Such a wonderful story to revisit! Thank you for giving me a heads up about Wilgar's new adventure. I can't wait to check it out

I've noticed that you've made a few changes that now compels me to update my rate and review . Here is a link to my previous Review of "Wilgar's Dilemma" .

Thanks for including my suggestions about the ironwood rod and the punctuation suggestion. No bumps in the read for me this time.

A. Funny how I didn't notice this the first time around. The ironwood rod must have given me tunnel vision :

... and that is just where Herta would land that damnable rod.

... and that was just where Herta would land that damnable rod.

B.

Herta used the ironwood to roll out bread, but Wilgar knew she used it for other things as well, he had the occasional bruises to prove it.

Herta used the ironwood to roll out bread, but Wilgar knew she used it for other things as well. He had the occasional bruises to prove it.

I would like to say that the phrasing in the original version worked fine without the recent addition of ... he had the occasional bruises to prove it. . Just the hint of the other uses was quite funny on its own.

As a whole, the flow of the story has improved with the changes. In my opinion, an edit will improve line B.

Since the errors are negligibly few and you, as an author, have been actively revising it, I see no reason to withhold the 5.0. I am confident, that line B. will get the attention it deserves

I hope my comments have been helpful. Until my next visit to Wilgar's, take care of Snow and Silver!

This in depth rate and review is a thank you for your fantasy short story entry in the August Round of "Invalid Item" .

A tale of two men who settle their differences with a high stakes sled race across the icy land. There's a sense of urgency, combativeness, and a touch of panic.

Good job of meeting the prompt! A man and his faithful sled dogs trudge homeward across the icy land.

... was when Toralf said, "Don't worry, I haven't taken them all. Couldn't come near these two."

Awesome moment when the reader realizes that Toralf is after something more valuable than gold. I genuinely felt sorry for Leif.

... came when... Pit-pat Pit-pat, Crunch, ... Pit-pat Pit-Urrrh?

Loved the doggy whimper

Leif and Toralf are like polar opposites.

Leif: An honest man with nothing to hide. This includes his feelings, his beliefs, and his belongings.

The story starts off with a weary, frustrated warrior. Flashback scenes reveal a man of the fist restrained by principles for fair play. It is these principles that make him fall prey to Toralf's trickery.

Toralf: He's a master of deception. A man so devious that even the reader doesn't know what he is up to until he's already done it.

His two favorite techniques appear to be:
          a) convince his target to underestimate Toralf and the situation.
          b) irritate his target's sensibilities to the point of distraction.

After witnessing the deviousness of his deeds, I felt a little let down by Toralf's golden blunder at the end of the story. No one can ever be perfect; not even Toralf. Although he's lost some of my respect for a master criminal, I suppose I ought to forgive him. He should have known better than to carry all that wealth during a race. But I suppose his greed wouldn't let him part with his bounty for even a few hours.

Or... possibly Toralf stole the gold from the villagers but lost it before he could hide it. That would be just like him to complicate an already convoluted and elaborate heist. Poor Leif won't know better until he reaches home.

Made me laugh: At least that weasel was feeling an unpleasant draft on some portion of his anatomy.

"Just that I could lick any one of you in any one of you village idiots in any of the manly arts."

Repeated twice: any one of you in

If this was deliberate (to show laughter induced stuttering) then I would suggest punctuation to direct and smooth out the flow.

Typo: bu = by. both held in trust bu the village headman.

Typo. Toralf pulled began his insults again.

Minus 1/2 star for typos.

This in depth rate and review is a thank you for your fantasy short story entry in the August Round of "Invalid Item" .

Ooh! An epic tale about magic, vengeance, and tragedy, in a time of swords and monsters. A very dark and serious drama.

Great use of the prompt! There's desolation, the lone warrior, snarling wolves, and a magic battle axe.

"As Jorgund had said, he had met giants before in battle, but only those that were young and that had arrogantly wandered too far from their own kind."

