This author has a wonderful way of saying a great deal in simple wording with his poetry. This piece flows well and moves right along. I loved the theme for this poem. The opening stanza was probably my favorite. I loved the word choices and the way it sounded when read aloud. A good read. Lin
This is a poem loaded with beautiful imagery. It flowed well and moved right along. I had no trouble imaging the scene and I found the poem easy to understand. My favorite stanza was the third but I think that my favorite line was; "She has the sentient look of one whose image is forever deep and placid as your own." That is a wonderful line. Good writing! Lin
This was a really good story. It flowed well and moved right along. The dialogue was easy and natural. The author gives us good mental images throughout. The theme of the story was interesting and had a good twist. One correction that I think should be made. Where the author used the word "lavished", I would change it to something like "relished". All in all a good read which I would urge others to take the time to look at. Lin
I really enjoyed reading this short story. The author has chosen one of my favorite symbols of change and growth, as the symbol for her own change and growth.
This piece flows smoothly and moves right along. The imagery is very good and easy to imagine. Everything is summed up perfectly in the final paragraph. I wonder if the author is familiar with a book called "Hope for the Flowers"? I think that she would enjoy reading it. As for this story, I urge you all to take some time and read this. Lin
This is a delightful story and I throughly enjoyed reading it. It flowed well and moved along rapidly. The dialogue was very good and helped to push the story forward and establish the charecters. I loved the idea of the witch school and pairing the cats with the young witches. I would enjoy reading more of the story. Is it possible that you were thinking of adding to this?
A few corrections:
"to" not "as" his itching...
"all the while" - you left out "the"
"The Head Master Witch had often enough had chances...but, instead had taken pity on them." I have rearranged this sentence, somewhat to help it flow.
"after-images"?
There are some punctuation errors that need correcting.
Otherwise this was good and I would urge other readers to have a look at this story. I am also forwarding to you a link that I found helpful on tips for revising. Hope that it is useful to you as well. Well done! Lin
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This sotry was excellant. It brought tears to my eyes at the end. The story flowed well and moved along beautifully. I loved the connection between the two men in line and they way the whole story related back to the father. I found nothing to correct. The author has a good grasp of dialogue and it was certainly believeable. Well done! Lin
Dear SM: by now you will have clicked on the fact that you are being Endu-reviewed by MaryLou7 and me. Bless you for your patience.
This information was presented nicely and pretty throughly. I think you do a good job of speaking in terms that everyone should be able to understand. This is a very good idea and I am sure that many people will enjoy the advantages to the ASA. Lin
I enjoyed reading this and I learned some history about gift points along the way. Sometimes I think that you can not please ANYONE at ANYTIME! You do a good job on a regular basis trying to keep this site growing and innovative. I love that we have the gift point system. We are able to do so much with it. It is an excellant way of saying "I noticed you and the work you put in" or rewarding a contest entry and so on. You are a very patient man! lol! This article did a good job addressing complaints in an easy to understand and detailed manner. Well done! Lin
This was a wonderful tribute to a good man. The author was able to convey his love and respect for his grandfather so well that you find yourself wishing that you had known him as well. These are memories to cherish for a lifetime and a foundation for building charecter. Lin
Can I get an Amen! I think that this should be required reading to all members. Make it part of "Welcome to our community". Many people do not stop to think about exactly what is needed to keep this website running. I am constantly impressed by how smoothly things run here and astounded at the types of people you have managed to bring togeather as a community. I know that you can not please everyone but this is one place where abit of gratitude would not go amiss. Well done! Lin
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I really liked this poem. It was fragmented but I settled into that and I got the impression of fleeting moments in time. Growth. A few suggestions: "laughing children." I think you could drop children here as it is already understood.
Cds. You have used a period after college and partys so you should use it after cds I think.
Music is spelled wrong.
These are just suggestions. I do like this poem and I generally bow to the author on poetry. Keep writing. I bet your daughters were so pleased to have this written for them. Lin
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I really liked the theme for this poem and I found it very interesting. I have always been fascinated by this subject. I believe in the concept. I do not know how much help I was with the edit points but I tried to help make the poem flow better. Please do edit the piece because I think it could shine. My partner, MaryLou, will have offered excellant suggestions I am sure. If you do edit and revise please let me know as I would love to reread this. Lin
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This is a good article. The author has reminded us of an important fact. Anyone who dies and is discounted had a life and they count. They are not just a statistic. I enjoyed this. It flowed well and moved right along. I liked the manner in which it was presented. Just a few things that I would correct.
I think that in the Hemingway quote, the "n" on no and "nor" should be small. The same with the word "unfortunately". There is an extra "a" "to a accord".
