Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,332 Public Reviews Given

3,380 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

1

Credit this reviewer

#4830911

Review of VIRGIL BEAVER

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Maria Mize

,

Greetings and Salutations!

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^th WDC Anniversary!

First Impressions:  A good job in telling this story.

General Comments:
1. There's very little dialog in this, with a bit of telling with very little showing. But, I don't think you need it. You came across as very laid back in telling this story. I Loved it!

Overall impressions:
A wonderful story of life in general. It's sad, but at the same time, uplifting. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Credit this reviewer

#4830705

Review of The Blind Spot

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey eastydie

,

Greetings and Salutations!

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^{th{{/super}/b} WDC Anniversary!

First Impressions:

A nice article that can guide a young (or old, falling in love does not discriminate) man who may see 'the apple of his eye'.

Areas To Consider Improving:

Read this through carefully, looking at your use of the English language. I am not an English expert, but I can recognize proper usage of our language.

General Comments:

1. This is a run-on sentence and can easily be broken into at least two sentences. Also, you need a comma after translation, or delete the word like. I've provided an example. He can develop a different translation like from a simple stare to an imagined love-filled stolen gaze with harmonizing flipping of eyelids and singing shooting stars with swaying hair. He can develop a different translation from a simple stare. Or in his mind, change it to an imagined love-filled stolen gaze, with harmonizing flipping of eyelids and singing shooting stars with swaying hair.

2. This sentence needs a very minor edit. You forget the world you built and you become an idiot then and there.

3. You have to command your brain to stop giving favorable interpretations to every inch that your love object makes. Inch? Maybe this will work for you. You have to command your brain to stop giving favorable interpretations to every gesture that your love object makes.

4. It will eventually boils down to tactics. The wording of this line is 'awkward'. Maybe something like this will help. Eventually, it boils down to tactics.

5. Same thing with people - you can either stop staring at her or you can try distracting yourself to something else. Again, a bit of awkward wording. Another suggestion. Same thing with people - you can either stop staring at her or you can distract yourself by developing an interest in something else.

6. Another run-on sentence. If she notices you then yoo-hoo if not, you can do two things - grow some balls and try coming up to her, or you can procrastinate, feeling insecure and do that tomorrow. A minor edit is needed, should you decide to edit this. If she notices you then yoo-hoo. If not, you can do two things - grow some balls and try meeting her, or you can procrastinate, feel insecure and wait until tomorrow.

7. Blind spot can be a source of stupidity and conceitedness but at the same time a start of something new. Depending on how you play the game, everything bad can be turned into your advantage. Just be aware when you have this blind spot. Another minor suggestion. A Blind spot can be a source of stupidity and conceitedness, but at the same time a start of something new. Depending on how you play the game, everything bad can be turned into your advantage. Just be aware that you have this blind spot.

Overall impressions:

I think this is good. A little editing TLC will improve it quite a bit. Thank you for sharing!}

Sum1

  WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

Credit this reviewer

#4830589

Review of Emergence

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Mitch

,

Greetings and Salutations!

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

First Impressions:  It wasn't until I was close to the ending that I realized that an unborn Werewolf would also change. While still in the womb! Wow!

My Favorite Part:
As gory as it may seem, I thought the part of the father devouring the infant was 'just', and right. He's a Werewolf after all. Part Wolf, part human. It's what a Wolf would do, devour the young if not stopped by the mother.

General Comments:
1. In this sentence, I think you might consider changing one word. "Ramora, I don't think having this kid is such a good idea." I would change kid, to child, even thought it's not completely human. To me, child reads better is all.

Overall impressions:  An interesting story of a female werewolf giving birth. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

Credit this reviewer

#4830343

Review of The Magic Moon Lamp

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Cass--Summer Spirit

,

Greetings and Salutations!

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

First Impressions:
A very cute short story, perfect for a young child.

My Favorite Part:
Wiz bringing a piece of light from the moon to the young boy.

General Comments
I've never written a children's story, so I'm at a loss for comments/suggestions. I'd love to see this a little longer, maybe a child's book length with graphics to help it. I see a stuffed dog in a wizard's outfit. The Moon (pick any cartoon moon for example). Make this a little longer by describing where Wiz went. Maybe he visited a farm, or perhaps a mall. Anywhere will do. Think of places that a child would be curious about. A little bit of text on each page, accompanied by a small amount of text. Then you would have a very thin book for publishing!

