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2,314 Public Reviews Given
2,314 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Each Sunday is a New Beginning"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

At dawn on Sunday, the poet gives a prayer of thanks for the week that has been and the opportunity of the week that is coming. She takes the opportunity of the peace and quiet to contemplate and meditate on the projects of the week to come.

*Quill*Commentary

Sunday is the day when Christians celebrate the resurrection and the dawn of a new era. The principle here was that in Christ all had entered into perpetual rest from servile labor and no one day was needed for a sabbath anymore. The Christian sabbath has however absorbed all the principles of the old Jewish sabbath relating to rest, refreshment, and spending time in prayer. Many in the early church had a sabbath on Saturday and celebrated Eucharist on the Sunday so after 6 pm Saturday, by the Jewish calendar. Catholics still do that today having mass at 6 pm, at least here in Germany. Since the reign of Constantine Sunday has been the official day of rest and that is now regarded as the standard Christian day of rest.

I understand the French tried to decimalize the sabbath setting it every 10 days. But they found it did not work nor correspond with the rhythms of our bodies which have a seven-day rhythm and with the failure of the revolution this project also failed.

I thought you were up quite early on a Sunday. I am the only member of my family who had that discipline on a Sunday, the rest take a lie-in.

My impression was that the poem itself was simple, pure, with no errors, but a little bland and descriptive. It did not really connect with any authentic feeling. You described the day and its defined social purpose as if using trigger words designed to gain acceptance but not how you actually felt.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the structure you defined in your notes. No grammatical issues were found.


Thanks for sharing.

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452
452
Review of I Know  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, ⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I Know"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The beloved knows what she can find in her lover's eyes. She knows what he wants, how he feels inside, and what he is capable of. She knows his qualities and most of all she knows his love. She can trust this man and count on him. His influence is redeeming on her soul.

*Quill*Commentary

This sounds like it was written in a situation that demanded that the beloved remind the lover of what he was capable of. Maybe distracted by work and other projects he had lost sight of his first love. Here she makes clear what he is capable of and of what kind of man she is with her.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the loose structure you set for this free verse. No spelling or grammar mistakes.


Thanks for sharing.

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453
453
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Laurie Razor . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Scanlines (Echo-Vision)"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The transition from analog to digital is not without controversy. The destruction of the old has prepared the way for the new. Not everyone welcomes the transition with its veiled gatekeepers, controlling and monitoring our data flows. Maybe there is cleaner freedom in technologies that do not connect with the online empire of Deep Tech.

*Quill*Commentary

The world is overwhelmingly digital now and backed up in data centers controlled by Amazon, Microsoft, and Google all around the world. In the current war in Ukraine, this interconnectedness was demonstrated as Anonymous hacked Tass and brought down Russian websites and the Russians do the same to the Ukrainians.

But is our data secure, do we want people controlling our access and watching our actions, listening to us through Alexa and Siri, recording our online activity, and compiling reports on us for ad agencies and governments alike?

Maybe there was freedom in the old technologies which did far less, far more slowly or maybe we are just slow to adapt to a brand new world.

I liked the provocation in the poem to think about a major computing transition of our time, raising all the right questions about that.
Also as someone familiar with the transition from tape drives to cloud backups, I liked the imagery employed here.

I think though that the transition is an advance, there are ways to protect our data and that with some wisdom the world could benefit from the changes. That said the dangers of our interconnectedness add an immediacy to the threat to all our data.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Will this vision clear? - Will my vision clear


Thanks for sharing.

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454
454
Review of Complicity  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Moulay Cherif Chebihi Hassani . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Complicity "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A lover reads a poem, even a novel, in the eyes of his beloved. Secret thoughts are unveiled and discreet reveries provoked. Love rules a conversation read by the lovers but deeper than words can fully articulate.

