|"Gasp!" You are being reviewed!
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Dear TJ Marie
I am reviewing your "The Phoenix" as a "PDG Rockin' Dragon Review." These are my observations about your work, and you should take what you find useful and disregard the rest.
"Offering quality, helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."
General Impressions Wow, what a great entry to the contest looks like I'm stuck judging it. Sorry I was waiting for more entries so I could award the larger prizes and I was caught up in Game of Thrones. But it's over we won 4th place or lost lol. I loved this story it is very different what a great take on it. I am going to do some awarding between today and tomorrow. I might not be able to award the grand prize, but it will not be a let down either this I promise.
Favorite Parts Gina could muster, she looked her grandfather in the eye and said, "Grandfather, what you are doing is wrong. You must stop this. I am your granddaughter, and I just found out today that I have a grandfather. I want you to know, I forgive you for all the bad things you have done. I can feel a small part of you still in there. Please find it in your soul, it is there waiting; it has been waiting for a long time. Do not be afraid; I will be here with you because I love you." I loved this part it sets the reader up for the plot twist.
Plot In short stories, we use the title and the description to get an idea. We read the story to see how confuse we get. I was never confused, but you did throw a curve ball in there. As far as it goes they did match the plot. Great job the title and description attract the reader, which is what you want.
Characters We got to meet Gina and Clayton and the evil Morton. I liked the way you popped in Uncle Boris and Grandfather. Your use of these characters enhanced the story.
Setting You are a little vague on where the story is taking place it was a room and that was all. For the most part it isn't mission critical the story flows on without it. The readers do get really interested in the story. That it isn't going to pull them out and go, "What the heck!"
Conflict The meeting of good old Grandpa. I liked the way you described him as a tip it could have been shown to get an even better effect. What you had wasn't bad. Example: "Gina could smell the burning flames as the scorched the insulation. She could feel the heat as if there was a molten lava pool in the room. You get the idea?"
Theme I found your main theme to be love concurs all. That isn't bad I feel there is no changes need here.
Climax Great job on the climax loved the twist. There is one point you do need to fix and it would add to the story is as soon as grandpa drops out of dragon form, have Clayton kill uncle Boris/Morton. This is just a suggestion has nothing to do with judging of the story.
Dialog You used your dialog well. There were a few places you should of had them as single paragraphs and not mingled in with the text. The dialog itself was great it advanced the story gave out plot points and was great reading. No other suggestions are needed here.
Presentation Presentation has two parts to it. The first part is how well does the author present the text body to the readers? WDC uses the block style instead of indents, but books and other professional documents do use indents on every new paragraph. You did a good job here. The second part is how well did you present your subject to the readers? You did a great job with this part.
I pried and tried.
I looked far and wide.
Alas, no bad grammar,
Could this Grammar Nazi find! (Please excuse my poor attempt at humor, but it is true!)
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story Whatever another person says -- especially me -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.
Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!
You have received a Dragon review from the Paper Dragon Gang.
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