Overall impressions:
Satisfaction. The story is too short in my opinion, but it's a very good story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

Credit this reviewer

#4830218

Review of Worming Through the Psyche

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey vivacious

Greetings and Salutations!

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

First Impressions:  You dream like my wife it seems. She has some pretty odd dreams, this dream of yours is about as odd as I've heard.

Areas To Consider Improving:
This line is awkwardly worded. The roughness makes holding on easy enough, I only for a moment fear falling to the floor now at least ten feet below me. If I may make a suggestion - For a moment I fear falling to the floor at least ten feet below me. The roughness of the surface makes holding on easy enough though, the fear dissipates.

My Favorite Part:
It must be the end of your dream. I do wonder what this all meant, but still, it's an interesting, though quite strange dream.

Overall impressions:   I wonder what you ate, drank, or smoked before going to bed! Thank you for sharing

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

Credit this reviewer

#4829974

Review of For the Greater Good

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

BlackAdder

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

First Impression  A lengthy story that should be broken into individual chapters, or made into a book, if your membership level allows you to create one.

Characters:
Ivy and Waterthorn are necessary characters, but were not mentioned a lot except where necessary. Your descriptions of them were very good.

Your descriptions and actions of Hunter were excellent! Of Hunter, I got the impression that he was a modern day Sam Spade, long coat, Fedora, and all.

Story Line/Plot:  This takes place in the not too distant future. Some of your character jobs (Hunter, Watcher, Conclave and more) were hard to grasp. The problem is, I don't know how you might correct that without bogging the story down. Since I can't make a recommendation, I'll leave this as a comment only.

General Comments:

1. You might consider changing to a Font Size 4. It does make it easier to read, especially for us Old Farts. This review is written in Font Size 4.

2. You might also consider breaking this into a book (Blog is what you'd create). This way you can post these as chapters, so they are not as long as this story currently is. Or, you can make the break between sections a little more obvious by using the Line Command, like this.

I used the line command for Watermelon. {line:Watermelon} There are many others. I used that as a demonstration. You might also consider using the {Indent} to indent the first line of each paragraph. There's nothing wrong with not using it, I just think it helps a story look that much better. About the length of your story. I said that because a lot of members won't read something as long as this. I'm not sure why I chose this, considering its length.

3. This was the reward for his focus during the schooling of his youth, his eagerness to please his teachers and stay on past the mandatory five years, and his willingness to betray a friend who had stolen a book. He was permitted to use a tablet - sparingly, for they were known to be addictive - to dip into the experience of thousands of years of civilization, and to protect the near-paradise that had been made of a world almost lost. You have the same tendency that I do, using Run on Sentences. You might consider breaking this line into 2 or 3 sentences.

4. At first, I thought Waterthorn and Ivy Rose were the same person, and I couldn't figure out why you'd use two names for one person. It wasn't until I read this line that I realized they were two people. Waterthorn interrupted Hunter’s worried frown, darting a sharp look at Ivy.

5. Some paragraphs within a section (chapter?) are double-spaced, while others are separated by one empty space only.

6. This seems to be worded awkwardly. Then a moment passed of staring into his hands, and another, until they all blended together into hours. I bet if you moved the word passed to be after hands it would read a bit smoother.

Overall impressions: A very good story, lengthy, but very good nonetheless. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

Credit this reviewer

#4829808

Review of Wrong Address

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey ajar627
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3^rd WDC Anniversary!

First Impression  After the first two paragraphs, I wondered where your story would go, it didn't proceed as I thought it would. That's a good thing in many ways.

Story line/Plot  For a story of less than 222 words long, you did a nice job in writing this. It's almost impossible to get a nice plot going, but you managed well with the limits placed on your entry. Well done!

Characters:  I liked Stanley Jones, but he has more patience, and helped the stranger far more than I would have been inclined to help.

General Comments:

21 - I saw nothing that stood out, needing editing, and screamed at me . Where are other 20 comments? I think that strange man in the top hat and cloak took them.

