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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kirlybab
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138 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I was looking for an erotica group and found your newsletter. So happy that I did.

Your header is clear and conscise. The only thing I would add is that your forum is restricted to members only. I tried to go there to leave a note that I would like to join and found it restricted, which disappointed me.

Very nice. I hope you will accept me as a member.

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2
2
Review of Why  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is very interesting. I don't know if I like the large font or the bold, but that is just a personal opinion.

Your rating is wrong with the swear word in it. I would suggest reading the Content Rating system, which a link can be found where you rate your item when you are creating it.

As I said very interesting.

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3
3
Review of My Shadow  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very interesting.

I would use more imagery. Maybe something more about it being the same shape as yourself. I like the "It mirrors me on the wall"... I would also move more, or say something about it also mirroring my every move.

It's good just the way it is. I just think there could be more. JMHO

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4
4
Review of choices  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Typos in the whole thing. i"l? ... extra space before lemons. None of the "i's" are capatalized.

Yoru description indicates a happier poem than this. It makes things confusing.

A very fine effort.

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5
5
Review of The Bookstore  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I love it.

I would word some of it differently.

Are our dreams and many pleasures.....

I believe derranged is spelled with two r's.

This could easily be about a library. I would try to put more in it about the purchase of the book. The only thing that indicates a store is calling the person a customer towards the end. A patron could easily also be at a library.

A very nice piece.

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6
6
Review of Fear(1)  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
You desribe fear quite amorably. Things are not always so dark with fear though, sometimes it can be a good thing, warning you of danger.

I detect no spelling errors. grammar doesn't necessarily count in poetry.

The only thing I would suggest is more spacing between lines. The closeness and short lines of it without much punctuation makes it hard to read and hurts the eyes somewhat.

Very nice.

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7
7
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I love the imagery used here with the rainbow, and the running. I can see how bright that raimbow is, feel myself trying to run fast enough. *Thumbsup*

This is definitely a fine piece, though I think it could be expanded more. I also don't care for the let down at the end. I think I would of used something like "I am only human. All I can do is care and be here to support you." or something similar.

I am sure that all wish they could do such things for a good friend.

Bravo!


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8
8
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I can so relate to this piece, as I am sure many others can.

I would clean it up more as far as punctuation, which would make it much easier to read. Also, I think some of the breaks should possibly be in different places to emphasize more some of the thoughts.

A very very good piece.

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9
9
Review of I Have A Dream  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like this piece very much.

The repetition of the word "dream" may offend some, but to me it keeps us in that state of dreaming, like I am hearing the random thoughts of a daydreamer.

The only suggestion I would make is to engage the five senses more. Metaphor, similie and such would help us be in the dream even more. Does the guardian angel blind you with its brightness, or does it glow more like soft moonlight? What feelings and emotions does the dreams of heaven evoke? A dream to become what? A guardian angel? just successful? What would it feel like if that dream came true? We need imagery to bring us further into the daydream.

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10
10
Review of Gong Xi Fa Cai  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I enjoyed the facts given here about what Chinese New Year is, specifically this year. I've always wanted to learn more and you have satisfied my curiosity.

I personally would call this prose instead of poetry. I don't know much about all the forms of poetry, however, so I wouldn't put too much stock in that. To me poetry was meant to rhyme.

A very very fine effort.

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11
11
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great idea!!!!

Good job RAOK!!!!

Lovely images for the notes too!!!!

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12
12
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
As I said in my previous review, I am suprised someone didn't come up with an idea like this before. Great thinking!!!!

Great job as always RAOK!!!!

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13
13
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't like the star rating system. jmho

I really like this idea. I can't believe someone didn't come up with something like this sooner.

Great job RAOK!!!!
14
14
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nothing is ever perfect and it sounds like something I've heard before, thus cliche' at least.

Would like to see it as a longer piece, at least flash fiction.

Very good.

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15
15
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nothing is every perfect but this is wonderful.

Still focuses on god as masculine and one, thus not incorporating all beliefs, but indeed a fine effort.

I applaud thee, my sister!

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16
16
Review of Gypsy Dust  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
for effort....

Needs overhaul to be better understood.

The feeling is there, the mood is there, but the contradictory metaphor is very confsuing....

A good attempt and interesting piece.

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17
17
Review of Map of My Port  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I came here thnking you had an image shop of your own, your images are wonderful!!!

I am delightfully surprised, however, of your wonderous port.

I love this port map, I always thought everyone should have one if they have more than five items, even though I do not.

Even though it says you were going to update the links in Dec 2010, there are many invalid item links. These annoy me just about as much as irritating sayings.....

I enjoyed myself immensely here and look forward to returning sometime.

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18
18
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting survey.

I found a saying once that said "God doesn't give us what we can handle, he helps us handle what we are given".....

it made me stop blaming the Deities for everything that was going wrong in my life and instead ask for help in dealing with it.

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19
19
Review of Noticing Newbies  
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a great place for newbies and seasoned members of every area of writing to interact and help each other!

I like to come here to help out the newcomer, and to remember what it was like to be a newcomer to writing.com and to the writing life....

Sometimes all it takes is to remember that awe and inspiration you had when you first started writing to inspire you to write anew!!!!

*Thumbsup* *Thumbsup*

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20
20
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Love it!

What a great and inspiring way to help someone start a blog or give them ideas to spice up an old one!

Your instructions are a little confusing, and I hate long headers, especially to forums. My suggestion, or how I would have done it, was to create a static item with the list of participants blogs rather than listing them in the header. Also, even if you do not know how to create banners and sigs, colored fonts and emoticons tend to dress-up and make a header more exciting....

JMHO

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21
21
Review of The Sun  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Sorry, but to me it doesn't make much sense.

Also, unless it is the standard type, I think, saying there is enough room to do so and plenty of other colors and type styles to do it in, that a description of the type of poem it is would be very helpful.

I applaud the effort.

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22
22
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I would double-space the paragraphs to make it easier to read.

Some of the flowerylanguage/imagery is too much. That much is only used in poetry. It does work here; but barely. I believe it would turn most away from reading the whole thing.

Still, if the poetic ambiance is what you were going for, you nailed it.

Bravo!

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23
23
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Good, though I don't know if someone who didn't know you would know what you were talking about.......

There's a couple of typos; too many spaces in one place and one wrong letter.

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24
24
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I would have split up the last line.

Very, very nice.

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25
25
Review of It's Over!  
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I feel for those who have been through abuse, having been through similar myself.....

I would give this a 5.0 if it allowed ratings.....

Strikes right to the heart of what domestic abuse is all about.....

*standing ovation*

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