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101
101
Review of The Key  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Author Ed Anderson Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "The KeyOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: This is better than three wishes or a genie in a bottle. It was ironic that he saw a locker the key would fit. I wondered if it was visible to anyone else other than the holder of the key.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Josh found an odd key as he walked along the beach which opened up a world of trouble at first, but ended on a happy note. An interesting view on a get rich story. The plot was easy to follow and there was a nice little twist at the end.

*Crown*Characterization: Josh is someone who liked to take chances and live a little on the adventurous side. Smart and adventurous but still practical, he was.

*Crown*Two Little Things:
The Young One asked. "Young One" does not need to be capitalized. Also "The" doesn't need to be capitalized as it's a speech tag following a question.

“Where were you at 2:30pm this afternoon?” This should read 2:30 p.m. or 2:30 PM.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the challenge he was given and that he was able to decipher the clues and make the correct conclusion.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a very creative story. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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102
102
Review of Polly the Penguin  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Humming Bird Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Polly the PenguinOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown* First Thought:This is the sweetest story. I absolutely love the imagination of your niece. This piece shows how much she's learned from her aunt. What a great example you are to her. It's so nice of you to spend time with her and help her to write stories.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Little Polly Penguin was being moved from one zoo to another. Along the way she got lost and it took a while to find her way back to the train that was transporting her. On her travels back to the train she met ducks and a fox. They were very kind to her and helped guide her on her way.

*Crown*Characterization: We learned that Polly enjoyed being in the zoo and enjoyed seeing all the people that came to visit her. The ducks and fox were all happy animals and were kind to Polly, helping her to find the train from which she had fallen.

*Crown*What I Liked: I love the true sense of innocence in this story. The only thing bad that happened was that Polly fell off of the train. But she found her way back, which was the best.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and funny. I really enjoyed it. Tell your niece she did a great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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103
103
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Othello's AdjustmentOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: My first thought was this was a story about the second world war. I knew it would be a sad one. I wasn't looking forward to it because any story about World War II makes me very sad. Sometimes it's almost painful to read stories about that time.

*Crown*Plot/Story: I liked the idea of telling the story from a cat's point of view. I never thought about what happened to the animals of the homes that were invaded. This was a great insight. I am glad that the Othello survived. I can't begin to imagine how I'd feel if my family was taken away from me after living such a wonderful cat life.

*Crown*Characterization: We as the reader come to love Othello. He was a smart cat who learned to fend for himself since he had no one to take care of him anymore. He was a survivor.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Othello had a familiar face to give him some love and affection after his family was taken away.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a creative but sad story. and you did a great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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104
104
Review of The Present  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

This is a House Stark Battle review of {item:} for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: Aw, how sweet. I wondered what gift Eddie gave to Amanda. She seemed awfully happy to get it, but maybe it was just that he gave her a gift at all.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Amanda and her family were having a happy Saturday morning, until jealous Eddie became mean to her and made her cry. Jealousy gets the better of us sometimes and I could totally relate. I would probably compare my sister's birthday party to mine. Hopefully they would rank the same.

*Crown*Characterization: All of the characters were believable and they sounded like a regular family. I would have like to know how and what Eddie did to make Amanda so upset. It sounds like dad had a nice talk with Eddie and his behavior was changed.

*Crown*Spelling:
Mom was actually more upset that dad Oops, I think you meant "than".

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Eddie had a change of heart and decided to participate in his sister's birthday celebration. The story was well written and it flowed nicely.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was sweet story of love and respect among a lovely family. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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105
105
Review of Cape Mission  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, BD Mitchell Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Cape MissionOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window.. Please know that these are simply my thoughts and opinions. Take what you can use and forget the rest.


*Crown*First thoughts: A class of superheros, pretty cool. This reminded me of "Sky High". Loved it.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Alisa is learning how to take down would be thieves. She does a pretty good job until she momentarily lets her guard down. Once she's overtaken, the test is ended and a discussion with the class ensues.

*Crown*Characterization: I liked the main character, Alisa. She was tough and persevered. I also liked the teacher. Considering they're superheros, there were believable as far as superheros go.

