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Review Requests: ON
3,059 Public Reviews Given
3,107 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Octavius,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting story you've written. I liked the plot, the flow of it, and the ending. I was thinking that the girl would end up being an 'ax murderer', and dispose of him in some way. Maybe the woods dwellers would eat any lasting evidence and hide it all.

         However, as much as I enjoyed the story, there are some parts that didn't jive (for lack of a better word) for me. These are very minor, but it makes the flow of the story seem non-realistic.

         In the early paragraphs of the story, David is walking through the forest. It doesn't make sense to me that a man on his way to work with a nine-o'clock clock-in time would detour through a forest like this. At the end of the story, he's fired for being late. That's a bit odd, very odd. Unless he's a poor performer, or habitually late, being late this one day would not cause him to be fired.

         If David is hanging upside down, suspended in the air so-to-speak, how did he spin around when the girl first spoke? It's wording such as this that detracted from the story overall. Again, these are very minor, I'm pointing out details here. There are a few other areas you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.


         1. Well, that’s Life I guess. Life should be lower case


         2. I’ll never hear the end of it.
Weak, dizzy and helpless, David did the one thing he knew would help him in this situation.
The hard carriage return here should be a soft one.


         3. “OH no, I’m going to be late!” He says, running his hand through his well-groomed bush. “I’m going to get fired if I don’t contact them. This is your fault!” This is not indented like the other paragraphs. Plus, using the word bush here doesn't sound quite right. Maybe something like 'well groomed mop of hair?'


         This is a nice story, it flows well, but doesn't make sense in some areas. I loved the ending, I found it to be appropriate, and was a nice touch. It's a good read, well worth anyone's time. Thank you for sharing!



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2
2
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Brenpoet,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21st WDC Anniversary! WOW!

         I really enjoyed your poem, and find myself wondering a couple of things. First, I was wishing it was a little longer. I'm not sure what you would use in your verses to make it longer, but still. The other thing is, I find myself what tune did you have in mind as you wrote this? With a repeated refrain written the way it is, you must have written it as
lyrics. I know you wrote it for your son-in-law and his wife, who both lost their mates, but did you have a tune in mind to use?

         I do have one small, minor suggestion for this too. It's in your very first line.

1. We have both suffered heartbreak and sorrow and pain, To me, it reads much better, and smoother without the first usage of 'and'. We have both suffered heartbreak, sorrow and pain, Just a small thought is all.

         This is a lovely, romantic poem. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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3
3
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hey Steven!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very cute poem, you made me look up Drop-Bears on Google. I've never heard of them, and since I've not been in your outback, I've not seen one either. I consider myself well-read and educated, so I had to verify their existence.

         Well done with this poem. The rhythm was very good, the rhyming excellent. Add to it the story you relate here and you have an excellent poem! This has almost a sing-song quality to it, I can see it being told around campfires. You did seem to take some liberties with your description of the Drop-Bears attacking Seppos and Poms since there's not been any evidence of anyone being killed by them. Still, that's allowed, in my book at least. Thank you for sharing!



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4
4
Review of Minions  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Sue,
         I posted in "Twenty-three in Eleven after you, thus I have the pleasure of reviewing your story.

         I had the ending pretty well pegged early on, but hoped I was wrong. I have to say that you left the reader hanging a bit though. After placing his killer Minions outside his parents door, he sleeps the night away. On waking up in the morning, he goes to their room and finds it empty, and a bloodstained bed. You left us there, just hanging out waiting for more. My mind was asking several questions.

1. What was Pete's reaction? It seems that people in today's world become numb to violence thanks to the news, regular TV programming, and video games. Was he expecting them to be killed? Was he happy? I just wonder is all.

2. Where were his Minions? Surely they were somewhere in the room?

3. What about his older brother you mention briefly? Did he live at home, or was he grown and on his own? If he was still at home, would he have heard something? Could he have helped in some way? Maybe save his parents?

4. If Pete's Minon's attacked and killed his parents, why didn't they attack Pete also when they were on the shelf in his room? Was it because Pete put them on the floor at their door? Could they not get down off the shelf to attack him? If that's the case, then how did the Minion's climb on the bed to attack his parents?


