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198 Public Reviews Given
233 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by the last cicada
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Great start of a mysterious adventure!

First impressions:

I liked the first person narrative. It's very rich in details and the character has a distinctive manner of speaking. The pace is steady, laid back and reflective.

My favorite line:
Line: Though before I could question her any further, in hopes of...

*Heart* Loved the moment; the woman's actions took me by surprise. Very vivid imagery. This line very much struck a cord. There's enough conflict generated here for me to stick around and learn more.

Minor edits:

Line: A old settlement hidden just a few kilometers west of Bobcaygeon, Ontario.
Line: An old settlement hidden just a few kilometers west of Bobcaygeon, Ontario.


Line: However if you were ever to set food on its streets
Line: However if you were ever to set foot on its streets


Line: She put her hands quickly on my shoulders, looking into my eyes, and spoke fateful works in which I follow to this day.
Line: She put her hands quickly on my shoulders, looking into my eyes, and spoke fateful words in which I follow to this day.


Line: Moments after the ships security had asked me if I had seen a woman of eastern decent on the ship, it seemed she had been a stow away, the ships workers had discovered her only moments before our encounter crawling out from between crates in the ships hold.
Line: Moments after the ship's security had asked me if I had seen a woman of eastern decent on the ship, it seemed she had been a stow away, the ship's workers had discovered her only moments before our encounter crawling out from between crates in the ships hold.


Line: Weeks later I decided to quit my work aboard the Moirae and adhere to the worlds spoken to me that day.
Line: Weeks later I decided to quit my work aboard the Moirae and adhere to the words spoken to me that day.
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77
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Snow1*A wee review for *Snow3* *Right* "Invalid Item"  *Left* *Snow1*


*Laugh* Oh the horror! When a (half) partridge wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting family's Christmas gathering.

What a delightfully light hearted tale when an unexpected visitor who drops in for lunch and grabs a few things for his missus.

I love how he rips right through the presents and gobbles up the ornaments. Even better, how he thinks the popcorn garland is so much better fruit than the natural fruit that grows on a fruit tree.

My favorite line: There’s nothing like a good pecking order.

My favorite paragraph: When the Yuman shouts something about a partridge and a pear tree *Laugh*

Great monologue. You revealed just enough clues and hints via descriptions to give the reader an idea of what's happening. That was very clever getting the bird to wake up, not knowing how he wound up at the top of the tree! And the ripping was fun to watch too.

Thank you for sharing this story. Good luck with Challenge #1.

Amy
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Review of Season Tickets  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (5.0)
Every c-note looks fabulous, like bright colored mouthwatering candy!

I don't really know much about c-notes since I haven't set up any of my own but I noticed that for #6 View full c-note only mentions 2 of the 7 prizes. I am assuming that is how the c-note will come out when sent.

http://www.writing.com/main/handler.php?action=pop...

In case you are wondering how I noticed, well, I was actually checking the volume purchased for each ticket to weigh the odds of winning *Bigsmile* Then I zipped straight to the c-note section, never once looking at the descriptions in the White Box. I was surprised to see only 2 options listed for #6 and I was going to consider a ticket with more option variety when I noticed the description in the White Box for #6 was way lengthier than the c-note list. Now I can't decide.

Thank you for offering such awesome prizes. These make great holiday gifts.

Amy
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Review of Little Green Men  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your ribbon!

*Smile* I have finally stopped laughing to write a review but I still can't get the grin off my face. I never thought I'd ever find aliens as goofy as Blog and Blang. Oh my cheeks hurt.

The Positives:
Great job with the names and vocabulary. They were cute and funny and made the aliens appear harmless and lovable despite their gangly eye stalks and boom-da-ba-wrooos (I just can't take this weapon seriously *Confused*). I especially loved the double Zs. That really helped to set the aliens apart from Earthlings. The naming of technology and other alien artifacts seem to revolve around the sounds they make as opposed to function.

