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2,323 Public Reviews Given
2,323 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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551
551
Review of Love's Immorality  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Elisa the Bunny Stik . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Love's Immorality"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A woman muses that men have no morals and that the dead are unable to commentate on which love is moral and which not.


*Quill*Commentary

Of course, this might have meant something entirely different to the author but the implication of the words to me is the above. So men's sordid impulses are what they call love but there is not even a hint of morality in that?! The dead cannot commentate.

If my interpretation of what you wrote is correct then I do find it somewhat controversial. My church wedding was about more than just getting laid and 21 years later I take my lifetime commitment very seriously and actually believe that given the resurrection of the dead I may well know my wife in the afterlife where we will be able to commentate on the morality of love.

So from my perspective, the poem was nonsense but maybe it applies to millennials who have no morals and do not believe in the afterlife *Wink*


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This is in a section called double cinquains but is this one? I guess a double cinquain would have 20x2 syllables. But this has 46. But it did do 4, 8, 12 for the first three lines which matches the 1,2,3 format

This is a cinquain:

Snow
Silent, white
Dancing, falling, drifting
Covering everything it touches
Blanket

Anyway, I do not really understand poetry formats but if this was a cinquain then it sacrifices sense for structure. If not it made no sense and was not what it said it was on the box.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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552
552
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw {item:} on the list of past Sci-Fi Contest winners. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Berenice and Auriga must now take their pet Perky to be put down. The onset of dementia has degraded their pet's life to a considerable extent. They view the action highlights of his life as they wait for the urn. Later they will make decisions on whether they need a new pet to fill the void...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I could really empathize with this having just lost a pet and having to go through this process. Then I realized what species these pets were...

This was hilarious and shocking but also implausible. The world you built here has aliens in abundance whereas we have found nothing out there except magnificent desolation.

You write extremely well. I especially liked this line:

He struggled to form a thought, but his mind was like a blackboard with an eraser swishing everything into a gray mess.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Days were spend making the final decision - were spent

Auriga carried Perky pass the massive oaken doors - Auriga carried Perky past the massive oaken doors


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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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553
553
Review of Moral Imperative  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, WriterAngel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Moral Imperative"  on the list of past Sci-Fi Contest winners. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A supersmart trans human called Adam can empathize with people more perfectly than anyone else alive. Confronted by Beth from the Department of Homeland Security he reads his true purpose and makes a moral decision about his future...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The big idea involves engineering a superhuman and giving him characteristics that make him empathetic to general humanity. Adam appears also to be able to project himself into the cloud, breaking through firewalls at a whim and destroying data and backups with a thought.

What would a person that smart and capable do with his gifts when confronted by those who wish to control his destiny for more sinister reasons? You had him sacrifice himself because he could see in Beth all the lies and hidden agendas that could destroy humanity. But first, he exercised his real super power and destroyed all the data on the basis of which he had been developed. What would happen with a human being whose morals were not informed and preprogrammed with that kind of empathy for the general condition of the whole human race?

It is implausible that a single finite, mortal, unwired human being would be able to do that kind of damage in the cloud and indeed know where to look for all the data stored there. Military-style backup systems are disconnected from the general internet and heavily encrypted so how would he obtain access?

It is not implausible that he would be able to read Beth's true motives and through her, those of the whole US government but that gift of discernment is available even to the author who wrote this story and who is not a transhuman.

You write well and with deep insight and this was a very powerful piece albeit a little implausible. I can why you won though.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You shift POV halfway through from Victor to Adam without any kind of sectioning.

None found


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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554
554
Review of Matilda  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, James Heyward . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Matilda"  on the list of past Sci-Fi Contest winners. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Max with his trusty sword Matilda is a scavenger in a post-apocalyptic world. He moves out into the wild far away from the relative safety of Rullytown. Here a fearsome cult dominates, they had already taken his fingers. Men branded with the twisted heart guard valuable relics and resources from the world that came before. He meets Spell a girl between 5-7 years of age when he kills her father and takes his wolf mask. Can retrieve the fortune he yearns for...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Max is part warrior, part Scavenger, and ideally suited for an apocalyptic landscape and especially wearing his trophy wolf mask. That he looks after the girl Spell implies a code of some kind even though he has no compunction about killing people for profit. Maybe he once knew and even liked her father.

