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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 16 17 18 19 -20- ... Next
476
476
Review of Letter to a Ghost  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked the emotional impact of this piece overall. In first verse, I would change 'I'll' to 'cannot' or I will',to smooth this area out.Also, in the second verse, I think you have a typing error, ''your gone to me forever..' did you mean 'gone from me forever'? Things I really liked about this piece were the lines,' It's so cold up in the north.. and to me your just a ghost.' good symbology there. Third verse is also full of great imagery. Your chorus is perfect, speaks of the confused, battered emotional state of those left behind in a relationship.
Things I liked least were, verse 6- could sound better as ' tears swelling in my eyes' and in main verse 2- the line about 'worms', although it works, loses the ambiance of the lyrics, is there a word that could hold a similar idea, but is not quite so jarring to rest of lyrics? Short verse 3- 'so do you', again loses impact. I would enjoy hearing this to music, perhaps you could add an Author's Note as to the type of music/ beat you envision this piece as to help reviewers feel the lyric more? Great Work, Keep Writing, SM Ferguson
477
477
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
An excellent guideline for all authors who want good, honest reviews of thier work. I particularly agreed with the points about whining and attacking the people who review your work, it is always nice to be thanked for trying to provide helpful feedback for other authors. It is also nice when they return the favor.
Your advise on leaving space between each paragraph is particularly helpful as not all people know they should do this. I personally had simply never thought of doing this until it was helpfully pointed out in a contest entry. Great advise for newbies here. All together a well thought out and well presented help topic for anyone wanting to be read. Thank you for taking time to write this piece. SM Ferguson
478
478
Review of Please Don't Cry  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The opening lines are short and crisp, they spark rapport in the reader and draw them in. Excellent hook and strong storyline. Characters are believable and well detailed. Good build-up of suspense. Ending was sad and a bit of a surprise. Good use of emotion and inner struggle there. Just a note on a couple of typos- in first paragraph, 'tares me up" should be 'tears me up', also correct spelling of I'am ' again. Use either 'I'm' or full 'I am'. One line spoiled your flow a little, ' 'I think I was going to stay home today..' could be shortened to maybe,'I think I'll stay home today'. Story is confusing where Vanessa appears in his room.. do they all share living quarters? Did he dream her? Clarify this for reader to continue original flow. Spelling error again, 'know one would care' should be 'no one would care' Again a nicely done story, you have great potential, I enjoyed this story very much. SM Ferguson
479
479
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good plot, story is well crafted, I could feel the emotional confusion and sense of loss tempered with hope. Just a couple of small points on spelling, typos.. you keep using "I'am", should be either "I'm "or "I am". In opening paragraphs, one line needs edit- "Sometimes it feels like it was long ago though.."- did you mean it felt long ago or not so long ago? The way it's written previously I rather think you meant not so long ago? I would suggest dropping the word "though" and not using it so often so close together, it breaks flow and concentration. This is a great beginning to a wonderful tale, great background detail, feel for the character and the general storyline flows smoothly. I look forward to reading the rest, Great work ! Please send me an email when you've finished this one, I'd enjoy reading the rest! Keep Writing!
SM Ferguson
480
480
Review of The Dream Machine  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story, The Dream Machine, caught and held my interest from the opening line through to the end. Excellent use of background imagery, dialogue and perfectly well rounded, living characters make the reader feel they are living this story right along with Chancy. I especially enjoyed how you introduced the supernatural aspects beginning with the lily pond and troll, leading up to Chancy's dreams. Use of the Model-T sets time and location flawlessly. The ending was a total surprise I never saw coming, I actually felt real loss at this ending. Both the plot and characters are perfectly crafted, no grammer or typing errors. A wonderful, eerie little tale I highly recommend to everyone! Wonderful work and I really liked your writing style, I cannot see one thing requiring change. SM Ferguson
481
481
Review of Bumble Boy  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your Short Story, The Prodigy is excellent from start to finish, I saw no spelling or grammer errors. It drew me in instantly and kept my attention to the end. One feels an instant empathy with Jonathan, his father personifies all those who unwittingly damage thier children trying to relive thier lost youth. Wonderful use of background and memories to fill in family life and the depth of Jonathan's final despair. The ending is haunting and the story stays in memory long after one finishes reading. I'd definately recommend this to anyone. Keep Writing, your talent is wonderful.