The way you tied together the different Earthly cultural elements with new meaning was awesome.

My favorite bit: crop circle explanation. Duh! Why didn't I see that before? Those miscreants should be locked up in some intergalactic dungeon.

My second favorite bit: coke and pepsi sentients.

Other Thoughts and Impressions:
Great portrayal of the otherworldly aliens. Despite our cultural differences, I had no trouble empathizing and relating to Blog and Blang. Although I have one question, why only 2 aliens? Must be rich people to travel in a hopper all to themselves *Laugh* That was just a question, not a suggestion *Smile* The story is perfect the way it is *Heart* For all I know, there were other aliens on the ship but they weren't the party animals Blog and Blang were.

I notice that the story starts out with:
Blog was a Zzippian from the planet Zzip.
I take Zzippian to represent citizenship or the highest form of life on Zzip because this is the only instance where Zzippian is capitalized in the story.

Thus, when I came upon this line, I felt this instance of zzippian should be capitalized:
this is about the worst insult you can give to a zzippian
this is about the worst insult you can give to a Zzippian

Overall Impressions:
Your aliens are so endearing. This is the perfect story to wipe away any xenophobia I have, especially at bedtime right before the lights go out *Smile*

The story rolled smoothly off from start to finish. Great pace and timing and every scene was playfully hilarious.

If there were any errors or room for improvement, I am sure I missed them with the tears rolling down my eyes.

Thank you for sharing this story. I had a blast.

Amy
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Review of Rate Yourself!  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sarah Rae "Rate Yourself!"  [E]

*Laugh* Wow, a few 'Pretty much perfect's.

*Bigsmile* I actually feel like a 3.5 but that wasn't an option.

It was pretty scary to take a look at myself.

Review: well presented, good fun, very introspective, humourously phrased options *Thumbsup*
The best part: that you included a reviewer's note. Very informative.

*Smirk* Out of curiosity, and you don't have to answer this, but how do you rate yourself?

my review sig
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81
Review by the last cicada
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The alphabetical twist is a great idea! Fun and challenging. Do you have one that goes backwards?

Some goofy lines actually make sense *Laugh* My favorite: Opinions pose questions, require sentences. by bobbikann

Write on!
82
82
Review by the last cicada
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Gift3* Amy's a review for "Invalid Item" 

What a nice story about a wonderful dog named Maury. It combines the best of what we've come to expect from heroic animals with the potential of how much more pets can enrich our lives, if only they could speak.



Favorite prop:
I love that device that Matthews invented to facilitate communication between people and Maury. Boy would that revolutionize dog training. Or human training, depending on the point of view of the species in question.



Plot:
Very tight story, especially where it concerns the sci-fi elements. I like how you worked the discussion of theology into the story and used Maury's final words to tie it all up. Very well chosen words. The ending came out powerful, conclusive and satisfying.

The last words were pretty positive too. I was feeling pretty bummed about the way Matthews felt about losing Maury so unexpectedly and in such a tragic way. It's good for Matthews to know his dog's last thoughts didn't linger over pain and helplessness.



Areas to improve:
Since you've already published the story, odds are, these issues have already been addressed. Anyhow, I'll point them out as an exercise for this copy *Smile*



Maury was able to walk, run, and do all the normal things dogs do--plus later, something more.
I found 'later' confusing. What does it refer to?
-- Did the device allow Maury to catch up on dog skills later in life than was usual for dogs?
-- Will the device allow Maury to learn more complex skills later on?



Matthews has confirmed what a lot of pet owners already knew--dogs were intelligent and had personalities.
No problem with this line. Just thought I'd mention how much my dog would appreciate this statement *Smile*



Instinct was a part of it, but it wasn't all of it.
The first and second parts of the sentence seem to say the same thing to me.



"Go ahead." Maury thought was nice that he didn't have to stop eating to answer.
"Go ahead." Maury thought it was nice that he didn't have to stop eating to answer.



