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561 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I generally give an overview of the item, then point out any corrections, suggestions or highlight favourite lines. I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang and a captain of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. See my reviews below for examples.
I'm good at...
Proofreading and catching typos, spelling mistakes and incorrect grammar.
Favorite Genres
Romance, fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
Poetry.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Journey Home  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Dave,

I was interested to read about your experience as I have two friends on Writing.com who have recently had strokes. One has recently returned after recovering, and the other is still in rehab.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
Your item reads clearly and relatively matter-of-factly. I would not have been surprised to find a lot of heavy emotion in such a piece, but that is not here. Regardless, it was impossible not to be caught up in your story.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
The biggest issue with your item is the visual appeal. If you put a single line gap between each paragraph, it would be significantly easier to read and more appealing to potential readers. I can't stress this enough. It is a simple fix, but would be a huge improvement.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Because I don't think your piece needs any major rewrites, I'm going to share some minor corrections that I think would improve your piece.

Surely it was just fatigue from typing and trying to finish up a long week of cases I thought at the time.
I think you need at least a comma after cases, but I think the sentence would be stronger if you moved the 'I thought at the time' to the beginning of the sentence.

I knew I was not myself but stubbornly as I often can be, decided to drive either home or to the hospital ER since both were in the same direction and same geographic location to one another.
Stubbornly should be stubborn. I think the last seven words are awkward and redundant. I'd remove them altogether.

As I inched along, I was trying to decide on whether my condition was indeed bad enough to exit to the ER or just head home, collect myself,then make the decision on whether I needed to be hospitalized.
You don't need the 'on' after decide.
You need a space after the third comma.
After decision, 'as to' would work better than 'on'.

This would be the second visit to the hospital this year and my last visit was a two day stay for a pancreatitis condition and blood clot.
I think this would be more correct if you wrote 'for pancreatitis' or 'for a pancreatic condition'. Either would be correct.

I decided there was not much time difference going to the ER or home and found more comfort in my decision to go home and making this decision.
Making should be make.

I don’t know where I heard this but I knew if you were having a heart attack they recommend doing it.
Recommend should be recommended as you're using past tense.

I managed to be able to grasp my cell phone with my left hand and quick dial my best friend at his home.
This sentence will be stronger if you remove the words 'be able to'.

I was nervous that my one chance of getting to the hospital was about to end up as a 911 call but then an all to familiar voice answered “ Alright, who died ? “
'all to familiar' should have two o's in too.
You don't need spaces with the quotation marks. It should be "Alright, who died?" I think it would be stronger if you put a full stop after answered, so that the dialogue is a separate sentence.

This was our greeting that we comically have made over the years of friendship.
I don't think this sentence is necessary. The reader can infer this on their own.

“Me, if you don’t get over here to take me to the ER. I’m having a stroke! “I yelled over the phone.
The second quotation mark should come directly after the exclamation mark without a space.
I think 'over the phone' is redundant and can be removed.

There was a moment of silence, followed by “Are you sure?” questioning my statement.
This would be stronger if you put a full stop after silence and then just had "Are you sure?" without any of the other words.

Do you have a blood pressure tester? ”
You don't need a space before the second quotation mark.

After several seconds the results were present, 222 over 110 was the reading.
This sentence would be stronger if you put a full stop after present and then removed the words 'was the reading'.

I knew this was a high reading and told Marlon the results.
Even if the reader doesn't know that's a high result (and most will), Marlon's response is sufficient. I would just edit this sentence to say 'I told Marlon the results.'

“Your pressure is really high, relax and take it again after a couple of minutes and see if it comes down?” he said.
The question mark makes this a question and yet it doesn't seem like a question, more an instruction, plus you've used the dialogue tag 'said' rather than asked. I would remove the question mark, and you could remove the dialogue tag too.

“I’ll be there as fast as I can” and he hung up the phone.
I'd put a full stop after can, and then instead of saying that he hung up the phone, I'd write how you KNEW that he'd hung up the phone. Did you hear a clunk and then a dial tone? Share that with the reader. This is called 'showing instead of telling' and would be useful here.

I was somewhat relieved that he was coming to help me get to the hospital.
This sentence is redundant and is definitely 'telling' the reader. You could note that you breathed a sigh of relief instead, which would be showing instead of telling. But I don't know that you need anything. The reader can assume you're relieved, and you can move on to the next bit.

I laid there on the bed trying to think about just how bad my stroke was and if the paralysis was going to be a permanent part of my life in the future?
Laid should be lay.
You don't need the word 'there'.
You don't need a question mark - a full stop would be more appropriate.

This thought was a very scary thing and seemingly, was all that I could concentrate on at that moment.
The reader can assume that this is a scary concept, so you don't need to tell us. I think it would be stronger to just say 'This was all I could concentrate on.'

As tough as I thought myself to be, I laid there helpless as a toddler trying to move my right side limbs managing but only the most basic of movements.
Laid should be lay.
You need a comma after limbs.
You don't need the word 'but'.

The fears that my situation was dire had hit me like a knockout punch.
This would be stronger if you removed the words 'that my situation was dire had'.

I laid there motionless, loathing and uncertain of anything.
Time changes differently when certain moments in your life occur.

Laid should be lay.

I nearly fell as he tried to figure out the best way to maneuver my half paralyzed body out of the bedroom.
Maeuver should be manoeuvre.

I told him that I wasn’t able to get a hold of her.
You don't need the 'a'.

Marlon got out and told them that a wheelchair is needed and that I’m having a stroke.
You change tenses in this sentence. 'is' should be 'was' and 'I'm' should be 'I was'.

Blood pressure, heart monitor and several other testing equipment was hooked up to me at a rapid pace.
'Was' should be 'were'.

It’s my nature to joke about things, even the bad stuff, to let people know that humor can make the worst of circumstances a little more bearable.
There's nothing wrong with this sentence per se, but I think the story would be stronger if you left this out. Then the laughter comes as more of a surprise to the reader and they're drawn in.

“Look at my right big toe”.
The full stop should be before the quotation mark.