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

Credit this reviewer

#4829686

Review of Robotics Division

Review by Sum1

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hello Genipher

,

Greetings and Salutations!

Why I thought I'd read your story - I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

First Impressions:  At first, I thought Carol was human. That was quickly changed when I read about the First Law.

General Comments:  1. I love the premise of your story. We're not that far from this becoming a commonplace occurrence, though I don't think it will be in my lifetime. Whether we like it or not, robots (and AI) are here to stay.

2. It seems that Carol was exactly like a human counterpart, a young girl who wanted, and maybe needed, to get out on her own.

3. Despite all my efforts, I couldn't find any errors that would require attention on your part.

Areas To Consider Improving:  The one thing I think that would improve your story, is to hide the fact that Carol and her parents are robots from a reader. Hide that fact until the end, so it's a bit of a twist. I'd love to see someone's reaction when they realize they are robots.

Overall impressions:  A very good story about a young 'girl' and her parents discussing why she's joining the Robotic Division of the military. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

Credit this reviewer

#4829583

Review of The Other Side...

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Robin:TheRhymeMaven

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

This poem of yours is very good, and oh so true. Your poem discusses what I've said for so many years. Give a person power, they become corrupt. It takes a truly great person to not yield to that. Sadly, almost all do, whether they be Democrat or Republican. This is well written and flows equally well. You use an ABAB rhyme scheme throughout, but there is one small thing you might want to consider should you decide to edit this.

1. In this verse, hate and chant do not rhyme.

They stoke their crowds in seas of hate
as lies sustain their haze.
It sends a chill to hear them chant
with shouts of love and praise.

I really enjoyed your take on 'The Other Side'. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

Credit this reviewer

#4829174

Review of Pillar Of The Community

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey JustinRock

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

I like your story but it does need some editing TLC. Your plot is excellent, why am I not surprised at who the culprit was all along? The flow is a little fast for it. It seems as if you have this whole story in your head and couldn't wait to get it typed up. I've been there, done that too.

It's obvious that Tom and the Mayor do not get along. I saw that in every bit of dialog between the two. In re-reading it, I think I should change that line about little fast to awfully fast. You left me with several questions and general comments.

General Comments:

Place your title, centered, at the top of your story.

It's not clear who is talking at first. It's not until Tom raises his hand (yeah, I realize it's the second line), that the reader knows who is speaking. Instead of jumping right to dialog, provide a little background to inform readers what's going on.

I won't change the rating of this now, I want you to do it. If I do it, it will lock your story at a 13+ rating. You can ask to have it unlocked in a forum, but I forget which forum that is. Hellbent is not an E-rated word. This needs to be rated 13+ at least.

The dialog turns into a shouting match between Tom and the Mayor quickly. Don't be afraid to provide build up here. Why does Tom get angry so fast? It would not be 'right' for the Mayor to start shouting in return. I know it's a small town, but even then the Mayor should show more restraint. He can end up shouting, but not immediately.

Specific Comments:

1. Tom speaks up, "you can’t just make up new rules and expect everyone to obey your wishes, just because you're the mayor.” You should be capitalized.

2. Now moving on to other business.” You need a comma after Now.

3. Tom not one for rules especially when they were coming from the mayor, stepped outside at 7:30 pm it was starting to get dark, but was still light enough to recognize someone if they weren't to faraway. There are a few issues with this line. The easy one is the word to. It should be too. As worded, it is not well written. Tom should have a comma after it. Also, it's a run on sentence. Please allow me to show you an alternate line. Tom was not one for rules, especially when they were coming from the mayor. When he stepped outside at 7:30 pm, it was starting to get dark, though it was still light enough to recognize someone if they weren't to faraway.

4. He started to take another deep breath and that's when he heard a noise. Overall, this line is okay, but if you were to add nearby in front of noise, it would help a bit.

5. Watch the video? What video? Where did it come from? I suspect it's the bank video that may have been running 24/7, but you don't say that. Tell us how Tom knew of the video and where its source. Maybe Tom is a former Bank employee who knew this, but lost his job when the alcohol became more important.

