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LightinMind

Review Requests: ON

2,435 Public Reviews Given

2,435 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

I'm good at...

More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.

Favorite Genres

Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.

Least Favorite Genres

Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.

Favorite Item Types

I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.

Least Favorite Item Types

Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.

I will not review...

I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.

Public Reviews

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451

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4665000

Review of The Baha'i Response To Racism

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating

. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

"The Baha'i Response To Racism"

was listed on the Raid Review member list for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Since the oneness of mankind is an axiomatic spiritual truth founded on divine truth rather than human imagination racism makes no sense. The barriers and prejudices we erect between ourselves are imagined rather than real yet highly destructive also. Can we become one people?

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Critical race theory meets Bahai religion in this critique of systemic racism based on the supposed oneness of mankind. We need to come together and racism and prejudice are in the way of that.

As a Christian, I have always found Bahai rather naive. There are clearly people in this world bent on evil and the recent war in Ukraine, which Putin describes as a sort of reunification of estranged peoples by force is illustrative of the real forces at work in human nature. Mankind has never been united and never will be. Even with the return of the Messiah, the sheep will be separated from the goats, the one for eternal life and the other for eternal damnation.

But racism is stupid and I agree that this is an ugly prejudice we need to shed. Men were universally made from the dust by a Creator who fashioned them in His own image. That inherent dignity crosses all races. Creationists would go one step further to describe a unity of ancestry in Adam and Eve and then Noah. Evolutionists have more problems in overcoming the developmental distances between races with a rationale for shared dignity. Christianity also regards all people, regardless of race as equally capable of being saved by Christ and his sacrifice on the cross opening up the possibility of an eschatological future with God again regardless of race. The church has always been populated by people from every racial background.

The one mankind vision fits a lot of New Age thinking about a One World Government and the empowerment of an UN-type global government. Like the John Lennon song 'Imagine all the people...' it is a morally relativistic vision, is not centered on Christ, and is therefore doomed to fail.

There were a lot of spelling mistakes in this piece. I list some in the mechanical section below. Also, about a third of the work was taken up by quotes rather than direct writing. Maybe the quotes could have been shorter and their content summarised.

Mechanical issues

SPELLING:
determing - determining
o f - of
ans - as
blood shed - bloodshed
iold - old
effected - affected
neighter - neither

We have created you all form the same substance - We have created you all from the same substance

the imagined ones still persists - the imagined ones still persist

and the foundation of prosperity of the world will be destroyed - and the foundation of the prosperity of the world will be destroyed

and is one the the chief impediment to peace. - and is one of the chief impediments to peace.

the pivot round which - the pivot around which

Its message is applicable onlt only to the individual

but stands inseparable, associated with

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

452

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662702

Review of Thunder Cover

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, Words Whirling 'Round

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Thunder Cover"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Describes a couple in bed experiencing a thunderstorm passing overhead. It describes uncertainty, fear, intimacy, and finally peace with love.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I could not find anything wrong with this. It was nice to just sit back and enjoy a poem for a change. The approach of the storm, the synchronization of thunder and lightning at its peak, and then its slow retreat was handled masterfully.

My wife and I will generally open the blinds when a storm passes to watch it. We are both fascinated by such events. When I lived in England I think I was a little stupid in thunderstorms running out to greet them, getting soaked to the skin. They were a testimony to the power of God and indeed still are to me. But in the last few years, I experienced a major storm in the mountains of Southern Germany that literally ripped a forest apart striking down tall mature strong trees in a ferocious lightning storm. Now I am not so glibly accepting of the special effects that storms provide.

Mechanical issues

None.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

453

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662697

Review of Come gently, oh, garland of clouds

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, jaya

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Come gently, oh, garland of clouds"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The beloved sleeps while clouds approach. The lover gazes upon the beloved and pleads to the clouds not to come too quickly, not to startle her out of her slumber with thunder. Give him just a few more moments to bask in her beauty before the rains come and drench them both.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved this. The language complemented the sentiment perfectly. The feeling that the approaching clouds would shut out the sun under which this beauty basked. It was a warm comfortable moment in time when everything was perfect, and even though the clouds loomed staying in that moment seemed the best thing possible.

The lover assumes a lot about his beloved thoughts. She dreams golden dreams of destiny, sweet dreams of rainbow-colored vistas of delight. She is the picture of angelic innocence and "divine" beauty. You make the contrast between this natural simplicity of a beautiful woman sleeping while her lover watches her and the material world which seems stressful and empty by contrast. Of course, she might have been dreaming about a visit to a shopping mall.

Getting a little wet in a hot place as a result of cooling rain is not as bad as it would be in another country where the temperature is much lower.

Mechanical issues

None

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

454

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662696

Review of What are the amazing results if you

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Baba

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "What are the amazing results if you "

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Drinking hot water has amazing health benefits. We need to drink more hot water. The Chinese think the health benefits are obvious. It can protect you from cold weather. Ease digestion issues reduce constipation, increases fat digestion, clears sinuses, reduces stress, helps weight loss, and helps the body excrete toxins. So drink more hot water!

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There is some science to support these claims though you assert rather than demonstrate here and you offer no sources. The most important thing is to drink enough water. Staying hydrated gives many of these benefits you listed and cool water is better for rehydration of thirsty people. Drinking water over 71C (160F) will cause scalding. It might have been good to define the safe range of what is hot water.