         I know, I know. This is your story, and you did have a bit of a word count limit. And my mind goes on these tangents when I read something. My biggest comment is that Pete found the bloodstained bed, and the story ended there. There was no mention of his reaction, shock, or whatever. What happened after too? The police must have been called, what happened then? *Smile*

         Overall, this is a very good story, but the ending needs to be expanded some to provide a little explanation at least! Thank you for sharing.


Sum1

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5
5
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hey Angelica,
         This is a cute story, but I'm not sure it meets the Steampunk genre. Then again, I've never written in the Steampunk genre, I could be way off with that statement. What I really mean though, is I didn't read anything in your story that caused me to equate it to the Steampunk genre. In the Steampunk genre, the devices or equipment mentioned in the story run on steam. Think of the movie "Wild, Wild West" starring Will Smith and Kevin Kline.

         In my humble opinion, the biggest issue with your story is a lack of cohesiveness. What I mean by that is that there doesn't seem to be almost any sort of flow to it. First you have Lily who has made Clockwork Minions. Then a pixie flies near and she grabs it. After getting some pixie dust from the pixie, she takes them all outside and a Husky appears from nowhere. What I'm saying is, you quickly jump from one scene to the next. I realize this needs to be short since it's Flash Fiction, but you have too much going on in a short story such as this to carry it. What I got out of it was that this is a jumble of scenes that you tried to tie together in a very short span. I hate to say it, but I don't think you were successful.

         I do have a few comments for you that I hope will help you improve your story.

1. You use the word 'and' several times, sometimes in the wrong place and time. Here is one example. But I wish to do good and so this will be my first mission. Remove the word and, substitute a comma in its place. The line will read much smoother and flow better.

2. If I may, another example of and used when a comma would work better. The pixie appeared to think for a moment and then dressed up as a two eyed minion. There's an old saying about poetry, that being "Sometimes, less if more."

3. Here's a line where you misused a word. As they reached the kitchen Lily heard her mom gasped and smiled. Gasped should be gasp.


         In the contest, your clockwork minions were to have been created and used for good or evil. True, an egg was found near the Chicken coop, but the pixie found it, not the minions. The biggest question in my mind about that is, how is that good? Or how is that evil? To have something called a Steampunk Space Dragon hatch from it? That is a HUGE leap, a huge leap of faith. I don't mean to sound rude, but have you read what the genre Steampunk is really about?


         You have a nice start to a story here, but it jumps around a lot. It is in great need of some major editing TLC. It's short enough that the reader doesn't get lost in the jumps, at the same time though, with the amount of jumping from scene to scene in the story, there's no cohesive plot or storyline.


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6
6
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Phyllis,
         I saw your suitcase in the Anniversary Review forum and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, so I didn't have to find your Suitcase in the forum, being the Featured Author this month, I knew it's your Anniversary Month! Happy Anniversary.

         This is an excellent poem that how you feel being held in God's hands. The flow is good, coupled by a rhyme scheme that makes reading it a pleasure. I love the numerous forms of poetry, but don't think I've read many Rondeau poems, nor written one. The format and rhyme scheme really carry the poem.

         If I were to suggest anything at all, it would be to center the poem on the page. Also, in the second verse, first line, it seems the letter a is needed before the word bird. That's a very minor detail, almost not worth mentioning it, but I 'had' to.

         Overall, this is a beautiful poem that should be read by many people. Thank you for sharing!



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7
7
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Maria,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         I think this is well written, but something a little formatting TLC could help. I could sense a bit of humor in this by your writing style. Well done there!

         Formatting TLC? What could I mean by that? Well, first and foremost, read this as someone who's seeing your port for the first time. Ask yourself "What is it about this item/essay that makes me want to stay and read it? Yes, it's well written. But how does it look to a new eye? So formatting is needed to allow this to appeal to that new eye.

         You have double spaces between your paragraphs, that's a nice first step. But, in these paragraphs you have a hard return. That makes it a new paragraph, but uh oh,,, where's that double space? Something that's not a formatting issue, but is something I use all the time, is the {indent} command on the first line of each paragraph. Why would I do that? Formatting. Appealing to that new eye. The first way people will judge your writing, is when they see it. You only have one chance, so put your best foot forward! I say all this while not being a published author myself, nor am I a professional in any type or writing field. When I format something, I do it to please me. In doing so, I can only hope that others find it pleasing too.