6. Discovering the missing townspeople was too easy if you ask me. Why was that boiler room searched in the first place. If Tom was a former bank employee, he might know that, but why was that boiler room searched? Did the Mayor confess everything that had gone on? If the Mayor had been sequestering the missing townspeople in the boiler room, that should be on the video also. Was no one checking the nightly video? See, you leave a lot out here, so add it in so we know!

Your idea for the story is excellent. You just need to fill in some gaps to make this a much better read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4829055

Review of Birthday Candles

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Horror Scribe

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

This is quite the story you've written. It reminded me of an old Twilight Zone Episode where a young girl could raise all sorts of havoc for those she lived with. In one part, she caused a girl in the house to become part of a cartoon, chased by the characters in it. While it reminded me of it, you did not come close to copying anything from it. No plagiarism at all! Well done!

Somehow I wasn't too surprised that his wishes would only work one way. It just seemed logical to me. The ending was a bit bizarre, but so was the story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

12

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4828848

Review of The past two weeks

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey EyeSingOnTheCake

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Reviews page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Wow, you have put yourself thru the wringer, haven't you. I find people's mental state amazing. I don't think I've ever suffered from severe depression, bi-polar, or anything like that. I feel for those that do, and wonder.... I wonder what causes it, because I'm not doctor, and don't have a clue about things like that.

This is well written, it flows really well. I think maybe a timeline of sorts might help a reader understand better. Examples would be:

1. When did you change your eating habits, and dined or ate only in the evening or at night?

2. When did you go to the hospital?

3. When did your muse leave you?

I do have one very minor comment about your article too.

4. The second paragraph looks like it has a hard return in it. Please see the following:

Food didn't look at me strange because I'm a short haired black girl who likes Foo Fighters and Johhny Depp, but not 50 Cent and Wesley Snipes. Food did't bug me about deadlines, or working late on the weekends with no overtime pay. Food never said I was following Satan by
choosing not to be religious. Food never yelled at me in anger or intoxication.

I highlighted the two words in red to show where the hard return is. I also highlighted the misspelled words Johnny, and didn't.

I found this to be extremely interesting. More should read this. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4828679

Review of Resignation Letter from ACS

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey catwoman

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 25^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, you had a lot of pent up anger at the ACS. I'm glad you sent this to them, corporations like this need to be reminded about why they are who they are, and who works where the rubber meets to road.

I will confess that I am not a fan of any Society that works with Cancer, whether they are scientists or what. Why? Because I don't think we'll ever have a cure for it. Why do I say that? One word. Money. If we were to find a 'cure-all' for Cancer, a lot of people who are currently pretty wealthy would lose a lot of income. Almost all of their income. As a result, I feel that true cures are swept under the rug, so to speak. You've read about them, I've read about them. There are too many (in my humble opinion) around to have all of them be false.

I have add that the ACS, along with any large Corporation, cares nothing at all about the 'average worker'. They care about the Money, their Shareholders. They do not about the average worker like Isaac, you, or me.

But about your article. The one thing I'd like to see added to this, is more about Isaac. You obviously felt strongly about his accomplishments, yet other than saying he really improved The Relay For Life, you told us little about him. I hope you have kept to your word and not supported the ACS. Well written, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4828576

Review of Question

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey mauriceselfloathingfreesince05

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

You pose an interesting question here, one that doesn't really have an answer. One could say that you do all this, and lose, or never complete your objective. Then the price is too high. I will add that the world will never be free of Terrorists because There will always be those who want certain things, they feel the only way to do it is through Terrorism. That's just like thinking we can stop drug abuse, bullying, hackers, and so many more. You can't stop any of those things. You can, and should fight it, to minimize its effect on the world population.

This is nicely written, but you offer no alternative actions. If you're going to pose a question like this in any type of forum, you need to provide your solutions. Otherwise you're one who holds up a sign saying "The World's Going To End." The reason I say that is this. Yes, the world is going to end. But.... When? I wouldn't pose a question without having an answer. The answer may not be correct, or in the case of your question, I'll ask you. When is the price too high?

There is one small thing you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. When is the price to high? To should be too.

A nice question posed here, you should provide at least one answer. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4828389

Review of Quinn's Dragon

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Danni Murphy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

It's a good thing you said your daughter told you this story. That really helped put things in perspective for me. This is very cute, you might have a fledgling author on hand there! I won't make any comments for recommended changes, it's too cute as it is. Ah, from the mouth of babes....

