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2,324 Public Reviews Given
2,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Born to win . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Hotel Transylvania"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The Hotel Transylvania offers a unique experience for couples as an aid to understanding. When they put on the provided garments a transformation occurs that they will never forget...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The title had me thinking this was just another vampire story but you surprised me with the novel idea here.

It is definitely a new slant on couple counseling and raises all sorts of interesting questions also. Would a man truly benefit from knowing his wife that intimately and would a woman benefit from knowing her man like that? I guess the temporary experience would be an aid to understanding but might also generate some long-term identity confusion.

If I psychologically identify as a man how would I feel if placed in the biological body of the woman that I love? To be honest I think I would be very confused and hope that it would only be temporary. A man does things to a woman and for her and if he becomes a woman surely he has lost his raison d'etre. He cannot protect her weaker body, provide for her needs or penetrate her softness because he is now weak and soft. He is now feminine and neutralized. On the other hand, he gets to experience her inner being and her body in a way that all his frantic efforts of engagement aspired to but could never quite reach. In a sense, a woman is already there while a man is reaching towards her. But if he became her what is he now reaching for?

Obviously, the whole transgender debate right now is relevant to this story. Is our psychological gender identity more important than our biological gender identity? Should those born male be allowed to dominate female sports just because they say they are women now?

This story, while provocative is impossible. It suggests that the biological identity can simply be changed when on the DNA level we know that is not the case whatever surgeries are performed. Biological identity is the real test and the rest is a form of mental illness or confusion in my view. Here a man wears his wife's body for a week and vice-versa. Maybe that would aid understanding but I wonder if it would also generate deep confusion and long-term mental issues.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

in each others arms - in each other's arms


Thanks for sharing.

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527
527
Review of The New Home  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Choconut . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The New Home"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An old lady who cannot remember hears the sound of breaking glass. She seizes Steve's baseball thingy and goes to confront the intruder...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You have an old lady who seems like she has dementia and then there is Claire her daughter who is just looking after her mother in her new home. There is a mention of Steve who might have been a husband or a son. She remembers him but not her daughter.

The ways in which names and words are stolen by dementia are quite frightening. There is no cure and once these words are lost they are mainly lost forever. I did not realize there were so many different types ranging from Alzheimer's, Vascular dementia, Frontotemporal dementia, to Lewy body dementia. Apparently, in the Western world, the incidence rate of this is decreasing with healthier lifestyles. Globally developing countries are seeing big increases.

I like the way you said this so succinctly.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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528
528
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Don't Wait - Update!"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author's dreams were changed by others' needs, after a long life many of those dreams now seem faded. The world has changed and now dreams differently. Altooften its dreams seem wrapped in greed. Is it time now to update his dreams?

*Quill*Commentary

A friend of mine died yesterday. The spooky thing was that his death coincided with my decommissioning of a piece of work that was uniquely his. It was good work that was now redundant and needed an upgrade. It was as if, from my narrow perspective, he left when his work and initial ambition were ended.

Your poem reminded me of my friend. Our dreams change as they meet the challenge of others, of the times, and as we ourselves change.
But some people do not make those changes. I remember the CEO of a company I worked for who lived for his work and died 1 month after he retired. It seems the instinct to update one's dreams is more than just a nice to have, it may well be a key to life itself.

Some dreams I have had have been spiritual ones like the national revival of my 4 favorite countries: Germany, Israel, the UK, and the USA. But aside from Israel where the Messianic Jewish church grows from strength to strength, these dreams have not been realized. But I will never let go of these dreams even if I die tomorrow.

I guess much of the wisdom of the elders is now enshrined on the internet as is much of their foolishness. Picking wise counsel remains a challenge with people or clicks.

I loved the last verse:

I’ve traveled a long road to here
and “here’s” not where I thought, it seems.
Time is change – that much is clear,
I guess I’ll just update my dreams!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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529
529
Review of Monsoon  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, jaya . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Monsoon "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Here come the Monsoon rains to parched earth and grateful vegetation. The drama of the deluge is described here with religious feelings.