SM Ferguson
482
482
Review of Guardians  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A nice outline for what could be an interesting read. Your outline seems well thought out with the general timeline in mind. Characters are already well rounded, just need a bit of tweaking to breathe full life into them. Rachel, Dagan's old charge whom he is very protective of could add some excellent plot twists here as could Diego. I would definately come back to read this as you get it into chapters. Go for it !
Write On ! SM Ferguson
483
483
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wonderful imagery in this poem!I also like the continued use of the line," When the moon fell.", keeps the reader focused and catches attention for each new verse. My only question here is, 'if the world is dark,' how can the moon be still shining? Nice uses of symbology in the theme as in your use of 'the moon falling' represents the end of time, the rising sun signalling the future. A very old theme in folklore- dawn and east- where sun rises meaning new beginnings. Your ending in relation to this poem also seems to symbolize a death/ rebirth theme. Very nice work and a lovely, thought provoking read. Keep Writing !! SM Ferguson
484
484
Review of KIRA  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Prologue:ngood background details.One felt the area's poverty and the exhaustion of the two men, characters are well defined and rounded. Generates a good feeling of empathy with the abused child and the anger of Robert. The child seemed to respond really quickly considering how she was found- a bit surprising, but her character is well thought out. Dialogue was crisp and believable and caught the readers attention back nicely just when one felt the story was dragging. I enjoyed the prologue, but felt it a bit long.
Chapter ONE: Attention grabbing opening, focuses reader right back into story and further defines Robert's temperament. Dialogue keeps a good pace. Background detail is good, but is all the information important to the story? Spelling error in paragraph beginning ' It was late 1970', did you mean ' but the shouting rather then 'bar' - paragraph is a bit long and detail dense, creating confusion, who took holiday? Maybe clarify here? Condense into two shorter paragraphs to keep reader focused? Bridget could use a transition to introduce her, it is a very dramatic change between Robert's thinking and Bridget's actions- she is a bit out of character at times, wouldn't she be kinder to Robert to allay his suspicions? Again, I'd break paragraphs down into more then one, say, where Robert muses about Bridget, then begins cooking, then introduce dogs? [ Just an opinion] The writing itself here is very good and one comes to understand Robert's life and feelings well. The start to a very good novel ! I look forward to reading more, Isaw no obvious grammer mistakes and this was a very good read.
Keep Creating !SM Ferguson
485
485
Review of Distractions  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your thoughts and concept are very good, but the spacing was confusing- is this poetry or short story? It sounds like the first draft of an excellent story. You might want to add a bit more information as to who she is showing these things too, whose view are welooking at the old woman from ? I enjoyed your use of imagery and background detail. Keep Writing, SM Ferguson
486
486
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked your opening two lines- they remind me of my neighbors ! Good flow to your poem, thoughts flow into each other quite well, one could envision a young girl dreaming away a rainy evening. Carries an underlying feeling of loneliness, even regret at life's unfairness. No grammatical or typing errors I could see. Great job ! Write On,
SM Ferguson
487
487
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Your tittle and intro on the plug page caught my interest right off. This piece is nicely crafted and flows well, I did get a touch confused as to whom was the point of view character in a couple places in the first and third paragraphs but it was easily cleared up in the following sentence and makes a reader really concentrate on each line- it works well, actually helps draw the reader into the story deeper, nicely done! Background details are exactly enough to set the time period and mood. Dialogue was crisp and moved the story along well. Uses of the crystals to hold and project the magic were believable as were the forbidden aspects of bindings vs healers.Characters were very strong and well rounded, one could mentally see the emotional struggles of each. I saw no grammatical nor typing errors. An excellent story, I look forward to more ! Well Done !