Your Notes say: "Finally, you may well end up sympathising with the monster to some extent..."

I would say you accomplished this feat with flying colors. My mind was churning after I read that line. I was wondering hm... was this redirection of sympathy accidental? I was very happy to find out that you were pushing for it all along.

Other thoughts:

a) This section explains why Jorgund felt the debt between Ograr was nearly square by killing Thragg. Ograr may have slain offspring related Jorgund.

b) Of course, it's also quite likely these offspring brought Ograr's wrath upon themselves, at the very least by terrorizing the locals.

c) Who (the locals) in turn probably did something to cross the elder giants over some other matter.

Pretty much the feud escalated with each newly cast stone.

Oh I do love a rhyming ice giant. The act of spontaneously bursting out in rhyme is so unnatural that it has to be magic.

"the giant’s curse had a blessing"

I liked how the curse cloaked Ograr's movements through enemy territories.

"With a clap the giant fell and melted away to nothing."

Magical yet thought provoking. The area is cold enough that Stilled Cascade is fast moving water turned to solid ice. However the giant melted upon death.

Makes one wonder what the giant is made of. Or did the axe cause the giant to melt? Very little is known about the powers and effects of the axe.

the knock had come – ‘boom... boom... boom...’

People huddled around a fire, trapped in the greathall by a raging blizzard. A loud steady knock booms on the door. Omenous.

Fortunately his wolves, his enchanted axe and his horse still remembered their master well, for the curse...

Great snapshot of Ograr and his odd lot of companions.

She clearly did not trust the wild looking warrior who stood before her, flanked by terrifying white wolves, and besides - she had fulfilled the obligation Jorgund had placed upon her.

Another great snapshot of Ograr and his companions.

Food was scarce in these lands such that their empty stomachs gnawed at their resolve

I could imagine them almost giving up and turning back.

Fortunately their destination was only at the very edge of this land.

Gave the sense that the land of eternal night is much much vaster than what I've seen so far.

Oh dear! The story gave me a lot to think about...

... and although men may have forgotten what lay in the lands without light, wolves were not so foolish.

I had trouble agreeing with the message this statement implied.

eg -- Were I a stranger that ever came upon a place where darkness was the norm, I would most certainly be on my guard.

eg -- Had I grown up there and never known or lived in a place with more light, I would probably lower my guard due to familiarity and set routines. I would focus more on fulfilling my daily needs rather than on dwelling on dangers that lurked in the darkness somewhere outside of my known universe and routine. So the dangers are not so much as forgotten as they are ignored and replaced by more urgent immediate needs.

The dogs ceased their yammering and...

The switch from wolves to dogs doesn't work for me.

I can't help but view wolves and dogs as vastly different animals. For me, wolves are wild with unpredictable natures, whereas dogs are domesticated and often bred to exhibit specific traits and behaviors.

In my opinion, I think it would work better to just stick to either wolves or dogs, but not use them interchangeably without some explanation to lead in as to how in this particular case, dogs and wolves are synonomous.

... shone in the dim light. A beard of icicles hung from his chin, occasionally dripping melt water down the patchwork of furs that clad his monstrous bulk.

Mysterious! Now why would an ice giant wear skins? Are they trophies? Customary displays of rank and family history to other giants?

Also, "dripping melt water" also sounds a bit odd like a typo.

The occupants of the hall cowered in mortal terror – all aside from young prince Thragg, only begotten son of Ograr, whose father had taught him not to fear such evil. --- versus --- Thragg said with a strength that masked his fear.

A contradictory moment breaks the flow of the story. After convincing myself to believe the boy had learned to not fear evil, I then realized in the next statement that the boy was in fact fearful.

What he had said was true – the Ashraen contained only the women, children and old folk that peopled these lands.

Interesting... I suppose it's plausible for a king to leave his kingdom defenseless by taking all his warriors with him if he's convinced the rest of the world that he is too strong for them to attack and risk retaliation. If I accept this premise, then this King Ograr must be powerful indeed.