*Quill*Commentary

My family lived in India for 150 years and the experience of the seasonal rains is there in the family memory.

It is so hot and then the grey rains come with cool refreshing rain, washing the world clean, and then life and color blooms again for another year. Also, it brought to the surface all the smells and rubbísh that had accumulated in the dirt over the previous year.

Some of your phrasings were truly excellent here:

a motley carpet
of black and grey
cross stitched by
the invisible hand
of white lightning.

Your words evoked the feeling of India to me, with the dancers for example, and the notion of a god of rain. There is a lot of flamboyant activity, color, and music in the religious rituals that call on grey skies and the endless rains. Hindus have gods for everything though this evocation sounded a little like Baal and other similar fertility deities to me.

Theologically the lines sound pantheistic and thereby a little false IMHO. They integrate feelings and events a little too easily in what is actually often a brutal experience with houses and people swept away in floods for instance. The words were more Disney than real to me.

But thanks for the descriptive power and it was a pleasure to read your poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

cross stitched by - extra space


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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530
530
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, SandraLynn Team Florent! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A BLACKFLY'S SINGLES' AD"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

What would a male blackflies singles ad in the newspaper look like? The author explains...


*Quill*Commentary

An amusing take on the romantic inclinations of a Black Fly.

Apparently, nectar rather than blood is the preferred diet of a male black fly while the females feed on blood before laying eggs. Of the 2200 types of blackfly only four feed on people.

As you say in your ad the conversational skills and interest of a blackfly are rather limited. They feed, fly, breed, dodge predators, and then they die.

I was inclined to dismiss the existence of black flies as worthless but then I read this, which suggested that while they spread river blindness they have enzymes that might well be useful against blood clotting and could help patients recovering from heart attacks.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/1204...

You had some relatively minor mechanical errors but I liked the content.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

My ideal climate is neither too hot or too cold - My ideal climate is neither too hot nor too cold

I wish to meet that 'some bug' that is out there , lose space between there and comma

It's an every bug for himself type of existence. - It's an 'every bug for himself' type of existence.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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531
531
Review of Susan and Pete  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jacky . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Susan and Pete"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The ghost of a newly departed ten-year-old called Pete tries to scar Susan by possessing her stuffed tiger toy. He ends up more cute than scary and they start to talk...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well, that is a different kind of take on imaginary friends. The whole Friendly Casper versus Spiteful Spirit idea was interesting. I liked how calm Susan once with dealing with visitors from the other side of the veil as if they popped out of the cemetery every day to try and haunt her house.

But this whole ghost angle raises a lot of questions, like for example why is a nice ghost hanging around in this kind of limbo existence, why does he not just move on? What about heaven and hell? Is a relationship with a ghost all that healthy and did she bring her friend into her marriage and into contact with any children she may have had later also?

Anyway, I found this funny and the last line especially.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

“Well why weren’t you scared?” - “Well, why weren’t you scared?”


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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532
532
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, fyn . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Day the Flowers Died"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Peace, love, and flower power are not as groovy as advertised when the author and Lauren went to visit the Village in New York. They were robbed, saw people out of their minds on drugs, Lauren was assaulted and almost raped and the people they saw were a mix of the best and worst of humanity.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I was barely out of nappies in 1968 so the accounts of the Summer of Love and the Hippies of the Vietnam era are a matter of history to me. Today I walk down some streets and I see the consequence of the decisions these guys made and kept making in broken families, drug addiction, gangs, and petty theft to pay for habits. Maybe an experience like this so early on was a better and more valuable life lesson than growing up with this all around you to the point where it no longer shocked or disturbed in the way that it should have.

The idea of giving and loving and being at peace did not sound so bad and I can understand why so many people were attracted to it. There was also perhaps the need to move outside of an oppressive traditional culture that did not value the openness, risk, and creativity that freedom allows. But in the darkness when the sun goes down you cannot trust everybody that lurks in those shadows with no locked doors to mark your boundaries.