Personally, as an addictive coffee drinker, I can say that I find hot water more interesting than cold water. I drink a lot because of that. But after exercise I want a cold drink to rehydrate not a hot one. On a 13km run in 30C, I will lose 1-2 liters of water and I want that back cold.

The Chinese have a lot of folk remedies and believe in them with some passion. It is a part of their cultural identity and promotes unity and a holistic shared approach to life. But most of these: acupuncture; alternative medicine, are scientifically little more than placebos. Drinking hot water is good advice mainly because drinking water per see is good advice.

Mechanical issues

You miss two question marks in your opening paragraph.

What are the amazing results if you drink hot water every day? Why do people in China drink hot water?

According to a research, hot water is present

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

455

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662603

Review of The Eternal Question

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, 🌖 HuntersMoon

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "The Eternal Question"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Does my bottom look big in this dress? The lady wants to go to the ball and she asks the magic mirror how she looks. The mirror does not lie, but did she hear what it said?...

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Very amusing poem and loved the magic mirrors creative use of language:
"You used to be quite heavy but it's all behind you now!"

Having paid for the dress and in the desire to meet a Prince maybe she was not really listening as hard as she should. Hey but even fat people can pull and maybe she did not need to look perfect for the ball.

A recent trip to Versailles and a study of various corpulent nudes in the paintings there revealed that in the eighteenth century, the skinny woman was the ugly one.

Mechanical issues

None.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

456

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662602

Review of An Old Familiar Dream

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, James Heyward

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "An Old Familiar Dream"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Sandra rejected Alec Dormond in favor of her beloved Patrick. Alec attended the wedding, followed them back to their honeymoon cottage, and killed them both. Driven by the guilt he created a large business empire and charitable giving. But can these stave off the nightmares that plague him still about that day 35 years before?...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Alec Dormond is a businessman, philanthropist, and most importantly the murderer of the only woman he ever really loved. The story is told from his perspective and he is the only real rounded character discussed here.
Sandra was a woman torn between two loves who rejected one in favor of the other as gently as she could. She apparently married Patrick only two weeks after meeting him for the first time which sounds impossibly fast. But no ulterior motives are discussed here.
Patrick is the man she married and died with.

The story reminded me a little of Macbeth and the guilt of the one who killed him.
"Noughts had, all's spent, where desires got without content, 'tis better to be that which we destroy than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy." His business and charity success could never wipe away the guilt from his soul and ultimately he is consumed by the nightmare of what he has done.

The choice of suicide device was a powerful addition to the storyline.

Mechanical issues

headed for the the bathroom.

she looked away, for only the briefest instant, than back - she looked away, for only the briefest instant, then back

but it was the Sandra’s gown that caught and held his attention

cutting of his scream - cutting off his scream

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

457

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662600

Review of Lisp Sync

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, Words Whirling 'Round

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Lisp Sync"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Humorous poem attempting impossible rhymes that require the stereotypical lisp of a gay man to pull off.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I thought you made up the word cunth but apparently, it has various meanings:

In the Urban dictionary: A fractional unit of linear measurement used in the construction industry.

In Chaldean numerology, it is the number 5. In Pythagorean Numerology it is the number 3.

Unfortunately, none of these units of numerical measurement really apply in this case. So taking the gay lisp thing in what is probably an American context were you talking about chilly truth? Maybe gay guys sound different in Germany I could not find a way to make the conversion from truth to cunth but hey this is comedy and it worked regardless.

Also, do gay poets have a slam technique for poetry? Maybe different kinds of gay people would respond differently to that.

The poem was funny and quite inventive.

Mechanical issues

Nah. But cannot say that with a gay lisp.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

458

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4662599

Review of The Question

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, chaze

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "The Question"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Much knowledge is passed down to us but no one seems to have the definitive answer. Religion and science seem to be in continual conflict. Most of us choose between the two perspectives when deciding on the afterlife. But maybe a direct experience of God or maybe even an angel is a third way here. The author describes one such heartfelt experience and this forces him to reevaluate all that he had seen and learned before that. The fears, envy, and covetousness of his previous life were just a matter of overthinking and creating boundaries for himself that he had never explored. The mind creates all sorts of evil impressions which we must unlearn. Love is the key and we need to recenter on our hearts not our minds, feeling not thinking.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There are a considerable number of mechanical errors in the grammar, spelling, and construction of this text which spoil the message here and sabotage its power.

This is a shame because the content is interesting and compelling and it is a story worth telling.

A direct experience of God or one of his angels can indeed reverse our direction and give us new insight into the world around us and our place in it. St Paul on the road to Damascus would be a biblical example of this.

Science cannot answer questions about the afterlife or indeed origins, remote cosmology, and large areas of human nature because the scientific method cannot be applied to testing these things. Claims can be made and models constructed but these are provisional and lack certainty if not verifiable. That does not undermine science's efficaciousness in the areas where its methods can be properly applied.

Theological claims are not just "he said, she said" type statements. Very often they can be tested according to their account's historical accuracy for example. They can be tested by their fruit and impact. They can be tested by the ways in which they have been adopted. The survival of the Jewish people despite 3000 years of attempts to wipe them out is for example proof of the existence of the Judaeo Christian God that the bible says protects them.