Marlon responded in a quiet voice,” You have a boner toe.”
The first dialogue tag should be after the space, not before.

I could hear a faint giggle from him and I blurted out the words “Boner Toe”.
You don't need a capital letter on toe.

Her concerns over my condition was one of trying to understand the nature of what a stroke actually is and offering assistance to making me comfortable in bed.
Concerns is plural but was is singular. I think it would be better to change 'was one' to 'were'.

By morning it was apparently very clear to me that the full damaging effects of the stroke had left my right side of my body paralyzed.
I'm not sure why you have the word 'apparently' here. The sentence would be much stronger without it. Instead of 'my right side' use 'the right side'.

They showed compassion to my state of health but they could not offer the one thing I needed most and that was someone saying I’ll be ok and would make a full recovery.
I'll should be I'd.

Those words never seemed to be spoken by anyone who entered my room.
This sentence would be stronger if you changed 'never seemed to be' to 'were never'.

Being wheeled into the room I was greeted by my roommate Brett with a not so warm “hello” and settled into my bed with curtain drawn between us.
You're missing 'a' before curtain.

I may add that Brett looked to be a late twenties to early 30’s rock band musician covered in tattoos from the neck to both of his entire arms and probably his entire body.
This sentence would be stronger without the words 'I may add' at the beginning.

His shallow “Hello” seemed to be his response and disappointment that he was no longer having a private room to himself.
'his response' is self-explanatory. Instead, I'd change it to 'seemed to be due to his disappointment'.

I learned several life lessons that should be mentioned and met some really dedicated people who I call my heroes.
This sentence would be stronger without 'that should be mentioned'.

These people are not rich nor famous and many of them don’t get credit for how big a role in the comfort of the patients that they care for truth be told, but to me, were more important than the doctors who visited me periodically in my stay at rehab.
This sentence is a little awkward. Try 'These people were not rich or famous, and many of them don't get credit for how big a role they play in the comfort of the patients they care for. To me, they were more important than the doctors who visited me periodically during my stay.'

I repeated stating that there is no humility when staying in rehab or a hospital and for those reasons my gratitude to these workers will never be enough.
This sentence would be stronger without 'I repeated stating that'.

He told me that he fathered eight children of which six were still alive today.
This would be better worded as 'six of whom were still alive today'.

He asked me if he could say grace before eating when we had lunch together of which I never objected to this.
I would put a full stop after together and remove the words 'of which'.

I asked him about this prayer and why didn’t he pray for being healed?
This sentence doesn't need a question mark. Try amending the second half to 'why he didn't pray to be healed'.

“At my age, I’m grateful to have another day to share with my family and friends, isn’t that enough to be grateful for?“ he replied.
Although this is technically fine, I think it would be stronger without the dialogue tag.

There are so many obstacles that I face every day that a child can master in a few minutes that I must overcome.
This sentence would be stronger without 'that I must overcome'. The reader already knows obstacles must be overcome by virtue of them being obstacles.

I’m trying to get an exo-skeleton prostatic that uses a computer to aid in my recovery and give me some functioning use of my right arm/hand but my insurance company won’t pay for this device so I have a lot of time on my hands these days.
I wondered if prostatic should be prosthetic?


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
You're very courageous to share your story. I think you'll find some others who can empathise with your situation, but many more like me who can be educated by reading such a piece. It will help us to have more understanding.

The piece as a whole is very readable. As I mentioned above, the biggest (and easiest) improvement would be to add gaps between the paragraphs. The other editing suggestions are merely proofreading. I would be happy to come back and revise my rating once the piece is edited. I think this has the potential to be nominated for a Quill Award here on Writing.com once it's tidied up.

I wish you all the very best with your recovery. I hope things go as well and as smoothly as possible from here on out.

Thanks for sharing your experience,
Elle

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2
2
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Jace ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I have to admit, I may have done a bit of a fangirl 'squee' when you mentioned your writing bucket list. It's been a long time since I first encountered your bucket list and it kicked me off into doing my own. I was super excited to see where you letter was going to go after that! *Laugh* What new inspiration would you have for me? No pressure. *Smirk2*

And in your fifth paragraph, you delivered. You're going to write a memoir? *InLove* I started my autobiography last year, and I'm loving it. I've been wishing we had something on Writing.com specifically geared to memoir/autobiography writing, actually. Maybe I should start one? There's others in "Roots & Wings Discussion Forum who are also writing theirs, so I know there's a few of us on this site.

Overall your letter had a positive, organised tone, and your goals were clearly set out.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
I really liked your use of colour, bolded words and bullet points. These helped to highlight your goals and make them clear to the reader, but also helped to break up the text on the page, improving readability.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
I really liked how you established that your creative period is first thing in the morning, and you're not currently utilising that time to your best advantage. That's the sort of realisation that can really set you up for success - making a small change that can be maintained without too much effort. The less effort required to achieve momentum, the more likely we are to keep it up, right?


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
I am keen to see how you tackle your memoir. How to organise it, in terms of topics and chapters, was the biggest hurdle for me. But I'm fascinated by the idea of a history of Writing.com. I can't imagine trying to tackle something like that at the same time as a personal memoir, but I appreciate that you've left it open-ended so that you're not putting too much pressure on yourself.

I look forward to seeing what you come up with! Best of luck for all your goals.
Elle

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3
3
Review of Dear Me 2021  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi 💙 Carly - Happy 2022! ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
Your letter was clear and well-formatted, with your goals easy to identify. Despite your comments at the beginning about how tough it was to push past the 'melodrama' and create the goals, that doesn't come across in your letter. You seem organised and focussed.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
I really appreciated the use of colour and bolded fonts. It made your goals stand out and made it much easier for me to identify them. It also broke up the page a little, so I wasn't looking at a swathe of black and white text.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I wasn't really sure where the comments on teaching fit into your goals for 2021. I felt like the letter went off track a little there at the end. There was no goal related to teaching, and while I sympathise with your situation, I couldn't see how it was relevant to the letter.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
These sessions could start with as little as 5 minutes and build to 20 or 30 minutes as the year progresses. I want to start small to get myself oriented to doing this.
I really like that you've given yourself room to grow within your goals. Both your yoga and meditation goals have parameters that will enable you to start small and increase as the year goes on. Fabulous!