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4828155

Review of Removal

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey C. Don

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

This is an interesting piece of Flash Fiction you've written. The biggest problem I see though is that it is 100% telling, 0% showing. Why? It had to be in order to stick to the idea of being Flash Fiction. So it leaves one in a Quandary really. To me, it's an article, not a story. But it's also a story, not an article. Confused yet? I would leave it as is, but put a blank line between each paragraph. It just makes it a little easier to read. Another thing you might do, is enlarge the font. In case you don't know how to do that, here's what you do. When/if you edit this, you'll see 3 S's of slowly enlarging sizes. Sort of like sSS. Click that to open a tool bar. Highlight all your text by pressing Ctrl-A, then select the size you want ( I use font size 4 for about everything on WDC, including this review). Save it.

Another thing I saw is the use of technical terms that require a knowledge of Radios. Terms like VHF, UHF, Yagi, & RG58. Define them for a reader.

VHF - Very High Frequency, typically 30 - 300 Mhz

UHF - Ultra High Frequency 0 typically 300 Mhz to 3 Ghz

Yagi - A type of directional antenna with horizontal elements (when mounted correctly, elements are typically antenna tubing) that slowly decrease in length

RG58 - A type of cable used in RF Communications. You mighty also explain that a TV uses these frequencies, and which ones are used. FCC stuff that you don't need to go into deeply at all.

Overall I really enjoyed this story. I understood things because of my RF Background. Most people would not understand them though, hence my comments above. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4827935

Review of Just a little bit of rain

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Mark Tiwo

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

I will make this review short since your story lost me about one fourth of the way through it. Here's why, and why I give a story I couldn't finish a 2 star rating.

1. Your formatting is horrible. I didn't mind that, but couple that with my other comments it turned me off.

2. You did not insert a space after a period throughout your story. This is the main reason I stopped reading it. Let me show you an example. Only three bare weeks could my son Alex grab his elusive Daddy,which understably
enough lead to his clutching me permanently.Having a long-standing history as a
hard-working beach worker - a whole range of books was at my disposal - I found it
particularly difficult to defy the luring pressure of my loving family.For over a week
had I already been able to put off a cycle tour to the south of the island,but now Alex
was extremely active in winning me over to his side.It was the following Monday that
made things somewhat different. You can see the obvious formatting issues.

3. The wording in the example above is so wrong it makes me shudder. It causes me to think that English is not your native language. You don't have a Biography, so I cannot be positive in saying that.

You should use a spell checker on this, as well as a Thesaurus to check your English use. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4827684

Review of Mabel

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HeyApril Desiree

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

I love this limerick of yours! I love Limericks in general, but rarely write them. This one though, about St. Patrick's Day is great. The flow is good, the rhyme & rhythm meet the Limerick form.

One of the things that make this so good, is that it is 'clean'. You don't use one of those 4-letter words, nor did you include sex in it. A traditional limerick is usually 'dirty' or bawdy. (I won't provide one I've had in memory for ages.)

As much as I love it, I do have a couple of very minor suggestions for you.

Please allow me to copy your Limerick here, and show my suggestions in red.

There once was a lassie named Mabel
Who loved to dance 'round the great Maypole
But She found herself dismayed
At St. Patty's parade
Her clover, she'd left on the table

Just a thought about it, nothing more.

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4827642

Review of The Stranger's Gift

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Lani

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^th WDC Anniversary!

What a wonderful story and compliment given to you by a stranger! This is a nice read, one that can lift your spirit if needed. After all, the sun always shines, the sky is always blue. I know it can be difficult growing up with comments like you were receiving. I was there too, as a young boy. I didn't fit in anywhere it seemed, so I can commiserate with you about your feelings.