"Go ahead." Maury thought was nice that he didn't have to stop eating to answer.
"Go ahead." Matthews thought was nice that he didn't have to stop eating to answer.
Maury thought or Matthews thought?

I had the feeling it was supposed to be Matthews. So far everything we know seems to be coming from Matthews perspective.

Of course, maybe Maury did say something but it came out as a description of his thought rather than spelled out with actual dialogue. However, were this the case, the line still feels awkward.



"I'll set down with you tomorrow night, and we'll add some more words to it...
"I'll sit down with you tomorrow night, and we'll add some more words to it...



Then there was a loud screech from outside, and then a thud.
Too many 'then's. I think it would sound better by cutting out at least one 'then'.



Maury must have gotten excited, and the bus hit him...
I feel that the paragraph should break at the end of this sentence to help the 'bus' stand out more.

I had a bit of trouble following the sequence. At first, I thought Maury got hit by a car.

Then I thought I was mistaken because Matthews found 'that it wasn't what he had originally thought.'

Finally, I realized that Maury was hit by a car but I got confused because I missed seeing the 'bus'. Let me blame it on 'bus' for being such a short word *Blush*



Maury had already lived longer than most dogs do.
Maury had already lived longer than most dogs did.



...so he fast-forwarded to find what were Maury's last words:
...so he fast-forwarded to find Maury's last words:
Take out 'what were'. I don't think they're necessary.



He noticed that the recording stopped a lot later than he thought it would, so he fast-forwarded to find what were Maury's last words:
I had to go back to figure out the 'recording stopped a lot later' part. Maybe add a bit more to the paragraph to remind readers that Maury's thoughts were recorded by computer. I kind of forgot about that detail and only realized it when I went back to read the story again.



minus 1/2 point for errors.

Total: 4.5 stars

Thank you for continuing to share this wonderful story online. I enjoyed reading it.

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83
83
Review by the last cicada
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Gift3* Amy's a review for "Invalid Item" 

Another great how-to guide to help improve my writing skills *Smile*

What I liked:
I like how you underlined and bolded each point. The highlight made each point stand out from the explanation and made it easier to find the next point.

The example in point 2 not only drove home the point but also made me chuckle.


Most helpful bit:
I never thought about it until you mentioned it. It is easier for the author to lead the reader to the correct emotional display exhibited by a character when the feeling is stated at the beginning of each line as opposed to the end.


A suggestion:
6) Find ways around the "he said, she replied" cycle.
I agree with this point. This is my most frustrating part about writing dialogue (besides actually coming up with dialogue *Laugh*).

However, as silly as it may sound, but I was actually hoping for an example or two to go with this point.

I drop the 'he said/she replied' bit and let them toggle the speech whenever I can.

However this isn't a practical remedy for when a conversation happens during an action sequence. If you have any suggestions in this area, maybe this could be a topic for a future how-to article?


Thank you for sharing these pointers. They have elucidated some of the more difficult concepts I'm still struggling with when I write dialogue.

my review sig
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Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1116574 Unavailable **

Thank you so much for all the gps! I don't know who to thank personally but they linked to this page so I have to assume a connection.

Thank you, Anonymous for the nice comments. I appreciate your support. It's wonderful to know when one of my reviews can encourage someone to read the work I based my review on!

Thank you for reading all my reviews! "Invalid Item" , "Invalid Item" , and "Invalid Item" 


Amy *Heart*
the last cicada

my review sig
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85
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful group to have! I love this place. Feels like a secret garden. I've been in WDC long enough and still every day brings up new and wonderful places to discover and cherish.

Thank you for setting up such a forum. It's a much needed place to thank Anonymous.

Amy
the last cicada
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Review of A dragon story  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story. I liked it. The reason I picked this story from your port was by the title. I love dragon tales.