*Quill*Commentary

This is a deep connection between two people, a soul connection. The physical connection is hinted at but not described here. One can see a silence rich with meaning and desire that is deeper than words even though a novel describes and opens access to them. Love rules and fascination, desire, revelry, and interest connect this couple.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Like a fervent reader in of the novel he loves

I read in your eyes with a wide open book


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455
455
Review of Prim and Proper  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Norman . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Prim and Proper"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

She looked a little prim and neat but underneath she was more daring. But what she wore could not be beat, though it was not for public staring.

*Quill*Commentary

As they always say it is the quiet ones you have to watch out for. The apparently boring librarians and school teachers hide a sexy secret of some sort. You describe a woman comfortable with her own company and experimentation for her own delight. She rejoices in silky feelings and plays with colors and wild dreams. But on the surface she is silent and the world would never know her secret.

It is poems like this that make me look at the women I never look at in a different kind of way. I guess every woman has something interesting, fascinating, and intriguing about her. We pass people over too easily and very often because they themselves prefer their private worlds to a public stage.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Not a comma or period out of place, what are you hiding?


Thanks for sharing.

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456
456
Review of Truth  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Joy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Truth"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Written in the philosophical genre this piece is all about truth and about how it is vanishing. It ends with the prescription, to tell the truth rather than lie.


*Quill*Commentary

You suggest truth has already gone in 2022 and mourn that everyone talks false. But still, you urge us to the truth as the best policy. So is truth still here after all?

If humanity has already ended does that mean that your affirmations of truth and instruction to use truth as a weapon to win the reason of life do not come from a human being?

If no one is telling the truth then how do I know that you are?

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Your first sentence is meant to drag the reader in but would have lost me had it not been for your title.

Written in holy books that this very attribute would be lost by the end of this era. The sentence is garbled. Maybe you meant:

Holy books suggest that truth is fading with the end of the era.

Many sentences are quite awkwardly phrased:
Use this weapon and win the reason of life

Use this weapon to win new meaning for your life

Thanks for sharing.

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457
457
Review of Tom Clancy  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Geoff Cain I found "Tom Clancy"  when searching for articles on Russia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is a review of Tom Clancy's technothriller novel Red Storm Rising, a World War III novel, written at the end of the Cold war in 1986. It also includes an assessment of Dr. Helen S. Garson, professor of English at George Mason University who later gave a very politically correct review of Tom Clancy's writing.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I just checked my bookshelf and I believe this is just about the only Tom Clancy novel I do not own and so I have never read it.
Clearly, this is quite topical in the current circumstances as we return to full-on Cold war and an antagonistic relationship with the Russians.

Reading this with historical 20-20 vision we of course now know that the Russian military threat was vastly exaggerated and when Clancy wrote this, the year of Chernobyl, the Russian evil empire was on the brink of collapsing. It is unclear that NATO would have needed to resort to nukes to stop the Russian conventional advance as the war in Iraq just 4 years later demonstrated that tanks were pretty useless against the A-10 tank killers for example.

I was interested that oil was so important to the Russian economy at this time. Clancy's assumption that a terrorist attack on one oil platform would bring economic collapse was flawed. It was Chernobyl and the failure of the Soviet economy to match Western productivity levels that finally broke it.

I was in university in the eighties and can remember that political correctness was emerging even then though in the UK context it was often phrased in terms of opposition to Thatcher. I regarded most of them as Commie traitors pandering to a KGB agenda designed to weaken the West's opposition to Communism. When communism collapsed there was a time of exposure of many of these connections. But since then the pace of her agenda has gathered pace. She has all the female English professor hangups about characters before the plot and translates Clancy into some kind of Freudian framework that completely misunderstands the man. Military men have always been about the overall situation before personal feelings. He was focused on the issues and used his novels to make possible war scenarios come alive. By making them into stories he made them accessible to the rest of us and opened our minds to the clear and present dangers of his time. I can hardly remember any of the characters from his books but I remember the plots of all of them. They were personalized themes and place actors I suppose not real people.