A direct experience of God or an angel lends a kind of subjective certainty that does not require mental effort to prove or demonstrate to oneself. That does not rule out the effort being made to persuade others, however. But such experiences need to be tested by their fruit and their coherence to scriptures. Angels can be demons dressed in light sent to distract us from the true path. Also, these experiences are highly individual. One man may need to abandon reason because his reasoning has become utterly flawed and maybe for such a man feelings offer a more honest and authentic path. Others need to have thoughts unraveled, debunked, and replaced by more authoritative sources and reflections.

Regarding your experience from my perspective. You do not mention Christ and this experience neither testifies to Him nor draws you closer to Him. The experience seems real and disturbing enough to have transformed the direction of your life. The experience of a powerful demon would do the same also, however. The test as to what is called love is not a subjective one, it is measured in its impact on others. Has this experience caused others to love more and to define you in terms of love rather than fear, envy, etc?

Mechanical issues

I would recommend you load a Grammar Checker like Grammarly. It is free and would eliminate many of the errors which dragged your score down.

The first line for instance:

We humans lived in this earth for such a long time. - We humans have lived on this earth for such a long time.

Then applied to the first paragraph:

History , revised stories, and new learnings was passed to us from generation to generation. But no one really had the definite answer. To many studied and had conclusion but still not definite because it was never seen by many or felt by many or touched by many.
It was always a big question for us. What comes after death? is there a afterlife?
religion and science had always have the contradiciton on this story.

History, revised stories, and new learnings have been passed to us from generation to generation. But no one really had a definitive answer. Many have studied and drawn conclusions but much is still not definite because it has never been directly seen, felt, or touched by them.
It has always been a big question for us. What comes after death? Is there an afterlife?
Religion and science had always provided conflicting perspectives on this.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

459

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4661485

Review of COVID's Got Us All On The Ledge!

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Wandering Thoughts

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "COVID's Got Us All On The Ledge!"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A set of song lyrics modeled on Aerosmith's 'Living on the Edge.' Covid has us all on the ledge, going insane, financially stretched, and practicing aseptic techniques. How does hope find a way to right our world, to begin again, when Covid has us all on the ledge.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Covid's still here, confining me to my home office, killing friends and relatives. But people have passed the point of pandemic fatigue. The summer is coming and people want to play and get on with their lives again. Now the financial crisis created by the pandemic and supply chain issues is aggravated by the Ukrainian war. People are saying that next comes famine. There is a very real sense in which the world is still on the Ledge, worried about starvation, nuclear war, and Russian and possibly Chinese conquerors - watch this space.

I liked this song which said it simply, loudly, and aggressively. It was not devoid of hope, nor was it unreal, it set the right tone for the frustration, anger, and caged feelings shouting to get out of a world imprisoned by circumstance.

Mechanical issues

You could space the lines better, perhaps separating the chorus. It makes it easier to read and looks more visually pleasing.

Maybe a link to the original youtube Aerosmith song also.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

460

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4661484

Review of Chess Pieces

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, KingsSideCastle

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Chess Pieces"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

How to play chess in a poetical format.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Coming from a family of chess players I liked this poem. I taught my son to play chess and then he started beating me at age six and moved on to regional and national level chess playing. He is more relaxed about it now and just plays for the enjoyment. My curse is that I usually lose concentration at some point and do something stupid. He is deliberate and systematic, plans many moves ahead, and just seems to see the board better. He has all the openings and standard plays memorized. So lacking the skill he has I usually play the man across the table now. I play to his pride and try and get him to lose focus and make a mistake. The last time it worked was when he was eleven though, he is just too good now.

I guess King's Knight opening is the most common first move or perhaps pawn to e4. It accelerates the possibility of castling later and mobilizes your second-row pieces early in the game. I guess most of this poem is just chess common sense and it brought back memories of playing with my son regularly and with various friends down the years.

Anyway perhaps I should listen to your advice and in no time Magnus Magnusson had better watch out.

Mechanical issues

Various issues were flagged about the use of commas but nothing that seriously undermined the poem.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

461

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4660921

Review of A lair story

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, mrsilent

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "A lair story"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A story of unrequited love.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There is a lover and beloved in this account. The English is appalling and hides the power of the emotions expressed and some really cool phrasing. Rather than going through all of the mistakes, I thought a better approach might be to attempt a translation of what I think you were trying to say in the mechanics section below.

Mechanical issues

TITLE: Does not make much sense in English. Maybe something like "Unrequited Love."

DESCRIPTION: There was a time when he lived in my heart

BODY: Of pain and memories.

Today I miss you so much. I don’t know why. I also hate you forever. Today I will forget you forever. Right now I’m writing this and crying. You’re happily on your way and I pray you will remain happy. Love is an attraction and I was swimming in that sea of attraction. But now it all seems so fake. Love gives me only pain with nothing to show for it.
We spoke today about what I am writing here.
Your time is running out but when you show your face you never seem to notice this, you're wrong and your happiness will end. God-willing, one day, I will show you my face. For now, I am watching you. “Who I am?” This is a secret I will reveal when the moment comes.
Today I’m crying. But that crying is not forever. I’m trying to forget you and I’ll be doing that for weeks or even months.