*Crown*Suggestion:
...promptly disappearing in a flash of light a puff of purple smoke... This sounds a bit confusing. Perhaps something like ...promptly disappearing in a flash leaving a light puff of purple smoke, just as a swarm...

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the teaching element of the story. It's fun to see how characters interpret different instances and events.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative. I really enjoyed it. Great job!


Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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106
106
Review of Chacone  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi, Stik to My Own Beat Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "ChaconeOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window.. These are simply my thoughts and opinions. Please take what works for you and don't worry about the rest.


*Crown*First thoughts: My first thoughts were it would be kind of cool if this is how Heaven worked. Ha! It sounds like Chloe's in for a rude awakening.

*Crown*Plot/Story: The plot was easy to follow. I didn't have a lot of questions or concerns. Chloe has an opportunity to do something in Heaven that she enjoyed doing on Earth. It's taking some time to get acclimated to being in Heaven and how it works. She's received good guidance so far, after all, it was just her first (conscious) day.

*Crown*Characterization: Chloe seemed real. She is definitely a human in Heaven. It would be pretty unbelievable but she's handled it well so far. I like Luke who helped to get her to understand that she was dead. Edna has her work cut out for her. It's gonna take a lot of work to teach Chloe her job.

Grammar/Punctuation: (Just some things I noticed.)
This gentleman was close to 6 and a half feet tall with thick but short cut tresses. Numbers between zero and ninety-nine should be spelled out unless it's an address, time, or date.

If I was just a little older, she thought. If I was just a little older should be in italics as this is inner dialogue.

Still, all she said to this statement was, "Oh really." "Oh, really?" is a question requiring a question mark.

Additional Grammar/Punctuation

*Crown*What I Liked: I always love to read stories about arriving in Heaven. It's always interesting to me what people come up with.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and funny. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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107
107
Review of Final Goodbye  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Final GoodbyeOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: I know people who have suffered from their family member with Alzheimer's. It is an awful disease. My grandmother went through it. Well, maybe I should say that my mother and aunt suffered through it as my grandmother lived in her own world.

*Crown*Plot/Story: The plot was easy to follow from their first project together, to their marriage, to Helena's last lucid moment.

*Crown*Characterization: The characters were believable. They were both well educated and smart students, eventually becoming a surgeon and chemical engineer. I enjoyed watching them grown from high school students through their adult lives.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked how you were able to write this story with no dialogue.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This is a bittersweet story. I could feel Sam's pain as he watched his wife suffer through this horrid disease. This is something I hope to never have to suffer myself or watch my loved one suffer through it. I do worry about my mother as my grandmother died from Alzheimer's. You did a beautiful job. Thank you for sharing.



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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108
108
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "We Haul, U-Haul--Don't Fall!Open in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: Oh, what a stressful night for both you and your husband! Being in a new place and knowing that something had definitely gone wrong. I hated that the only thing you could do was wait.

*Crown*Plot/Story: The plot was easy to follow, even the part of the news reporter. What bad luck to have when you've just moved to a new location. Isn't amazing what our brains can think up? I'm glad the tragedy was averted.

*Crown*Characterization: Well, considering this is a true story, I believe the characterization was dead on!

I noticed one spelling error:
The failed procedures were as followed:

*Crown*What I Liked: I like that everything turned out to be okay, including the family vehicle and the U-Haul, and that your husband made it home safe and sound albeit exhausted.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was funny but not so much. I can't imagine being in your place. But if I were, I know my mind would probably take me to a funeral. I really enjoyed your story. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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109
109
Review of Coincidence?  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Steven Alexander Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Coincidence?Open in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


You are so right, this definitely wasn't a coincidence. It's always amazing to me how things like this happen at just the right time. God works in mysterious ways and he was surely working for you this day.

As one who has been in a similar situation, I completely understand the peace that overtakes you as you just know that the pain and suffering will end soon.

Lucky for both of us that God intervened.