SM Ferguson
488
488
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Your story'Let's Play The Devil's game has a great, punchy opening paragraph, lots of description and emotions that conflict to make one want to keep reading. Intriguing description of the intern, it works very well, one can just picture his desperation to change Jeremy's mind. Excellent pacing all through the story. The only thing I could see wrong was a few typing errors where you need to correct a few words. Example in chapter four, you put 'towards his the Phoenix Cafe', you probably meant 'the'. Great use of character and plot description with a nice twist at the end although I felt the story hadn't quite resolved itself? I look forward to reading more of your work. Excellent job. SM Ferguson
489
489
Rated: E | (4.0)
I would capitilize all first letters in tittle so it's more eye catching. First sentence is a bit long, maybe break it down by using a comma after particles, a period after shutters and start a new sentence at Cascading light ? Picks up the pace a little...?You have a typing error, hollered and Still need a space between them. Excellent use of background details and your character Henry is well thought out and very likeable. His pain and sorrow over his job are very clear- that job was a complete surprise, well done !I can't wait to read more about Henry.
SM Ferguson
490
490
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found the overall flow of your story very well done, one could just imagine the popousnous of the Doctor, by about half way through one felt he needed counselling, he was well described. Your second characterMr.Fitzpatrick seemed a little more well rounded, for instance why would a doctor be changing his shirt during a session and why wouldn't the patient comment or wonder about this ? The ending was good and nicely written but I felt like it hadn't quite ended , maybe a little revision or addition would end it a little more clearly for a reader?
All in all a very nice read. Good work !
SM Ferguson
491
491
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great Tittle, perhaps it might catch your readers eye quicker if all words began with capitals? The first paragraph leads into the story nicely and makes one empathize with Sampson's sorrow. If I were revising this for myself, I would think of beginning with'My name is Sampson. I hate to cry and yet my story cannot be told without tears. I must tell it, this story of a love I hope to find in my sleep.Perhaps, with luck I will find love again in the flesh of that wonderful person he was.'
This tightens the flow and makes the reader want to know more about who this love of Sampson's was, why was he so special? How or why was he lost? Your story has a fantastic plot and the ending sums it up nicely, one can visualize the changes in Sampson over the years. Good drama building, I enjoyed this story and look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep Writing !
SM Ferguson
492
492
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A good start with great potential. In revision you might want to try a touch less describing of each action and justlet the character's carry forward the description of what's happening through thier dialogue and movements. I enjoyed your style and look forward to reading more as you get it posted. Nice work !
I think you have plenty of plot options you've opened up to create a really goodstory series with this one.
Keep Writing,
SM Ferguson
493
493
Review of The Broken Cup  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Arakun,Your story has a very nice flow from paragraph to paragraph and I really enjoyed the ending, it finished the story in a very good upbeat manner, one could just imagine the ghost planning his next mischief. I kept expecting something more to happen to that poor lady on her way to the back. Altogether a wonderful, uplifting read.
Keep Writing,
SM Ferguson
494
494
Review of Bloodstone  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
In BloodStone, Your general plot is sound and very intriguing. I think this piece is worthy of reviewing, great sense of suspence and drama. The opening paragraph left me a little confused about exactly who was in the room and which character was talking until I read it a couple of times. Perhaps a little clarification there would be worthwhile ? You could try using more dialogue, maybe a running inner commentary of the main character to get the scene change from being with boyfriend in the apartment to hearing the voices over the prison voices flowing more smoothly? I liked the ending, it was particularly well done and linked the protaganist's confusion to the stone really well.
Overall I feel this piece could be really great with a little revision. I enjoyed it.
SM Ferguson
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