You wrote in a way that effectively shared your experience and it was engaging and interesting and thought-provoking. Thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

the cookies were the made with the "elixir of life.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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533
533
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Jeff . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Secondhand Adventurer"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A farmer's son, Silas, dreams of adventure. When the reward notice is posted about killing a dragon for 10000 gold pieces he jumps at the offer. But lacking the finances to buy proper armor he settles for some second-hand kit. Now it is time to confront the dragon...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So it is a young man against a dragon. This was the most common dream of my childhood, though sometimes the dragon was an alien monster or a troop of black-clad Ninjas. But I always ended up killing them all and getting the girl. I think most guys of my generation had this dream, maybe it was a cold war thing. My kids do not have monster dreams.

Did the fact his kit was second-hand really matter that much? All the guys in brand new stuff also got fried.

They all just queued and then committed the same mistakes as the guy in front of them. It sounded more like a cull of the stupid than a proper strategy for killing a dragon.

The farmer's son had imagination about bettering himself and vain dreams about the glory and riches that would come from that. But gave no thought about how that could effectively be achieved. There was no wisdom in its actions. He just copied everybody else on the practical stuff and came to the same end as the rest of them.

This was well written and engaging, and as I said it struck a chord, but there were some mechanical errors.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

at the helm of galleon - a galleon

until he was close enough to read the price tags one some of the items. - until he was close enough to read the price tags on some of the items.

Had the man succeeding in slaying the dragon? - succeeded


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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534
534
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Now What? . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Banished by My Own Wife!"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man is thrown out of the house to learn the difference between a good vegetable and a bad vegetable. He wrestles with this for three days before being taught the difference between a good human and a bad human by a woman dressed in nothing but fig leaves.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So we have a bossy wife with a temper, a man who is thrown out of the house he helped pay for by his wife. The man sits in a vegetable patch three days doing penance. Then we have a woman dressed in three leaves covering you know what.

How exactly does bonking a woman who is not your wife in the vegetable patch teach a man the difference between a good and bad human being?
I guess since this was comedy and nonsense you can plead the Fifth on that one.

This was all highly amusing. I was trying to work out if this was a feminist fantasy all about power and treating the man as a doormat. But then it turned into a male fantasy with a beautiful naked woman seducing the man in the vegetable patch or did he eat the wrong vegetable and hallucinate that last part?

So the moral of the story is to get your vegetables right and that sex with strangers will show you the difference between good and bad humans. Ummm...


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Wouldn't you just know it. - it is a question so needs a questionmark


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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535
535
Review of Generations  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, w0lfbane . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Generations "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author remembers his grandfather and marvels at the way he and his son share so much in common.

*Quill*Commentary

A charming poem celebrating the life of a grandfather and the continuity between the generations. The poem itself was great and I loved it but there were a few mechanical issues with it.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

grandfathers face - grandfather's face

And when were together we always had fun. - And when we're together we always had fun.

From pain you brought me to bliss. - From pain, you brought me to bliss.

To guide me, so my vessel would not lyst. - To guide me, so my vessel would not list.

my hero whom never caused me any frustrations.
- my hero who never caused me any frustrations.

Now my grandfather has gone to a better place,
And his life is all but done. - These lines suggest he has died but that he is also still alive.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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536
536
Review of Reverie  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, aqsii . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Reverie"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

That moment when he left her. The cold harshness of the moment still echoes in her dreams. A poem expresses her feelings on this.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well, there are two characters here, the author and the beloved. The plot is all to do with the pain of the separation and of how it made her feel. The emotions seem fresh here and come from deep within her heart and soul. Maybe this man is no longer worthy of her devotion and maybe the continued rehearsal of this moment is an open wound that now needs healing and new hope.

The low mark is not for the content which was powerful but rather for the poor mechanics which is 60% of my grading.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The phraseology here is a little awkward. The below are only some of the examples in this text. You need to be consistent about tenses and are missing keywords in sentences. Maybe English is not your first language?