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Your goals are clear, and I think that you've also managed to cover the 'why' and the 'how' at a sufficient level for this letter. Despite a little bit of trepidation evident at the lingering effects of Covid, I think you're all set for a productive 2021, and I wish you all the best.
Elle

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4
4
Review of Dear Me 2021  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi The Puppet Master ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
Your letter was clear and organised. I thought that overall the letter had a tone of calm determination. You came across as someone who knew exactly what needed to be done and you expected to achieve it.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
If I don't get in this year it won't be the end of the world, I just will keep trying until it happens.
Generally speaking, it's best not to make goals that are outside of your control, such as 'I will win this contest'. Much better to make goals like 'I will enter this contest' because you have control over that. I did like, though, that you gave yourself an out for the part that was outside your control, but pushed yourself to keep trying and to focus on improving until you had a piece selected. I really like your attitude.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Your goals are clear, and you seem to know exactly how you'll achieve them and when (Covid-depending, of course). I think you're positioned really well for 2021, and I wish you all the very best.
Elle

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5
5
Review of Dear Me (2021)  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Rhymer Reisen ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
Despite the seeming normality of your opening paragraph, this was a highly unusual 'Dear Me' letter. I admit that by the end of the second paragraph, I was completely confused. Was the situation fictional or metaphorical? I wasn't sure. The second to last paragraph seemed to infer that it was metaphorical, but... I'm still confused. Were they scenes from your drafted novel? That's my best guess.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Hell (other than when used in a religious context) is not an E-rated word, and neither is dick or damn, so you need to increase the rating on this item to at least ASR immediately.

There were no goals in this letter that I could tell, and the task set out by the contest was 'Write a letter to yourself and tell you what your goals are for 2021'. I can't see where you did that. That's what I felt was missing from your entry.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
This was undoubtedly one of the more creative entries this year, and creativity was definitely one of the judging criteria. I feel that if you had been able to incorporate more clear goals into this, it would have really stood out for the judges. I hope that is of some help for next year. Best of luck with your novel.
Elle

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6
6
Review of Dear Me (2021)  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Charity Marie > 🇺🇦 ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I loved the attitude that shone through in your letter. It was enthusiastic, optimistic, powerful. It was very clear that you believed in yourself and that you have the support network to achieve whatever you wanted. That's huge. So many people don't have that. It was really inspiring reading your 'can do' attitude.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
The first half of the letter was reflection on 2020. At the end of the first paragraph you wrote 'We're not going to spend a lot of time rehashing the past here' and then you spent a further three paragraphs doing just that. I do think it clarified your situation for the reader, although perhaps wasn't entirely necessary in a letter that was intended for yourself (but we all know it's not really just for yourself, but for the intended reader! *Wink*). I felt like not all of it was necessary, and it could have been condensed considerably without losing too much impact.

Even when you move on to your current goals, you still spend time reflecting backwards. Your first goal is to heal, and I can understand why you haven't put a timeframe on that. I would have liked to have seen a little less of the 'You had it in your 20s' and 'The last 21 years have really changed you', and more about how you were going to heal. What is needed for healing? Colouring in? Long showers? Date nights with hubby? Daily journal entries? I would have loved to have known what you were going to utilise to aid your healing. As you can see by my suggestions, I'm totally clueless on that side of things!

Same with building and enjoying life. I'd have liked to have seen more of the potential bullet points that you are going to utilise or explore in order to achieve these. You've got the why covered, but not the how. That's what I was missing when I read through.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
Nothing can stop you. NOTHING. But not only that - you were and are often the one thing that can make the difference. You make success happen. Giving up just isn't an option, no matter what you're doing.
This is fabulous. We should all talk to ourselves like this. How empowering and uplifting is this? Awesome!


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
While I would have liked to have seen more of the 'how', your letter was very clear on the what and the why. You also had the one of the best attitudes, and I think that will take you a long way. I look forward to seeing what you achieve in 2021.
Elle

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7
7
Review of Dear Me, 2021  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi PureSciFiPlus ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I felt like your letter to yourself was a little bit negative. You used phrases like 'But I don't know if I will be able to do that' and 'I know that I'm not going to win any'. Then further on, 'I have already messed up that goal'. It didn't feel like you were particularly encouraging yourself, but rather explaining why you didn't achieve your goals last year, and why you might not achieve your goals this year. I would have liked to have seen a more positive, 'can do' attitude, although I know that the global situation has left many of us struggling to find enthusiasm and positivity.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Several times you referred to 'genetic goals'. This should have been 'generic goals', but you already knew that because you did change from genetic to generic. It just needs another read-through to catch the incorrect ones.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
You already commented that 'I know I haven't done any goal setting in this letter', so you're already aware that your goals are very generic. And generic is fine if your goals are likely to change, as you mention. But I would have liked to have seen perhaps a starting point. Or a review point. Perhaps 'I will aim to achieve XYZ and review this every two months to see if it still fits'. Or perhaps My goal is to complete XYZ by the end of the year, and I expect to make 50% of the progress by April, and take the remainder of the year to complete the remaining 50%'. It doesn't matter what your goals are, but some structure might help you achieve them. I do feel that even setting dates for reviewing your goals and your progress would be of great benefit.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
But it will be all that I can do under whatever the circumstances may bring me.
I did like the way you expressed this, that you will do your very best regardless of what life throws at you. We can't do any more than that. *Smile*


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Thank you for sharing your letter. You've already made a start on one of your goals by entering the first official contest for 2021. I hope you manage to enter all twelve of them, and I hope you make progress on your scriptwriting as well. Best of luck.
Elle

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8
8
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi jdennis ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I'll admit, your first paragraph totally confused me. I was like 'Wait, we are here to talk about you, this is a letter to yourself. If you're not you, who are you?' Eventually, as I kept reading, I understood that you were at least a character in the story that you're writing, but it wasn't clear to me if that story was autobiographical or fiction.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I'm having trouble encourage an idiot
'Encourage' should be 'encouraging'. Also, idiot is not an E-rated word, so you need to change the rating on this piece to ASR immediately, or remove the word idiot. There are no derogatory terms allowed at E rating.