         There are a couple of other things I do, one I'm not doing here in this review. Font size, I'm not changing the font size. I do change it for a lot of things though. Does the item flow well, does it flow from idea to idea, never bouncing around like pool balls on a table? So proof reading is a necessity. Last but not least, preview it. Look at it critically as if you're seeing it for the first time. Then, post it.

         You say this is unpolished. I thought it was pretty good for being unpolished. The things I've mentioned here are very minor. Remember, you only have one chance to impress a reader. Give it your best shot! And thank you for sharing...



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8
8
Review of Quotable Quotes  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Grum!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, you have quite the collection of quotes here! I did not read them all, but the ones I did get to were great! I have a book you'd probably love too. It's titled "Great Quotes By Great Leaders". Of all things, it's published by my current employer, Motorola. Some of the leaders quoted in it are Winston Churchill, Confucius, Helen Keller, Thomas Edison, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and many others. Wouldn't you know it, right now I can't find, but I haven't really looked hard either.

         The most extensive collection of quotes is from some person named 'Anon'. I would like to meet him/her! *Laugh* Seriously, these are excellent! About the only suggestion I have would be to make this a book or blog if your account level supports it, use maybe 5-10 per entry. Yeah, it would make seeing them all hard, and it would be a labor intensive effort too.

         A great collection of quotes! A lot of these form good advice that many people (Myself included) should follow. Thank you for sharing!



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9
9
Review of Old Barn  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Jenn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         I love the images you create in my mind as I read this. I've seen a lot of old barns in the fields of Illinois, nd probably had a photo or two of them. That's neither here nor there. Your words describe a beautiful scene. Too many times we pass by a structure like this without a thought as to what this thing might have seen in it's time.

         The layout of the verses are a bit like a waterfall, or maybe a stream running over rocks worn smooth by the rushing water. Or maybe a Barn that has seen better days, it's sides bowing to the weight of the roof, the wood decayed from internal rot, braces failing for the same reason. A beautiful poem, thank you for sharing!



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10
10
Review of Ufology  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Ken!
         Being our Featured Author this month, you know I had to drop by at least once to send you an Anniversary Review! Happy 14th WDC Anniversary!


         Please correct me if I'm wrong here (I'm sure you will *Smile*), but it seems like the small planet Rod's crew crashed on is Earth after all. They didn't know this since their navigation system was destroyed by the solar storm. The question I was left with though, was why didn't they run a test of the planet's atmosphere, or were those instruments destroyed in the crash landing? If it was me, I would have opted to at least try to breathe the planet's atmosphere. If I was going to die anyway, why not die with my face and head exposed?

         I really like the idea of this. It's a bit like Planet Of The Apes, minus the Apes and the time shift. Still, mankind thinks we are so advanced, but we've only taken a couple of baby steps in actuality. Hell, we can't even get along with each other, often due to different views of one kind or another. How can we possibly think we'll be able to get along with an Alien race? No chance if you ask me.

         I did see one small thing in this that you might want to change, should you decide to edit this.

         Lying in the crumpled wreckage, he realized that all this had done was sped up their demise. You can see that sped should be speed.


         An enjoyable short story, I just wish you could have fleshed this out some (Word Count stopped you I know), and provided a bit more detail. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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11
11
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Richard,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, so I didn't see your port in the Anniversary Reviews Forum, and with you being our featured author this month, it's hard to miss you. Plus, you tagged me in the excellent essay which made me read it, and now review.

         I love this essay! It answers a lot of questions from over 50 years ago, things I'd forgotten over that span of time. Once I entered Junior High School I started playing the double horn, but I never knew there were different types. Since my parents couldn't afford to buy a Horn for me, we rented one from the school each year. I do want to say that my Trombone buddy (Danny Sanchez) was not errant at all. *Smile* He and I were the Band Drum Majors in my senior year, though he was a year behind me.

         You explained many things here about the Horn and Trombone. I never had all these facts about the two instruments, we rented a horn when I was in the fifth grade, I learned to play it, but nothing of it's history or connection with the Trombone as far as pitch goes. Believe me, there are times where I wish I'd gone to college to play the Horn there, and really learn the instrument. Instead, the Navy called. I enlisted, I wasn't drafted.