I wrote this short stories during a semester break, and very close to my heart. - I wrote this short story during a semester break, it's very close to my heart.

usual love is not there in his eyes - the usual love was not there in his eyes

Something was holding my tears because I can see the coldness of night in his eyes - Something was holding back my tears because I could see the coldness of night in his eyes

While walking on the bridge by holding his hand I no longer felt the comfort of his hand. - While walking on the bridge and holding his hand I felt the comfort of his hand leave mine.

visible sighs. a sign can be visible and a sigh can be audible.

Tears was flowing - Tears were flowing

and my body seems trembling - and my body was trembling

so i can make him stop - I

When you need them most. - When you needed them most.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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537
537
Review of A Titan's Lament  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Ray Scrivener . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Titan's Lament"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The story of an oppressed Titan who would like to murder the gods and is not allowed to. He receives endless punishment much the same as his fellow Titan Prometheus who gave fire to mankind. It seems the gods above and mankind below are having a better time than this poor Titan who only has impossible dreams for company.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This nameless Titan whose suffering mirrors that of Prometheus does not have the nobility of that god of fire who gave the gift to mankind. He is motivated by revenge on the Greek gods led by Zeus who imprisoned his own Titan father Cronos in Tartarus.

A bit of an unsavory bunch and so glad this is mythology, not history. Neither the Titans nor the Greek gods compare to the reason for this Christmas. But still, we decorate a simply all too human bunch of Marvel superheroes with the same adoration people once gave this pagan pantheon. The instinct to glorify extreme examples of human failings seems endemic to the human condition.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I curse his name, Zeus and his treacherous brethren waging war upon my kind. - I curse his name, Zeus, and his treacherous brethren waging war upon my kind.


Thanks for sharing.

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538
538
Review of " Learn'  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Netty . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "" Learn'"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Can we learn from the sounds of peace and the world? Can we learn from the Lord's judgments? Can we find wisdom and learn?

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You list three sources of wisdom here, the sounds of peace, the sounds of the world, and then a Judgment that comes from God on high. But they seem to be in conflict with one another.

The bible speaks of wisdom beginning in the fear and reverence of God and a divine judgment could indeed evoke the beginning of wisdom in people. Doing as God would want in each situation is the more mature expression of practical wisdom. The fool in the bible is the one who lives without reference to the divine.

Sometimes peace makes people a little too comfortable and closed-minded. It is hard to see a direct connection between peace and wisdom.

You refer to God's judgment and also ask your reader to listen to the world. But very often these are in direct contradiction to one another.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

" Learn" - Lose the space

Will you listen to the sounds of peace ?." - Will you listen to the sounds of peace?"

Will we listen to the sound of the world ?." - Will we listen to the sound of the world?"

The Lord hands and judgement has come to earth America. - The Lord hands out what? Or is this a reference to the Lord handing out judgment. If either or none of the above the sentence needs clarification.

it's - its in this context

Judgment is capitalized and personalized here but previously it was an act of the Almighty.


Thanks for sharing.

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539
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Review of Geothermal  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, BlackAdder . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Geothermal"  as the Sci-Fi prompt for this month's contest after I had written my entry on "Ice." I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The planet Hoth (Delta-Sigma H-TH0) has very long Winters. The inhabitants live below ground at that time because it is too cold on the surface. Rebels inhabit the caves beneath them and further beneath them lurk 1.5-meter tall spiders with incredibly sharp and strong pincers. The colony is heated by a geothermal heating system from deep beneath the planet's surface. But someone seems to have turned the heating off. Sellis is tasked with finding who did it. First, he goes to the rebels and then with them into the deeper caves. What he finds there will forever change his perception of the planet Hoth...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Oh dear, I guess I have failed in this contest then as the only similarity between your story and mine is the word ice which was your original prompt.

I loved the big idea behind this and the concept of the terraforming unit. The plot progressed nicely from the icy surface to the room where you could see your breath, through the rebels and spiders to find the truth buried deep below.

Also, I thought there was an intriguing back story to this with the war between Earth and X'nth having left Hoth pretty much on its own to manage its own affairs.

The necklace that just so happened to be the key to survival was a little too conveniently on the right guy at the right time in the right place. That does not sound like the kind of thing that would just be left lying around so maybe it needed an explanation.