3rd March in 2022
Today is very painful for me. I can hardly express my feelings about that day.
I’m talking about 2017 when I first began to love you. I told you that I loved you but you did not accept it. Well, the day is dead and gone. For three years between 2017-2020, we have not spoken. One day you gave me a message. That was maybe 17th October 2020. I cannot tell you how happy that made me. Then we spoke over a period of a few months. On 18th December 2020, I told you again that I loved you and you finally accepted this. I felt so very happy at this moment. Our relationship worked well. One time you made me angry and I angered you many times. We would fight but you never left me. But then I was angry with you for some reason and we stopped talking for two months.
A few months ago I heard that someone gifted you a smartphone. At this time I felt so bad. We were not talking face to face but I tried to talk with you another way. Hafsa's message told you a lot of things, then I decided that I would speak with you. One night I knocked on your door and you replayed my message and we spoke for a long time. One time you even fell asleep. That night I tried also to sleep but could not. This whole night I asked myself how I could say sorry and how I could say I wanted us to be together. Then came 3rd March 2022 when I said sorry ten times and begged you to take me back with no success. You told me that I broke your heart and that we would never work out. I saw your real face when you told me that. Someone gifted you a phone but why? I understand that you do not want to tell me and that you are out of my life. However, I will never forget the words we shared.
That day I cried my heart out and told you that I would leave you in your new relationship.
I proclaim to Allah that you broke my heart. May Allah break your heart forever.
The memory of this is still with me today.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

462

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4660725

Review of Patterns

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, debmiller1

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Patterns"

via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Eric is uploaded by his parents into a computer/cybernetic body. How does he feel about that and his chance to explore the stars?

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

There are three main characters here. There is Eric who has been uploaded and who is discovering all sorts of new possibilities with his expanded processing power and acquired longevity. But he wonders how his parents risked his life by uploading him and mourns the loss of his senses. But he finds new ways to interact through a camera and audio sensors and he takes his ability to enjoy and process patterns with him.

The mother and father's motives in uploading Eric are not really explained. There is a hint of ambition in the father as if he was willing to risk even his own son for his research. There is the possibility that Eric was damaged in some way and unable to live life like most biological boys. He sounds very inactive, maybe even paralyzed, always sitting by his Florida pool. The mother loves her son, and feels a little guilty about the upload but has gone along with it nonetheless. We are also not told if the upload was a duplication of the boy's consciousness into the computer thereby still leaving the biological boy intact. The implication of the liberation speech the dad gives is that his biological existence is swapped for a virtual one.

The author believes that such an upload would allow a community of scientists to live forever and explore the stars over a duration of centuries and that their insights and works would be superior to those of human beings.

IMHO this kind of AI is the only one that might be a viable competitor to human consciousness and intelligence on a comprehensive and holistic level. The acceleration of processing power, knowledge storage, and collating capacity would definitely enhance human understanding in much the same way as Google, Azure Data Farms, and 'how to' you tubes do today. But the mapping of human intelligence is an almost impossible task as is the transfer of whatever map you created into a different kind of body for which it was not designed. The loss of a sense of smell, touch, and taste is not a minor thing and even if it were possible might provoke an existential crisis in a person thus deprived. Whatever pattern was transferred could not be an exact match. Then there is the "Borg Factor" how integration with other machines might work. You assume personality would remain intact but in the logic of machines, it might be more efficient to overcome all personal conflict and merge into the greater consciousness. Also if you bring the person with you into the machine then you bring their darkness, their capacity for discord, jealousy factionalism, etc into the mix also. A community of 200000 just "people" might just as easily descend into tribal conflicts and wars and acts of self-sabotage.

You suggest that he was able to transcend the resentment he felt at being uploaded without due consideration for his feelings about that and the perception that he was not loved. But there is nothing inherently better about a machine's capacity to move on from such dark wounds than humans. In effect, by eroding trust and creating distance it could have led instead to the whole Skynet/Terminator reaction to the human race.

It was not really explained why the exploration of the stars required the upload. Multigenerational ships with scientists utilizing cybernetic implants might have accomplished the same or indeed the whole explorer with supercomputer (Hopefully not HAL) scenario. Do insights require longevity to develop or do the fresh challenge of new generations of scientists perpetually invigorate the pursuit of human knowledge.

I loved this line:

I love the feel of starlight on my skin.

A human could never say such a thing in the cold/hot emptiness of space where the skin would freeze or fry in an instant. How the cyber body feels starlight is a little mysterious but it sounds cool.

Overall I did not find the storyline that plausible but I thought that it was well written and it clearly provoked a lot of reflection. Thanks for sharing it and congratulations.

Mechanical issues

Actually, I’m not sure I now had limits except for the speed of electrons.

it feels like we are the starship traveling among the starts.

Thanks for sharing.

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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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#4660580

Review of Koen’s Story.

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Sumojo

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Koen’s Story. "

via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A boy growing up in Loserville NW Australia is transformed by the wise and patient intervention of his grandfather who lives according to the old ways of the aboriginal people.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on your victory in this months competition.

This is a kind of coming-of-age redemption story where an aboriginal boy becomes a man more integrated with his surroundings.

Key character Koen, male, brown-eyed, aboriginal, angry, born in thunder and lightning, in poverty in a dusty hot outback town in North Western Australia, four siblings, dad a drunk and unemployed. The boy was trouble from the beginning and by eight he was hanging out with gangs. At age ten his last hope to avoid detention is going to live with his grandfather Minjarra in the desert. Here he is tutored according to the old ways of the Yawuru people and it is here that he finds purpose and peace.