         In playing the Double Horn, I never played the F Horn, I kept the thumb valve engaged and played the B-Flat(?) horn instead. (I think it was B-Flat). I think the thing I enjoyed most about your essay though, is the explanation of the Horn/Trombone similarities, how they are used, and how a composer would write music to complement the instruments. Thank you for the information!

         This is very well written, very informative for anyone, but more so for someone who has played either instrument. Thank you for sharing!



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12
12
Review of The Veteran  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hey Harlow,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21st (WOW!) WDC Anniversary!

         First, I have to say that I'm no fisherman. Despite that, I didn't read this story, I lived in it!

         You provided a lot of images with your choice of words. I could see the stream, how Burger, Hill, and Hoover were dressed, as well as their body type and build. The best part was the description of the stream. I grew up in Albuquerque New Mexico, and for the most part we lived in the south valley. There was a stream, I mean a ditch along the road we lived on. Your descriptions of the stream brought back memories of that ditch. No, it wasn't near deep enough to fish in. We caught crawdads, and once in a while, a small minnow. Nothing else.

         You described life as a gangly teen almost perfectly. I could relate to each character (despite the fishing), and felt I was Hill. I never approached a girl out of my league though, I was too shy. After I had retired from the Navy, I confessed to a good friend of mine, a female at that, that I'd had a crush on her all through school. But I felt she was out of my league, being a cheerleader and all. Despite our obvious differences at school, we were good friends. Her response to my surprise confession? She said that we were 'buds', and that she would have gone out with me anytime. I think I walked on air for a week or so. Your story and description of Hill trying to ask that girl out brought back that memory too.

         This is a well written story, a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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13
13
Review of The Book of Jeff  
for entry "Reputation
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey Jeff,
         I posted immediately after you in "I Write: Enter the Second Decade, and have the pleasure of reviewing your essay. *Smile*

         This is a bit shorter than I thought it would be. That just shows you what I get for thinking it would be shorter.

         Despite being a little short, you made your point quickly using just a few words. I completely agree with your conclusions too, especially the part about being more concerned about your reputation than spreading the gospel. That label fits almost every televangelist on the 'tube'. I know am probably wrong in saying this, but it seems to me that most, if not all of them, are there for the money, nothing else. This doesn't mean they don't know the word of God, that they don't speak well and such. It's just that they seem, emphasis on seem, to be more concerned about themselves, their reputation, than anything else. In a nutshell, they seem false. Of course, I could be looking for reasons to dislike them too. You never know.

         This is well written Jeff, I love that you made your point and didn't dwell on things. Thank you for sharing!



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14
14
Review of That Chair There  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Axton,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         This has a Dr. Suess kind of feel to it. It flows well, the rhyme schemed fits, and though the sentences are a little long, it wouldn't be a Suess-type poem if they were shorter.

         There is one line that just doesn't fit though. The wording is off, and frankly it doesn't make sense. The person it was who was warning me. My humble opinion here, but I would replace The person, with Whoever. It's the same syllable count so it won't affect the flow, and it makes sense.

         Another opinion here. I would center the poem on the page. In case you don't know how to do that, highlight the entire poem, then click the center button on the toolbar above your poem. OR, type this, exactly as it appears here before the first word. {center}. After the last word, type {/center}. That centers all the text between the bracketed words.

         A very cute poem, thank you for sharing!



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15
15
Review of Contest Entries  
for entry "Gratitude
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Angelica.
         I posted in "I Write: Enter the Second Decade immediately after you, and have the pleasure of reviewing your poem.

         Free form poetry can be fun to write, and also a bit of a challenge, depending on what you're going for. This one flows nicely, which is something a lot of people forget when writing free form. In a poem like this, no rhyming is required. But poetry should slide off the tongue when you read it, it should be smooth throughout, a constant rhythm to it still, even if it's free-form. This one is nice in that regard for the most part.

         I noticed that the first verse has lines fairly short, as does the second verse. Then the third verse arrives, and it seems to grow in syllable count. I know, it's free-form. Still, with these lines being longer, you lose the smoothness of it a little bit. It's the third and fourth lines that are longer, thus the lost smoothness. Plus, in the first verse you state that Thanksgiving is here, yet in the fourth verse you state that So when Thanksgiving comes.... a little bit of a contradiction from the first verse.