I found the cultural difference between the socialistic rule of Helia with a basic income and more rules compared to the freer but harder life of the rebels below interesting.

The account of fighting the spiders felt like the author had actually been down that tunnel and fought that battle. I was ducking and diving and watching my corners after that. It is a good job that Dovan can grow his leg back.

This was well written and engaging but there were an unusual number of mechanical errors for a piece by you. Normally I do not find any.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Xenoarcheololgy - Xenoarchaeology

Selis eyes - Selis's eyes

and he tried to figure why he was here. - and he tried to figure out why he was here.

But after ten years of hardscrabble survival, the blizzard above was normal for this time of year, expected. - But after ten years of hardscrabble survival, the blizzard above was normal for this time of year, and to be expected.

"Then found out what they know, and whether we are at war." - find out what they know

Selis nodded toward the two Syn and Evers, the two blue-clad armed guards that marked the end of Unity territory

Xeonathropological - Xenoanthropological

Dovan becomes Devon later in the text

"s***, s***, s***," - the last s*** is not capitalized the first two are.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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540
540
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, jaya . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Bring on the New Year!"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A New Years Resolution type poem that feels a change in the air. Things are about to get a lot better. So let's leave sadness, fear, worry, doubt, and devil's mirth behind us and look forward to a fairer time, with new green leaves, new dignity, new abilities to love and to learn, and to bring peace and harmony to the planet.

*Quill*Commentary

I liked the positive tone of this poem and its aspiration for a better world.

This verse did not make much sense to me:

The bells in the distance ring out
charred past, dispel worry, doubt.
The maple and the tall willow flout
new green leaves high and stout.

Why do bells ring from a charred (ie burnt past) as a positive sign of dispelled worry and doubt?

Why do these trees openly disregard (flout) the emergence of new green leaves?

It was unclear how this verse fitted the more positive tone of the overall poem and it seemed to contradict itself within its own sentences.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You are a little random about capitalization, also this line is missing apostrophes and spaces after commas.

its time to bring on the New Year.
What’s past is past,sadness,fear.

It's time to bring on the New Year.
What’s past is past, sadness, fear.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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541
541
Review of Ben’s adventure  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Ben’s adventure"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Ben is fed up with doing a poorly paid apprenticeship and being a dogsbody for low pay. He joins a fishing company in the tropical North of Australia. His father John is afraid he may get eaten by crocodiles in such a dangerous place...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I can empathize with both Ben and John as I have been both at different life phases though my son has yet to go off into true crocodile country. It is more like going to concerts with a bunch of yobs and saying he can still make school the following day, though he plans to return at 5 am in the morning of the said school day. Actually, I did not let his report card turn into "crocodile s***" on that one, but it gave me a clue as to what you might be talking about.

I love the direct way Australians talk. They are like Germans, very honest and direct, but I know they can sound foul-mouthed and rude to the more flowery British and Americans who are more worried about causing offense.

This line was a classic example:

I didn’t raise you to have you end up as crocodile s***!”

And there you have the arch predator lurking in the mud waiting for his moment. I knew I was right about that concert.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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542
542
Review of price  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, aqsii . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "price"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There is a dark and terrible price for all the best things in life.

*Quill*Commentary

Life is not a thing that is obtained or gotten. It is not the place you live in nor the things we have. But your description and your poem seem to imply that it is.

At the end of your poem, things more essential to life make an appearance. You speak of love obtained by sacrifice, beauty as being a relative gift that is made real by the jealousy of those that do not have it, and the hope of heaven as being purchased by a terrible life.

You make love, beauty, and heaven sound like products to be purchased when in fact these things are not that at all.

Love is a gift and it is a choice that is made evident by sacrifice. But you could sacrifice the world and not obtain love.

Beauty exists in every life and needs no comparison with others to be recognized. It does not need to be affirmed by the jealousy of those that do not have it to be real.

Heaven is a place and you do not get there by living a terrible life. The gift of salvation is free and the result of an act of grace and mercy and a repentant heart that is ready to receive.