... whilst the other would hunt game that Ograr would occasionally eat mindlessly.

The following questions spring up from my mind about mindlessly:

What game could he eat with little preparation? Bugs? Snails? Soft edible chunks torn out of larger animals such as the flesh and organs? Regurgitated meat? Do wolves cook? Do they skin or pluck their catch?

The only one brave enough to stand up to him was our young prince - Thragg son of ... son of ...

Apparently Thragg's princely identity was not forgotten.

This makes it all the more perplexing as to why the people did not appear to mourn his loss or bury his body whether out of respect and sympathy or for political gain. From the description of the moment that Ograr discovers the boy's body, there was no mention of other bodies so I assumed that all the bodies of the other victims had already been claimed and buried. If he is remembered, then why was Thragg's body left behind? Why did his kinsfolk treat him more like an orphan nobody than a fallen prince and hero?

... he went anonymously and relatively unmolested...

relatively unmolested?

hidden edit suggestions ▼

minus 1/2 star for the punctuation. I felt the sentences were unnecessarily lengthy and chopped up the flow.

minus 1/2 star for that bit about the "dogs" and the line: "... and although men may have forgotten what...". Though used early in the story, "dogs" jolted me and lingered in the back of the mind. It still feels odd in subsequent readings. I still disagree with the implication of the line. It made getting into the story a bit awkward.

This in depth rate and review is a thank you for your fantasy short story entry in the August Round of "Invalid Item" .

Ah, vikings and their marital tiffs. Delightfully funny.

Great use of the prompt. Every bit and morsel played a part in your story, from how your character, Wilgar, donned his massive attire piece by piece, to how he "steered the animals over to a snow drift".

My favorite section was this amazing and concise display of imagery: "He pulled on his breeches, his thickest oxen skin tunic, his disk armor and wound his leggings with ox-hide bands around his bulky legs to secure the extra layer of fur against the freeze he would encounter in the mountains." I could almost hear him think his thoughts as he selected his clothing.

"He started for the doorway to the midden, to the outside where ..." Loved how he tried to sneak out the back door.

I made the connection between the wolves and what Herta expected Wilgar to do.

I imagined: "massive piles on the midden floor..."

... is when I tried to reconcile the cute and cuddly mental image of Snow and Silver, to the snarling and slinking counterparts portrayed in the August Picture Prompt.

Loved the dialogue: dramatic, informal, and very chatty. It brought the characters to life and made them feel like one of us.

I don't know the story behind Wilgar's name, but, relative to the context of the prompt, the name reminded me of a cross between Wilma from the stone age Flintstones and the viking Hagar the Horrible. Also, both characters are defined by their particular brand of spousal causality. This marital dynamic is also evident in Wilgar's and Herta's relationship as they try to resolve the issue concerning the wolves.

The "iron wood rod" that Herta used to roll out bread, "but Wilgar knew she used it for other things as well."

Interesting choice of words to describe and define some everyday tool with multiple purposes. I suspect it's the viking verson of a rolling pin.

Loved how you wrapped up the story with Herta asserting her will to the very last, upon a flustered, deflated Wilgar, as he marches off to glory.

But, Herta, all the men are assembled."

Missing double quote at the beginning.

"You go nowhere until..." is a bit confusing. Perhaps add a comma: "You go nowhere, until..."

My first impression was that Herta was accusing Wilgar of spending more time with Silver and Snow instead of with her.

Even after I realized who Snow and Silver were, during subsequent read overs, I still found the line a bit bumpy and misleading, but I think the comma will help.

"ironwood" versus "iron wood rod"

After 2 instances of "ironwood", the phrase "iron wood rod" looked out of place and distracting. Also, it gave me the impression that Wilgar didn't know quite what to make of the tool / weapon. Perhaps the story will flow better by removing the space to show "ironwood rod".

minus 1/2 star for the occasional bumpiness in the flow of the story.
          "You go nowhere until..."
          "iron wood rod"