         My only suggestion would be to center the poem on the page. Just my personal opinion, I prefer poems to be centered, unless it's an acrostic poem. Anything else you decide to do in editing this is up to you, all of it's up to you of course! A very nice poem, thank you for sharing!



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16
16
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Richard,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         I love this poem, but I will confess that after the second verse, I stopped reading the 'Much Like Every Day'. After looking at it a second time, I think that maybe, just maybe, placing the 'Much Like Every Day' after the 4th line would not only make it stronger, but a more pleasurable read. Here's an example, but of course this is your call.

At dawn, his morning walk, lucky tap on old gatepost.
A Fall morning, calm and clear, the days she loved the most.
Back inside their empty house, he made his eggs and toast.
With little planned or plotted, he defrosts this evening's roast.
Much like every day;


         The only other comment I have is that using lost in the second to last line does not rhyme with the rest. Your usage of gatepost, most, and the others was great. But lost does not fit with the rest. When I struggle to find a rhyme I'll go to Rhymezone.com and enter the word I need to rhyme. I used host, and saw these results.



         A very enjoyable poem, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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17
17
Review of The Basset Hound  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Amy-Jo
         I posted immediately after you in "I Write: Enter the Second Decade and thus have the pleasure of reviewing your post.


         I see this was written for the 'Cramp', I really hope it was received well. This is a cute poem, and before reading why it was written, I wondered why some of the verse was in bold. I knew you had entered it in a contest, I just wondered which one.

         As I read the first verse, I thought the poem would rhyme, since puppy, be, and completely work pretty well together. But the other verses didn't follow that, and I found myself wishing they would. That's just my wish, nothing wrong with it not rhyming.

         I won't tell you where my mind went as I read the line, "He answers the call of nature" *Laugh* Being a Basset, he would howl of course, but would it necessarily occur at night? Then again, that was wording required by the 'Cramp'. I think you did very well in using the lines required by the contest, congrats on writing a nice poem! Thank you for sharing!



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18
18
Review of Contest Entries  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey Angelific,
         I posted in "I Write: Enter the Second Decade so I have the privilege of reviewing your post.

         I have to confess that in my opinion, this needs a lot of work. I will provide you my detailed comments about it.

1. This was written for the "Poetry Topic of the Month Contest, but after reading it 3-4 times, I don't see anything in it that resembles a poem. In a poem, there should be a flow that contains a rhyme scheme (not required, but it can provide a more fluid read when rhyming is used), and definitely a rhythm to it. This has neither of those, then again, you don't have poetry listed as a genre. So I'm a little confused as a result. Your genre's list it as a Book (entry), Contest Entry, but you wrote this for an entry in a Poetry Contest. You see my confusion.

2. You say that Mental illness is like physical illness in the first verse, and proceed to tell us that Not many people are aware of mental illness, but that's not true at all. The second verse, third line states that word needs to be spread to schools and companies. and that Mental Illness is a real deal. Many companies have groups to help those with a Mental Illness. Their insurance covers mental health problems, they are at least trying. So the word has arrived at companies at least. I can't speak for schools, I've not been in one for over 50 years now. Maybe the general public seems ill-informed about it, but again I'd beg to differ on that too. Does the general public care about the issue though? In my opinion, NO.

3. In poetry, less is more. What I mean by that is fewer words can say a lot more than many words. The last line of the first verse states "So they just don't understand what is going on" In a poem, I would only start a line with 'So' on very few occasions. This is written more as an essay than a poem. It is not a poem, poetry is not listed as a genre, yet it is written for a Poetry contest, which I've mentioned before. Below is a very small (emphasis on very small) example of a first verse in a poem about Mental Illness.

Mental disease is a horrible thing,
One can have it. Yes, even a King.
What type though? Who shall I see?
I'm not loony, that you can agree.


         This is a start to a large project. In my humble opinion, do a complete rewrite of this so it is consistent in either being a poem for entry in the contest, or an essay that has some bulk to it. Why do I say that? Because this needs depth, explanations, lists of some of the types of Mental Illnesses. Without something like that, you have words on a page so-to-speak. If you do edit this and would like me to review it again, please let me know, and I will rewrite my review.