Your story didn't disappoint *Smile* It was very original and I liked the way you told the story, giving history and info on the dragons in the first part and then telling the reader how you discovered them.

The story had some typos and mistakes. I highlighted those that I found. My comments on the other hand may be easier to follow if you go through the story as each point is made. I focused mainly on tackling the assertions the story makes about dragons and the main character and providing my first impressions.

Thus minus half star for edits and minus half star for plot strength equals four stars.

I had a wonderful time reading it. I hope you find my suggestions useful.

Amy
the last cicada


I assumed the narrator was a woman.


Time, not magic, changed the appearance of the Dragon.
Great first line. Now I am curious as to how.


The size of a horse would give an accurate description.
Very nice comparison. Easy to imagine.


Their bodies are mostly covered in small cone-shaped features, with a smooth, leathery spot along their back and bellies.
Their bodies are mostly covered in small cone-shaped features, with a smooth, leathery spot along their backs and bellies.


They are four legged creatures with the ability to stand on the back to legs to give them more height and a more intimidating look, although they are actually gentle creatures.
They are four legged creatures with the ability to stand on the back of their legs to give them more height and a more intimidating look, although they are actually gentle creatures.


Their wings are made of a thick, leathery skin covering the cartilage and bone. This allows them to fly gracefully as well as very high.
Sounds more like stiff. Maybe convince readers that this type of leather is soft and flexible to make graceful more believable. Since this is a dragon, first assumption that came to my mind was this was tough leather, natural protection against sharp objects like rocks, missiles, weapons, ...


If they were found out, they would surely be hunted again.
Why? I don't even know why dragons were hunted in the first place. Hasn't man evolved at all since then? Why would we kill our own best protectors? ** They have come out of hiding to help us fight the evils of the world. This point you made came from the third paragraph **


Once the gland shoots the it out, it causes a friction which then ignites the it.
Once the gland shoots the it out, it causes a friction which then ignites it.
Very nice explanation.


The dragons are natural earth tones with sky blue eyes.
I'm assuming that skin color is earth tone?


This helps when they go against the evils in the world since both dragon and human know exactly what the other is planning on doing.
How do they retain their own identity? A potential telepathic weakness is to lose one's identity. How do you know whos thought is in your head? Is there a way to tell?


Well, this has given the description, now it’s time to find out how I know about all of this.
Cool transition. I like. Feels like reader and narrator have been conversing. History lesson is over and now the real story is about to begin.


How I spotted the second path, I’m not real sure.
Very believable and brings on suspense.


I would call it more of a path that a deer had made.
Very eloquently put. Says so much with so few words. A beautiful and graphic description of path. Also reveals a lot about the background scenery of the wilderness you're exploring.


A difficult feat in itself since it barely showed.
showed? I'm not familiar with this expression. Just thought I'd mention it. Sentence made me lose my place a bit.


Rainbows were forming everyone I looked.
Rainbows were forming everywhere I looked.


There really are caves here, I thought to myself. My excitement was building quite rapidly.
I like this part. I'm connecting with character. Now I know she's the adventurous type and she's going to explore the cave for me.


I looked around thinking there had to be a picnic area or something.
Cool. She still doesn't suspect anything unusual which is completely believable. I like the buildup of suspense to when she discovers dragon. My curiousity is building, still waiting for the dragon to come into the story.


I really didn’t care that I would be soaked before getting through to it.
Down and dirty type. My kind of girl. I can feel the determination.


Easing inside (I really don’t care for spiders either) my eyes began to adjust to the darkness.
I'm not sure where the spiders came from. Why mention this fear? either implies earlier mention in story but I don't recall. If there was a mention, please emphasize this detail more strongly because I seemed to have missed it. Also, either implies I share her sentiment. Kind of disconnects me from her a bit and stops the flow of the story a bit.


Curious now more than scared, I began to walk further into the cave.
I've never sensed scared in her. I only sensed her excitement and my own self imposed trepidation from relating to her in her shoes.