I've jostled, shook, and tickled your imagination.
I actually love this sentence, but I think 'shook' should be 'shaken'.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I understand that this is a letter to yourself, and therefore there is no need to explain all the details when you, of course, already know them. However, I would have liked to have known more about the project that you want to work on, and I would have really liked to have seen some goals outlined, preferably with some steps/plan towards achieving those goals.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
Honestly, the oatmeal line was one of my favourites. I could just picture that! *Laugh*


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Thank you for sharing your letter. I am intrigued by your project, and would be interested to know if it is autobiographical or fiction. Eitehr way, I wish you the very best for progressing with it in 2021.
Elle

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9
9
Review of Dear Bob 2021  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Robert Edward Baker ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I have obviously been hiding under a rock, because I had no idea you were working on this project! I was intrigued to learn about your new website, and fascinated by all the things you have planned. I'll definitely be following your site!

In fact, between reading your letter and writing this review, I checked out your website, followed you on FB, Insta, and Twitter (we were already friends on GR), realised how slack I was at updating my own social media, tweeted, and posted on FB. *Laugh* You inspired me, Bob! I checked, and the last time I shared a post from my website on FB and Twitter was about six months ago. *Blush* That's despite writing a bunch of book reviews in that time. So silly to do the hard work and forget to share it. Anyway, I hope you are more successful in updating your social media than I am.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
Your letter was one of the longer ones entered in the contest, but it didn't feel overly long-winded or like it dragged on. I think a big part of this is because you broke it up with subheadings and images. That made each chunk more palatable. Despite the very serious, methodical approach you've taken to your goals, you also interspersed humour throughout the letter which also helps make it easier to digest.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I didn't notice any typos or misspellings per se, but I did notice that you used 'monetize' and I wondered if that was correct for British English spelling? Should it not be 'monetise' instead? I wouldn't normally point out British vs American spellings, but I know you are British and so thought it was worth a mention.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
There was a lot here that I didn't know, despite having my own website. I was particularly curious about the DA, and it made me wonder how you find out a website's DA. If you can find out Shaye's website's DA, I must be able to find out the DA for my website, right? Mine is probably sitting at about 2, but oh well. As I already mentioned, I'm super slack at promoting my own content.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
You have some great goals, and I love that they're specific. You've got your 'why' covered, so you'll never find yourself chugging along wondering what the point is. I think you're set up to have a fabulous year. Best of luck!
Elle

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10
10
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Altamont 🏳️‍🌈 ,
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I found your Dear Me letter very relatable. Let's not start comparing reading 'to do' lists! *Laugh* Like you, I find I add to my list much faster than I take books off it. In fact, although I read a lot (and hit a PB in 2020), few of my books seem to be from my 'to do' list. *Facepalm* And I'm not even going to go near the topic of lockdown weight. *Blush*

You touched on the fiasco that was 2020, but I liked that you didn't dwell on it too much or allow it to bring down the mood of your letter. Overall, I thought your letter had a lighthearted, chatty tone. I loved the term 'doomscrolling' which was particularly relevant to social media in 2020.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
I liked the use of 'conversation fillers' like 'What else is there?' People use phrases like this when they're talking aloud, and it really makes your letter feel more casual. I write my snail mail letters in that conversational style, so I appreciated this.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Overall, your spelling and grammar was very good, and I didn't notice any typos or misspellings, but I did think there were a few commas missing. Your first sentence seems to be missing one after 'well' and another after 'write-off', and because it was right at the beginning of your letter, it became something I watched for. Commas are tricky wee things though, and I don't claim to be an expert in them, so perhaps ask someone who is more knowledgeable in this area than I am to review the punctuation. That is, if you want to polish this up. I know it was a contest entry, and furthermore is a letter to yourself, so you may not choose to do further editing - that's entirely up to you. It might be something to look out for in other works though.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Your goals were quite vague. That always makes it much harder for you to achieve them. You said your first goal was to stop 'doomscrolling' through social media. Or to cut it down. Well, which is it? I think the letter (and the goal) would be much stronger if you were more decisive with this. Then you write 'Or if not that, maybe', and it becomes even more wishywashy. A specific goal like 'No more than 30 minutes of social media per day' or 'At least 15 minutes of writing each day' is more likely to be something you stick to. At the moment, there's nothing holding you accountable. If you don't do any writing, or if you spend all day on social media, there's no need to feel like you haven't achieved your goal because your goal was so vague. That's my two cents. *Wink*


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
I really liked the way you finished your letter with reminding yourself about being kind to yourself, enjoying treats in moderation and looking after your mental health. That sounds like something we could all do with working on in 2021.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Thank you for sharing your Dear Me letter. I enjoyed reading it. I wish you all the best with your goals of reducing your time on social media, increasing your writing and reading, and going for more walks. Best of luck for 2021.
Elle

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11
11
Review of Gold Mining  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Aundria,
This is a quick review to assist you with polishing this piece to read at your mother's funeral.

I look back at the many things my mother taught me, Her sage advice has often gotten me through the tough times.
I wonder if this should have the word 'When' at the beginning.

IShopping with my mother was always an adventure.
Just need to remove the extra I at the beginning of this sentence.

“These are so cute” she’d say holding up pants the most hideous color of green.
It doesn't matter for reading aloud, but I think this needs a comma after the dialogue.

It’s not the 70’s”
Again, it doesn't matter for reading aloud, but this needs a full stop.

“Okay but these are cute” she said presenting the most horrible pattern I’d ever seen.
Another comma required after the dialogue.

Eww, those are plaid. No way!”
Not necessary for reading aloud, but I think this needs speech marks at the beginning.

So we’d set of to a new store looking for another fleck if gold.
Of should be off, and if should be of.