Clancy's dead now but I wonder what he would make of the current crisis. It would make an excellent Clancy novel. In the background a secret arrangement between Russia and China with the Ukraine and Taiwan as the prizes for each. Putin's play on a weak European leadership so focused on the economy that they no longer feared the wolves at their door and had neglected their militaries to the point of near disaster. Despite years of warnings by increasingly marginalized Churchillian or Cassandra-like figures they completely missed what Putin was doing and of what he was capable of. Putin's ambition is to rebuild the Russian empire but now with the added moral legitimacy of Russian Orthodoxy as opposed to Communism at the heart of the nation. Does this mean he is no longer an obvious bad guy or does Russia remain the evil empire with an ex-KGB man playing the same tune to different words? Has political correctness made the West the bad guys and have we become weak because we listened to misguided feminists in the English departments of our universities? What will happen now that our eyes are open again? Maybe we will pick up some of those old Clancy novels and reread them now.

Anyway as fear and dark shadows return to our world or indeed appear for the first time in the experience of Gen Z I suddenly miss an author like Clancy. We need him or his successor back to articulate the big picture threats of our time.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

radio in to NATO HQ - radio into NATO HQ

but Edwards in shot in the leg

and instills himself as a head of the government - and installs himself as head of the government


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458
458
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, TheResistanceWriter I found "U.S. Sending Tanks To Baltic States"  when searching for articles on Ukraine. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Following Maidan and aggressive noises by Russia at that time the USA reinforced its presence in the Baltic states sending its "Ironhorse" armored cavalry unit. This was to reassure its Baltic allies of American support. But maybe Russia's perception of being surrounded by NATO countries is a valid one here. Maybe this action will just serve to escalate tensions.


*Quill*Commentary

Article 5 in NATO obliges all NATO states to come to the aid of each other in the event of an attack on one of their members. The Baltic states are in NATO and will be defended in the event of war.

Russia is annoyed at the spread of NATO into its old territories of Eastern Europe. Putin's vision includes the rolling back of NATO to its pre-1999 frontiers. This will not happen as NATO has become the guarantor of the freedoms of these eastern European states which have no wish to return to a Russian imperial arrangement in which their cultures were repressed and their populations oppressed. Their economies have boomed outside Russian control and they value their new freedoms. Underlying Russia's irritation is a sick version of nationalism that considers it absurd that Russia does not dominate the territories of the old USSR or indeed the Russian Empire. The world has moved on but Russia has not. The current war in Ukraine is in part about this. Also, Russia defeated Hitler and Napoleon by employing its geographical strategic depth. But with the fall of the Baltic states and Ukraine NATO is now within striking distance of Moscow and St Petersburg. It is Russia that needs to change here.

History is now repeating itself as war rages in Ukraine and NATO makes it very clear to Russia it will defend its people if attacked.

This article did not really address the real roots of the conflict.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The United States have sent a tank battalion - The United States has sent a tank battalion

it's "Ironhorse" - its


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459
459
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, GhostWriter27 I found "Why The U.S. Fears Russia"  when searching for articles on Ukraine. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This was written just after the Maidan which in 2014 overthrew the prop Russian president of Ukraine. It suggests that Obama was behind the coup and that the USA used lies and propaganda following the event to portray Russia as the aggressor.

Various accusations are made here against the Obama administration of which Joe Biden was VP.

1) NATO wants Putin gone and Russia strategically isolated.
2) Putin is not playing ball with a corrupt Western agenda and is a threat to the "Zionist" scheme.
3) America wants control of Ukraine's oil pipelines
4) America is waging cyber warfare against Russia
5) Maybe this conflict will go away when Obama is no longer in power.


*Quill*Commentary

There is some truth in what you wrote but also disturbing hints of anti-Semitism. You talked about opposition in Russia to a Zionist conspiracy but that is nonsense. Russia enjoys good relations with Israel and after the annexation of Crimea, Israel angered the USA by taking a neutral stance. More than a million Russian speakers emigrated to Israel after the Cold War and there are still family ties between the two countries.

As you say the overthrow of a pro-Russian president was supported by the USA but it was the Ukrainian people themselves that made that happen and indeed lost lives making that happen. The roots of the conflict in the Donbas spring from that decision and misreadings of the events. This in turn gave Putin his pretext for invasion on behalf of the "oppressed people of the Donbas."

