Good work. Liked the theme as well as word choice, the tempter at work, his well laid plan - unresolved adding to the interest and power of the work. We've all faced temptations whether we rise above the temptaion or succumb we have felt that dark web about us.
Keep writing.
It's always been the same cost. You've captured it well and expressed it this short piece which shows that producing this also had a cost for you.
Keep Writing.
Great work. I loved the word choice and concept. A love song about the nature of the person rather than the appearances that often draw us together - instead focusing on those things that draw us closer and maintain that mutual respect and admirationof the more mature relationship.
Keep writing.
Well done.
I liked the myth structure establishd the first stanza. The story format works great asan approach your topic The lesson of the cost of what is gained is powerful, and the conclusion that the pursuit of Joy without cost will fail rings true.
Keep writing.
Good work. I love the alliterative work which still goes where it is supposed to despite the limitation og the chosen form. As far as the nature imagery obtained it's a successful poem despite your disclaimer, capturing the current situation and a resolution.
Keep writing.
Good work. The 'waiting' and word choices establish and maintains the tension of impending reaction. What the reaction or danger will be is less important than the feeling that it is oncoming.
Keep writing.
Great work. It carries a lot of impact in it's 17 syllables, one of the great things about the form and one of the difficulties as well. You have sucessfully used the form to talk about the season and what makes it important - rather than gaudy expensive gifts, as well as parent-child love.
Keep writing.
Great work - emotional without being sappy - and with that topic I know it's tough. I have 29 year old son. The changes go on, I like your approach in the story and the resolution that it doesn't always mean things end it just mean that they'll be different.
Keep writing.
I liked your word choice and structure- the mechanics that kept the feeling moving. Most of us have felt that pain, and exorcizing our demons is important, by writing or reading is important.
Keep writing
Great work. I'm always facinated by this kind of simple evocative work sice reading classic haiku a long time ago. Whatever the form, I know the kind of work that can be involved.
Keep writing.
Loved it. The concept itself is wonderful. Word play like this requires an amazing amount of time and energy - beyond just the ordinary work of the poet which is more than enough for most of us who work at the craft with any effort. Keep it up by all means.
Like the concept and the voice. The imagery works well for the story hook and bodes well for development. For a rough draft it gives a sense of menace interrupting the ordinary life of your hero that pulls the reader into the best dark/horror fiction
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