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Review Requests: ON
3,138 Public Reviews Given
3,186 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Colonoscopy  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hey Bee Jay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I just had my first Colonoscopy a few weeks back, it was natural for me to read about your experience. Mine was a little different than yours, I guess it all depends on your doctor and where you live.

         It would have been nice to see this more personable with a little dialog thrown in. But your genre listing it as a column clued me to a probable lack of dialog. I'm not sure Column is the correct genre though, Essay might be a better fit.

         I found this to be very informative, something a person who is scheduled for their first Colonoscopy might want to read to answer questions and/or allay any fears they may have. A good read, thank you for sharing!




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2
2
Review of DEAR ME!  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Jace,
         I entered my second (last minute) entry for "I Write in 2024 and have the pleasure of reviewing your Dear Me letter. Believe me, it was a pleasure reading it. I entered this last year, but did not earn a top three finish.

         My first thought about this after seeing the title was, "This should be interesting, considering who the author is." Why did I think that? I've read a lot of your Noticing Newbies Newsletters (yes, I still subscribe to those newsletters), so felt I knew a little of what to expect from your entry. I was close with my thoughts, but not all that close.

         Before I forget, congratulations on your recent retirement!

         I really enjoyed the bantering back and forth between and your TWO muses. I think you've set some realistic goals for the year, with the most challenging being completing 50 quality reviews each month. I've been terribly lax in all writing areas, my muse seems to have found a place they love, and refuses to return. I've done 30 or so reviews in a month for several months, so I know 50 (1.66/day!) a month is definitely challenging.

         My only suggestion regarding your Dear Me letter, is to have the font a be a different color for you and your muses. I know you've used Italics to denote your thoughts, for me colors would just stand out more.

         I wish you luck in the contest, this is very good. Thank you for sharing!


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3
3
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Brenpoet,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22nd WDC Anniversary!

         First, I want to say I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Time heals wounds, so I hear, but I know this loss is always with you.

         What a beautiful poem for your daughter. I love the repeating refrain, except for the small substitution of I in the last verse. I thought that was perfect. The flow, the rhyme scheme, the rhythm is all spot on. I'm not sure what I could offer, if anything in the way of advice, this is that good. No, I'm not an English major, especially the Queen's English (or is it now called the King's English?). I know what I like, I know that something is good when I see it. This is that good, so no advice here. I hope to read more of your writing soon. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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4
4
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hey Redtowrite,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I love this story, it brings back so many memories for me. I've only made one of my high school reunions, the 50 year reunion 2 years ago September. I've been in Donny's shoes, but am in a much better place, and state of mind, now.

         Cassidy did well in recognizing the signs that things were about to revert to the old high school days. I loved her question and subsequent actions. I was a bit like Cassidy too, at one time I swore that a classmate was the woman I'd marry, the only one I'd ever love. That never happened, but we are still good friends. She's married, so am I, just not to each other. At the one reunion I attended, we met and sat together. My wife couldn't make it, her husband did. If we'd been alone, nothing would have happened, all that is behind us.

         The flow of your story is very good, I think you hit the nail on the head with your descriptions of who does what, the cliques that were still there. We didn't seem to have that at mine, but I'd be willing to bet those cliques were around. I was never in a clique, I was too much of a nerd to hang out with the 'cool' kids. Besides, I was one of the few who had moved out of town, many of those in attendance seemed to know each other well. So who knows? You described her career and how she cared for rehabilitation patients. I thought that was an excellent choice for the story. I don't know what else to say, other than I could really relate with this. Thank for for sharing!




Sum1

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5
5
Review of Office Ghost  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey D.B.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21st WDC Anniversary!

         I enjoyed this short Paranormal non-fiction story. What I want to say about it is that it's a bit spooky of course. But it's also nice story in its own merit, and would make a good fiction/non-fiction story if you wanted to edit this.