The Obama administration and Biden by extension have a de facto antagonistic relationship with Russia due to its stance on LGBTQ and its nonconformity to American foreign policy objectives and from a personal dislike of Putin and his leadership style. Trump by contrast had good relations with Putin and the timing of the current war may well have been provoked by Biden pushing the 'Ukraine in NATO' agenda.

The oil pipeline commentary was a little confused. Pipelines are useless without oil or gas in them and that all comes from elsewhere. Much of the oil and gas transits Ukraine to Western Europe. The Russians have alternate routes through Belorussia and with Nord Stream 1 in the Baltic also. Americans have consistently opposed Russian gas supplies to Europe because that created a strategic dependency and vulnerability. This was clearly true as recent events demonstrate. However, the idea that America can supply fracked gas to Europe at a 40% markup in price from the Russians is also delusional. Germany is buying LNG from Qatar in the current crisis.

America did launch cyberattacks around the time of Maidan which makes the whole Democrat hatred of Russia and blame of them for the 2016 election all the more interesting. The Russians gave them a taste of their own medicine when they hacked Hillary's emails. Russia was a major issue through the Trump presidency as a result of this.

The conflict did go away under Trump as Trump never suggested Ukraine in NATO which is a red line for Putin. Biden brought it back up and now we have a war. Russia regards Ukraine as its own backyard. It seems increasingly clear that the Ukrainians themselves do not share that view.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

the west's - the West's

They are a strategic importance - They are of strategic importance


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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460
460
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, JCosmos I found "World war 111 Fearful End of Days"  when searching for articles on Ukraine. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poem predicts that the current conflict will spread into a wider nuclear conflagration and indeed begin World War III. Following that, we will be plunged into a new Ice Age.


*Quill*Commentary

I guess I am not the only one who has been disturbed by this war and who is worried about what it means in the long run for the international order that has kept the peace the last 75 years.

It is becoming increasingly clear that Russia does not have the resources to annex the whole country to itself let alone challenge NATO countries with their vastly superior militaries. It may yet fail to take the city of Kyiv for example and install a puppet regime in the city. Of course, a disgruntled Putin might not take failure very well but so far he has not shown a complete lack of discipline and there is a rational coherence to his mindset born of a sick Russian nationalism here. The most likely scenario right now looks like the annexation of the Eastern part of the country with the Dnieper river as the new frontier. So Russia will probably achieve the bulk of its military objectives and then take the sanctions-hit to its economy. It will build new links with China while its links with Europe and the West will wither and die.

Your poem assumes a jump to nuclear war but Russia has nothing to gain from this and everything to lose and NATO will not start this. Thus it expresses the fears of a new Cold War in which the threat of nuclear annihilation hangs over us all but hopefully not the reality.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

World war 111 - World War III

Starts the new ice age, You ended the poem with a comma having used no punctuation through the rest of the poem


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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461
461
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, JACE . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Shattered ... Dreams"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Tanka poem is written with a line count of syllables (5,7,5,7,7). This one describes, quite topically, how the negative words of politicians could quite easily drag us down. At such times we and especially children need a reminder of Christmas joy.

*Quill*Commentary

Having been glued to the TV and debating forums for much of the last two days talking about the conflict in Ukraine I found this quite helpful. In fact today after work I stayed away from the news and picked up my bible and had a quiet time and then reviewed a friend's Christian thesis and spent time with my family. We now have a cool new birdhouse nailed to our silver birch tree. It is good to get our focus back where it belongs before we go back to swim the sharks.

This was a refreshing read.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The syllable count checked out.


Thanks for sharing.

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462
462
Review of The Natural End  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Ryguy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I noticed "The Natural End"  while browsing your portfolio. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

What if our soul was detachable and observable? This story explores a child and his parents going to view a soul on view on the Smithsonian in Washington DC. The soul belonged to a Sam Keeley, It is examined by the experts and is quite unlike anything ever seen before. There was a terrorist incident relating to the first soul found but then another turned up...