As walked through the mall, we passed busy shoppers on all sides, barely noticing each other in our rush for that perfect buy.
Missing the word 'we' after As.

Words of encouragement and kindness are the largest and most valuable nuggets of wisdom I own.
Not necessary for reading aloud, but this has an extra space before 'own'.

There bits and flecks everywhere.
This sentence is missing the word 'were' after There.

She sprinkled flakes of them everywhere she went.
Not necessary for reading aloud, but this has an extra space in it.


Aundria, this is an absolutely beautiful tribute to your mother. I am certain you will make people cry if you read this at the funeral. I was touched, and I feel like your mother has reminded me to make more of an effort to tell someone when I notice nice things about them instead of thinking them in my head and keeping them to myself. Truly beautiful, and I hope many people read this and hear this, and become more like your mother. She sounds like she was a truly wonderful woman.

Elle

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12
12
for entry "Truest Colors
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Brian,
I saw your request for feedback on the newsfeed, and as I typed out a comment I thought I'd be better off putting my thoughts into an actual review. My first in literally a year! Wow, that's pretty sad actually. I guess I should thank you for inspiring me to review again. *Smile*


*Burstp* GENERAL:
This poem has a thoughtful, reflective mood. Almost sad, like a farewell. Words like 'whine', 'stoic' and 'humbling' add to that effect, I think. The line 'you have all been to me' definitely gives a farewell vibe, in the sense of someone who is never returning rather than someone who is only leaving for a while.

You note at the bottom of the poem that it was written to support Lilli, but I'm so out of touch with everyone that I'm not sure what the situation is there. If she has lost a dear friend, then this poem would certainly be appropriate to that occasion. There is a clear sense of loss here and obviously there are a number of words that bring love and feeling into the poem.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
The most obvious convention here is the lack of punctuation. I have an instinctive dislike for poems that don't use any punctuation, but that's my personal pet peeve! I think the lack of punctuation makes it difficult for the reader to determine the flow of the poem. For instance, the first stanza seems to consist of one 'sentence' that uses enjambment to flow over the three lines. However, it is much harder for me to determine if the second and third stanzas do the same. Is the first line of the second stanza part of the first stanza in terms of the fall offerings being whisked down aisles of tall men? Or is the gratitude being heaped down aisles of tall men? It's not clear, although I am leaning toward the former. Unfortunately, that lack of clarity means that the reader loses the flow of the poem and a significant portion of the meaning as well. Then the poem just becomes pretty words that make up a jigsaw puzzle that the reader may or may not be able to solve.

It was hard for me to determine if the tall men and the stoic parishioners were metaphors for landmarks or natural features, such as trees, or if they were literal. I was leaning toward metaphors, because it seemed like the narrator was watching autumn harvesting and it didn't seem like literal tall men and parishioners fit into that image. Again, the lack of clarity takes away from the poem. I actually like both lines, but I needed something else in the poem to help me put them into context.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
air sucks dry by shiny god
This line doesn't seem to work, and I'm not sure why. It feels like it's missing a word perhaps, or that perhaps there's something wrong with the tense. Like maybe it ought to be 'sucked dry'. It felt very awkward when I read it. I'm not sure exactly how to fix it, other than to change sucks to sucked, but hopefully by bringing it to your attention, you can have a play with it.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
you have all been to me
pure poetry like trees

I know I've made a few comments about flow or lack thereof, but these two lines flow beautifully. They are such a pleasure to read. As I mentioned above, I also really like the tall men and parishioner lines too, and I hope if you revise the poem that you keep those lines in.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Overall, I think you do a good job of imbuing this poem with a sense of sadness and loss, with a real sense of someone saying goodbye to a familiar scene that they'll never see again. It's almost like the poem is a hazy memory where I can still feel the emotions - the loss, the sadness, etc. - but I can't see the details anymore because they've been lost in time. I suspect the reason the poem has been overlooked in contests is the lack of clarity and flow. If you could sharpen the picture for the reader, even just a little, so that they can put the emotion to an image, I think it would be more favourably received.

Thanks for sharing your poem,
Elle

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13
13
Review of Tuesdays  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A dragon reading a book by candle light

Hi Roland,

I'm being very daring by reviewing a poem from someone that I want to take a poetry workshop from!


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I love the mood of this poem. You start it off beautifully with the gingerbread, which invokes scent, taste and (for many people) fond memories of home, childhood and friendly kitchens. You then reminisce about an old woman you once knew, and then bring it back round again with the gingerbread. Overall, it has a sense of fond remembrance, sweet, loving, with a touch of the absurd, not really sad but just enough of a low tone to avoid being jarring. Perfect.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
I'm certainly no expert on meter and form, but this appears to be free verse. I didn't notice a whole lot of figurative language - no metaphors, no similes, no personification, any of that. I did notice some sibilance with phrases like 'days as a student of dance', where that s sound comes through repeatedly. That adds to the flow of the poem.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Poetry is very subjective, so these suggestions are offered with no expectation that you should use them if they don't feel right. At the end of the day it is YOUR poem, no one else's.

You use the word France once and French three times. Three times is too many in a poem this long, I think, unless the repetition is purposeful and it doesn't seem so in this case. I would suggest removing the word French from 'under the French full moon / in the Lac de Grand Lieu.' You've already inferred that they're in France because you've given the location. To use the term 'French full moon' offers only the opportunity for alliteration but gives no other advantage, so I'd remove it. I'm not sure how you'd change the word French in 'riding her bicycle / throughout the French countryside' but I think you need to, because it's too close to 'sometimes slipping into French as she spoke' which is the one place where you really need the word 'French'.