         In my opinion, stretch things a little bit, add some dialog (you had the chance in the last paragraph, but chose to not use direct dialog it appears. This could easily be stretched a little bit making it complete fiction, but think of the possibilities here! I think you kept the dialog out since you don't know exactly what was said, but I'm sure you could make it fit. You already have really. So put your imagination to work and make this a work of fiction!

         It's a nice story, it's up to you to improve it, should you so choose. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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6
6
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Angel,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is the only item in your port right now, and I'm a sucker for anything that's a puzzle, I had to solve it! Good job in creating this puzzle. Now if I could only read something you've written. After all, this is WRITING.com we're on. *Smile*

         You have a good word list here, but you're missing a word that starts with F, along with X, and Y. Hmmmmm, difficult words to express feelings and emotions. I Googled each letter, for F, I saw Fear, Forgiveness, and Frustration. For X, I saw Xenophile and Xenial. For Y, there's Yearning and Youthful. This would give you the complete alphabet.

         This is a good puzzle, it helped using the word list. I was halfway through before I realized it was there! I loved it, thank you for sharing!




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7
7
Review of Hungry Tommy  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Enigma,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty odd story that I found in your portfolio. It's a bit short and needs more build up in the plot. The problem I see with this is a lack of character development, lack of plot buildup, and left me with quite a few questions. Below are my thoughts and questions about the story.

1. What is lacking is a bit of background on how & why Tommy's mother died. He is 30 years old in your story, and doesn't know a thing about cooking? I guess your opening line about him being 'special' means he's handicapped to some degree, but you might want to clarify things in building his character.

2. Wouldn't someone have noticed Tommy's mother not being out at all. It seems someone would have dropped by to check on them. The stench of a dead body doesn't make the air in the house smell bad, it will soon emanate from cracks and windows, contaminating the neighborhood, and soon the police would arrive to check on things.

3. Tommy eating the spider at the end was a bit gruesome, but that's about the only horror part of the story, unless you count Tommy living with the corpse of his mother.

         It's the small things in short stories that make of break them. With a few minor edits, this would be an excellent short story. Don't let the idea of it being a very short story keep you from filling in plot holes.




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8
8
for entry "06/01/2023- 'You'
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Soxy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute. A little off-beat, but cute. It's so hard to express yourself like this in just 40 words or less, but you did well here. My whole issue with anything like this, is that it's just too short. I know it can be done, especially since you did it here, but how well can one really express themselves when limited to such a small word count? I don't know, maybe I'm just too wordy in about all I do. *Smile*

         I did see one small thing you might want to consider looking at, should you choose to edit this.

1. After all to you I am “You.” As I read this, I automatically added a comma after all as I read it. A very interesting activity, you have done well as I said. Thank you for sharing!


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9
9
Review by Sum1
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Ken!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, your poem is pretty prophetic! Helter Skelter in the streets, Widows cry and children scream, all this describes what our country is going through right now. I think we have joined the rest of the world when it comes to unrest within our borders. The problem is, it's only going to get worse.

         Your phrases leave disturbing images in my mind. Good job doing that! I know I sound like my parents when I say, "What's the world coming to?" Yeah, something they said frequently while watching the news. If I were to 'complain' about anything in this poem, it would be your cover for it. If only you could remove the word Shutterstock. That's not your fault I know, but still.... An excellent poem, thank you for sharing!




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10
10
Review of Landing  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Jenn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I like the images you created in my mind with this poem. Heavy curtains, a Starling flock, a Bell Tower. I can see it all really. But, and this is my thought on this, and only my thought. This is too short.

         Why did the starlings alight on the clock? And where? The hands? (I doubt it), the structure that houses the clock?

         Yes I know, express it in eight. It seems you could have made this a couple of eight line stanzas to enlighten us more. I also have to wonder about the knock. What made the knock. Was it on your door? The window? Y'see, all these things are brought to mind by your short poem. It doesn't mean I don't like it, it only means it created questions in my mind. It is a good poem though, thank you for sharing!


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11
11
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Stormy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23rd WDC Anniversary!