It is possible that a person in a big house trampled on others to get where he is, that a rich man with many possessions stole them from others or obtained them illegitimately. But what has that to do with life? He has built a cage for a guilty soul, not a home to be lived in.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This reads like English is not your first language.

For example the description here:

This is my poem that i have written. it is about the price we paid to the life we get.

- I wrote this poem, about the price we paid, for the life we have.

You are quite random in your use of capital letters starting some sentences in lower case for example:

i known the rule of living


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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543
543
Review of People  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Bagel Delivery . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "People"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Humans cannot live without social interaction. the author commentates on an example of a man trying to forcibly expand his friendship list without much success.

*Quill*Commentary

It sounds like you are still in school as you attend a class. There is a pupil there who is desperate to form new friendships which is an impulse you understand. But he is doing it all wrong. He does not listen to people and he is forcing himself where he is not wanted and he lacks the gentleness and patience to build something lasting.

I know people who are total hermits and who really do not like interacting with others. Some have religious sources of strength and perspective to draw on, others are just selfish egotists. The Instagram generation seems to live for the affirmation of being liked by the longest possible list of friends. Some of this can seem shallow.

I find that friendships for me generally form around mutual activities. I have a passion for something which is shared by others. I go to church, I work, I write, I do sport, and friendships are formed around these activities. But when I move job or country the groups change. School friendships mainly last for many people as do the enmities developed there.

You said your observations were anonymous but then you signed them with your name: Fotis Nikolaidis.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This reads like English is not your first language. Your tenses and phraseology are quite mixed up.

Take the first paragraph as an example:

My personal experience with this phenomenon is revolved around my class. - My personal experience with this phenomenon revolves around my class.

The reason being is that he is not learning from his failures, which that would mean I am experiencing the same thing every time he tries to interact with a classmate – which is not very interesting in paper – but never fails to put a smile on my face.

This sentence needs breaking up into smaller sentences.

You cannot have which and that together.

interesting on paper not in paper

Right now it makes little sense. Breaking it up might make it more accessible.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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544
544
Review of Forgotten  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, lexos02 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Forgotten"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

One person was in love and the other was not. They have not moved on while the other has. We are talking broken hearts and a sea of pain.

*Quill*Commentary

We have all been there, loving someone who did not love us back. Though must admit it has been a while in my case. You remember pain like this and try and learn what you need from the experience. At the end of the day, it is what it is and wallowing in it should only last so long. Life is not lived celebrating pain and broken hearts but in finding healing and hope in new loves.

In your poem this sense of reality does seem to break-in in the last stanza.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the rhyming structure: AB, CD

You went for no punctuation at all but you would need some commas and question marks technically speaking to make this work.

For example: question marks in the first stanza with 'How' questions.

But still you broke my heart - But still, you broke my heart



Also its = it's in context


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
545
545
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, jackiesmuse . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Stranger WC:300"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A stranger who speaks English but has no understanding of the context he is visiting is mocked. he is genuinely puzzled by the discourse and actions that follow.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This reminds me of a whole crowd of Germans together as a party chatting in German. I speak German but did not grow up here in Germany. So I understood the words without necessarily grasping the meaning a lot of the time.

Here the stranger seems to be from out of space and speaks perfect English to a typical American football audience. His polite questions and retorts may well have sounded offensive to such people. He is called Buttercup because he does not share the macho vibe of men together watching football. He has not learned colloquialisms like "What is your beef?" He responds to each question employing a literalistic hermeneutic. His reward is to be knocked to the ground with a punch.

This would be quite amusing except I have actually had this happen to me. Walking home from the pub a man forced a conversation on me in English and then when I did not understand his tortured phrases or said the wrong thing he decided to hit me. But I did not curl up into the fetal position, I pushed him to the ground and walked on.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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546
546
Review of A fish story  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Arakun the Twisted Raccoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A fish story"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Bill and Dan are told to take six-year-old sister Cindy fishing. But the last time she proved a little squeamish about attaching the worm bait to her hook. They are not sure it is going to work out. But then she gets the biggest catch of the day. But what was her secret?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The character tension here is between boys and girls. The boys think they know better and the girl proves them wrong.

