wow this was very heartwarming,the story was great ...the only problem was the filling parts of it...
what I mean is your main scenes were powerful and well written, but the stuff that lead to them were just a little off,..
But i followed the story from beginning to end, clever plot and an awesome lesson learned...
Also try to capture more of the main characters personalty and traits..
I want to read more from you i enjoyed this
Wow i loved this so brutally real, it was as if i was reading what happened...
I love how you ended it and i have a feeling that the pain of losing your great aunt will never go away either...keep up the good work
Hey well to be honest i have some good news and some bad news....
the good news is that your short story was well written and also knowledgeable..you seemed to know what you were talking about..
The bad news is that i didn't get the ending, i mean i guess i sort of did,...
I known what you were getting at, just spell it out a little better the next time ok....good job
This was good, and had the chance to be great. If you would have dug just a little deeper.
"trump" has been endorsed by many radical people including Michael savage (whom i love)
I also would have loved if you incorporated his stunt on "the roast of Donald Trump" on the comedy network.
You are right the man is vain, and its ludicrous to expect him to be president.
But on the positive he is very knowledgeable about the economy, I would have liked just a little more balance.
remember as a journalist you are allowed your opinion and you can even get it across in your piece..
just be a little subtle next time :)...great job
I was hooked after reading the first sentence. the story is very convincing, and very real.
The dialogue between Sam Green and the main character was very impressive, Sam green's wisdom plus humor perfectly painted a picture of the man's personality. the humor was a bit juvenile for my taste, but then again, this is coming from a man who believes Freddy Kruger would excel at stand up comedy. But the one thing that i found absolutely awesome was the irony.
I.E.
" "My brother and me were both over six feet tall. My father, his name was Shorty. Well he looked up to us, but he did have a big potato farm."
"Is he still around?"
"Oh no. When we were teenagers a big bin of potatoes fell on him and killed him."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. You must have been devastated."
"Yeah. It took us all day to sort the potatoes."....................
that was great ...I would love to read longer work from you, so i will rechek your bio.
just improve on setting up the scene, once your there your golden, but the lead up is always just as important..great job...i will fan you cuz you got a fan out of me...
Thank you for reviewing my piece, and I enjoyed reading this piece. It really shows your amazing ability to play on words
The first sentence in the third stanza was brilliant. I look forward to reading more of your work..
Sincerely, Luis padilla
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/iamsaye/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 4:58pm on Apr 26, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