         This really hits hard for such a short story. I think a lot of people can relate to this. especially that last line. It seems she suffered from a mental illness, as well as being anorexic? That's my impression at least, since she weighed only 98 pounds at death.

         The picture you paint here is one of a woman who has reached the end of her rope.
There is a monster in the mirror, she realizes far too late that she see's herself. That's something I can't imagine, at least not yet. Of course I hope I never do, but as old age takes hold of me, you never know.

         This is my mind here, how it works, but I do wonder how she was allowed to be in a bathroom that had what seemed to be a straight razor in it. It seems her husband would have known of her mental state, and taken precautions. Again, just my mind, and how it works. A nice story, a bit bizarre, but interesting. Thank you for sharing!





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12
12
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Richard
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         How am I supposed to type a review when I can't see the screen clearly? Something must be wrong with my eyes this morning. For some reason, this started while reading the second or third paragraph.

         I never made the connection to Mr./Mrs. Claus until I read the prompt, that's how bad my mind is this morning. Your story is wonderful, I'm a sap for stories like this, but still.... To quote a movie phrase, "You had me at Hello."

         My only question about your story would be this. Who was the stranger that was able to (another movie quote here), use the force as he did? I would think that with powers such as his, he could have fixed his staff himself with a wave of his hand. That means there was a plan in place by others, else the stranger acted on his own. But, was his plan to transform the couple into Mr./Mrs. Claus? Or was that coincidental? Hmmmmmm

         A truly wonderful story. Thank you for sharing!




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13
13
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey Zed,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Well, you made me look up Tulpa to see exactly what it is, and its background. I found it pretty interesting, especially since your story has points in it that I've believed for a while now. I found your overall view and approach refreshing, a new look at that world that we live in. I've heard of the our thought processes building around the world, and that it can be detected. Right now I couldn't tell you where I read that, or when.

         You have a great start here, but that's all you have, a start. The end of this is obviously not the end of the story, or if it is, you leave your reader on a cliff. To me this is an unfinished portion of a much larger piece of work, and you should use WIP in either the description or beginning of the story. This way the reader isn't surprised at the current ending. I would suggest creating a blog/book to separate the chapters, but maybe your current membership level doesn't support that.

         Your writing here is crisp, descriptive, and interesting. With something this long (I assume it will get longer still), keeping your readers interested is necessary. When I first saw how long this was, I almost didn't read it. But I thought that I'd give it a shot and see if it caught my interest. It did. A truly enjoyable read, you have me wondering where this story is going.

         Thank you for posting and sharing this!


Sum1

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14
14
Review of A Clown  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Strlcuckoo,
         Thank you for requesting a review of you poem. I hope my feedback will help you improve this, if needed. And an early Happy Birthday to you too!

         My basic comment is this. Using the line A sad faced clown after each line seems to be a distraction more than anything else. It's almost as if you used the line to lengthen the poem. IF I may make a minor suggestion.

         I looked up Emmett Kelly on Wikipedia, and found it a very interesting read.



         I'd lengthen it by taking parts from this link. I'd use A sad faced clown at the end of each verse, and maybe have 4-5 verses total. Maybe look at the Wikipedia article and use portions like Early circus career, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey and others for your verse. The reason I say this is because there's an excellent story to be told here about his life. Your poem, as beautiful as it is, barely touches on his many achievements.

         As I said, a beautiful poem, I just think it should be lengthened.




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15
15
Review of Vietnam  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey Sox,
         I posted in "Twenty-three in Eleven immediately after you and thus have the pleasure of reviewing "Vietnam. My rating for the item is based solely on my opinion, which is this. Your poem is far too short.

         The lone verse you wrote is wonderful, almost anything about a veteran from any country is beautiful. This would make a wonderful verse in a longer work. Yes, heroes do go off to war. What they experience is beyond words for those of us who have never been in a true war-zone. Saving Private Ryan does a good job in showing us what a battle is like, since it opens with the D-Day attack at Normandy. How anyone can keep their sanity in a situation like that is beyond me.