This has no real dialog to it, I don't think it needs any other than what you have here. I would like to see this longer, that's just wishful thinking on my part. Not a lot longer, but enough so a reader can learn more about you as you were growing up. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4827365

Review of Happy Holiday c-Notes

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey ⱲєbⱲitϚћ WDC's 25

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

This is a nice collection of C-Notes, but you seemed to concentrate on Christmas & Halloween (Why am I not surprised by the number of Halloween C-Notes?) While the C-Notes for other holidays may be in a different folder, I'm surprised you have none for Memorial Day or Independence Day. You do have 1 Easter C-Note, and 1 Thanksgiving C-Note here though. Thinking of other Holidays you could add. Valentines Day? That's more of a Hallmark Holiday than anything. Presidents Day/Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Naah, not in my opinion. Nor Labor Day. We celebrate it, but it's not really a 'Holiday' in many ways. Nothing wrong with not having those other C-Notes here, but your folder is labeled as Happy Holiday C-Notes. Just an observation, nothing more.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4827247

Review of The Public Library

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Butturbug

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1^st WDC Anniversary!

You've written a pretty interesting Monologue here. I too loved Libraries as a teen. But we didn't have computers then (late 60's), I just checked out books. I do think Libraries are nice, and needed.

Your point about being Batman or Wolverine is excellent. Though I've never figured out why having a Superhero in town makes that Superhero responsible for the lives of an entire city. It's as if you're saying, "We don't have to worry about any violence now, <Superhero name> lives here. That's quite a Crock. if you ask me. That's the same as saying "We have the Police, so we don't have to worry about ourselves with them around." We are always responsible for ourselves. Besides, with some cities recently 'defunding' their Police Force, I have to wonder about Superheroes. Surely they wouldn't work to save the city for free...

Suppose the citizens voted to defund their Superhero? It's not part of your Monologue, nor does it need to be, it's just my mind wandering is all.

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4827072

Review of Google Supports Criminals

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey Joey's Summer Sparkle

,

I credited q review of this and knew I had to read it. It's an excellent editorial/rant of life on the Internet in the modern world.

I think you're very lucky to have a talent like this. Think about the knowledge you have that so many others lack! You know so much more than most others. I think I have decent computer skills, but my skills pale in comparison to many. I love learning a new skill, but frankly being retired now, I'm slowing down, and I hate to say it, losing interest. As much as I enjoyed reading this, I do have some comments about this for you.

Specific Comments:

1. SEO. When this first appeared in you article, like many others I thought to myself, 'SEO?'. I qualified SEO on my submarines, but it's not the same thing of course. When you first type an Acronym such as SEO, you should first type out the full name of it. In this case, you would type Search Engine Optimzer (SEO). This way a reader immediately knows what you mean by SEO, and when they see it again, they will should understand what it means. I know you explained it later, but only have using the Acronym three or four times. What I saw a lot in technical manuals in the past, is that Engineers assume we know something, and don't provide enough information up front.

2. You made good use of italics to identify important thoughts, but this one needs a little editing help. (Google says this is not possible, even when you provide them with hundreds of examples SEO manipulation.) I think you need the word 'of' before SEO manipulation. BTW, based on personal experience, I doubt your information about SEO manipulation was received by an Engineer. I would bet that a notification like this is first screened by someone who is not qualified to answer your complaint.

3. I think your use of the term 'moron', and typing the following is a bit very blunt, and hurtful. I would like to think that any moron could tell that Commission Cash Code is a scam, But I sorry, if you are not savvy enough to spot this scam up front you are not ready to do anything on the internet. The internet is open to the general public, and most of the users are there looking to complete a desired task. They are not as informed as you are about the hazards of the Internet. Calling the general public Moron's though is a wrong (in my eyes). After all, how versed are you in the Science of Rocketry. Do you know most of what is needed to launch a vehicle into space? Do you know what it takes for a Spacecraft such as Voyager I (or II) to communicate with Earth? How about my past life in the Navy. Do you know how to start a Reactor to get underway? Do you understand why it's so important to shim rods slowly? Do you know how to start the Steam Plant once the Reactor is at operating temperature? If you don't, one could call you a Moron. Be aware that a general user on the internet is not that educated in this, but does have the right to access it, even though they are not as knowledgeable as you.