The Phosphorous guns place the end of civilisation some distance from current technology levels, so maybe we still have time to avoid the end.

Your descriptions were gripping and the ending a dark surprise. I had hoped for some kind of happy ending there. Instead, you had a tragic thief standing in a burning forest having just murdered a man. The possibility exists that the girl also will die in the flames now that he is no longer there to look after her.

Very well written but a little nihilistic and a vision of a world that mixes tribal savagery with glimpses of advanced technology. Humanity has been there before many times...

I found some minor errors.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Across the yard a faint orange glow flickered within one of the collapsed building. - Across the yard, a faint orange glow flickered within one of the collapsed buildings.

the phos-gun discharged one of it’s barrels - the possessive form of its is its.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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555
555
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Odessa Molinari . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Charge of the Light Brigade"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A colonel and three privates in a landrover are on a mission. But "Muslims" shell their vehicle and the colonel is blown to pieces. Retrieving the orders from the Colonel's pocket they can only read a part of the message. In consultation with the command on the radio, they then decide to follow them...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The original charge of the light brigade was carried out by cavalry against the Russian guns in the Crimean war. It was glorious and suicidal and their meaningless sacrifice and courage are now immortalized in Tennyson's poem.

"Charge," was the captain's cry;
Their's not to reason why,
Their's not to make reply,
Their's but to do and die,
Into the valley of Death
⁠Rode the six hundred.

Here we have probably misunderstood orders being blindly followed yet again and implicitly with the same kind of consequence.

"Muslims" is a little ambiguous, is this a proper army or just a rag-tag terrorist outfit. Is it guerillas in the hills or a well-trained military force? In context, it sounds like terrorists so the artillery we are talking about might be a highly mobile RPG7 rocket launcher or a mortar. In which you might be charging towards something that just moves to a different place.

If the mission is to take out the guns then a sniper might be more effective and a more patient stealth attack that takes out both spotter and weapon handler and then spikes the weapons afterward.

Also if the attack which killed the colonel was on their landrover it sounds like their only option is the infantry one.

But we are not given the details just the order to charge.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It was short and apparently error-free.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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556
556
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, PureSciFiPlus . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Silent Communications"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Twelve-year-old James thinks he is old enough to be left alone in the house without a babysitter - he cannot talk and signs his views. His parents argue about this and eventually agree to leave for a couple of hours. In that time he manages to ignore an important message that could save his sister Alice's life and also slip badly on the stairs. He calls 911 and breaks a window to get their attention. His parents praise him...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

There are a lot of examples of miscommunication in this text. James struggles to get his parent's attention. The delayed receipt of the note relating to Alice, Patrick's failure to reinforce this note with a direct text to the parents, the inability to actually speak on the phone during the 911 call. Somehow James survives this effort, though as a parent I would not be praising his efforts following such disasters. He is lucky he lived in a small town where the lady at the police station already knows who he is and why he cannot speak.

There were some logical inconsistencies here:

How fast is James climbing the stairs? He drops some mayo and slips on it. He would have to be going quite slow for that to be a factor.

He knows the guy at the door by the first name Patrick yet is terrified of him.

Why didn't Patrick also text the parents when he realized that James had taken the message?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The first paragraph is a little confusing. His parents are arguing, James is trying to get a reaction out of them by doing ape-like chest-pounding. He cannot hear them too well and is getting no response yet he can do it. Do what? Why does whatever he is doing tell him they are talking about him? Pounding your chest is more a visual signal in a child than an audio one so if he is trying to create a sound to attract attention that is not very effective. Or do you mean that he has enough hearing to get the gist of what they are saying? Maybe you clarify this in paragraph three when you suggest he is not deaf.

You call James's parents by their first names, which is really unusual and sounds odd to most readers. Why not just dad or mum? Maybe you would call a stepdad or stepmom by first name but not your father or mother.

Slowly, James opens his eye and moves his head slightly. - why just one eye?


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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557
557
Review of Min  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Min"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Exploited and alienated workers work in a capitalist enterprise in Communist China. They come from the countryside to the city full of hope for a better life. They work long hours. When Apple officials visit the factory no one would ever know the reality of their conditions. Min moved here to escape the pressures and sexism of village life. She tries to better herself by learning English but her life is going nowhere. How can she let the people out there know of what is going on in her life and the lives of her fellow workers?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I liked the story and it had an important and worthy message to it also.