*Quill*Commentary

So the idea here is that a soul can be viewed and that once detached it can be poked and prodded because the dead person no longer has any use for it.

If it were visible why has no one seen it before these incidents? If could not be melted why was it destroyed by the terrorist explosion? How do out-of-body experiences work if the soul is physical? Why did souls only turn up in the USA?

There have always been competing outlooks on what happens when you die and what resurrection or rebirth would look like. You make the soul and body integral to each other such that the one cannot survive without the other. This would destroy the Hindu understanding of reincarnation and the transmigration of souls. It would also mean that those who hold to the view that we are not conscious between death and resurrection were right. It would require a complete recreation for us to be resurrected by this position.

Ultimately this is a kind of materialism that is very refutable. If you examine any human body you should be able to find its soul. Since before Galen fixed or autopsied wounded or dead gladiators we have pretty much known that the soul was not something that could be found but rather an animating and intangible presence that leaves us when we die and without which we could never exist.

Thanks for the provocative piece.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A group of friends were having a barbeque at one of their houses. - A group of friends was having a barbeque at one of their houses.

they heard the chirruping siren rushing down cul-de-sac - they heard the chirruping siren rushing down the cul-de-sac

I’m sorry about - I’m sorry about...

this roiled most every kind of institution. - this roiled almost every kind of institution.

not as an ordered timeline but more like complete lifeline. - not as an ordered timeline but more like a complete lifeline.

There will be lots of policeman - There will be lots of policemen


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463
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Review of Cupid's Arrow  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, BlackAdder . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Cupid's Arrow"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Mr. Fong is the journalist ambassador for his own planet visiting the Eden-like planet of Sanctuary. They have a thriving biochemical industry and vital drugs needed by Mr. Fongs' planet. Kenneth Tram is the chief negotiator for Sanctuary. His willing associate is Miss Lisa Chang. One drink of cider and the negotiations take on a whole new flavor...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Tram is a sort of antagonist to the protagonist Mr. Fong. But this is no war, just a ruthless negotiation in which chemically induced love is a tool of the trade. Lisa is a willing accomplice to the trade tactics as she is already a fan of Fong's writings. It is almost as though she made a rational assessment of his suitability as a partner and then a decision that she knew would be confirmed by the chemical process she submitted to. Was her love any less real than that which grows naturally in the context of arranged marriages to which children submit out of respect for their parents?

Fong by contrast is technically a victim as it was not his choice to be drugged and chemically induced to betray his girlfriend and to fall in love with Miss Chang.

The biochemical here is far more sophisticated than I believe is actually possible including desire, attraction, and attachment to a singular person as a result of the action of the drug. The mix of hormones and also emotional- thought processes that swirl around in each of our personalities are here reduced to a simple scientific formula but it is not that easy. Non-specific impersonal lust would be plausible but a specific addiction to a specific person is much harder to induce. I wonder how long-lasting the effect is. Is it a honeymoon effect that wears off after time or a long-term change that links two people? Will there be after-effects? Do they both have to keep drinking a regular glass of cider?

I guess Tram has confirmed the value of his products and cultivated the basis of a long-term business relationship in this new young love partnership between Lisa and Mr. Fong. That is unethical in a society in which individual freedoms are valued over the good of a community. The Sanctuary citizen was given a choice to participate for the good of her people. But the only benefit accrued by Sanctuary appears to be an economic one so it does seem self-serving by Tram and Cupid Inc.

A very thought-provoking piece. I liked the concept and found this entertaining and high quality. I think attraction and attachment and indeed real love are probably too complicated to pull off biochemically so in my own response I just went with lust.

There were a few mechanical issues.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Rare ivies with lavender blooms caress the light fixtures - Rare ivies with lavender blooms caressed the light fixtures

But when he raised his eyes again, he found the young lady poring into his own over her own drink - But when he raised his eyes again, he found the young lady boring into his own over her own drink

Was it her face, he voice? - Was it her face, her voice?