I've heard stories about people who were led to do something, say something, call someone, or go to someone and they had no idea why—they many times didn't even know the person they were addressing. I've always wanted that to happen to me.

Your writing is filled with passion. I've discovered that words flow easier when you're writing about an event that's happened directly to us, as opposed to something that's happened to someone else.

I'm so glad that you survived that detrimental moment and have found love again. May God continue to bless you.



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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110
110
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, KC under the midnight sun Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Harriet "Hop-Along" CassidyOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: My first thought was that I wanted to know what had happened to Harriet for her to lose her foot.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Harriet had to answer the door which was downstairs. As she attempted to make her way down the steps she drops her crutch. She eventually makes her way to the front door but it takes her an extremely long time.

*Crown*Characterization: The characters were believable. We got an idea of how strong and persevering Harriet is. We didn't get to know much about Donnie. We find out that he has made a decision as to where he's going to go to college and we assume it's going to be close. The description of the girls outside was very good.

I noticed one typo:
Okay. this is easy. just relax. "just" should be capitalized.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Harriet didn't give up, although at times it seemed as if she wanted to. She persevered and completed her task of getting down the steps. I was afraid that Donnie was going to walk away before she got to the door. I'm glad he didn't.

*Crown*Parting Comments: I really enjoyed this story. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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111
111
Review of Transition  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, ~MM~ Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "TransitionOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: This is an interesting vampire story. I didn't expect it when I first began reading, given the description. I wasn't sure what to expect.

*Crown*Plot/Story: This story is about a man who was somehow tricked into the situation he found himself. He discovered when she was feeding on him, that she was a vampire. He floated in an out of consciousness when finally she'd had her fill. Then she left him to fend for himself during his transition.

*Crown*Characterization: If vampires were real these characters would be pretty believable. I didn't get a sense of the characters but rather the event that was taking place. He had a lot to get used to and suffered through a lot of different feelings and illnesses. By the end, he had begun to feel better, even good enough to smile.

I noticed one typo:
I knee on the floor, retching until I shiver with cold and exhaustion. Oops, forgot the "l".

*Crown*Parting Comments: You did a good job with this story. It would be interesting to know what took place before this incident.

Happy Writing!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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112
112
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, Cerbios Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Lost and found. Open in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: My first thought was what has this girl gotten herself into.


*Crown*Plot/Story: I'm not sure what she thought she'd find, but this young lady was looking for a place that only one man could direct her to. She found that the elderly man reminded her of the devil.


*Crown*Characterization: The characters were believable, but I especially liked Fred. He was certainly different.


I noticed a few things to point out:
The man look absolutely ancient with hair so white it almost translucent, The man looked and hair so white it was almost translucent.

He was wearing an old corduroy suit that from like the twenties I think you could remove "that".

And, now you’re thinking I must the devil because how else would I know that. Oops, missed the word "be".


*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the innuendo at the end. It made for a creepy ending to a rather odd story.


*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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113
113
Review of You Did What ??  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Winnie Kay Author Icon.

This is a House Stark Battle review of "You Did What ??Open in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: I kept wondering throughout the story what in the world would have gotten this poor man fired. Eventually we discover that there was a small but huge mistake made.

*Crown*Plot/Story: The story, about an employee at a printing company who was called to the carpet for a misprint. Even though it was only one letter, that letter would cause a great stir among the community, not to mention the owner of the business for which the mistake was made.

*Crown*Characterization: I could so see the characters in this story. Especially Steve, the CEO. With instances like this one it's understandable why his blood pressure was through the roof. Unfortunately, I could also picture Larry, who made the mistake, too. I was able to see the two in Steve's office having this somewhat loud conversation.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the humor of the story. Even though there was a serious issue going down.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and funny. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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114
114
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Walkinbird 3 Jan 1892 Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "What Greets You in the Dark Eats LightOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts:At first I thought this was going to turn out to be all a bad dream. Then it became real!

*Crown*Plot/Story: This is a creepy story. But a good kind of creepy. *Smile* It's a children's nightmare story where the monster under the bed is real. It takes their son coming into their bed for them to realize just how real the monster was. Not long afterwards they are running for their lives.