Min is easy to sympathize with and has a positive vibe to her with her desire for a better life and for self-improvement and indeed for taking the risk to communicate her plight and those of her fellow workers.

But our engagement with the person Min in this story is quite shallow. She suffers and sees suffering but does not share feelings or thought life. She effectively dictates the story from her POV. We get an angry mum chasing her with a stick, work colleagues that cannot hold a proper conversation, and tyrannical bosses who only say "do not talk, work faster." Her songs are suppressed and her dreams are crushed at every turn. In a world where every external force seems so negative, she still reaches out to the wider world to help her. But why, why should she trust that there is any love or compassion out there at all?

I was unsure how Min would even know about anything like a World Human Rights Association having no experience of such groups and living in such a tightly controlled environment. The ending was a surprise though and finished the storyline perfectly


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Probably commas but I am no expert on those.

Is it good place sounds like people think a Chinese person would say it which was OK.

You use British English.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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558
558
Review of Silent Wave  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, debmiller1 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Silent Wave"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jim is driving away from the approaching tsunami in Hawaii. His dramatic efforts seem to be paying off and it looks like he will be able to escape the approaching waters. But then he sees a lady sitting on her porch apparently oblivious to the sirens...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was exciting stuff and the whole, running from the wave, frustration with the traffic and blocked roads was really well done.

The challenge of communicating to a deaf lady at such a time-critical moment was also masterful. The image of her waving a kitchen knife through the window said it all. You included some fantastic lines:

clogged traffic arteries

He was more like a Chewbacca than a Luke Skywalker.

A woman, who was born deaf, learned to her surprise that sunsets were silent. She’d watched how hearing people reacted to large things. She’d decided that all big things must be loud. The bigger, the louder.

I really liked the Jim character. He was large and intimidating looking but with the heart of a gentle giant, and willing to risk his life to save this woman.

I am surprised the deaf lady did not pick up on visual clues like neighbors running or driving for their lives down her street earlier. If it was a back street that does not have to be a problem I suppose.

The last paragraph seemed to express a strong capacity for empathy in Jim as he considered what a world without sound would be like. But I did not really understand how that would be like drowning in a tidal wave, smashed by debris and swept away by the currents. Being deaf is an ongoing thing, not a catastrophic or sudden thing.

Thanks for a great story.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

And that a line of vehicles were following him. - line is singular so was not were

He could kick in her door in - He could kick her door in


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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559
559
Review of Imagine  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, fyn . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Imagine"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Big blue, three ceiling-high aliens are here with pointy fingers and Judgment Day in mind. Benson is tasked with saving the human race from its impending doom. His message is that "All Lives matter," and he must convince the human race that is true. His tool is Facebook and he has just 24 hours or we ALL die!...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was very amusing and well written, though I found the premise a little implausible.

I think you have to be quite thick-skinned to post on Facebook, on news sites for example. People can be extremely abusive and accuse you of all sorts of rubbish. It does not stop me as I like the "reality test" and enjoy a good fight, but I try not to make it personal and keep it focused on the actual arguments.

But if you had to save the human race using this tool with a message that just is not going to carry to most of them then we are probably doomed.

So good job that Benson manages to turn that pointy finger around and show the aliens the beam in their own eyes. In the end, his desperate appeal for people to just STOP the bickering for a moment and get on probably would not have worked out, as online bullies would have decorated his post with laughing faces and homed in on his desperation and weakness.

I did not know that John Lennon was in the stars now and that these big lumbering aliens were dancing to the beat of "Imagine all the people..."

The basic premise "All lives matter" is true in the sense that all are made in God's image and have equal potential for salvation. But in the end, a parent prefers their own kids over other people's children. Are the dammed really equal to the saved or the unproductive to the productive? American exceptionalism militates against the implicit globalism of Lennon's and the alien's message. It is an impossible sell and probably will never be true until God is all in all.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I realize you were quoting a moron but this was not grammatically correct:

"Your an idiot!! - You're

The would of splintering glass - sound?