Sum1

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19
19
Review of Turn  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Wicked,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know, I've been thinking of a story along similar lines. The one I've envisioned thus far has the main character returning in alternate universes though, not as a bird, tree, or other form of life.

         I really enjoyed this read. I love the idea of returning as a sparrow for example, or starting as a large oak tree, and ending as one, with my mate closeby. It takes quite the imagination to write something along these lines, and you did well with this. Now that the 'Cramp' has come and gone for this story, you might consider lengthening it. Add some dialog, bring your characters in it to life for us! I'm not sure how you would accomplish this, but the thing you should keep, is the simple word 'turn'. For example, in the part where you're a sparrow. Show us how the sparrow survives, how its hunted (perhaps), add some dialog (yeah, I know, chirps and such, but write words of dialog while you somehow mention chirps), then as the sparrow's demise is approaching, use that one word, turn, and start a new segment of life. Just like you have now, but with more depth to it. *Smile*

         Thank you for sharing this really interesting story that is a pleasurable read!



Sum1

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20
20
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Mary,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very nice poem, but it seems incomplete., Why? It lacks depth and what I will term character. Keep in mind these are only opinions, not faults with the poem. After all, it is well written and flows well. However, it could be so much more. There are far more examples you can provide regarding writers than the four you've provided here. Sure we can dream, but what do our dreams consist of? How about a couple of examples to show us? Fly? Of course we can. What type of aircraft? Or ar we given wings in someway? How high? How Fast? What do we see from this vantage point?

         I realize you may have intended this to be short, but man, it could provide so many examples of the benefits of writing! Again, just my humble opinion.

         Thank you for sharing this. Have a great 20th WDC Anniversary!



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21
21
Review of Winds of Europa  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         I really enjoyed this story, both versions! I think it's up to a reader as to which one is better, I found that both were fine as written. Maybe I enjoyed omniscient narrator version a little more. Either way, both were excellent.

         The one thing I really enjoyed about your story is something I've thought about for a long time. IF we were to find alien intelligence, would we recognize it? We seem to expect alien life to exhibit the same properties we possess, which I think is so untrue it's laughable. All we have to go on concerning intelligence is our own. To expect other life forms to possess the same qualities we do is preposterous. Personal opinion? Alien life is already here on Earth. We just don't recognize it, the same way Teron, Berit, and Dmitri failed to realize that the vortex's were Europa's 'version' of intelligence. That's what I mean by saying if we do encounter an alien intelligence, will we recognize it, and be able to communicate with it?

         It is easy to see why this was published in one way or another. I think it would make a good short movie, or could be lengthened some and made a full length movie. Maybe their stay on Europa is longer, maybe long enough for the next expedition to start on its way, but arriving too late to help them. And maybe Mission Control and the leaders of the agency know, but don't tell them of the dangers because of some hidden agenda. Who knows? I hope you pursue this in some fashion, it's a possibility. But we both know what the chances are of that happening.

         An excellent Sci-Fi story that any Sci-Fi aficionado would love. Thank you for sharing!



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22
22
Review of ALONE  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Robert,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow! What a poem, so much said, so much pain. You know what? I'm in the same boat, except I've found someone to finish my life with.

         This is outstanding, I can't think of any other way to describe it. The flow, the end rhymes, everything. Wow. I do recommend that you reconsider the last line. What I mean is, DON'T live it! You can find someone, I'm sure of that. There are Millions, I do mean MILLIONS of women in this world who would love to connect with you. Give it a shot.


         My only comment/recommendation about this poem is to use the {Center} command to center the text on the page. We only have one chance to impress our readers, so let's put our best foot forward. This is my opinion, nothing else. Udsing the {center} command would yield this for this one line, Use it from the beginning by highlighting the entire poem as you edit it, then click the center command in the toolbar on top of the edit box.


{center}Her tender kiss and friendly face.{{/center}

Yields this

Her tender kiss and friendly face.


I wouldn't do it line by line, but by highlighting the entire poem as I've said.