*Crown*Characterization: There is a father, mother, child, and monster. All were believable except, of course, the monster. I could see the little boy coming into his parents' bed. The three of them had some conversation which also gave a little insight to them all. I was glad to see the mother wake up, too.

*Crown*What I Liked: You did a good job with descriptions. I like how you brought the story from one of a strange bad dream to a real nightmare.

*Crown*Parting Comments: At the beginning you state that Ben's eyes were open but then said, "Still dark outside." Fully, suddenly, Ben clicked one eyelid open.{/i} I think there should be something in the story to show that he closed his eyes again or remove one of the two statements of his eyes being open.

This was creative. I enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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115
115
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sum1 Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "A Christmas To RememberOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: What a lovely, heartwarming Christmas story. I never expected to read that Lisa would eventually have a child.

*Crown*Plot/Story: This story is about a woman who has had a lot of bad news happen in a short period of time but ends on a happy note. First, she discovers that she cannot have children, then her husband is diagnosed with cancer. One day she meets a nice man and discusses her problems. I found the story easy to follow but with a somewhat unexpected ending.

*Crown*Characterization: Your characters were believable and I enjoyed meeting them. I felt for Lisa as I have had my own issues with bearing children. Her husband, Mark, seemed a little surprising only because he had such a positive attitude, under the circumstances. I could totally picture Christopher. Could it be because I could see Santa Claus?

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Lisa was able to finally talk with someone who cared. Was it by accident? I guess that's left up to the reader.

*Crown*Parting Comments: I really enjoyed reading this story. The one suggestion I'd like to make to maybe find another way to say, "if you ask me". It's stated a lot throughout the story.



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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116
116
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Ben Langhinrichs Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Watch Where You WinkleOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: I found the story good for a giggle with a twisted ending that is pretty funny. I think it's a lively story.

*Crown*Plot/Story: This story is about a young boy who is carelessly throwing periwinkles back into the water. His sister isn't happy about it and tells him so. He doesn't listen and continues, only to find himself being thrown back onto the beach when he and his dad go for a swim.

*Crown*Characterization: The characters were believable. I could picture Sam, Becky and their mother, especially when she tells Becky that her friend Catherine's dad can let her swim sooner than an hour. She sounds like me. Ha! I couldn't really picture the dad, but maybe it's because he was only in the story at the end.

*Crown*What I Liked: I loved the unexpected twist you put on this story at the end. I liked that Sam got a little taste of his own actions. Very nice.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and funny. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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117
117
Review of The Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Amay Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "The KissOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown*First thoughts: This story kind of reminded me of the ending of The Notebook, except that Ron didn't have Alzheimer's Disease.


*Crown*Plot/Story: This story is about a couple truly in love. They had been together for forty-five years and still their love held true. Unfortunately, cancer took away the man Amy had known and left a skeleton in his place. But the story doesn't end with just his death.


*Crown*Characterization: I enjoyed the two main characters, Amy and Ron. They were a lovely husband and wife. They were believable and I fell in love with them. I wanted to know about their life together.


*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that they were able to be together that last night, just the way Ron wanted them to be. I liked that they loved each other so much that death could not part them.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a happy but sad story that made me remember that life is too short. We need to love fully and relentlessly. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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118
118
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Mrs. Whatsit Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Widow McAllister's findOpen in new Window. for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
First thoughts: I wondered what I would reflect on when I am in a nursing home. Ha! I enjoyed the story but was sad about the death of Soupy.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
Plot/Story: This story was based around finding an ancient golden sword. It was a legend but these boys discovered it's truth at one of the boy's expense. The story was gripping and I couldn't wait to read about what happened next. I was surprised when Soupy actually died and was intrigued when his body was never found.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
Characterization: Each of the characters were believable. Although we didn't have physical descriptions, I was able to picture them as young mischievous boys. I was also able to picture the old man in the nursing home. You were able to describe all of the boys and Mrs. McAllister very well. I pictured Mrs. McAllister as a witch-looking woman sitting stringing beads together.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
What I Liked: I liked that Soupy, in death, was able to convince the boys to go back and continue to dig for the sword. It was a great ending.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
Parting Comments: This was a fun story. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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119
119
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sparky Author Icon

This is a House Stark Battle review for "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. for Sparky Author Icon. I have read "Happiness versus Depression; you choose.Open in new Window. and would like to share my comments. Please remember that these are just my comments and opinions.