It was looking straight at me! Oh lord, I thought. What has my rebellious nature gotten me into now?
Great section. I can see how she views herself. In her mind, she's a rebel who's gotten into trouble before for rebelling. Very nice way revealing character. I can sense her worry.


And it was just as scared as I was.
Curious. I still can't sense her fear.


Wait a minute……how did I know this????
Cool. Nice self discovery that also addresses my questions.


As it rose on, I backed up a few feet.
As it rose up, I backed up a few feet.
As it rose on all fours, I backed up a few feet.


Not really scared, but this was quite an intimidating creature.
Not really scary, but this was quite an intimidating creature.
scared/scary - I assume this describes its appearance


It radiated confidence and gentleness.
Good point. You knew the dragon was scared and yet it radiated positive feelings. This makes it all believable your statement that dragons are protectors against evils. I can feel the nurturing side of dragon from this combination of feelings.


... and I saw the world from the sky!

Nice! I feel your wonder and at same time I feel envious of your experience. You did a good job leading me to this mood.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
87
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Review by the last cicada
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found your story from "Invalid Post"  

Through quiet marshes, myserious forests brimming with danger, and around dead lakes, the rivers feeding them long since dried up.
Through quiet marshes, mysterious forests brimming with danger, and around dead lakes, the rivers feeding them long since dried up.

One of the warriors, a small but muscled human figure, limping from a leg wound, muttered under his breath “God, when will we get out of this accursed place?”
One of the warriors, a small, muscled human figure, limping from a leg wound, muttered under his breath “God, when will we get out of this accursed place?”

Meeliae, the tall and slender elven mage, was tempted to drop a fireball on the pair, but managed to resist the urge.
I like the placement of this line. Meeliae really sounds peeved.

Sollvelis, skilled elven bowman, marched on ignoring to the two fighters.
Sollvelis, skilled elven bowman, marched on ignoring the two fighters.

Starting from They attacked. The battle was short lived., I feel the end of the prologue needs more work. The words feel too abrupt especially since the story seemed to be progressing so leisurely and descriptively. It doesn't seem very a satisfying end to such a good start.

Also, Thedaeus doesn't get mentioned until the end when he is killed(and he's only mentioned once in the entire prologue) . His introduction comes as a surprise especially since his name didn't seem significant enough to mention earlier in the prologue. Dropping his name by that point feels awkwardly gratuitous and a bit confusing (I had to read the piece again to see if I missed anything; it is hard to connect the dots by that time to any subtle references mentioned earlier about him).

Very good writing at the first half of prologue, second half needs work to do justice to beginning. I think this is a very promising start to an exciting novel.

Amy
the last cicada
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Review of Why?  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, you write fast. Three minutes and I'd still be mulling over my first line.

Very good story. I like how it starts, as if you and I were speaking.

My favorite line:
"... he found out some news
That was the last thing he thought he could use"

Sort of reminds me of nursery rhyming, along the Hickory dickory dock, a mouse ran up the clock, style. Very entertaining and fun to read. No sad feelings.

Amy
the last cicada
89
89
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Morgan Sennhauser

This article needs to be broken up badly into smaller more readable paragraphs. For such a long and factually-rich article, it's easy to lose one's place in the article and then get confused by the arguments.

As to the subject matter at hand, it might be good to point out when the Soviet Union became the Soviet Union and how it differs from Russia. The points I did absorb made it almost sound as if Russia and Soviet Union were interchangeable.

eg.
So what were the factors that contributed to the collapse of the superpower, and what is preventing Russia from re-entering the international community as a stabilized, independent country?

I don't think Russia was the only country trying to re-enter the international community as a stabilized, independent country after the fall of USSR. This statement sort of conflicts with the brief summary ("A concise history of the USSR and why it failed"). Is this piece strictly about USSR or is it really about USSR Russia? Why are the other countries excluded?