FaceBook - Facebook


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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560
560
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, BScholl . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Gateway (1st Place)"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A strange blind boy called Passo seems to have a magical gift with the pictures he draws. The medical professionals do not believe him until...

*Quill*Commentary

I guess we all have favorite places in time and space where we would have liked to have lived. Most of those fantasies are unformed and most of us are torn between multiple destinations. But Dr. Gomez and Dr. Horiwitz both have clear pictures in their heads of the places and times they would have liked to have been. Passo draws these pictures and magically they are transported to them. This idea is provocative and compelling and makes me wonder where I would have chosen to go.

It is a cool concept and idea even if utterly implausible. Effectively it is time travel backward because inspired by historical memory or connection and that defies the known laws of physics which have time moving in a linear forwards motion only.

Also, there is no known force whether good or evil that would perform this historical teleportation. It is not a human power, nor a demonic or angelic one and from what we know it is not God's style either.

Still despite the impossibility of the concept, it was a cool and provocative, and well-written story.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Further I called the castle - Further, I called the castle (OR Furthermore)

“I thought you’d come.” Passo replied. - “I thought you’d come,” Passo replied.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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561
561
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Sandra J . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Mother Remembers"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Love letters were burned. Only messages from the children were kept.

*Quill*Commentary

The poem suggests these are the memories of a mother but the poem suggests that the kids Doug and Rick were writing to their father.

The poem provokes a lot of questions.
The letters suggest the father is absent and that the children will not actually be with him at Christmas time and will indeed only see him next year. So are these grown-up kids living away? Is the dad on military service? Why are these a mother's memories when she is not mentioned? So the letters were held ever near but not the children?

She seems to have considered all her other relationships to have been a waste compared to those with her children.

Age and experience lend perspective. Burning love letters from people where the romance came to nothing might give a sense of closure and affirm choices for a better, wiser lifestyle.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the sentences of your poem you capitalize mid-sentence inconsistently:

Capitalized:

Only a couple from Doug and Rick,
That I have saved from the fiery pit.

Not Capitalized:

Merry Christmas to you and
we'll see you next year!"


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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562
562
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, ~SilverMoon~ . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Appreciating our Gifts"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

How appreciative are we of each other? How much time, energy and feedback do we devote to each other? Are we being honest? Are we trapped in a difficult or stressful situation? Are we facing the consequences of our choices? Are we respectful to others? Is death the only way we can find peace? Are we happy with our lives and for having met those we love? Are we nurturing those relationships? All our works may have earned us a friend and were therefore not wasted. Every experience teaches us something.


*Quill*Commentary

This was a rather jumbled and disorganized collection of thoughts ostensibly focused on thankfulness and appreciation of others but actually expressing a world view and questions about reality.

The basic sentiment that we should be more outward focused spending more time, energy, and feedback on others is a good one and one that I share. As you say this is a choice that we can repeatedly make.

I will comment on the worldview that is expressed here. Since you refer to the bible I will do this from my own Christian perspective. You suggest the truth is something you value so I will give you honest feedback.

You talk about thankfulness but never refer to God who gives life, sustains it, and holds us accountable for our lives. So your account was mainly secular and therefore unable to answer many of the questions it raised about peace for example. Death is a punishment for sin but our sins can be forgiven and by way of resurrection we will live forever. Peace is not the absence of life but rather a state of being that comes from being in perfect harmony with God.

Your focus here is on finding personal value in living for others. But it is in living for God that we truly find the spiritual resources to continually outpour positive love and truth into other people's lives. This gives a meaning that lasts beyond this life also. People who try to give without this spiritual life-giving relationship with God ultimately burn out and their efforts come to nothing.

I found a lot of questions here but no really viable answers, but thanks for the questions.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

All which is an influence on my choices. - All of which is an influence on my choices.

consistant. - consistent.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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563
563
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Now What? . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Twing, Twang, Twung"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An absurd story about shrinking shoes, flat tires on borrowed bicycles, and teeth tormented by bubble gum are all the experiences of a two socked, one shoed dentist.

*Quill*Commentary

So how do you mark a deliberately absurd story? I guess the whole assessment of plausibility flies out of the window straight away. Nonsense does not need to be true nor even obey literary rules.

But this was entertaining and funny and the image of the dentist seated by the roadside yelling at his neighbor's bike with only one shoe on is going to stick a while.