*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
First thoughts: As a person suffering from depression I found this very interesting and enjoyable. I do believe that whether you have a chemical imbalance, as I do, or suffer from occasional depression, one can still choose to be happy. It takes a lot of effort, but it can be done.


*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
Plot/Story: This story is one of a person choosing to be happy despite any outward influence that would change it. I actually found it kind of humorous when everyone received checks instead of bills in the mail. I liked the exaggeration of the happy mood.


*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
Characterization: I liked the character and the struggles faced. I could completely relate. Your character was believable. (...scuffing about the house in dressing gown and slippers, with bed hair and gritty eyes. I just went through this very stage on Sunday.) I was able to picture the neighborhood with everyone having a great day. Nice job.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
What I Liked: I liked that your character chose to be happy no matter the circumstances. I also enjoyed reading about such a happy neighborhood, even though it was a bit outrageous. I loved it.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*
Parting Comments: I think you did a great job arguing the happy choice of the day. I think I need to read this every day now. *Smile*



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

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120
120
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hello, HorrorMovieGeek Author Icon. I am a member of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window. and would like to share my thoughts on your essay UNTITLED, (No Name). Please know that these are just my thoughts and opinions.

I'm not sure how I found your essay, but the description is what drew me in.

What I Liked
I liked your essay because it reminded me of myself. I, too, am a very quiet person. I mean, I can be outgoing, but most of the time I don't have a lot to say. Sometimes I think about what the person speaking must be thinking. How do they figure something is important enough to share with others? Why do they think someone else wants to know what they have to say?

Just as you have, I've discovered that I'm not a good fake—it kind of person. Well, I take that back. I can fake it, I just choose not to, you know?

I agree with you about everyone being in a hurry. I get caught up in their hurry sometimes and wind up rushing myself. Then I figure it out and stop myself. What's the rush?

Content
The content of your essay is intriguing. I bet there are more people out there who are just like you. I appreciate that you were able to write about your feelings. It is interesting how people misunderstand a quiet person.

It's a little depressing to think that someone wouldn't want or feels that the don't need friends. I think as human beings, we need to have friends, even if it's just one. It would be nice to have one friend who understands that you don't talk a lot but can still hang out with you.

I hope that you're able to journal your feelings. It's certainly not an easy or fun place to be. It will take a lot of hard work, but you don't want to go through the rest of your life like this. Life can truly be fun and really enjoyed. I only know this from experience.


Final Thoughts
I like that you ended your essay on a positive note. You haven't completely given up making that friend.

You did a good job of expressing your feelings and the expectations of other people.

Nice job.



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Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful tribute to an awesome father. He's seen so much and been through so many unthinkable situations. I can't imagine what it must have been like to live through the depression and World War II. Oh, the things he has seen.

You wrote a fantastic piece about your father. I wish I would have learned as much from my own father. Not that he is a bad person, I just didn't necessarily learn as much from my father as you did with yours.

Excellent job.
Happy writing!

~QPdoll

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Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ Author Icon!

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and have just read "What is Memorial Day?Open in new Window. which you submitted to the No Dialogue Contest. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. Take what you can use and throw out the rest.


Overall Impression:
You certainly have a way with crafting words. I felt that the writing was crisp and meaningful. It was a sad way for the character to learn about Memorial Day.

I've been at a funeral where they've had a gun salute and it's definitely intense. I can't imagine experiencing it as a child.

What I Liked:
What is Memorial Day? It is America's salute to those that made the ultimate sacrifice. It is remembering what my father and the hundreds of thousands of Americans gave to their country. It is the catch that steals my breath ... And it's a celebration of the freedoms that we often take for granted.