         What I think (emphasis on I think) would help this poem, are verses about how a typical young man ended up in the Army or Marines. Was he drafted? Did he volunteer? Hard to put in a poem I know, but I bet you could do it. Once in the service, how did he end up in Vietnam? We Were Soldiers did a good job of showing an early battle in Vietnam, So show us a battle he was involved in, knowing that for most of them, it wasn't just one battle. Then, add this verse. After this verse, describe to us how they weren't welcomed home. Spit on, taunted, called names that are unacceptable in today's world, looked down upon by the average citizen, and so much more.

         My whole point about this, is this needs to be longer so a more complete story can be relayed to us.

         I enjoyed your poem, despite it's brevity. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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16
16
for entry "Thanksgiving's Melody
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Neva,
         I posted after you in "Twenty-three in Eleven and thus have the pleasure of reviewing your poem. As luck would have it, we entered the same contest!

         You poem speaks volumes about your life and beliefs. It's beautiful, and being a free verse form, the flow is a little hard to get a feel of. That's fine, it's free verse after all. In reading it for the third or fourth time, I feel that one word is missing in the third or fourth line. as it plays a Thanksgiving melody. It seems that the letter a is needed. It can be inserted in either line of course.

         Your theme is one of gratitude and praise, I wonder if you could have added thankfulness in there somewhere? After all, it is all about Thanksgiving. Just a thought is all.

         A very nice free form poem. Thank you for sharing!





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17
17
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Ruwth,
         How do we keep doing this? How do we keep posting about the same time, which causes one of us to review the other, sometimes we review each other twice!

         I love reviewing your work because I know it will be well written with a reminder to us how we should stand with the Lord. This poem is very good, but I have to tell you it's not a Palindrome. Why? Lines three and six are not opposites. Please allow me to show you.


Reading line three forward, we read Peace That Passes Understanding


But in reading line six backwards you read this. Peace Passes That Understanding

Line six should read Understanding Passes That Peace. This way, when you read it forward or backward, it reads this same. Other than that, it's a nice Palindrome. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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18
18
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey ruwth ,
         I posted in "Twenty-three in Eleven immediately after you. Now I have the pleasure of reviewing your beautiful poem.

         I do prefer rhyming poems, but with the prompts you were given to use, and the form you chose for the poem makes that effort almost impossible. Despite all those guidelines, you did well in writing this,

         Since the Pantoum form was not specified, you might have been better served writing it as a Kyrielle poem. In that form, it's a rhyming poem (8 syllables per line) with the last line being a refrain. I love that form! All this is not a critique of your poem, it's just my humble opinion.

         You met the requirements of the Writer's Cramp well. Every required line was used in your poem, I do love the Pantoum format too. It's a beautiful form for a poem. I do have one comment on it though.

1. Beneath the poem you tell us the requirements of the Writer's Cramp that day (I do hope you won or that your poem was mentioned nicely in the result),. The font size you used is fine, I don't think it needs to be enlarged. However, that color either needs to be made bold, or a different color chosen. It is VERY HARD to read those lines.

         A beautiful poem of faith, love, and belief in your (our) God. Thank you for sharing!



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19
19
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Sue,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, so I knew it is your Anniversary Month already, I still like using that greeting.

         This is a very interesting story you have here. It reminds me a bit of I Am Legend, with Will Smith, with the idea of an Artificial Intelligence thrown in. You did well in adding that bit, provided no details on how this was done by 'AIDEN'. That's a good thing if you ask me, because explaining how it was done would have bogged down the storyline.

         It would seem that if Lilia had downloaded all that knowledge from passing by the University that she might have learned how to start the monumental task of ending the dream state of everyone else. Then again, that might have bogged the storyline down also. That's a fine line there, you did well not to cross it.