You reinforced all my prejudices against dentists and a culture where they get paid for the amount of work and expense they inflict inside your mouth. I have never had a filling and guard my teeth against dentists by not eating copious amounts of bubble gum.

This was absurd and funny, thanks.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Dad here is not used as a name but to express relationship so a common noun, not a proper noun e.g.

The patient's Dad - dad


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564
564
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Redtowrite . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Some Thoughts on "White" Privilege"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A white girl grows up in a different world and time when blacks and white had separate bathrooms and you never saw a black man on the front end of a business in the white world. It is a story of Southern inequality and prejudice experienced by a Yankee family that did not have a black maid nor pay less of a wage to a black man than they would to a white. It is the world mourned in the film Gone for the Wind and celebrated by the man who took a Confederate Flag into the Capitol Building recently. It is a world exposed in songs by Bob Dylan and smashed by the Civil Rights movement and its martyrs. A world of white privilege.

*Quill*Commentary

As you said in your description this is indeed topical right now. You describe a world quite alien to me. I had a black friend I would play chess and squash with for example. He would beat me at both and I wanted to be as good as he was at those things. But I grew up in Britain. Slavery was outlawed here in the 12th century and even though slaves appeared in the 18th century for a time with the empire the abolitionists made sure this was not a permanent feature of our society in the early nineteenth century. People were still racist here but the experience was different and the inequality was not as deeply entrenched.
Black maids, in your account, might not be slaves as they receive a wage to pay their bus fares with and bring up their own neglected families. Nonetheless, they seemed a very strong echo of the servile nature of black people vis a vis white people in the Southern States.

Theologically it is an impossible thing to justify such institutionalized racism though I have heard people try using the language of separation from the book of Ezra to justify this. But Christians live under a different covenant and white guys are not Jews nor a people set apart. Being made in God's image, equally saved by a brown Jesus, and sharing the hope of a future with Him should erode these prejudices but it seems religion in the South often reinforces it instead with black only and white only churches.

When people say the South will rise again, that sounds quite ugly to me and summons up images of black guys in chain gangs while white aristocrats posture and gossip at formal parties. Gone with the Wind was a great film expressing the romance of the old Southern dream but it was abstracted from the realities on which that society was built.

I was interested that this prejudice was not money-related. Even the poorest white guy could feel superior and protected by his skin color while black guys like Ahmaud Arbery get shot while jogging by armed white guys who cannot tell one black guy from another and think they are all thieves.

It seems that even today this is an ongoing issue. The BLM protests with the pictures of burning cars and despoiled properties seem only to reinforce the prejudices of the whites about black people. But they also express such a deep resentment and denial of opportunity that I understand why they occur. Black people are waking up to the fact that they are equal to white people even though the wealth and privilege remain solidly concentrated in white people's hands.

It is quite frightening how deep the prejudice still runs and how high the dividing wall of hostility still is. It makes some sense to me of the American hostility to immigrants right now. In such a divided society the tribalism of whites, blacks, and Hispanics is still entrenched.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

They told me,“You ain’t nothing but a nigger loving yankee. - They told me, “You ain’t nothing but a nigger loving Yankee. (Yankee is a proper noun)

lightening bugs - Lightning

Wa ate at - We ate at

we parked in back - we parked out back OR we parked in the back

where many black businesses where - where many black businesses were


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Quondam  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Quondam"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A short 24 syllable poem built around the word quondam meaning erstwhile or former.

She had a soulmate, someone she loved, but they left it too late and now he is in heaven above.

*Quill*Commentary

I must admit words like "quondam" really annoy me. No one knows what they mean unless they have some obscure knowledge of Latin or walk around with a dictionary in their pocket. It sounds pretentious when people use such words in normal life because they then require that you ask what they meant. So it often sounds like a smart alec parading his jargon or protecting his territory with his own private language.

But in this context, you have used it to describe a unique person in your life. A special word is needed to describe what they meant and that irreplaceable quality now lost. So here a rarely used but precise word is used to describe a former soulmate. Others must make an effort to connect to it but that word fits now that they are gone. In this sense, the word expresses closure on that relationship with a special goodbye.

I liked this poem and I learned a new word.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Syllable count was 5,6,6,7 = 24

Should it have been 6666 to be perfect?