In the sentence; "You see, he was a Private Contractor." you left the "r" out of contractor.
The word "repetition" yo need to chane your first "i" to an "e".
That is all. Otherwise, it was a very good read. Lin
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I have read all the indivdual items in this folder and I wanted to comment on the folder as a whole. I would encourage everyone to take a moment and have a good look at the author's portfolio. There is a real variety in the items on offer. I am a bit prejudice, I suggest you read this folder first. Everyone should find at least one story that they can relate to. I know you will be glad that you took the time to look. Lin
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I really liked this poem. I had the feeling of great anger and words spoken with clenched teeth. I like the way the poem is set down on paper. It flows, in almost small bursts as if great effort is necessary to say the words. Simple words but powerful in the feeling they evoke. Good writing. Lin
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Well this one was very interesting and certainly different. I was quite expecting what was written but I give the author lots of credit for being so original. I especially liked the way it was summed up at the end. I have to admit tht while I enjoy a good scare my tastes run more to the first group than the second. I did have a laugh though. Thanks, Lin
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This was good and a totally different persepective of love. Zombies need love as well. That made me think. The poem moves along well and flows quickly. I had a really good mental picture running in my mind. I would like to make one suggestion; where the author uses the word "dead" in line 3 - maybe change that to decaying or decayed. Just a suggestion though because it stands as it is. Good job! Lin
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I liked this poem. In a few words the author managed to create a very definite mental image. The piece flows well and moves along. I am not sure that evey line should begin with a capital letter but I hesitate to suggest such changes as the author knows what they are trying to convey. I liked the idea of the pale blue tower standing alone as a reminder. Good writing. Lin
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This was lovely and it certainly did not end the way that I expected. Good twist. The auhtor manages to convey the exact feelings I have had myself when traveling- only the geography is different. I loved the description in the first paragraph of the crowd being "...an amporphous, monsterous slug...".
A wonderful image. The entire piece is a descriptive delight. Well done! Lin
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This was a very good story that the author is bravely shairing with us all. The piece flows along nicely and moves fast. I did not get bogged down anywhere. I was also enjoying the auhtor's sense of humor. He has a biting wit that he turns on himself. There are lessons to be learned here without the reader being dragged into the hell of drug use. I urge people to read this. Well done! Lin
I enjoyed this piece. I loved the concept of two middle-aged women recapturing the fun of being children again. The piece flows well and moves right along. I had a good visual image throughout. It is truly a love story. Time does not change a really good relationship. Good writing! Lin
I would like to thank you for sharing this intimate view of the major changes happening in your life. I am facing a similar set of circumstances and I am so happy to see that you have written something I can turn to in my own confusion. This is well done and an important portfolio folder for us to read. Lin
This was right on the mark. I could feel your confusion and fear even though you were being calm and logical in your telling. This may be because it is so easy for me to relate right now. It is so true though, that we do tend to bury ourselves in explainations and hang on to them as if this will help resolve eveything. I guess what really need to do is allow that fear to be felt and then move forward to logical. Well written and easy to imagine yourself in the author's shoes. Lin
This is a good article on the changing aspects of our lives. It concentrates on the changes we go through with our parents, from child to adult. Suddenly we have to set the rules for our parents. I enjoyed this and could easily relate as I too, was born in 1954. I know my mother wants to know we care about her but she still reminds us that she is an adult and capable of making her own choices. The dilema is steering them in the right direction because we do worry about failing health, and not coming off with the "because I said so" attitude. I would like to think tht we have learned from what we hated as kids and are capable of finding a new way of communicating. I am lucky as my mother's health is basicly good except for polymyalgia. Even then I grow impatient when I feel she is not pushing her doctor hard enough. I want to tell her to do what I say because I know best. Do I really? Certainly with my mother that is not the best way to handle things. Outside of some typing errors, this is a very good piece of writing that has me really thinking. Lin
I am in complete areeement with everything expressed by this author. When my first husband died I was 31 and I went through much of the same from other people. I didn't have children then so in many ways it made the whole thing tougher. The thing I hated most was people saying "I'm sorry you lost your husband". It finally grated on me so much that I became a bit irrational and one day I snapped and said, "He isn't lost I know exactly where he is. He is dead!" I had a brief moment of feeling bad for snapping but then enormous relief that it was said out loud. I needed to make it real - needed blunt words. Everyone was dancing around and prettying it up. The only way to move forward was to get the anger and the grief out and while people wanted to help they didn't want to deal with the reality of saying the actual words. I'm sorry - I mean to say that this was a well written piece with some really good advice. I just had a nerve hit tht I thought was no longer sensitive. Thanks for writing this and helping someone else with your words! Lin
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