Minjarra, called Gooloo by Koen, was wise and patient, and of great age. He told the stories of his people and the clues as to how to find water and navigate while traveling. They find food during the day in the scorching heat and at night hear stories around a campfire.

It seems there is considerable mismanagement and indeed hopelessness in the dry and dusty circumstances of aboriginal peoples growing up on the margins of Western culture. The ancient ways may well be more integrated with the deserts and challenges of their context. The hopelessness and lack of purpose feed the anger and resentment seething in Koen but Minjarra finds a way to bring him back. The author does not look for a solution here in the modern world but rather appeals to the wisdom of the ancients, the natives of the land.

Personally, I think that Australia should build large numbers of desalination plants and water the deserts transforming them into productive land. The technology is there it just requires the will to make it happen. This would also resolve the problems in aboriginal communities creating new jobs and opportunities for them and bringing wealth into these more marginal areas to fund better education and public services. However, there seems to be a lingering nostalgia for the old ways of the old tribes from before the white man came. The aborigines built no wonders but lived in harmony with their world, and were at peace. From a Western perspective, they seem useless and unproductive but maybe we miss the wisdom that can be derived from their stories and the more holistic outlook that integrates land and people into a special kind of harmony. This story advocates for that wisdom and its beneficial effects.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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#4660514

Review of You & I

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, ForgottenSideQ

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "You & I "

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A poem, structured in two main stanzas. The first about her value and the second about his inability to appreciate that value. Then a single word goodbye.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

OK, this is a breakup poem and there is always a lot of self-justification and finger-pointing in such scenarios. It is sad when any relationship fails but this poem is really about assigning blame. It basically says: look how fabulous I am, this is how you screwed up, goodbye.

From a guy's perspective, I might question why she is writing a poem about a guy to whom she attributes no value and with whom she wants nothing to do unless there were some hurt feelings involved here. In which case the whole poem is a lie and was really about an expectation of worshipful attention from the guy that she did not receive and which made her angry and caused her to reject him.

As someone who ignores emails, texts, whatapps, and Facebook posts all the time I cannot think that a lack of likes on social media outputs is a reason for a breakup. Actions speak louder than words and sometimes the guy thinks he has already said something to the woman by being there, looking after her, kissing her, giving her flowers, or whatever that does not need words to fill the silence.

Anyway, I guess this particular relationship was never meant to be but why does she then need to resell her attraction to him in the first stanza. The attraction itself seems just skin-deep. The shapely woman that drew a man's gaze and about whom he lusted. The woman in the grocery store appeared to be down to earth, practical, and just getting on with life. It makes me wonder if the two ever spoke at all. It is like I saw this woman at the coffee shop that seemed interesting, then I saw her in a bar after a few drinks and the two of us knew that I was looking at her and thinking about sex with her, then I saw her in a grocery store being normal and then it was all over because I ignored the texts from this complete stranger and just watched her walk away unaware, (having not read her texts) of her interest in me. I think a lot of guys might misread the signals that actually he was meant to follow her and fight for her.

The poem made me think.

Mechanical issues

No obvious errors.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

465

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#4660510

Review of Spongy One

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Don Two

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Spongy One"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A comedic look at a bouncy planet called Spongy One where the family went to bounce and play and stayed for lemonade.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You came up twice today. I liked this one more than the other one. Just wish the new 9 euro public transport ticket for one month travel here in Germany allowed interstellar tourist opportunities. I heard a story today of some punks taking the opportunity of the ticket to invade a rather posh island usually reserved for higher-end tourists.

This poem was fun and describes a fun vacation planet. It had me wondering how signposts and patios with chairs might become hazardous for the more inexperienced bouncers.

Mechanical issues

You kept your rhyming scheme. I did not find any glaring errors.

Thanks for sharing.

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

466

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14 days may be credited.

#4660508

Review of Waiting Game

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Don Two

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Waiting Game"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Procrastination or Delay as he is sometimes called always puts off the tasks at hand. On the one hand, he suggests that it will always be done tomorrow and on the other, he delays the task until tomorrow.

Commentary

An amusing look at the opposite of the purpose-filled life. The inversion of the motto 'never put 'till tomorrow what you can do today.'

I thought it went on a bit long but I guess that is what procrastination does. It waffles reasons for laziness and inactivity. The poem reminded me of the time when my wife and I were in bed and she asked me whether I had done the washing up. I decided to distract her with a philosophical discussion on how she knew the washing-up actually existed. It didn't work though as she threw me out of the bed and made me fulfill my promise to wash said dishes. Maybe procrastination only really works with single guys.

Mechanical issues

You kept your rhyming scheme, syllable count, and structure.

Maybe you forced the rhyme a little with the word conveying.

There were a few instances where I thought commas might be missing:

with a wave of his hand, he puts things off.
in this regard, he’s like a sacred cow.

To get your syllable account you ruined the grammar on occasions:

If one remarks, It needs done doing now,

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

467

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#4658933

Review of Writing From Experience

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Ken Brosky

I found "Writing From Experience"

when searching for articles on 'character.' I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author critiques the use of computer programs to aid beginner and intermediate writers develop their art and building characters. He argues that the best characters are born of real experiences of real people or indeed of one's own experience. Experienced writers can tap this in their writing.

