Hi Cherhonda
I've read your story In "The Beginning" and like it. I have several suggestions that Might help.
I find it easier to read a story when the paragraphs are separated by a line.
I've been told with some of the work I had previously written and now deleted that I needed to proof read what I wrote. I think that is a good idea for you also.
Sometimes we want to get it "Out there" for people to see and respond too. You need to take your time and produce a good piece of writing. It's all there, you just have to clean it up a little.
Hello Charlie
I had to read your story several times, to get the idea (I think) you're putting out there. I'm not a reader of the macabre and I not sure how to review your work. The wording seemed a little strange to me and made it harder to read than it should have been. I was able to follow your story line but it wasn't smooth. I believe you have the right idea, maybe a little more clarity would help. Best of luck and keep writing.
lucky dog
Mike - I liked your story Madness Over Luna, it was both imaginative and creative. It flowed well and I was follow the story line without any problems. You did a good job
Lucky dog
What a special story, it brought back many memories. I can honestly say I've experienced everything your story holds. I owned a Beatle, I've locked keys in a car, and climbed into my house after being locked out. Thank you for a glimpse into my past, it was good for a few laughs and a walk down memory lane. You did a good job, it was an easy and fast read that was fun!
Good Morning Anjelique
I've read your piece and re-read it again to let the words sink in. The longing and expectations of someone coming home from a long absence is expressed beautifully. I can understand the joy of anticipation and the sorrow of finding out it will not be fulfilled.
I'm not real great with grammar but I think on the second sentence, it should read (journeys) end. Also sentence 5 should read - they informed (me) that. Those are my suggestions, I believe that would help with the flow.
You did a good job - keep on writing
lucky dog
I like your take on the open ended writing. You made it come together and sound right. The imagination you showed coming up with words to fill in the blanks was creative. I don't know how you did with your entry, but it should have ranked in the top. Good Job - keep filling in the spaces!
lucky dog
dear drifter
I'm at a loss to figure out exactly where you're coming from. Your biography says you were or are a Baptist Minister, who moved to Erie and it sounds like you're working at another profession. This is the first time I've read your blog and don't quite understand. I hope things get better for you.
You do something I don't do and that is blog daily, best of luck! I'll check in again latter.
lucky dog
Good Morning heywriting
I liked your piece but it doesn't flow evenly. Your idea is good and the subject is sound, but it doesn't look like you took the time re-read or correct the errors. Going over your work before you publish is important and I'm guilty of doing the same thing. It takes time to, make what you wrote, turn into something others look forward to reading.
Keep up the good work
lucky dog
Hello Firefang
I enjoyed your story, in fact it brought back memories of my experience with the same problem. Your story was easy to read and dealt with the problem of finding words to fill the page. The only wording problem I saw, is in the 5th paragraph 2nd sentence - I have made a promise to myself to write and that I what I am going to do. (should read and that is what I am going to do). I think a space between paragraphs makes it easier to read but that is my preference. Nice job - keep up the good work
lucky dog
Nice job, your change of the original rhyme flowed wonderfully. I liked your version of the nursery rhyme and think you did a great job. Keep up the good work.
lucky dog
Hi Flowers24
I picked your work from Noticing Newbies. I've read your story several times and I must admit I'm a little confused. You begin with Sarah being dead then latter the paper says Rachel is dead. Can you tell me if both of the character are dead? This is part that left me wanting. I followed the story line but I'm not sure exactly how it ended. Maybe it's me, and I missed something. I think the idea of your story is strong and once you clarify if only one of your characters died, I believe that it would be good story. Keep writing
lucky dog
Hi Fyn
I really enjoyed your story and the way you weaved your character and his character into the story. I found it to be easy and fast to read. You held my interest all the way through. Good Job, I look forward to seeing more of your work.
lucky dog
Hi Prosperous Snow
I enjoyed your poem. You took me in a direction I wasn't expecting. I was a easy and fast read. Glad I had the chance to read it.
lucky dog
I just came to this site. Yours is the first peace I've read. It was very nice and quick paced. The dialogue was right on for story you presented. Good Job.
lucky dog
Hi Soulraider
I found your article to be informative and full of information I was not aware of. When I look up at night and see the stars in our universe it amazes me that there is another area that we can't see without the aid of Hubble and ground telescopes. Thanks for enlightening me.
lucky dog
I concur with your conclusion. Like climate control people and corporations put the dollar ahead of common sense. You would think with our lives on the line the world would take notice. It won't happen unfortunately, because of greed. 3rd world countries want their far share and don't want to stifle their growth. You story articulated the problem very well and here's to hoping change will come.
lucky dog
Hi River - I enjoyed your story, it was easy to read and flowed wonderfully. I like the way you brought up thoughts about the times we live in. I could imagine what you were projecting. Nice Job
lucky dog
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Hi Jenny - I enjoyed your poem, it brought a smile to my face. I've been climbing the age ladder for almost 7 decades, I can identify with the progression. You did a good job.
lucky dog
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Hi Jacko T - It does appear that you are in a dark place. That comes across very well in you writing. I think you speak from the depths of your soul and the experience you've had. Your story was a little hard to read, if you had broken it up into paragraphs I think it would help. The story lets the reader into your mind to know the pain and light you see.
Keep on writing
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Hi dimarhoads98 I can feel your pain, you express it well. I think if you had broken up your story with paragraphs it would read a little smoother. I have a problem with wanting to get my work out there and I don't always proof read my work as thoroughly as I should. I believe you may have the same problem. We all need to grow as writers. I liked your story and keep writing, I'm sure you have more experiences you can share.
lucky dog
Hi Abe - I enjoyed your story and found it to be interesting. I think it flowed well and kept my attention. Some of your wording I'm not used to but it doesn't take away from the story line. Nice Job, Keep writing
lucky dog
Hi MrSuperSecret
You have written an interesting peace and it flows well. I don't know that I agree with what you've written but to each his own. The only grammatical error I see, is the over use of the word (that) it is a helping word which can be left out most of the time. I am guilty of using that to much in my writing also along with some others. You did a good job, keep up the good work.
lucky dog
Hi Ash
I liked your poem and enjoyed reading it. I'm not a grammatical guru so take this as it is intended - on line 5 never losing that hope - I believe you can drop THAT and it would still read the same. On line wan't should be wasn't.
good job keep writing
luck dog
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