If you make any changes, I'll be happy to take another look at it and adjust my rating.

Amy
the last cicada
90
90
Review of Blue  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: E | (4.5)
Blue's my favorite color! This poem really does bring out the beauty of blue-ness.

What does the last verse represent? Is Blue of Space the planet earth? What does "there is an end" mean?

I think this is a typo:
drowning curshing blue
drowning crushing blue

Amy
the last cicada
91
91
Review of THE LEGACY  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow, this story was riveting! Very suspenseful, thrilling tale. Very well laid out plot. The narrator comes across as a very cool, calculating, detached woman. Like the detectives, I am convinced she did it too. I love her witty spar with the detective. She's so believable a character. Great twist at the end. I love how prescient that eight and a half million dollars came up.

Amy
the last cicada
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92
Review of The Monarchs  
Review by the last cicada
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I plucked your item from
 
IN & OUT
Please Review  (E)
This is a page to request reviews for static items and books.
#819237 by Writing.Com Support

Overall Impression *Smile* *Smile* *Smile* *Smile* *Smile* 

Very good dialogue between the Emperor and the Queen. The secret fan language was very convincing and very entertaining.

Storyline *Smile* *Smile* *Smile* *Smile* *Smile*

Very believable story. Very good interaction between the Emperor and Queen. Very graphic. I liked how you wrapped one story around another story.

Composition/Structure *Smile* *Smile* *Smile* *Smile*

You did a wonderful job using the first story to set up the stage for the second story. I liked the way the second story returned to the first story. It was a very quick and tidy ending where the peasants had a completely different perspective of the whole affair between the monarchs.

Suggestions/Corrections/Comments

The host cleared his throat. “Now for some entertainment.” He clapped his hands twice, and up on the stage came three girl with fans in each of their hands.
The host cleared his throat. “Now for some entertainment.” He clapped his hands twice, and up on the stage came three girls with fans in each of their hands.

Though his voice and face were devoid of emotions, his eyes were anything but uninterested as he watched the Queen drew her fan across her palm.
Though his voice and face were devoid of emotions, his eyes were anything but uninterested as he watched the Queen draw her fan across her palm.

Though his voice and face were devoid of emotions, his eyes were anything but uninterested as he watched the Queen drew her fan across her palm.
I hate you. That was what it meant.
Nice intro to fan speak.

She covered her left ear with her fan. I wish be rid of you.
She covered her left ear with her fan. I wish to be rid of you.

He touched his fingers to the tip of his fan. I wish to speak to you.
She covered her left ear with her fan. I wish be rid of you.
Nice. Funny too.

The Emperor frowned slightly. He inconspicuously opened and closed his fan several times. You are cruel.
Hilarious!

The Queens fanning slowed down and stopped.
The Queen's fanning slowed down and stopped.


Very clever end, that the peasants don't even know what transpired.

What I would like to know is who was she engaged to before? Why wouldn't that be a problem to break it? Was she actually refering to their own engagement and in a subtle way was communicating that the emperor didn't have to pretend to like her?

I like that you give the interpretation at the end of each fan movement. You describe the fan movements very clearly. It's very nice that you make the movement of fan language very soft and gentle so that the handlers appeared to be just twitchy, finicky people to the peasantry but very refined and eloquent to the reader.

Good job in showing the two different perceptions of the monarchs. I like how the peasantry viewed the monarchs as expressionless and seemingly hostile to each other. I like even more how it turned out that only the woman had the gripe against the contract. It was amazing how incredibly warm and expressive the monarchs became when the fan talk started.

I like how the peasants believe they played such a strong role in influencing the behavior of the monarchs. Interestingly enough, in a sense, they did influence, by providing a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere, with good food, and good entertainment, lengthy enough for the monarchs to come to terms on their own. Even more remarkable and revealing about the monarchs is how great they must be at keeping secrets. No one even suspects a secret language.

Good job!

Amy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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