         The one thought I have about this story is this. Since everyone else is sleeping, it would seem that their biological functions would still be doing their thing. Hunger would take over, no matter what AIDEN did to them. So would the natural functions of ridding the body of its waste. If you chose to edit this, I'm not sure how you would add to your story, but maybe have people wake long enough to eat and 'take care of business'. Then again, what would happen with Lilia? I'm sure she would try to tell everyone she could about their sleep state, and probably end up in a mental institution. I'd love to see that added, adding it would be so difficult though, I think I like your idea of leaving it be better.

         This is a very interesting story. One could almost say this is us now, we're all someone else's dream while they are in a constant dream-state, maybe induced by an AI! Thank you for sharing.



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20
20
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Rick,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, I really love this story. I'm a sap for love stories, I'm a sap for anything that is heartwarming, which this is. Try as I might, I couldn't find one error. I re-read it just to see if I missed something. I didn't. Your built your characters, Arthur and Eleanor very well. I loved the build up in this, their seemingly budding romance. Though you never gave us Arthur's age, I would guess he was much older than Eleanor. I've learned though, that once you are past that juvenile stage, age doesn't matter when it come to love.

         I do want to make one comment. It is a comment only, it is not meant to say that something is wrong in your writing. As I get older, it's harder to see the default font here on WDC. I usually, almost always, change the font to a size 4, like I've done in this review. It just makes it easier for us old-folks to read.

         This is an excellent story. Thank you for sharing!




Jim

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21
21
Review of Awake  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey BlackAdder,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very good story, I really enjoyed reading it. I especially enjoyed the Sci-Fi part of it. It left me with a few questions though, and of course comments. If I may be so bold as to offer them for your consideration.


1. This seems short to, and needs a bit more buildup. I need to start with my questions first though.

2. How old is Richard? Donning fur slippers and a robe made him seem about 10 in my mind, yet his father tells him he's now a man. I guess I just don't see an 18 year old doing that. Then again, he was raised by what are essentially artificial intelligence holograms, so who's to say how he was raised?

3. This shocking news is broken to him quite suddenly by his parents. I would think that a normal human being would be very shocked and break down. Then again, Richard isn't what I would call a normal human being.

4. Towards the end, Richard wipes his eyes and sees that his parents are gone. Back to the thought about breaking down. IF that were to occur, this is where you could describe it more. Your descriptions thus far have been excellent, so I have no doubt you would do as well here, should you choose to do that.

5. I first said this story is too short, and it is. There is a lot you leave for us to decide for ourselves, and that's fine really. But if you wanted to make this longer, much longer, you could easily do that. An example I can think of is this. As Richard's parents are telling him this shocking news, suppose they mention courses he's had in school. These courses could deal with the world that is really out there, the real world so to speak, but it's taught as a fictional place. In doing so, those God's you mention a few times could be described; maybe they are really the humans who created this program....

6. What happened to his brother and sisters? Were they like the parents, not really there?

7. The parents last Good-bye seems rather brusque, even for someone that is not real. That might me being me though, it's hard to say. It just seems that whole breakfast scene was a bit rushed, and abrupt. If they raised him as they did, it would seem their approach would be a little (or a lot) less direct. IF you decide to edit this, perhaps hints about their real identity could be included in the buildup to this final scene. I think it would be awesome to drop clues but not give things away. Then this breakfast scene hits, and the reader is left in shock, realizing you dropped those hints, but they never picked up on it until the big 'reveal'.


         If you leave this as it is (which would be fine), there are a couple of very minor things you might want to look at.

1. He had overslept, and his parents would not be pleased, Birthday or no. Birthday should not be capitalized.

2. He pulled a robe from the corner bedpost and draped it over his smallclothes with scarcely a thought, and his hands tied the belt of their own accord. There are a couple of different things here. First, smallclothes should be two words. Secondly, this is a bit of a run-on sentence and could be worded better. When I first read it, I had to stop for a second to ensure I knew what you had typed. IT's the part about his hands tying the belt that threw me.