Lisa Chang's name - Lisa Changs' name (No one ever follows the rule but the singular has the apostrophe after the s and the plural before it. Or so I discovered recently)

"You'll bring 5000 units him to your government, at the price of five million credits.

What did you to me? - What did you do to me?

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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Review of Cold Coffee  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Chris Breva . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Cold Coffee"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

If the truth be told
The coffee is cold
The coffee is not hot
You silly clot!

Yes, I started this review in a flippant mood.


*Quill*Commentary

I have a special coffee mat beside my desk which I rest my coffee on. It keeps it hot. I heartily recommend this to avoid the catastrophe above.

This is my last review of the day but you have me thinking about my morning coffee already. It shall be hot


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was 4-4-4 in syllable count. Now a haiku is 5-7-5 so I was wondering which oriental version you were going for here.

So I am guessing this is a Chinese Lu Shi-type Ssu Yen Shih poem with three quatrains of four syllables but this apparently requires a rhyme so scratch that.

Oh, it was in the description: Than-Bauk.

So you had to rhyme the 4th from the 1st, the 3rd from the second, and the 2nd from the third.- DONE

And you managed to entertain with talk about coffee. This is not actually that bad on reflection, though it took my tired brain a while to work that out. This is my caffeine low point of the day though.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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465
465
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, travellingmind. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The uprising of the Fae"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A bunch of Fae, that could not pay, are running away.
A bunch of Muggles, possess and oppress their town, causing them distress.
Maybe they can fight for what is right...
as moonlight hits still water on hidden forest lakes...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I am no fan of fantasies and groaned a little when I landed on this one and saw the genre. Stories relating to implausible creatures with magical powers who are staring in from dark forests at the world of men just seem fanciful to me. When they get a real job maybe the fairies can wag their fingers and expect to be listened to. Until then, slap on the chains and let mankind teach them how to work for a living.

That said I could take your story as one of injustice and oppression. Maybe then in these two young people there is a beginning of a chance of a fightback.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Humans have casted us out for hundreds of years - Humans have cast us out for hundreds of years

I dosed of staring at lake. - I dosed off staring at the lake.

We have a lot do - We have a lot to do


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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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466
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Review of Still Fragile  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, fyn . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Still Fragile"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The life of a young woman is described in this poem. It started abstract and removed from the troubles of the world. But happiness cannot be found where you cannot be hurt. Then she lay like a broken doll, cast aside, and saw a different world. Someone new came along and everything got fixed and happiness came alive. She found her heart was softer and more colorful than porcelain and she found the courage to look outwards. She persevered through joys and pains. There is a man beside her trying to help her through her current pain and a dog cuddled up at her feet. There is little the man can do though except just be there for her, through the storm. Outside the wind sounds like a child crying.

*Quill*Commentary

My lucky day today, I just keep getting the good stuff.

I love these kinds of poems, so full of drama and real-life with heartache and happiness as two sides of the same coin. Here we have a woman becoming more and more real. Her courage was rewarded with real love but her true strength in that decision to keep on going and not allow the world to drag her down. She finds the courage to love, the strength to persevere and even this storm shall pass.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was free verse and content-driven, the emotions carried and I did not notice any errors


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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467
467
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Redtowrite . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Jealousy Spins out of Control"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A famous artist called Phillip Waring has two daughters. He loses his wife as she gave birth to his stillborn son. He brings up the twins Anita and Alice in an attempt to give equal love but the extroverted Anita was always more accessible and he ended up painting her more. The introverted Alice studied psychology and never left home. Finally, things come to a crunch when the father dies and the daughters are alone with what they have inherited...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The father, his art, and Californias beautiful mountains provide the perfect backdrop to this story. Twin daughters share the same genetic history, though different appearances and also experiences. They diverge in classic introvert and extrovert directions. Alice looks inwards, does psychology, and watches as her feelings go sour and jealousy comes to dominate her darkness. Anita by contrast is out there, interviewing other people than herself as a journalist, falling in love and making babies. It is her outward focus full of joy and positive energy that inspires the artist rather than inward Alice who never comes out to play. I guess also that living at home with a sexually active father Alice may well have risked meeting whatever latest young girlfriend her father is sleeping with at the breakfast table.