The poem doesn't have perfect standard sentence structure, with some partial sentences, but it's pretty close. If it were me, I'd be inclined to play around with removing some of the 'unnecessary' words. This might not work for you, I know that, but I came up with:

[Lines before this remain unchanged]
Bedecked in decades old
furs and costume jewelry,
she’d talk to me,
more so during the winter months -
lonely.
Stories of her youth
in France.
Recounting days as a student of dance
in Paris, eyes glazed with memories.
Absently spinning an old ring on her finger,
she’d tell of a lover in Nantes -
a giggle and blush as she whispers
that they once skinny-dipped
under the full moon
in the Lac de Grand Lieu.
A sigh and nibble
on her scone
as she recalled weeks
riding her bicycle
through la campagne,
and that far-off look as she'd
slip into French
without realizing it.
She’s gone now
but I still smell the gingerbread.

It's not customary to 'rewrite' a poem in a review, and I apologise if I've taken liberties. I just meant to show how some of the extra words could be removed to give extra weight and emphasis to those that are left.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
I just adore the gingerbread lines that you start and end with. Truly, these make this poem. Without those, the poem is nice. With them, the poem is memorable, vivid and enchanting. *Bigsmile*


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
I really loved this, and thank you for sharing it. I'm sure this lady appreciated your company when it was available to her, and it's so lovely that you've passed on your memory of her to everyone who reads this poem.
Elle

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14
14
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi there,
I found your poem a little while back while I was browsing through your portfolio. I saw that you had nominated some items for Quills, and brand new members don't usually do that. When I was going through your port, I found a couple of things of yours that I could nominate in turn, this poem being one of them. I've been meaning to stop by with a review, but I don't do a lot of reviews these days, so it's taken a while (and Shaye's newsfeed challenge!).


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I love the mood of this poem. It feels a bit like detached observation combined with a touch of whimsy. The subject matter seems pretty clear to me - the narrator is literally watching a black beetle scurry around the bathroom floor and personifies its thoughts, intentions and feelings.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
Firstly, I love the personification. Personification has always been one of my favourite tools, but this is a wonderful example. I love the way the beetle 'stalks' and 'marches', the fact that the beetle is so 'resolute' in its search and the indecisiveness is brilliant. *Bigsmile*

Secondly, I love your use of literary similes. 'Like a comma escaped from a half-finished novel'. That is FANTASTIC. That, right there, made this poem for me. Love it. But the canyon gaping like an opening sentence, and the novel determined upon suicide... Just brilliant.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
You've obviously chosen deliberately not to use punctuation except for a full stop at the end of each stanza, and a capital letter at the beginning of each line. I understand that is personal choice, and punctuation is always subjective in poetry. Having said that, I'd prefer to see it without the capital letters at the beginning of each line. I feel that would improve the flow. Entirely your choice though.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I feel like the very last two lines of the poem take the whole poem and mock it. I mean, how silly is it to write a poem about a beetlee in a bathroom anyway? Right? And yet, this is a fabulous poem. I would SERIOUSLY suggest you remove those last two lines altogether. I feel they only detract and not add to the poem. It's stronger without them.

Unfortunately, suicide is a non-E word, which means that the whole poem must be rated higher than E. While I understand that this is a light-hearted poem, suicide does have negative connotations. I'm happy to discuss with you what would be a correct rating, and you're always welcome to ask for assistance with such things in "Content Rating Support.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
My favourite lines were the literary similes, as noted above. I've got to say again, just brilliant. You've personified the literary aspects as well as the beetle itself. A comma escaping from a novel? A suicidal novel? So clever.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
The more I read this poem, the more I enjoy it. It's just wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing it on Writing.com. And best of luck in the Quills!
Elle

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15
15
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi Brooke,
I found your poll on the newsfeed. I don't usually review polls, but I was inspired to give some feedback to your comment.

You noted that there were a lot of views but not a lot of responses, and then suggested that while several answers may seem right, a person should pick the one that most stands out to them.

I wonder if the problem is that some of the answers are too similar, and there are not enough answers that seem to be at different ends of the scale.

What is the difference between:
- a review that points out my mistakes
- true critique
- be honest
- a long, detailed review
- be harsh

To me, these are all virtually the same thing. The recipient is looking for honest feedback pointing out any errors or room for improvement, not a fluff review that just tells them they're wonderful.

For myself, I was torn between 'a review that points out my mistakes' and 'a review that inspires me'. But 'a review that inspires me' isn't a fluff review that just says 'Well done, awesome work!' That doesn't inspire me. I can get that from my mum.

A review that inspires me is also usually more detailed. It tells me what the reviewer liked and why. It should be honest. And it can point out some mistakes. I remember getting some like this from a reviewer of my children's fantasy novel a few years back. She pointed out any mistakes I'd made, told me her favourite parts and the parts that didn't work so well, and then told me she couldn't wait for me to revise it and finish it so she could read the whole completed work. The key thing was that the overall tone was positive and encouraging, while still providing valuable feedback.

I guess, in my opinion, the answer you don't have on your poll is 'I just want a fluff review that tells me my writing is good, without pointing out any mistakes'. And then next level up might be 'A review that points out my mistakes in a gentle way while still being positive'. I feel like this poll needs four answers of varying levels, and right now it only has two, but in multiple wordings. I know there are some people who want the harsh critiques, so for them you can have a merge of 'be honest, give me true critique, I can take it even though it's harsh'. And then another merge that says 'Definitely be honest and point out any mistakes, but no need to be mean about it'. Although now that I think about it, that's kind of the same thing as 'points out my mistakes in a gentle way while still being positive'. *Facepalm* Maybe you only need three options? A strictly positive review, feedback provided in a positive and encouraging manner, and 'just the facts, give it to me straight'.

Anyway, those were just my thoughts. It's not that I think you should use my wording instead of yours, obviously, but rather that I feel your current options are too similar and that's why people may be having trouble choosing the one that best fits them. That's how I felt anyway, and I hope that feedback is of some use.

While I'm here, I want to thank you for inspiring a resurgence of polls. It's great to see them on the newsfeed. Too often these items are overlooked, and it's crazy hard to find decent ones to nominate for Quills. I've seen at least one of yours nominated, so I'll pass on my congratulations now too. *Bigsmile*

Elle

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16
16
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Yarn Servicer ,
I found your poem at the Rebel Poetry contest.