Commentary

This was written 17 years ago before AI really developed. But I do wonder at some of the latest Marvel films and indeed Netflix productions whether there is a machine input. Basically, the plots are repeats of themes that worked before, the product of impact analyses of what works in the marketplace. The characters are exaggerated portrayals of the things that the audience most wants to see, impossibly attractive, toned, strong, fast, clever, overcoming pains and wounds that should have floored them for years not hours. The messages are confused or shallow sound bytes in the human story and the morals are relativistic. The productions lack soul and depth. They entertain without educating or taking us deeper into the human psyche.

Having a framework of some sort could well be expressed in a program giving the opportunity for creativity and deeper insight. Indeed WDC forums give such a structure with their reviewing process, tools, and contests. So I think I disagree with the thesis here as the frameworks and algorithms are not completely worthless but there is a balance to be struck between the art of writing and the technique of it. Techniques can be automated but the artistry cannot and the real power of writing comes from the artist. There is some technique in developing characters that an experienced writer may well have without realizing there was a time when he also had to learn it. But that X factor, that extra depth, and insight can only come from real-world experience.

JRR Tolkein developed some powerful characters in his works. But he was not an Aragorn or Gandalf or indeed even a Frodo in real life. These are fictional characters that draw power from extensive reading, from an insight into the male psyche (his female characters were not as developed). His monsters and indeed the Dark Lord Sauron are also not real but we can see echoes of Hitler and Stalin in them as these were the tyrants of the time. His theme of battling against evil, that that battle cannot be taken for granted, that there are many times when it seems all is lost and yet the heroes give on going nonetheless is a deeply realistic and powerful one that echoed the times in which he wrote. This is despite the fantastical nature of the parallel universe he tried to build. Having read his works multiple times I have moved from a love of this fantasy world and characters he created to a suspicion that he built a culture of dreams that has distracted people from more important themes. He has built entertainment and characters unconstrained by the real-world rules and invited people's imaginations to live in this world. Disney, Marvel, and indeed the fantasy literature genre generally are echoes of his efforts to open up the virtual world of dreams to those who worked in factories in dull repetitive roles, fought in endless wars, and saw tragedy after tragedy in their lives. But for a generation at peace as we have been these last decades maybe it helped our culture sleepwalk into the same troubles he was escaping from. Too busy watching Prime, Netflix or Disney we have stumbled into Plague, War, and Famine still smiling and living in a fantastical world that does not help us deal with the challenges of the real world.

I agree that great fiction gives us a real insight into the struggles of our age and equips us to persevere and manage those struggles. Shakespeare built pride in a new nation struggling against larger continental powers and wove his stories into the national story. Dickens inspires a social justice movement with his insights on the poverty, inequality, and injustice of his times. Tolkein equipped a world living mundane and bloody lives to dream and have hope. But today who can speak to a world gone virtual where human connection and insight are breaking down and yet the catastrophes still come like a flood. Who can drag readers kicking and screaming out of their dream world fantasies to deal with the person next to them and the tragedies all around them?

Mechanical issues

My machine checker noticed a few missing commas. But mainly you beat the technology on this one.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4658781

Review of Fictional Character Development

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, The Critic

I found "Fictional Character Development"

when searching for articles on 'character.' I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A useful overview of the writer's art with a focus on fictional character development. The author wishes to discuss how to give his character's character here. There are different kinds of characters: protagonists, antagonists, round and flat characters. Fictional characters can be strangers, even to their authors until fully developed. Visual/Sensual clues are important to our first impressions of characters. Characters develop over time as a story unfolds and as we question them. Are they saints or sinners, hunter or prey? How can we interrogate our characters to discover who they are without being forced or rude? It is much like peeling back the layers of an onion. This author assigns Zodiac signs to his characters and develops traits relating to their star signs

Commentary:Characters

Thanks for the first part of this which was an interesting overview. I just did another review of round and flat characters without realizing they were a formal category. Thanks for the definition which places them as complex or flat characters alongside the protagonist and antagonist of the plot. The bit about astrology did not resonate as well with me. I guess different people have different ways of developing deeper insights about a character after the physical and backstories have been expounded on.

It was insightful how you outlined the phased way in which characters are introduced to readers by sensual cues (mainly though not exclusively visual) at first. Then how the dialog can uncover the characters as we the reader engage with questions about them. It was interesting that sometimes that dialog can be quite rude or forced in that process.

Thank you for the helpful insights in this piece.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major found

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4658780

Review of Round and Flat Characters

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Roxxie

I found "Round and Flat Characters"

when searching for articles on 'character.' I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

An overview of characters in stories. These need to be realistic, different from each other, personally authentic, with a back story, they need dialogue, and there should be plot twists.

Commentary: Characters

This is my own response and reactions to what you wrote and I hope some at least of it is helpful to you.

An interesting albeit short set of advice about forming characters. There was a lot of insight here.

We need to be able to connect to a character and so they need to be plausible and authentic to us. That realism is crucial to the readers buying into the character in whatever locations we place them.

Clashes between personalities add to the drama and the plot. But sometimes they may also distract from the storyline and the shared purposes. Conflict must complement the deepest purpose of the plot and victories and defeats both serve their purpose. No character is perfect and while they learn they do not always overcome their failings, employ their strengths to maximum effect nor hide or reduce the impact of their weaknesses completely. Individuals live in communities and communities are made up of individuals.