Alice burns out, goes toxic and dark, and then when her father dies seems to lose her marbles entirely.

This journey through madness did not end with Anitas or Rosie's death but rather with Alice on fire.

Your story had art, madness, life, and Alices false reflections.

Phillip is the center of the piece with both daughters spinning in his orbit. One daughter flying too close to the sun and having her life burnt away the other in a further orbit continually called to in Phillips' art.

The narrator here was a very strong omniscient figure and this was more a tell than show kind of story. But I thought it worked very well as the narrator never really stepped beyond the bounds of the father's understanding until that is his death when everything becomes unhinged.

It is only then we get the real dialogue and interaction between the two girls liberated from their fathers' life but in his house, in the world that he created and overcast by his shadow.

This was powerful stuff and I am glad that the innocent Anita got away and that a kind of justice was done vis a vis, Alice.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Maybe some commas, but I did not really care, it was a great read.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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Review of Good Mourning  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Good Mourning"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In the rush of the Tokyo morning rush hour subway, two people, Kumiko and Keith, lose a shoe...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

A charming romantic story bringing a couple together. I thought you captured the experience of the subway very well. It reminded me of the London Underground in rush hour or indeed the Metro in Paris.

This was also very amusing and I could imagine him in the train with someone treading on his toe

I used to work for a Japanese company and the work culture sounded similar to the telephone conversation. Also, the whole honor thing, showing respect at every turn.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You shift POV during the story. This might have been better done with separators.

Keith points downs, - Keith points down,


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469
469
Review of Lara's Revenge  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, BlackAdder . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Lara's Revenge"  on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Lara's parents were killed by the pirate Xavier Blackhand. She wants revenge but instead chooses to collect the bounty on two goblins...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Lara's motives are revenge. She seems clever and in the end, outwits the protagonist Xavier Blackhand. But her feelings and her heart remain inaccessible to the reader and she is hard to empathize with. Revenge seems a little petty a motivation to build a character around to me.

Xavier Blackhand the protagonist is just doing what pirates do and people just seem to die on the way. He may be able to justify his lifestyle to himself but he is going down. He is not really developed enough in this story.

Obviously, this is set in the future, there are plausible explanations for the existence of goblins ie the Gene Wars. You are quite innovative in explaining the dress codes and landing protocols of such a future. I found the detail a little overwhelming and it distracted me a little from the flow of the story.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Alice's crisp synthetic interrupted voice her thoughts. - Alice's crisp synthetic voice interrupted her thoughts.

Pricacy - Piracy

she fired the shaped charge at hangar wall - she fired the shaped charge at the hangar wall

Was it?, Lara asked herself. - lose the comma


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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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470
470
Review of The Missing Arm  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Paul . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Missing Arm"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

She ( she does not have a name) is dancing with him (He also does not have a name). Suddenly she feels a hand in the small of her back. But he does not have an arm around her having lost his in a motorbike accident. None of this makes any sense...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So just a phantom appendage would be useful for those times you forget your keys. Whether or not it was controlled by that piece of metal the surgeons could not reach or indeed if he would know that was what was causing the phenomena is more controversial.

So there are some obvious romantic possibilities in public spaces to having an invisible arm. It was a cool idea actually.

The prosthetic industry has developed a lot in recent years and prosthetic limbs have become quite proficient at duplicating lost functionality. But actually having an invisible arm could also presumably mean wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a glove would also make it visible if that were wanted. Sort of like the Invisible Man used to do with the fake skin, glasses, and clothes.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You use the number 3 when you could have written out the word three.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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471
471
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Paul . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Legend of Grippa"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Legendary warrior Grippa was bigger and stronger than the rest of his Slee clan. He could wield the great hammer and kill a man with a single blow. When the Kelk's attacked he took down a hundred before the last pike finished him.