*Burstp* GENERAL:
This poem speaks to me about the decline of society, but in particular the damage we are wreaking on our planet. Perhaps that's because I recently witnessed the students protesting against climate change, but that's what it put me in mind of. It has a sort of reprimanding tone, scolding those who are oblivious to the damage or who pretend to be.


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
I'm not very good at recognising poetic structures, but your poem has an abab rhyme structure. I didn't notice any errors with your rhymes. *Thumbsup*

I liked the use of internal rhyme, such as 'Ever consuming, always polluting'. The long u sounds work well together.

I also liked the use of alliterations, such as with 'It’s always simpler to sedate'.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Eyes blind to countless facts displayed.
Blaming problems on countless youths

You use the word 'countless' twice in two lines here. I don't think the word gains any emphasis from the repetition, so I think the poem would be stronger if you replaced one instance with a different word.

Our debates are antithetic
I'm not sure what you were trying to say here. Aren't debates antithetic by nature? Like saying a punch is violent? Maybe you mean that the debates are contributing to the problem? If so, I'm not sure that's entirely clear.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
Blaming problems on countless youths
Inheriting our sins, old debts unpaid.

I really like the way you phrased this, with the youth inheriting our sins. So true, and yet something we so rarely acknowledge.

How pathetic and yet poetic
I love, love, LOVE this line. *Bigsmile*


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
This is a fabulous poem. I really enjoyed reading it, and it struck a chord with me. I think it only needs a tiny bit of polishing and it'll be perfect. *Bigsmile* Great work and good luck in the contest!
Elle

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17
17
Review of Cold Front  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sir Various
Congratulations on being chosen to feature in the Rising Stars' poetry showcase for April! *Delight*

*Burstp* GENERAL:
I can't believe this is your first attempt at writing poetry. I wish my early poetry was so good! This is pretty incredible. *Smile*

The poem gives me the impression of a beautiful autumn or winter day which has clear blue skies and sunshine, but it's cool without the warmth of a summer sun. I love those kind of days!


*Burstp* CONVENTION:
The poem appears to be free verse. I love the description of the sky as a 'cerulean blanket' in the first line. It's what initially grabbed my attention and drew me into the poem. I also love the personification of the wind as a 'brusque bluster' (nice alliteration too!).


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I didn't understand the line 'The crisp quip of tawny bermuda'. I love the 'crisp quip' part, but what is the 'tawny bermuda' referring to? I was a bit lost. I feel a bit stupid for being lost, but I still am. *Laugh*


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
I really loved the first two lines, they were easily my favourite. Fantastic start to a lovely poem.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
Seriously, how was this your first ever poem? That's insane. It's so good! I was really impressed. Your use of figurative language was wonderful, and your imagery was superb. I really enjoyed this, thank you so much for sharing.
Elle

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18
18
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
I loved your goals. It's interesting how much our roles change over our time at Writing.com, isn't it? Mine certainly has, with a very obvious move away from in-depth reviewing, and it sounds like yours has too.

I particularly liked your comment about recording the family stories for posterity. That's a passion of mine, so I wanted to shout "Yes!" *Laugh* You mentioned finding contests to enter your stories into. I'm not sure that there are many (any?) non-fiction contests anymore. Maybe it's time to re-open "Roots & Wings Contest !

The letters to your children sound amazing. What sorts of things are you going to say to them? I'm just being nosy now, but I'm intrigued. I've heard of people who write one letter a year to their kids from the child's birth, but I heard of the idea too late to do that one.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
that is negative and quite often inaccurate.
'Is' should be 'are' as the words are plural.

You are now the Patriarch of the family clan.
Patriarch doesn't require a capital letter.

one, a Life Story of some facet of your life before children
'life story' doesn't require capital letter, although I appreciate you may be trying to add emphasis.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
This was a wonderfully positive, encouraging letter to yourself. While you mention where you've fallen down in the past or how your journey has deviated from the plan, it's not overly negative, and if I found your letter motivating, I'm sure you did too! Your goals are clear and specific, and you've set deadlines for yourself, so I'm sure you'll achieve what you set out to. I hope you have a fabulous 2019 and I look forward to seeing you (and your reviews and stories) around the site. *Bigsmile*
Elle

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19
19
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
This was such a lovely letter. I'm sorry that you haven't been well, and you're right not to overdo it or put too much pressure on yourself. You've still set some great goals though, and I'm sure you'll have a great year.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
You can’t get away with that sort of mind games this time around
This was the only error I found! I think you need make game singular or else say 'those sorts of mind games'.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
You need to take things one day at a time and work as you can each day without feeling as if you need to catch up on six weeks of life all in a week or two. You are good, dearest Me, but no one is that good!
I think a lot of people forget that they're still human and can't be perfect. *Wink*


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
It sounds like you're doing everything right, and I'm sure you'll have a fantastic 2019. Best of luck!
Elle

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20
20
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.

You've done a great job outlining your goals and plans for 2019. You've been specific about what needs to be done and when, and you've made it clear why those goals are important to you.

I didn't notice any typos or grammar errors, and I couldn't think of any suggestions for improvement.

Great job! And thanks for entering "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest!
Elle

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21
21
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
It sounds like you had a tough year in 2018. I'm sorry to hear that. Too often at Writing.com we only see what's on the surface. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who thought that you were having a spectacular year, because of the contest and Quill wins. Just goes to show, eh?


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Stop using work, sleep, and family time as excuses--nobody needs those, right?
Now now. Everyone needs those, and you know it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Baby steps is the way to do it. Slowly start building a habit of writing regularly. Start with once a week and see how you go. Or just write when a prompt inspires you, if you write to prompts. Don't beat yourself up if you can't do everything all the time. The key is balance.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
If it came with a year’s supply of metaphorical crack, it might even have carried you through all the other stuff.
I wish I could award metaphorical crack with Quills! *Laugh*

How many times can a zombie blog die before it can’t be brought back anymore?
Actually, I suspect there's no limit to it. In fact, I'm certain there's not. So many of us have resurrected blogs numerous times. You can too. *Smile*

I loved your goal of getting the family stories out of your grandmother while she's still living. I'm all about that! Make that a priority. Or is that just me pushing my own goals on to you? *Blush* I loved reading that though. Too many people don't acknowledge the importance of those stories and memories until it's too late.

you’ll survive being middle-aged and married, employed and healthy.
Yes! Those other things sound truly awful, but I'm glad to hear you're in a good space now. Onwards and upwards!


