacking one another, you could be struck at any time and from any side. Truly, involvement in battle was a toss of the dice!

Favorite lines: "Bones are crushed beneath chariot wheels/ And no man thinks on what the other feels"--for details cited here which indicate that you thought in great detail what would be happening as the battle raged.

"But one thing most men do not see/ Is the battle's hero sinking to one knee/ Aghast at all the death he sees/ And crying like a babe."--The stanza drives the point of the item home effectively as the bravest and strongest surviving warrior is revealed to be no less human than the people lying around him groaning and in pieces. It alludes to the fact that perhaps there is no true victor and that the "sages" mentioned in the sixth stanza do not solely exist away from the front. Thank you, dannoden, for a somber look at an unfortunate human condition. Write on.




** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **









23
23
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Shai: I really don't know where to begin. There is so much in this to comment on. The intriguing metaphors, the stark contrasts described between two aspects of being and feeling human, the unblinking narrative that says that the author is probably anything but shy, as his namesake would suggest...The creativity exhibited here is quite impressive. There is a certain amount of disjointedness throughout which I find adds to the effectiveness of the poem, since the author flings his observations far and wide, but never really loses his focus on what he is trying to describe. We're bounced, as readers, from the inside of his head to the coffee shop, to the "zombie" apocolypse and out into the universe only to be deposited in bed again with Mr. Shai and his significant. I'd have to rewrite the poem here to include all of the impressive literary tools that appear along the way: "We're all linked anyways/ Like keys on a piano/ That god sometimes plays..." "I just flex/ And reach out my muscular heart/ So you can feel/ Me missing you/ (Thank you, I do work it out...)" "...we can stitch together/ Our hopes and dreams/ And run our finger/ Along their seams" "I'll just bend over backward/ For them and you.../ Even though/ I know/ So many more positions/ For connecting to people" --Wonderful!

If I were pressed to mention anything that could use improvement, I might suggest that the title could put many potential readers off. It doesn't do justice to the incredible observations the author offers. Then again, it may just keep this item exclusive, a treat for those lovers of the english language who can and will see beyond impressions at a glance. Congratulations, Shai, on a beautiful and nebulous exposition of your perspective.





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



24
24
Review of Heaven's Gates  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Aloha, Caerberu. I was just digesting your contemplative "Heaven's Gates. Some questions for the ages (a la, If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...) in such a short format. It got me thinking which, I imagine, it was designed to do. Here's what I came up with: No in both cases. I would argue that it would be the ACT of murder that would be the deciding factor and not so much the memories of the perpetrator or his or her prior circumstance. Their victim or victims would still be dead. Not true, of course, if by "erasing...memories" you mean starting them over from scratch and without having perpetrated the crime in the first place. Anyway, I enjoyed your exploration of the thought. A brief and entertaining piece. Write on.



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




25
25
Review of Underworld  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very entertaining item, Anne Light. You construct a curious world that, it would appear, anything could happen. I thought that the subtle revelation that our Mr. Quaintick was consorting with rats was very nice. It was only natural to assume at that point that he, too, was a rat until the end where he apparently and quite comfortably "enlarged" himself and rode the bus home. What, then, is Mr. Quaintick? Is his name a hint as it was for his two clients, Mr. Rhet and Sr. Kokroche? I found no hints there, so I can only hope to figure that one out by reading more episodes. Nice hook.

I did enjoy the presentation of this piece, reminiscent of Doyle's Sherlock Holmes style. Again something that created airs of a complex setting, one nearly impossible to pinpoint as far as historical timeframe since he also took a bus home. I imagine working in this kind of environment gives you near absolute freedom when constructing a chapter. I've always liked these cross-genre type stories. They allow for maximum creativity. I must confess that I also have always loved things that smartly personify animals and use the method to tell an intriguing tale (Watership Down, Animal Farm, Incognito Mosquito, Basil of Baker Street and The Secret of NIMH to name a few).

Thank you, Anne Light, for a wonderful mash-up of time and setting and character, and thank you for sharing. Write on.









** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




65 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 3 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/curcio