         A very good story with a plot that is fast moving. I still think it could be longer, maybe even novel length if you wanted. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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22
22
Review of God's Messenger  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Wierdone,
         I posted in "Twenty-three in Eleven immediately after you, and have the privilege of reviewing your story. I hope my comments help you develop as a writer.

         Y'know, your descriptions of Evelyn, coupled with the actions of Jason are perfect for a teen brother and sister. I know I felt the same way about my sister when I was 16 or so, so I can understand his sentiment perfectly. Evelyn's comments about Jason's lack of personal care were spot on too, describing him perfectly it seems. I could see the two of them talking in his room as I read the story.

         When Evelyn first complimented Jason on his voice being a tenor or even a baritone, you described her hesitancy well. Once again, you helped me visualize the scene as the two of them chatted. I know how I would have felt in the same situation, and could relate to Jason well then.

         I'm not Catholic so I have no clue about the Rosary and its four sets of mysteries. I found that part very interesting, mainly because I've been blessed with a mind that loves learning new things. Not being Catholic allows me the chance to learn about this religion. Especially if I choose to write something in the future that would involve a person of the Catholic faith. Thank you for that.

         I do have one comment for you about this though. In the genre's, your third one is 'Other'. You might want to consider changing that to Biographical (if this is a true story), or fiction if that fits. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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23
23
Review of The Woman in Navy  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hey Quill,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         I love a good story with a twist at the end. Some might not consider the ending here a twist, but I do. I was wondering who your 'Anne' really was, but had no idea where you were taking this. For me, that's a good twist, one where the reader keeps on just because they have no idea what's going on. You did an excellent job in hiding Luke's true intentions. A very good story that I'd love to have seen more backstory to, making it a bit longer of course. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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24
24
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey LinnAnn
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I'm breaking my own rules here by reviewing a photo. I don't think a review of a photo can ever do it justice, but I had to review this. So, I had to make an exception in your case. This is such a nice photo of the two of you that I couldn't pass it by without at least commenting on it. You've been through so much recently, I am beyond thrilled that you have someone in your life to care for you now. You've now been married a year and a half, and seem as happy now as this special day. I hope your happiness never ends. My only comment about this is that it would have been much nicer if the photographer could have snapped the two of you at a 90 degree angle, or from the side. Right now, your face is hidden a little. However, I can sense the happiness the two of you shared by the look on Eugene's face. Congratulations to both of you! Thank you for sharing.


Sum1

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25
25
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Neva,
         I posted in "Twenty-three in Eleven after you, and thus have the privilege of reviewing your entry. I hope you find my words helpful for you as you improve yourself and your writing.

         In your essay, you provide some nice examples of relatives you remember. While I love your essay and the descriptions of your grandparents, I don't think this hits the nail on the head. What I mean is, how does one grow old gracefully? I find this to be very much an opinion someone has, and we all know how many of those are out there, as well as what each one is worth.

         Though you describe your mother's parents well, I didn't get how they grew old gracefully. Sure they had some great qualities, I think that anyone who lives to about our age has some qualities that others can say "That person has aged gracefully." Your grandfather had patience and never complained. You mentioned his cancer briefly, as well as how he would do something about a situation if he could. You do much the same in writing about your maternal, and paternal grandmothers. And later still, you wrote about a woman you cared for over a period of time. In each case you described them well. What didn't ring for me though, was how this showed them growing old gracefully. I guess I was looking for your descriptions of how someone grew old gracefully. Yes, you described your grandparents well, but for some reason it didn't ring with me.

         I did see a couple of very minor things you might want to look at, should you consider editing this.

1. Or when workers came to la y carpet, she had cookies and coffee to offer them. I think you see the obvious error here.

2. Patience, friendliness, independence, and the ability to make your won decisions are only a few of the qualities that allow one to grow old gracefully. This is what I think this essay should have focused on, then adding your grandparents to the essay as an example of this quality. However, in that line, won should be own.

         This is a very nice essay, my comments about it are just that, comments. The lines listed as 1 and 2 are corrections that should be made if you edit this, everything else is just an opinion. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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