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
You got a little hard on yourself in paragraph seven, but otherwise, I thought this was a motivational letter. You've been through some really tough stuff, but you've dealt with those and now you're in a space where you can devote some precious time and energy to your writing again. You know that your writing is awesome. The contest and Quill wins can vouch for that. So go a little bit easy on yourself, and I look forward to seeing you around the site.
Elle

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22
22
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
This letter read as a scolding to yourself, which was quite amusing. It wasn't actually negative in tone, despite that. I felt motivated and inspired, and it wasn't even written for me! *Laugh*


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Uh Oh !
You don't need the capital letter on 'oh', or the extra space before the exclamation mark.

There are a few places throughout your item where you have a space before a punctuation mark, such as a comma or full stop. I recommend you go through and check them all and remove the unnecessary spaces.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
I'm highly impressed that you've been writing a complete piece each day, let alone submitting it. That's amazing. I definitely couldn't do that. It's a lofty goal to keep that going all the way through 2019, but it'll be superb if you can do it. Best of luck!
Elle

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23
23
Review of Dear Me, 2019  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
This was a very original entry, and I congratulate you for thinking outside the box! *Bigsmile*

It was a little awkward to read in places where you assumed that certain things were going to happen certain ways, because the 2019 you already knew how they turned out and so you had to say certain things. Man, I've confused myself now! *Laugh* Where you said things like 'I have a feeling' or 'I'm sure', simply because the 2019 you already knows how things turn out. I felt that you could be a bit more uncertain, because the letter was 'written' 51 years ago and therefore you could be more wild and even potentially make mistakes in your assumptions.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I may even try to write some Poetry too.
There will already be a lot of Short Story and Poetry contests.
I wonder if the group or groups have writing Challenges.
I love writing Challenges.

Short story, poetry and challenges don't need capital letters.

I also want to become more with the group or groups.
You seem to be missing a word from this sentence. Maybe more 'active' with the group?

Who knows.
This is not a complete sentence in and of itself. I would change the full stop to a comma and join it to the sentence that comes after it.

At least I probably will for a lot of them. maybe even most of them.
I think the full stop after them was meant to be a comma.

If they don’t exist maybe that’s something new, I can start with the group or groups.
This doesn't need a comma after new. Although it might be good to add a comma after exist.

But what if they both die before then.
This is a question and should end in a question mark.

Another possibility is that what all I have written in this letter isn’t going to happen either.
This sentence sounds like it might be a bit colloquial. Perhaps consider rewording to something like 'Another possibility is that all I have written in this letter isn't going to happen.'


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
That is how I’m going to end it. I think I have finished this letter. So, it’s time for me to decide how I’m going to end it.
This confused me. You've decided how you're going to end it, it's finished, now it's time to decide how to end it? Um, what? *Confused* I think you need to review that section.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
This was an interesting read, and quite different to most of the other entries. It sounds like you've got a lot going on in 2019 and some great goals to work towards. I wish you the best of luck!
Elle

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
Your letter was so encouraging and positive. There was a perfect balance of striving for achievement and relaxing. You noted all the areas of your life that needed to be remembered and looked after.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Your life, your journey, your success. and even your failure is God-breathed.
You've got a full stop after success when it should be a comma.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There were very few specifics and timeframes to your goals. They were lofty goals, but not broken down into specific tasks that needed to be done by specific deadlines. Generally speaking, goals are more likely to be achieved if they're specific, time-bound and measurable. I wonder if it would be worth taking the time to note some initial steps to get you underway and building the habits you want to create.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
You may not have achieved as much as you might have liked to in the first half of your life but there is nothing written that says the second half cannot be spectacular.
Yes! I love this line. So positive and encouraging. *Bigsmile*

Relax, smile and enjoy the process.
This is something that can too often be forgotten.

Most of all, remember to be fabulous and shine among the stars.
Perfectly said!


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
As I noted at the beginning, your entry was wonderfully encouraging. I'm sure you'll have no problem motivating yourself again by re-reading this letter if you should start to lose focus. I have yet to finish a tertiary qualification, so I can understand your drive to complete yours. Best of luck, and I hope you have a fantastic 2019.
Elle

My personal Power Reviewers Group signature image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Elle (she/her)
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there,
I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest.


*Burstp* GENERAL:
Overall, your goals are well thought out and specific. You have designated a certain number of times that you need to do a task, or how often a task should be performed. You also expand on the reasoning behind each goal and why you should be motivated to move forward with it, which will help you if you find yourself losing motivation or focus further down the track.


*Burstp* GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
no each day
You probably need a comma after 'no'.


*Burstp* SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Your first goal is to 'ground yourself in your faith'. You mention some concepts such as forgiving yourself and others, but I thought it might be beneficial to expand this goal into specific steps. How do you go about forgiveness? How does one 'take out the trash inside your spirit'? I just felt that some clear steps could be outlined that would make this goal more achievable for you. You did it for the other goals, so I think it would be beneficial for this topic too.


*Burstp* FAVOURITE LINES:
Do not procrastinate or expect perfection—this thinking paralyzes you.
Oh yes, I'm very familiar with that concept! That's me to a tee - either procrastinating or expecting perfection. *Facepalm* Well done on recognising that in yourself and making it clear that this will be hurdle you will face but aren't prepared to let it stop you.

I loved your idea of contacting people you've neglected and baking cookies for the woman across the street. I should incorporate some goals like that for myself.


*Burstp* FINAL NOTE:
This was a really positive, encouraging entry. I feel sure that you're going to have a great 2019. It feels like you've got improvements planned for each facet of your life, and I wish you the very best of luck with it all.
Elle

My personal Power Reviewers Group signature image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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