Thanks for sharing.

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566
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, isokarifrancis . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "QUOTES AND WORDS OF WISDOM"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

If we experience problems upsetting the smooth outworking of our plans we should persevere. Such things test our ability to persuade others to carry on.


*Quill*Commentary

This might make sense in some contexts and not in others.

It makes sense for a project manager or CEO faced with problems, rebellions, and grumblings amongst his workforce for instance. It makes sense for Moses in the wilderness leading a bunch of rebels to the promised land. But he also persuaded with things like the ground opening up and swallowing his enemies and by taking the sword to those who worshipped the golden calf. Or can persuasion include these nonverbal techniques also?

It does not work in an IT context where the hitches might reveal flaws in the fundamental concept, poor coding, deficient hardware, or a host of other things that words alone are not going to fix.

The general message of perseverance is when all around you are being fed to lions or burnt at the stake. When a mad emperor is burning down your neighborhood and blaming this on you is one that works for me though it may result in no big payoff in this life.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You spelled your twelve words perfectly. But maybe you could have made the same point with just ten words:

Hitches test the efficacy of your persuasive prowess. Relent not! or if you prefer your version then you probably need to add a "the":

Hitches bring to the test the efficacy of your persuasive prowess. Relent not!


Thanks for sharing.

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567
567
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Joto-Kai . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Notes from a Muse II"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jim's muse might be more than just a creative type dropping wonderful ideas into Jim's head. She might also be a practical type able to aid with the whole of his life. But she needs to be given the chance to flourish across the broad spectrum of Jim's life. He recommends you try the same with your own live-in imaginary friend.

*Quill*Commentary

The whole muse thing goes back to the Greeks I guess, then getting revived in the Renaissance. But really she is just an imaginary friend. I do not know why it is necessary to believe in her at all. Maybe she could be an angel or a demon but either way, human beings have enough going on to define their own creative process. Ideas have a way of coming through from our subconscious at all times of the day and night and a handy notebook can record the best of them with a little discipline. However, the creativity flow works, and whatever or whomever it is a response to, it should be something integrated into the whole of your life and not just the bit compartmentalized off for writing though. Spirit and soul are in essence holistic, not modularised, and as such composed of smaller components. There was a discussion about this theme on my newsfeed today. Should writing be fun or is it something goal-orientated? In practice, it is a little bit of both but I suspect that the people who burn out doing it must have methodologies that are not integrated into their wider life and experiences. They have automated something that has to be human to work and to connect to others, they have become so detached from the plots and words they are responsible for that they no longer have any energy or inspiration for the creative process.

This is another reason why I do not believe AIs will ever supplant authors. They may be able to identify key marketable themes and fill in templates that work as plots to cover those themes, borrowing prepackaged characters from history and the Metaverse and then blend in impactful methods and scenes those characters might participate in. But they will never have the human connection, creativity, and moral compass to articulate real reasons why this novel/film should be written at all and why people should read/watch it. There needs to be a reason to write and ultimately the best reasons are human ones: feeding a family, expressing a feeling, articulating a vision of how things could be, making sense of an experience whether painful or joyful... etc., etc.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the past I've sounded off - In the past, I've sounded off


Thanks for sharing.

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568
568
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Jay O'Toole . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "This World Without God"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

What would a world without God look like? Would it look like chaos, or like hell, would evil be free to cross all boundaries killing all?

*Quill*Commentary

Actually, a world without God would not look like anything. It could not exist in the first place and the balance between its elemental forces could not be maintained. Also, our capacity as beings made in God's image, to view the universe would not exist and so we would stare at it like dumb brutes. If God died the universe would not just break and dissipate it would cease to exist at all.

The Deist alternative of a universe set in motion by God but then allowed to run according to the laws and intelligence he programmed into it also does not work. It also tends to chaos, evil, and ultimately destruction. But it also implies that a God of love who took such pleasure in the act of creation could ignore His creatures. The Christian understanding of the incarnation of the sacrifice of the cross is a radical rebuke of Deistic thinking. God is with us but so also we have things to learn in a world where evil and the forces of dissolution and chaos and real and active in our lives.