Now the author, a young man of just seventeen has arisen to wield the hammer. A new Grippa to defend the Slee against the Feloff.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Grippa sounds a little like Conan the barbarian. He wins his battle by sheer brute force with little skill involved. He wins because he has the muscles to wield the Hammer and because his enemies are apparently stupid.

You would have thought the Kelks would have gotten a little creative with bows and arrows or slingshots or something to bring the guy down rather than trying to match his obviously superior strength. In the end, they use a pike which, had they approached from multiple angles at once, could have worked a lot earlier. Throwing spears or firing arrows or stones would have been a better tactic though. In this sense, Grippa's victories might have more to do with the failure of the Kelks battle tactics.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grippa died 110 seasons ago but the Hammer has stood there only 100 seasons so I guess Grippa was not the last person to use it.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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472
472
Review of Swimming  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Swimming "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An Aussie writes about swimming and the experience of aging also. She is thankful that she can swim.


*Quill*Commentary

The stereotypical Aussie is a bronzed sports fanatic beating England at cricket in the morning, surfing the big one on Bondi Beach in the afters' and then a quick 2 mile swim before jogging home carrying a surfboard barefoot 5 miles. But what happens to these bronzed super people when they pass thirty. Apparently, they just keep on swimming...

I think a guy looks in the mirror with a less critical eye than a woman which is why I still have the self-perception of a Greek god. But I have noticed a speed differential with my younger self. I was in the twenty-thirty seconds' range for fifty-meter sprints and now I pace at about 50-60 seconds over much longer swims and for a sprint would be very lucky to break 35 seconds with a dive and a tumble turn in a 25-meter pool. I used to sprint a 200-meter Butterfly now I do a regular freestyle 1500 meter and can just about manage to complete the distance of an embarrassingly slow 100-meter Butterfly.

I can measure a decline in performance by my times but you seem to measure it in appearance.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major found


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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473
473
Review of Passion  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Mark Tiwo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Passion"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A lantern poem about an angry heart in which love and hate rage like a storm. He craves peace and heartsease.

*Quill*Commentary

Well, that was quite ingenious. You kept the lantern format and managed to make sense at the same time.

I loved the contrasts of love and hate, storm and gentle spell, passion and peace.

Also, you taught me a new word: Heartsease. Apparently, it does exist.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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474
474
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, BScholl . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Love at First Bite (1st Place)"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Marty is sitting in the doughnut shop eating caramel cremes. Amy walks in and makes a very large order. Marty makes a suggestion and she likes his choice. Is this for a massive party of people? Will Marty be invited?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well, the ending caught me by surprise. I really thought she was buying for a group. I guess the fact that Marty had already had three creme caramels should have given it away.

This was a pre-pandemic piece when obesity and a public setting were not regarded as providing the underlying comorbidities and opportunities for covid to trigger hospitalization and death.

But hey love is love and you made even gluttony and big round blobs sound funny in this piece.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


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Review of Hollow  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Lunar . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Hollow"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet is adrift in a silent space, surfing waves and floating. The only sound is her heartbeat but there is a sense of detachment even from that as the distance grows. Her body is cold and her mind is still. When someone asks her how she is feeling and jars her back to reality the simple answer is that she feels nothing.

*Quill*Commentary

Having done a bit of surfing in Cornwall I am not sure I would ever use the word gentle to describe the experience. You hit a wave wrong and it will chew you up. The adrenalin rush when you hit one right is also quite exhilarating. The experience of lying on a surfboard in a calm ocean might be soothing and gentle though.

This reads a little like a trip but without the high. The poet is afloat in a world detached from all others and all feelings. Even the opportunity of human contact reads like an interruption of the internal dreamlike state.

This has Buddhist overtones with the notion that detachment from feeling and desire is the way to also be freed from suffering. If you feel nothing then you can feel no pain, just observe it from a distance. But I wonder if this is a kind of deadness. Someone cares enough to ask you how you feel but you feel nothing.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major found.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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