I agree that using our own experiences adds authenticity and weight to what we say about our characters but we also need to go beyond those experiences and be able to empathize outside of our own immediate experiences to create truly distinctive and interesting characters. There is a balance to be struck here. This is not a journal of our own thoughts it is the creation of new possibilities and experiences also.

The backstory makes the man/woman and explains foibles and dispositions. The overcoming of bad experiences, learning from them, or being caged or crippled by them all have their impacts on characters. Choices made by characters must overcome a historical weight that needs explaining to a reader. This or that decision was hard because...

Dialog makes a piece come alive and helps engage readers with the questions and the answers, the different perspectives, giving opportunity for drama and comedy. I have a tendency to info dump and to prefer characters with something to say. But not all characters are wise or coherent and not all have to make sense. The noise of the conversation should not distract from the plot but adds depth, comedy, and drama to the scenes and characters engaged in it.

I hate traitors in texts, the characters that sabotage behind the scenes. But change is a feature of life and the unexpected is quite normal. So also it should be in a novel. Catastrophism rather than uniformitarianism is the more realistic principle behind life as with writing. For some, this might be too extreme a view. But as Nietzsche once said there is magic in the extremes.

Mechanical issues

I wanted to post some tips regarding characters so that it can help your current characters - tips is plural so they not it.

The story may be set with a completely odd and foreign setting, - within

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4658703

Review of Skeleton On A Pushbike

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Benjamin Black

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Skeleton On A Pushbike"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A haiku relating to a skeleton on a pushbike cycling by moonlight and a reference to coins for a dead man.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The image itself is, at first glance, quite powerful. I felt there was a disconnect between the skeleton on a pushbike and the reference to coins for a dead man. A skeleton could refer to a dead man but he has no pockets to carry coins, no muscles to push the peddles and the image broke down when I tried to bring these themes together in my head.

I guess his boney finger could have been carrying a bag of coins as he hurtled through the night but now I am speculating inside the parameters of your dream and I cannot really know how these two images came together for you in your head.

Taken as metaphors then death and money often go together quite well. A man, so driven by greed, that his very bones move through the darkness towards the smell of money. But then the coins would be a destination, again unspecified here.

Anyway as Haikus go I quite liked this one which was provocative and interesting albeit entirely ambiguous.

Mechanical issues

No errors found.

Thanks for sharing.

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

471

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14 days may be credited.

#4658702

Review of Listening

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

Hello, ruwth

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Listening"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Written in two sections the first paragraph implies this piece is a thought experiment designed to extract 3-star reviews. The author wants to see how reviewers handle poor pieces of writing. She then writes what she says is a poorly organized and formatted piece on the art of listening.

Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me. I focused on the second section which the first section implied was the focus of all desired reviews.

Why should I listen to what you are saying if you are only saying it to get me to correct your grammar and give you a hard review? There is something masochistic about this piece I cannot quite put my finger on.

If you are suggesting that listening is a virtue then as with reading what someone actually wrote I would have to agree with the sentiment of this piece.

Listening is a choice for me. A lot of the time I simply think I know better and screen the "garbage" the other person is spewing out. But then I suddenly realize that what someone is saying actually makes sense and I have no grounds to reject it and then I am listening to them.

Also, as with reviewing, listening can have an other-centered teaching function to it. If you are listening for what people do wrong you could be saving up ammo to destroy them or you could have a genuine desire to help them. Motivation matters because if you respond with the desire to destroy people's backs go up immediately and they screen you out and they cannot hear what you are saying. Even when you give hard reviews with a benevolent intent people may still screen you out because of wounded pride or vanity or because they interpret your words as an attack of some sort. How a person listens says a lot about what matters to them and how secure they feel in themselves.

In close friendships, like the one you describe with your best friend, I would suggest that it is not just about listening but simply being with another person. The stimulation of ideas, humor, and creativity that occurs in such relationships does not require precise answers to precise questions. In fact, the less humanized the relationship the more precision is required. If I program something then the syntax must be perfect and the commands resonate with the libraries, attributes, and references I am referring to in context with the appropriate rights to produce, respond to or edit content. But then I am talking to a machine. I would never talk to my wife or child like that and if I did I would be in a lot of trouble very quickly.

I also believe that listening and knowing are intertwined. For instance, an in-depth commentary of the bible referencing old and new testaments requires some knowledge of what is being spoken of. Someone with no biblical knowledge will simply fall asleep when confronted by references they do not understand having never read them themselves. The more we know the more we hear what someone else is trying to do with the same material. I read books now and get them really quickly. I read the same books 30 years ago and lacked the perspective, experience, and knowledge to even begin to grasp how to process them. As a result, I missed an enormous amount of what was being said.

Also, our agenda for listening is important. Why are we listening to this person, are we a teacher or a student of them? Are they an authority or someone with no credibility at all? Are they interesting or boring? What makes them interesting or boring to us? What do we hope to gain from this interaction or was our motive purely benevolent?

Actually, for a deliberately poorly written piece, you provoked a lot of questions. Does that make it a good piece after all?

