|Hello there Kevin
Some comments for your short story "The Big Field"
You have a nice idea for a story here. A coming of age tale about a group of friends who confront a notorious bully. I thought that in places you managed to create a good atmosphere and setting, the dry humour added to the story by the narrator prevents it from becoming too gritty also.
The trouble I had with reading the story was that I found myself frequently losing my place, and this resulted in me being forced to reread many sections of the piece. My suggestion to you would be to reread the story - reading out loud often helps - and to think about where you could maybe shorten some sentences or add punctuation to improve the flow.
In addition to this, I found the parts where characters were speaking in the story to be quite confusing, and I had to read over a few times in order to establish who was talking. Unless you are trying to achieve a specific effect, always begin a fresh line when a new character begins to speak.
His brother, Peter, ”Petey”, Noonan, almost one foot shorter and one year younger, Michael, ”Don’t call me Mikey”, Kaminski. - I liked the introductions to the characters. Although the commas on either side of "Petey" and "Don't call me Mikey" are not needed, the quotation marks are sufficient punctuation in this case.
We were all restless[,] not knowing what to do with ourselves. - Perhaps a comma would be hepful here in improving the flow of the sentence. Like I mentioned above, read the piece aloud to yourself, it often proves a good way to decide if and when punctuation is needed.
We took a short cut through the, “Big Field”, no one knew why it was called the big field other than the fact that there were two fields and it was the bigger of the two. - Again, the commas don't seem right here. I would suggest removing the commas, and starting a new sentence after the words "Big Field". We took a short cut through the "Big Field". No-one knew why it was called.....
"He waited and when he saw Leo he just swung out from behind the fence like he was on a hinge. Marvin was a walking wall of flesh and Leo bounced off of him like a fly against a pane of glass. - There are a couple of nice metaphors here, providing a good picture of what is happening and adding a little humour. I'd maybe rework the start of the setence a little, it seems clumsy with the repitition of the word 'he'.
He puffed out his chest and sucked in some air, he felt his hair move. “Where you going,” Marvin said. Leo shuffled a little bit and said, “To the beach”. “Tenean,” Marvin said in a I just wanted to know but I really could care less sort of tone. - An example here of where the speech becomes cluttered by having more than one speaker in the same line. I'd suggest spacing it out a little, and making it a little clearer for the reader to take in the conversation that is taking place.
he said as he drilled his finger into Leo chest - Should be Leo's chest
Jimmy wasn’t letting him get off the ground and the rest of us just stood frozen where we stood. - The repitition of the word stood really sticks out here, perhaps you could use an alternative in one of the situations, or simply rework the sentence to avoid repeating the word.
Leo you’re probably going to need some stitches so I’ll walk you home.” You don't open the quotation marks here.
I hope you have found this review helpful/useful. All of the above comments are my own personal suggestions, and are offered as constructive feedback. Overall, I think you have the basis for a good story here. With a little bit of work adding in some details about the characters and making the story read a little bit smoother, you could transform this into a great piece.
Thanks for the read, take it easy.