I really liked how you summed up the meaning of Memorial Day. It is the catch that steals my breath explains the way I feel about all veterans. Great job!


Setting/Plot:
I was able to picture what the funeral must have looked like to an eight-year-old child. Everything would be big and noisy. You did an good job depicting this.

The story played out with a funeral from a child's perspective to the remembrance of an adult. Along the way we learned about how the character experienced various Memorial Day events in between and how the death of a father affected the character's life.

You also portrayed what Memorial Day means to others who may not have experienced such an event and simply believe it to be the beginning of summer.


Suggestions:
While it's not wrong, it is untidy to begin a sentence with a number, unless it's spelled out. For example: your sentence, 100,000 gloved hands delivering ... would begin like this: One hundred thousand gloved hands delivering ...

Another option would be to re-word the sentence so that it doesn't begin with the number.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
It gave me something look at instead of his name and that fateful date that occurred two-thirds of my life ago.
Forgot the word "to" between "something" and "look".

Inspecting the Wall, I imagined each of the 58,000 names as a carefully draped coffins. The "a" is not needed because you're speaking of more than one coffin.


Final Thoughts/Comments
You followed the contest rules and did a fine job. I enjoyed your story with no dialogue. I hope you had fun with this and found it somewhat challenging.

~QPdoll



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123
Review of Vigilance  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Chronicler of the Anima Author Icon!

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and have just read "VigilanceOpen in new Window. which you submitted to the No Dialogue Contest. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. Please take what you can use and throw out the rest.


Overall Impression:
I believe you captured the essence of a number of memorial services that take place each year well. It is sad how many people don't quite understand the meaning of Memorial Day.

I could picture the event and the people standing in the rain. I was able to "see" a woman standing at the service holding the hand of her child, as well as Stephen.

It's disturbing, sometimes, to think about the number of people who never knew their family members, and will never know them.

This sentence kind of struck a cord with me: The only ones who stood in respectful silence were the veterans; those who had risked their lives for their country. I agree that there is much disrespect for the price that our service men and women pay for providing us with protection.

This sentence: Stephen rolled his eyes, feeling that none of them knew suffering like him. made me think to myself, How could he truly know the suffering if he didn't serve himself? It made me think he was a little hypocritical.


My Favorite Part:
I like that you included a word that I'm not sure many readers would recognize. That word is: cenotaph. I had to look it up. It's always a good thing when you can teach or show a reader something new. At first I thought you were talking about something like a courtyard. Then I realized it was something much different.


Setting:
Even though I could picture the people, I couldn't quite picture the set up of the event. What I mean is, were the bleachers and benches under tents due to the rain? I think they would get even more wet sitting on the bleachers and benches if they weren't covered.

Who were the people, or what organization was presenting the Memorial Service? How were the soldiers in attendance dressed and decorated? Did they disperse anything to any of the veterans in attendance?

I know you were limited to 700 words and you did a fine job.


Plot:
Right away I was able to discern the plot of the story. You captured the sights and sounds of the event, and I was able to follow the story from beginning to end with little questions.


Suggestions:
One suggestion I have is to space between paragraphs. Formatting it with spaces makes it easier on the reader.

The usual service took place. What takes place at a usual service? If I were reading this and had no idea of what a Memorial Day service was it would be difficult for me to "see" the event.

This sentence confused me just a little: At least he had known his father. I had to go back and re-read the sentence to realize it was himself he was talking about and not the little boy. When I first read it I thought, How does he know if the boy knew his father?


Final Thoughts/Comments
You followed the contest prompts and wrote a fine story with no dialogue. Great job!



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Review of After The Rose  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, Author Ed Anderson Author Icon!

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewer's Group and have just read "After The RoseOpen in new Window.. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. Please take what you can use and throw out the rest.


Overall Impression:
This is a fine story depicting characters on a TV reality show. You really nailed the shallowness of the show and its characters.

