|This is a fun story, very reminiscent of the Family Feud of the seventies. You did a good job recreating that game show, and I especially liked the present tense POV. The use of that tense enhanced the mood and action of the story.
The irritating repetition of the question is well used, as is the host’s forced dialogue with the family members. And, I found myself wondering, “what are the right answers? Theirs sound good to me!” So, you drew me in well.
Here are a few of my personal observations:
See how nervous they are, how difficult it is for them to hold it together, especially the really hyper woman who is dressed like a teenager. Watch the cheerleader moves, trying to make this look like a team, filled with team spirit. Notice how some members of each group have not responded well to coaching I presumed the cheerleader moves were those of the family members, sandwiched as the comment is between observations about the families. But later on, you refer to the stage cheerleaders, so I wasn’t sure anymore about this. Also, as I read about the contestants, I wondered which was the hyper woman. She is introduced here, but not identified within the story.
He puts his hand briefly on Stan’s shoulder, then proceeds along the rest of the booth. I thought this sentence would read neater without “the rest of.” It’s just a matter of my preference for tightness.
Veronica throws her arms around him and plants a big one on his face.” You accidentally left quotation marks at the end of this.
“Well, isn’t that dangerous? I mean, if someone calls you by your last name, they yell “Shoot!” right?” The marks around Shoot should be ‘, not “.
There are occasionally some strange consequences, but they aren’t dangerous.” This phrasing rang a little unnatural for the dad. Perhaps he’s a character who would speak in this manner, but I wonder if he wouldn’t more likely say something like, “Sometimes strange things happen, but….”
Lily looks blank at first, and then aghast, as if he’d just implied that she was pregnant first, or that she was so ugly she must have had trouble finding someone to marry her. She stands there with her mouth open. Here again, just my preference, but I would have had no problem if you’d left out everything after, “aghast.” I got why she’d react that way – I did too!!!
The buzzer rings its bleeping sound, and Sherry’s chin sinks to her chest. The phrase, “chin sinks to her chest” pulled me from the action of the story because it’s a clichéd image interjected into your otherwise carefully crafted fictional reality.
“Kevin, I think the answer is: Go shopping in the air conditioned mall!” Georgene looks pleased with her answer. Oh, I wanted to read of the other family members yelling their agreement and giving high fives and shouting, “good answer!, good answer!”
Lily appears to have written down some good answers, and she tries to show them to Joseph, Here is another place I got dropped, this time because the narrator is suddenly giving me more information than I as a reader think he should have. Lily can be seen to have written a list, but the quality of the answers – good or bad – wouldn’t be known.
Lily’s expression, once again, goes blank If I’m missing something, please correct me, but I can’t find where Lily’s expression went blank the first time.
She looks frantically for her list, which, in her nervousness she had crumpled into a ball. It’s not there.----- I thought ‘Go Fishing’ would win and the game would be over. I balled it up and threw it away. First you imply she lost the list, then she says she threw it away.
I thought you took a creative approach to this prompt and you wrote quite skillfully. You did a good job painting the different families – one working together, the other not quite cooperating. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and I wish you good luck on the contest!