I must admit I did not know fishing like that actually worked. I looked it up and found all sorts of interesting fish and even 4-foot long sand sharks had been caught with that bait.

The boys are old enough to drive so a bit of an age gap with their baby sister. The little girl is not taken seriously until she beats the boys at their own game.

Cute story and I learned something here about bait, thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
547
547
Review of The Agreement  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Agreement"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In the babble of voices that is democracy Len has been elected as the Spokesperson and has to tell Timon that he is to be terminated. Timon accepts the verdict and decides to step down...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So in a weird kind of way, I guess Timon and Len are both protagonists and antagonists in this story. The election of Len to replace Timon, however, is not properly thought through however as in context Timon should really have been dictator for life. In fact, the survival of the mob literally was dependent on that...

I do not usually like horror as a genre as the whole fear factor never seems that plausible in most cases and the extremity mainly seems irrational and unnecessary. But this one made me laugh and actually highlights something of the mental health crisis that has accompanied this pandemic so I kind of liked it.

I wonder how many bipolars have unseated their essential philosopher-kings in the last two years.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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548
548
Review of What did I do  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Matt Dauntay . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "What did I do"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A guy mourns his mother with whom he hung out much like a young man hangs out with his girlfriend. But she is dead now in a puddle of blood in front of him. His mum has gone and maybe he will follow soon.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Think a psychologist would have a field day with this one. Oedipal tendencies combined with the murder of the mother and suicidal thoughts to boot. Also, mother earth is dying and you are tapping your foot wondering why it is taking so long. This is in fact a psychologist's wet dream.

What guy spends all night talking to his mother or father for that matter? That is the sort of thing you do with a new romance in your life.

Why did you kill your mother?

Why does the death of your mother mean no more you also?

A loaded piece that is very thought-provoking and seems to imply you need therapy now. I mean right now before you get round to killing your dad!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Was distracted by the content but did not notice any.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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549
549
Review of Love's Immorality  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Elisa: Middle Aged Stik . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Love's Immorality"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A woman muses that men have no morals and that the dead are unable to commentate on which love is moral and which not.


*Quill*Commentary

Of course, this might have meant something entirely different to the author but the implication of the words to me is the above. So men's sordid impulses are what they call love but there is not even a hint of morality in that?! The dead cannot commentate.

If my interpretation of what you wrote is correct then I do find it somewhat controversial. My church wedding was about more than just getting laid and 21 years later I take my lifetime commitment very seriously and actually believe that given the resurrection of the dead I may well know my wife in the afterlife where we will be able to commentate on the morality of love.

So from my perspective, the poem was nonsense but maybe it applies to millennials who have no morals and do not believe in the afterlife *Wink*


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This is in a section called double cinquains but is this one? I guess a double cinquain would have 20x2 syllables. But this has 46. But it did do 4, 8, 12 for the first three lines which matches the 1,2,3 format

This is a cinquain:

Snow
Silent, white
Dancing, falling, drifting
Covering everything it touches
Blanket

Anyway, I do not really understand poetry formats but if this was a cinquain then it sacrifices sense for structure. If not it made no sense and was not what it said it was on the box.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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550
550
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw {item:} on the list of past Sci-Fi Contest winners. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Berenice and Auriga must now take their pet Perky to be put down. The onset of dementia has degraded their pet's life to a considerable extent. They view the action highlights of his life as they wait for the urn. Later they will make decisions on whether they need a new pet to fill the void...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I could really empathize with this having just lost a pet and having to go through this process. Then I realized what species these pets were...

This was hilarious and shocking but also implausible. The world you built here has aliens in abundance whereas we have found nothing out there except magnificent desolation.

You write extremely well. I especially liked this line:

He struggled to form a thought, but his mind was like a blackboard with an eraser swishing everything into a gray mess.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Days were spend making the final decision - were spent

Auriga carried Perky pass the massive oaken doors - Auriga carried Perky past the massive oaken doors


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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