I felt like I was really watching it being played out. It made me remember why I don't like watching reality shows! *Laugh*


Setting:
You described Sam and Briana walking along the beach at sunset, but I didn't feel like I was there on the beach with them. Possibly you could add something about the sights, sounds, and/or smells; something to make the reader feel a little closer to the characters.

The same is true for when they are all on the porch and in the house. A little more description would draw the reader into the story.


Plot:
It's a simple plot and easy to follow. It all played out pretty typically for this kind of scenario.


Suggestions:
He had been the most recent single guy on the hit reality show, He Loves Me. I believe "He Loves Me" should be in italic because it's the name of something.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:

They walked along the beach hand in hand, as the sunset in the background. I believe you meant to say as the sun set in the background, meaning the time at which the sun sets as opposed to the apparent passing of the sun below the horizon.

The drive back to their shared house was filled with popular love songs, and the wind blowing their hair. Use a comma to separate Independent Clauses when they are joined by a Coordinating Conjunction. In this case the Coordinating Conjunction is "and". However, "the wind blowing their hair" is not an Independent Clause, so a comma is not necessary.

Many of the other women had asked that she be removed from the house but the network loved the drama that she stirred up.
This is a situation where there are two Independent Clauses joined by a Coordinating Conjunction, so a comma is necessary before the word "but".

“No. Sam love me and I love him, that is how it will stay. Oops, forgot the "s".

“I know but to be fair, I said that to 24 other women.” The number 24 should be spelled out. Numbers up to 100 should be spelled out. Also, there needs to be a comma before the word "but".


Final Thoughts/Comments
I think you did a good job with this story. It was light and easy to read.


Happy Writing
~QPdoll

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Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello lezismore-moreislez Author Icon. I'm QPdoll Author Icon, one of two judges for the No Dialogue Contest and am a member of The Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewer's Group. I have just read "Eldorado's Last Spring -Open in new Window. and would like to share my thoughts.

First I will confirm that all rules have been followed, then I'll review your story.

*AsteriskV* Posted in bitem format: *CheckV*
*AsteriskV* 700 words or less: *CheckV*
*AsteriskV* One entry: *CheckV*
*AsteriskV* Story newly written: *CheckV*
*AsteriskV* Unedited since submission: *CheckV*
*AsteriskV* No Dialogue: *CheckV*

================================================================

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. Take what you can use and throw out the rest.



Overall Impression:
It made me sad to think about how Sebastian's sanctuary was going to be destroyed. It's one of those things that was nice while it lasted. It held such great memories for Sebastian.

I personally have never had any kind of sanctuary like Sebastian but I could totally see myself hanging out there by the river. Your descriptions of the tweeting of the birds, and the sound of the flowing river made me feel at ease and comfortable.

The story was easy to read and I liked the rhythm your words created.

You followed the contest rules and created a wonderful story from the prompt.


My Favorite Part:
My favorite part is the memories of previous visits to his personal space. We all remember our past experiences and Sebastian has some lovely memories that will never be destroyed like his sanctuary.


Setting:
Even though I could feel the quietness of his sanctuary it was hard for me to picture the physical place. The only time I've been to a river is when I was a child and it was mostly dirt and weeds up to the river, so it was difficult for me to "see" the lushness of his sanctuary. I couldn't picture it as a private place to bring a girl.


Plot:
The story started off with sounds of the special place and moved to the sights of what would come to the rolling landscape. Your description here made me think of landscapes I've seen in pictures of Ireland. You made it easy to walk along with Sebastian by showing us his memories and despair.


Suggestions:
Although the word count is limited I would like to have seen a bit more description of the specific area where Sebastian was sitting because, as I said earlier, it was hard for me to picture his sanctuary.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
There were just a couple of things I noticed:

It seemed somethings never changed. I believe this should be two separate words: some things

Sebastian looked down at his submerged toes for a few seconds they back at the flowing river. I think you meant to write "then" here.


Final Thoughts/Comments
This is a good story. You followed the no dialogue challenge beautifully and made it seem so easy. Great job!

Thank you so much for entering my No Dialogue Contest. I hope you had fun.

~QPdoll








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