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23
23
Review of Ailurophobia  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Foreverdreamer,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is very interesting, containing a lot of myths I've heard about cats throughout the years. When I was a child at home, we always had cats. As an adult raising his own children, we had cats then too. I can confess that all my children survived these 'murderous' beasts. As did my brothers and sister. *Smile*

         The flow of story was very good. It wasn't rushed, though it did jump a bit time-wise. What I mean is, there were times where some amount of time had to have passed, yet it wasn't mentioned at all. Read my second comment below and you'll understand. Also, there is at least one place where Sierra is thinking, but you use double quotation marks to highlight them. You are correct for doing that, but I think the common practice is to use only one quotation mark. I could be wrong, and I'm not sure that using two is incorrect, but using two quotation marks when a person is thinking makes it hard to determine what is oral speech, and what is thinking. Another thing that could be done is to use italics when a person is thinking. That, or use both. My specific comments are below.

1.  “How are you? He asked. It’s good to see you”. You need closing quotation marks after the question mark after you, and opening quotation marks before It's.

2.  “He’s back there”. He pointed to the booth in the very back corner. “What’s with him today?”, he asked. “I’ve never seen him like this. He's white as a sheet. He never breaks his two-beer limit. He's on his fourth one today”. This is one of those time things I mentioned above. It must have taken a while for Sierra to get a rideshare to the pub, but that's more implied that stated. Also, Daniel would have to guzzle those beers for him to be on his fourth by the time Sierra arrived.

         The ending seemed to be a little rushed. One moment Sierra and Daniel are in the pub talking, then at the house where Cheri soothes him, then they're planning a wedding. The next thing you know, Daniel is dead. I'm not sure how you might fix this, should you decide to edit this, but it's something to consider.

         This is a vefry interesting story that can keep your attention, and make you wonder. Thank you for sharing!



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24
24
for entry "shadows
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Sox!
         I posted immediately after you in "I Write: Enter the Second Decade, and thus have the honor of reviewing your poem.

         I am thrilled you provided the picture prompt for this. Without that prompt, I was wondering what message your poem was really trying to convey. To be honest, I was lost, and didn't understand your poem at all. Then I saw the prompt, and the world was lit with light!

         I know the prompt provided guidance in the writing of this, but I felt that the word 'darkness' was overused. Maybe instead of using it in three consecutive lines twice, you could have use one line. Example, "Darkness seeping, thrilling, tightening' I'm not sure it would have given the same feeling though. As I read this, I tried to use my inner Vincent Price voice, with the same pace he used in reciting 'The Raven'. It worked well for me, but the usage of Darkness that many times did make good ol' Vincent pause. I realize you got each ending rhyme with Darkness in the second usage to rhyme with the end rhyme in the first usage. I loved that!

         Overall, well done with this. Thank you for sharing!



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25
25
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey ruwth,
         I see you are the writer who posted right before I did, so I have the honor of reviewing your writing.

         I have to admit that I'm not familiar with this WDC Birthday activity, so I will be freelancing this.

         I did read the rules in the forum, and am not sure you met the intent of the forum. Don't get me wrong, your essay is very good, well written, One can almost see your personality shine in it. I did enjoy the flashback to 2020 though, but I didn't follow the links to the items you referenced.

         I admit that the line, "The last thing I remember that cat and I were going to go explore something." It just seemed that this jumped around some line to line. Why do I say that? The next line says, And where is Adrian when I need him. For one who is not familiar with this activity, it's a bit hard to follow.

         I love the cast of characters in this activity, you meeting up with them would be fun most likely. Sadly, that meeting would be a virtual one most likely. Still, it seems it would have to be a fun meeting.

         What I was hoping to see in this, was you mentioning a suspect, and why you consider them to be a suspect. Or is it too soon for that to be mentioned? Of course I'd want to learn why you consider them a suspect too. That seemed to be the theme of this WDC Birthday activity, perhaps you named a suspect in the forum? I did read/see other posts in the forum and see that the are marked with a *StarR* to show they are a conversation started by a suspect or special party guest. Now I understand more about this, and after reading a couple of posts, I can see they are far different from yours. Yes, you do need to stick to the party rules (in my humble opinion), and show us you know your stuff (I'm sure you do).

         This is an interesting post, and an excellent WDC Birthday Activity. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1


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