|Okay Matt i have finished reading the four chapters. And I have two gripes.
One being the sequence of the chapters. The way it goes from 1243 in sequence was a bit confusing, perhaps a less intelligent mind would get lost and skip a chapter.
But seeing that I am of a low intelligent, and I managed to figure it out, that should not be a problem.
My second gripe is merely this. I want to read more of this, so please add :).
Ok first off if you were expecting a review that touched upon the technical side of things, I am the wrong guy for the job.
As my writing remains technically askew. But that being said, I only found like three things that could be considered typos. But then I realised (lol) That you are from another part of the map, and it may just be me lost in translation. So in order to not sound like a fool I will not comment on that.
One thing the, I notice that you use phrases like "He said, and I proclaimed, and then he did this" sometime.
But the constant "Showing" and not "telling" far outweighs that minor distraction.
Things that worked!
Wow, well almost everything worked. Your descriptions were spot on.
I really enjoyed how you described the restaurant that Brain mistakenly brings Nathen too. I enjoy how you set up each scene and brought it alive.
Chapter four is by far my favorite chapter.It was a tour de force of good writing.
First of all you transitioned Nathen from magic newbie, to perhaps a phenom, smoothly.
I found the magic practice, to be both enchanting and excellent.
And I know that was not easy to do.. Bravo for that!
I truly mean this, please consider re-writing this as a teleplay.
As it would read phenomenally as a script. The dialogue is as smooth as butter, and
hard hitting, all at the same time.
I believe that this could very well be published, or filmed.
With very few adjustments..
Please email me when you add chapters..
Sincerely Luis Padilla.