This was a provocative poem that used the competition's words well. But it only really scratched the surface of the questions that it raised.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Its feeding on your flesh. - It's feeding on your flesh.

it sacrifices Earth, and sky. - If you are talking about the Earth as in a noun then it should be capitalized. But in context, this reads more like earth and sky. As in earth, water, sky, fire, and spirit - the five elementals of the ancient world.


Thanks for sharing.

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569
569
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A walk in the forest."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

They were visiting their son when then daughter called to say that their dog Mitzy had had an accident. The dog had to be put down and he missed the chance to say goodbye...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I was not sure what taboo words you were avoiding maybe "like" which you replaced with "It was as if."

You built the mood really well and described the contexts well. The story even sounded plausible up until the end.

My reaction to the punchline was an emotional "how cool," as I also have lost a pet and know what it is like to see them everywhere even when I know they are no longer there. But then I thought "Yeah right!" Maybe it was a dog that looked like Mitzy which you wanted to believe was her. I do believe in pet salvation when the pet owners are themselves saved and the pet was loved though.

You dragged me into the drama either way and I thought this was superbly written.

My favorite line:

After a while she cocked her head, as if a master in another realm was calling her. Giving me one last look, she turned and walked off into the mist.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used British/Australian English.

emphasising our loss . - extra space before full stop


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570
570
Review of A Feast of Hunger  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Feast of Hunger"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

They were hungry for each other when they met, exchanging vows and bursting with rich dreams. Hearts have been wounded by the years and the yearnings for each other have diminished. So much seems to have gone wrong. But as he drifts off he rediscovers the hunger for what could have been, if only it were not for his sins. He wakes to see her and in her embrace, the hunger fades and finally he understands.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have this food theme and this romance theme. Maybe they started with gourmet meals and now eat crumbs sort of thing. But then there is the play on the hunger they feel for each other which is transformed by pain, missed opportunity, and the years and yet still endures.

So the lover speaks of his beloved, of a mature relationship damaged by the years. Yet he finds new reasons to love and a new hunger that makes up for the deficiencies of the last years with all their pains and struggles.

From the sound of it, the beloved was there through all the trials, mistakes, and missed opportunities to build better and love more intensely. The hunger that comes when he considers the deficiencies of the way he has handled the romance is also a part of their shared bond. They made mistakes together, are still together and that is alright and the pains can still be forgotten when together.

It would be so easy to despair of love and yet it endures. It would be tempting to suggest that all yearning fades with time and struggle and yet new kinds of hunger recall the unity that has not faded and still endures. Yet even his mistakes and missed opportunities can bind lovers back together and that itself testifies to the oneness that was easy to see in early years and is still there when the sight for it has grown dim. Together they can face even their own history without hunger or despair.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Perfectly written


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Bar None  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, M. S. Bird . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Bar None"  via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man goes into a bar. The bartender seems to know him and what he drinks and the place looks familiar but he knows no names. He recognises a man whom he describes as a monster but does not say his name. But in this bar everyone must get on as it is just a waiting area between...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Only the bartender is named in this place with the odd name of Place. All other names exist outside the bar. The man who stars here was a woman with a sad life called Leah before he came in. Another man was a monster in the life that he was in previously.

The impersonality would fit souls between names and between lives I suppose but raises the question why the bartender did have a name. Also if there was such a difference between lives, such as gender for example, how come they always got the same drink?

I was trying to figure out what kind of religious outlook would fit this scenario best. Probably transmigration of souls without any kind of gender identity to the soul. The stopping place between lives smelt like Piss and Beer which sounded a little sensual in the circumstances. Disembodied souls do not have senses after all. I wondered how this whole scenario would work with couples though. Would they have to die together to live together next time round for instance. The whole endless wheel of existence also sounded a little wearisome much as the Hindus interpret Samsara.

So from my perspective this was fantasy supernatural as opposed to real supernatural as there is no such thing as reincarnation.

But it was well written and you engaged your readers very well bringing them into this bar with you and then chatting with the bartender. You set the scene well and provoked meaningful questions with this piece also.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Most of the flags came up in dialogue where there is more license. But you might want to check your commas.

Thanks for sharing.