4. You are right that as a Company Google does not care. (Don't get me going about Motorola Solutions, we'll be here forever). I would be willing to bet that if your complaint about fraud managed to be forwarded to the right person, it would still take a bit of time for Google to address it. Testing would need to be done for verification purposes. But I do agree, overall, no corporation cares about things in general at the highest level. They care about company value. Stock Market prices, not to mention politics. Oh that's a deep well to get into, I'm not qualified to discuss things like that, and won't. What I'm saying is that there are people at Google who do care, they're just not very high in the 'food chain'.a

5. You typed A quick click at 'Whois.com' shows that the site does not even belong to Blake Matthews. I think you need to describe how this was done. Once you're at the Whois site, what other clicks are required to see this? Yeah, we're back to the Moron thing again, huh. But think of your readers, their average Computer/Internet skill level, and speak to that level. In essence, 'Dumb it down' for them.

Overall impressions:

This is an excellent article. Unfortunately I think your audiences will not really understand what you mean. That may turn them away, and that's not what we want a writers! Thank you for sharing!

Jim

WDC POWER Reviewer

Image #1945137 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4826986

Review of The Little Girl and the Puppy

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey cvwriter - school be crazy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a nice story. I think it's a good fit for pre-teen children. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a good story. I would however, add the genre's of Young Adult, and Family to it and remove the 'Other' category. There are a couple of things you might do should you decide to edit this.

Make the font a little larger. In case you don't know how to do that, highlight the story contents (including the title), click the 3 S's in the edit bar and choose your font size. I use a font size 4 in about everything I post on WDC. It makes the story easier to read.

Center the title of the story on the page. That's a personal preference.

You might consider using the {indent} command in the first line of each paragraph. It just improves the appearance of your story. You can type it as shown here, or again use the edit bar to add the {indent}.

Specific comments about the story are:

1. Patches of grass and moss poked through crevices and along spances between slabs of cement. I think you meant spaces.

2. Shivering near the rear tire a small-starved puppy curled up protectively, its eyes searching the two females that watched it. I think you need a comma after tire.

3. Maybe they would feed her, and bathe her, and cuddle with her during those loud thunder storms that frightened her so much. I think you should delete the word 'and' before bathe.

Again, a nice story for a young adult. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4826824

Review of Santa makes me cry

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Daizy May

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19^th WDC Anniversary!

I love writing about Santa! For me, he is someone special. Not in a religious sense, just someone we can all admire and look up to.

I understand why Santa makes you cry. It's hard to lose someone, especially a sibling. Cancer is a horrible disease, it's as horrible as Dementia or Alzheimer's. I used to think that if you got one of those diseases, it was to punish you for something you've done in this life. Now, I see as a part of life. Nothing you did caused that to happen. Your body allows the disease to flourish instead of fighting it. I use the term 'your body' all the time. I'm of the opinion that we all are individuals, living inside a shell that is our body. Our soul, or essence, our being, is not the body, it's us. So, the body I inhabit is aging, I can't control it, no one can. I'm sorry, I got off on a tangent for a minute there.

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I hope you have managed to move on now, and are happy. But.... Happy WDC Anniversary! Have a great Anniversary Day!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4826689

Review of Harris The Doorstop

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey L.A.Saxe

,

I recently read a review of this and thought I'd give it a go too. It's a good story, I'm glad you told us that this is an introductory scene for a WIP Story. Otherwise I'd be puzzled about it.

You have me wondering about Harris. I'm more of an Extrovert than Introvert. Much more. However, I do not look for the Limelight in a crowd. Everyone else is welcome to be in it, not me. So I do have Introvert tendencies at times. Still, the story flows well. There is a bit of telling here, adding dialog in some places would help.

I did see a couple of very minor things you may choose to look at should you decide to edit this.

1. Harris was just shy of six feet tall, with sandy-brown hair that seemed to have a mind of its own — a very disorganised mind of its own. Saying he has a mind of his own, then repeating the word mind again in such a short time is redundant. This might be something for you. Harris was just shy of six feet tall, with sandy-brown hair and seemed to have a mind of his own — a very disorganised one at that. The way it's currently written it seems that you're telling us his hair has a mind. I know it's not what you intended, but that's how I read it.

2. Harris excelled as a Doorstop magnificently. Using Excelled and Magnificently here is redundant. I would delete one or the other, and perhaps reword it a little. Maybe something like this. Harris served as a magnificent Doorstop; his was the first name that came up when a particularly remote and boring opportunity came in for the Doorstoppers.

A good story, I find myself wondering where you're going with this character. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .