Initial Impressions
I really liked the premis of the poem. The metaphore was carried throughout very well.
What I liked best...lines or word combinations
The whole concept of editing/reshooting the film of our lives with the blunders and out-takes deleted.
Improvement Oriented Comments
live's <----should be lives Gods<----should be God's Now quite sure of the added comment in the intro about 'forbidden love' as it isn't made clear within the poem.
Final Thoughts
I really like the premise. The metaphore is super!
Initial Impressions
Excellent job of using description that take the reader totally in one direction and them BAM! twist them sideways and it still works.
What I liked best...lines or word combinations
The superimposing of the two concepts on top of one another. Never quite thought of folks at a football game in quite that light before...but it works, it fits...both ways!
Improvement Oriented Comments
*They pump their fist, they stomp their feet,
They’ve come for victory not defeat.*<---I think this would read better if there were some punctuation (comma, hyphen, colon) ? after the word victory.
Final Thoughts
This was fun! I enjoyed it both before and after I arrived at the end of the path you led me down!
mmmmmmmmmm I really like this! Especially the repeated verse...it is fun to read out loud and I especially like the way the words twist...zinias at noon....and raspberry morning...oh I can just see THAT sunrise! New, fresh and delightful images are always so fun to see!!!! Well crafted, well done.
Hmmmmm I like this....the rhythm and flow work well. As it is called Untitled...I wonder if perhaps the 'they' (whatever 'they' might be) shouldn't become the title?
This would add accessibility or bring it to a higher level. Just a suggestion.
I liked the use of contraband as well as the line
'To castles made of fragile things.'
Overall, well crafted!
'
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Initial Impressions 
What I liked best...lines or word combinations 
Improvement Oriented Comments 
live's <----should be lives