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572
Review of Ghosted Memoirs  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Ghosted Memoirs"  via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A ghostwriter is sent to the house of an old colonel to help write up his memoirs. But it seems that somewhere along the line spectral wires might have gotten crossed...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Colonel Sir Percival Archibald Matlock Bertram OBE DSO is a very impressive name and he does have one of those fancy pull-down bells for the front door of his border-line manor AND he has a Butler called Jenkins. Sounds like an officer that came from money as no colonels salary would pay for this and he talks like a posh ex-public schoolboy to boot.

Really this story is a word game with the word ghost. Ghost-Platoon, Ghost-Writer...

You made me laugh even though the plot here is utterly implausible. Does one physically publish ghost books and on what kind of printing press is that done? What? Or are the texts purely virtual/spectral/other-worldly, old boy? How do you pay ghosts, they have no physical needs so money seems redundant, yet here is one working for a company. Do ghosts even exist at all? You are saved from the implausibility factor by putting it in the comedy genre however and you did make me laugh.

I liked the way that you built up the image of the colonel and his home. He was not an aristocrat but his titles and posh accent and house were on the fringe of that high society.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used British English and I noticed you used Afrikaner slang (katunda) for kit. I was wondering where you heard a military man use that word. I have heard South-African Afrikaner white military (apartheid-era) use words like that though not that one and I understand it was in the Rhodesian military vocab, maybe due to the contact they had with South African military types, but never British military, though I might be wrong and I guess it might hinge on when you date your piece and where his military experience was.


Thanks for sharing.

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573
Review of A Single Drop  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Paul . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Single Drop"  via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A nagging wife Beth scolds her partner Albert for his lack of ambition and failure to gain that promotion. He ends up in a bar drowning his sorrows. He is offered a wish by a woman with a magic potion for just 10 dollars. But he did not really think his wish through...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

OK so this is utterly implausible fantasy but it made me laugh. Shame you did not put it in the comedy genre.

There were a few mechanical errors. So this was a good piece with room for improvement.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the description:

He try’s something new with disastrous results. - He tries something new with disastrous results.

Aren't you ever going to amount to anything? - Are you ever going to amount to anything?


You are missing a comma:

I found Beth’s dress, underwear and a pile of dinner ingredients - I found Beth’s dress, underwear, and a pile of dinner ingredients


Thanks for sharing.

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574
574
Review of The Library Lady  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Mara ♣ McBain . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Unmarked Grave"  via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Kasey is only nine years old but already her life is full of too much pain. Now living with her disabled and impoverished grandmother after her mother deserted her she has found a happy place in the local library with Tricia. But when she does not show up to the party Tricia is worried, where can Kasey be?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Kasey is a wonderful character, mixing a heartbreaking tale of desertion and difficult circumstances with a love of books and a feeling of having found something resembling a family in the library with Tricia and the staff there. She is the kind of person who somehow you know will be loved despite her background and will achieve something significant as she overcomes the brokenness from which she came. But that does not things easy for her right now in the context of your immediate story where tragedy is heaped on previous pain and she is left alone in this world yet again. Well, alone that is until Tricia hugs and brings her into a world into which she also was once welcomed. Life goes full circle and we have the hope that things will work out.

Congratulations on being published. The piece definitely tugs at the heartstrings.

I do think there are some mechanical errors here though even though some occur inside dialogue where the rules can be more flexible. They still jar a little and I wonder if people would have actually spoken them like that.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You are missing a few prepositions and other words.

his crisp Deputy's uniform no costume . his crisp Deputy's uniform was no costume

I had phenomenal response - I had a phenomenal response

A couple different groups - A couple of different groups

and a couple comfy lap throws - and a couple of comfy lap throws


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Painter  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, CMBaker . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Painter"  via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

God must have had a really good dream last night to paint such a beautiful dawn sky. For the lonely commuter driving through the cold and the snow, this gift was a glimpse of heaven that he would never forget.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Many who believe have had moments like this when the sky itself seems like a personal message of exquisite beauty from God Himself. There is a place in the mountains here in Germany that I visit frequently and I have a bike down there to get to work when I am there. Every morning I climb this hill on my bike often arriving as dawn is breaking at the summit. Every time the sky is different, different colors and patterns, utterly unique and always beautifully compelling. At that time in the morning, there is rarely anyone else there and as you expressed so well in your poem it feels like a personal message as there are no other witnesses to it.

This poem resonated, thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used the word pastel twice.


Thanks for sharing.

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