Mechanical issues

Listening is a part of everyday life . . . and is it? - An assertion followed by a contradiction

Spelling issues:
communicaiton - communication

Poorly constructed sentences:

Too many times we don't even realize that misunderstanding has taken place. - All too often we don't even realize that a misunderstanding has taken place.

native americans - At the very least Americans should be capitalized because it refers to a place and continental grouping. Maybe native also if this is used as a title but was not sure here.

A frown might mean they are angry with you, or that they are trying to figure something out, or that they have gas.

The only way for you to know is if they are willing to tell you and you take the time to listen - missing a fullstop.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

472

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14 days may be credited.

#4658700

Review of You Are All

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Dr Gonzo

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "You Are All"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Having spent a lot of time thinking about the beloved the poet plots how he can impress her and build a long-lasting connection. He wants magic and mystery as the result of his machinations and she evokes the magic that is swelling inside him. He promises that her consent will open the door to this magic for her also.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There is a feeling of trying to force love into a situation where it is not being reciprocated or even dialogued about. There is a feeling of trying to make something happen that requires organic growth that might not be happening in this case. You are planning her feelings for her and promising great things and a magical self-image as her reward. However, her voice is absent here and maybe she does not want what you want for her. Biblically, magic is actually about forcing and controlling things in unnatural ways and trying to warp them to one's own desires. For this reason, it is condemned as usurping the role of God and also disrupting the harmony of the natural order. It can be contrasted therefore with supernatural giftings which harmonize with a deeper understanding of reality.

You allude to her consent in the last stanza but almost as if it were an afterthought. She has not been involved in the grand arousal of your passion, nor vision for this relationship. She is instead invited to a party that is already going on inside you.

If she says yes then all of the reservations above fade away into the wind. If not, as you say in your description, it all seems a little creepy.

Mechanical issues

There is no I in You. If you are addressing a woman then you use a lot of I's.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

473

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14 days may be credited.

#4658699

Review of Belong

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, Benjamin Black

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Belong"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Wanderlust can be informed by the stories we hear and tell and of places visited when the poet was old, to the reader. The poet considers it awesome to rest their bones on a shore and whisper into the wind that they are home.

Commentary

I can only give you my impression of how this read to me. It did not make much sense and was more about recycling words that worked for the rhyme I think. It was hard to extract a coherent meaning.

It is true that the stories we hear and tell can enflame a wanderlust. That might even lead us to a beach holiday or home. That could indeed be awesome.

The old language, of thees, thous and ye's, references an old person. It is tough to decipher if he wants to die on that shore or simply rest awhile there.

Maybe there is an idyllic place where the poet aspires to end up or maybe he is just ready to die. Was not sure.

Mechanical issues

To rest rest thy bones upon a shore - probably needs a comma between rest and rest.

Thanks for sharing.

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

474

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4658698

Review of "Hands OF COLOR"

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, Netty

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received ""Hands OF COLOR""

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Different hands of different colors do the same things. They can all be used for love and comfort. God has made hands of many colors to be loved as one.

Commentary

Completely agree with the sentiment here which is against racism and divisions made on the basis of race.

Since you refer to God as the reason here, I was curious about the theological rationale.

As a Creationist I can say all races inherit from the same man, comparatively recently and any distinctions cannot distract from the basic dignity of being made in God's image.

As someone who trusts in Christ, I can say that all mankind has the potential to be saved by what he did on the cross, and therefore race is irrelevant to redemption.

Also, the eschatological potential of each individual is equal but contingent on their relationship with God.

A black or white man who is not saved has no redemption, no eternal future with God but still has that created dignity. I think this is harder for someone to argue if they accept old creation time spans and evolutionary mechanisms as the explanation for life on earth. Then the disparity between the races may indeed be quite real and measurable and suggests that black people who have poor economic, technical, and innovation capabilities, measured as a statistical grouping, must be at an earlier evolutionary stage. So actually your creation doctrine is the crucial consideration here as to whether or not you consider all races to have equal dignity. Simply asserting that all races are equal as you do in this poem does not work as there are functional differences. You might explain these in terms of enslavement and history and the need for an ongoing task of redemption but this is not done here. So this poem becomes a bland assertion of a trendy liberal principle, authorized by the use of God's name, suggesting all races are considered equal but lacking a solid rationale as to why we should consider that to be the case.

Of course, you might counter that when it comes to love and compassion the capabilities of the surgeon or medical infrastructure in place for instance matter little, it is all about motivation and the spirit of the man. But I would still prefer to be treated by a doctor who could heal me whether or not he loved me.

So I agree with the poem but, in essence, it made me wonder.

Mechanical issues

" Hands OF COLOR" - Lose the space

Hands of color statements followed by extra of [color]. Do you need the extra of?

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

475

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4657776

Review of Death's Waltz

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hello, InkSpout

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Death's Waltz"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Someone chooses to dance with death. Death is personal and thinks that is a rare thing and is cool.

Commentary

I found this a little weird and by implication suicidal. Also, death is not a person but a state. Even in a poetical context, the sentiment expressed here jarred against my conviction that life is a gift and it is not for us to choose the time of our departure.

You gave three ways to greet death: fear, regret, and choice with respect. But maybe a person can welcome death when it comes quite simply because they know where they are going next. Since eternal life is by invitation only it seems a little premature to gatecrash the party before our time comes.

Mechanical issues

It is a nice change to be received with respect
Than appearing in the face of fear and regret. - guess you meant rather than. Than by itself does not really work.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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