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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Nanda 30 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The rest of the storyOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A kid wants to hear the end of the story that his father was reading to him. His father tells him to wait until tomorrow. The child is impatient to know now. The father explains that waiting is an important part of the storytelling. It gives him time to reflect and dream about how the story ends. Who knows his story might end up being better than the original. At that moment a writer was born.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

My kid is a strange way to talk about your child unless you are talking to a generic audience in which case why would you be sharing at all. It depersonalizes your son and destroys the intimacy of the message thereby eroding the significance of the moment.

I liked the essential storyline showing how a father trained his son to think and imagine in the way that a writer does.

There were a lot of mechanical errors for such a short piece.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

“Tell me the rest of the story”, - “Tell me the rest of the story,”

The basic principle is quotes go outside commas and periods. You are inconsistent here and there are errors throughout the text like this.

after have read for him three chapters of the book. - after having read for him three chapters of the book.

those curious blue eyes shined the way - those curious blue eyes shone the way...

I had to wait till I grow up - I had to wait 'til I grow up

So, tonight you will dream with the rest of the story - So, tonight you will dream about the rest of the story

“your story is even better than the real one”. - "maybe your story will be even better than the original."


Thanks for sharing.


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527
527
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, JACE Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Dear Me: Back to BasicsOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jace has had a rough year with business taking a sharp dive and a divorce to work through. He feels that his writing also has stagnated and is lacking a bit of energy and focus. Setting goals does not seem to help, he is doing a fair amount of procrastinating. He tells himself that he is a survivor that he can get himself back into the mindset by reminding himself that the joy of writing is what this is all about. In a year where everything else seems to have been stripped away, he is a writer and needs to start acting like one.

*Quill*Commentary

I have only written two of these dear me texts so far while you have been around at least a decade doing them. Your style is completely different, I have bullet points, measured goals, and statistics you are talking to yourself like a recalcitrant teenager who is wrestling with a million feelings that rarely make their way into actual decisions. Sorry, that is just my impression, I have two teenagers at the moment.

I guess every writer is different. I have heard it said that a tidy desk may reveal a lack of creativity. I tend to think it at least keeps the chaos of the storm at arm's length. I am organized, I make plans but as a famous general once said, no plans survive contact with the enemy. That said if you made a plan you have something to compare actual experiences with and test to see how you did.

You are probably the best person to get yourself out of your rut. You focus on your love of writing, the joy of it, you remind yourself that despite everything you lost that horrible year you still have your writing and that if you start behaving like a writer your mojo for writing will return.

That sounded helpful to me and all that pain and defeat of the previous year had opened both space and reason for writing again. I wonder how the next years worked out?

Anyway, you had me rooting for you.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Pulitizer - Pulitzer, not sure if it is a requirement to be able to spell the word before you win one.

Thanks for sharing.


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528
528
Review of A Love From Afar  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, EEEEEESSSSDDD Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A Love From AfarOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sarah develops a crush on an unnamed man but does not let it come to anything because she is going out with Kevin. But on the plane, she realizes that she is really not that excited about seeing her boyfriend again. As she drives back to the house suddenly...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Sarah is the main protagonist here. The conflict is inside her between her affection for her boyfriend Kevin and this recent crush on a nice man. Isabelle appears to be a business partner who bakes cookies but this is not clear.

There were a lot of errors for such a short piece.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Sarah, in a relationship with her boyfriend, runs into a guy who she soon gets a crush on.

- a guy is impersonal so that is better than who.

Sarah, in a relationship with her boyfriend, runs into a guy that she soon gets a crush on.


and two, as to them, it is next to impossible that they'd even meet ever again - awkward phrasing:

and two, It was next to impossible that the two of them would ever meet again

You mix tenses sometimes present some times past. Past works better culminating in then suddenly...

She heads back to the state her boyfriend lived in. - She headed back to the state her boyfriend lived in.

Nothing really excited her to see him - She was not that excited about seeing him again

Also, numbers like 2 should be written two.


Thanks for sharing.


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529
529
Review of The Keeper  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Fyn Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The KeeperOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem celebrating the Keeper of the family's secrets, the one who traced the genealogy back and unearthed its stories for the next generation to learn from.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Having spent some time researching the genealogical history myself I appreciate the efforts of people to unearth our family secrets. I wonder if DNA testing will now overthrow many of my firm conclusions and raise all sorts of other unexpected questions.

I love the reference to Ancestors as our children: dust reformed into dreams. It also made me wonder if was your daughter that did the hard work of piecing together the family story.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

if we
but keep the lines straight though time
convolutes the once simple.


Needs a comma after straight.


Thanks for sharing.


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530
530
Review of With time  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "With timeOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man looking out from a car and seeing things in a slightly different way. Creatures become defined by their chief characteristics and these features redefine their standard descriptions into something altogether more creative. At the center a man looking out writing a poem not a witness statement for the authorities.

*Quill*Commentary

Black and white Fresian cows, the spots move around in a field of cows. That is a creative idea though it implies the spots moved across the cowhides which sounds a little psychedelic.

How the green of pasture
hurts the eyes
worse than horns of a bull at rest.


Green and brown/grey, even in sunlight, are easy natural colors on the eyes so this seemed a little ambiguous to me. If they were covered in dew then maybe the reflections would produce this effect.

The spots in a field of cows
like skunks,
dead by the side of roads,


This really does sound like a country road but not in Europe. I normally see squashed hedgehogs and the occasional wounded rabbit. Skunks imply smell, cow pats smell...but the movement of the spots in the field is now static dead roadkill. This is a little ambiguous, it kind of works as art but only by jarring rationality. There is a sense of existential crisis in the last two stanzas as an overactive mind actually starts counting stuff, like grains of sand, in the silence of the countryside, in a space without conversation or alternate interactions.

Overall you combine observational creativity with a sort of depersonalization and custom categorization of all that you see and a sense of silence and an existential crisis that may have nothing to do with what you are viewing at all.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Free verse format gives you flexibility here


Thanks for sharing.


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531
Review of Strength  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Gratefully IE Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "StrengthOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

She was her dream date at 17 when they started going out. They got married after she graduated from college. He was in the army in the meantime. She became an army wife with three kids. Then there was the accident and the consequences that came with that. Four years later they meet again, starting new, a new kind of first date...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Neither of the main characters is named here. This sounds almost autobiographical because of the authentic quality of the writing. For the purposes of the story, you are the wife and your husband the army man.

The story gives the full account of how young love blossomed, was tested by army and college separations, led to marriage and three kids. The feelings of neglect and the stress of being a single mum with only occasional visits and phone calls of her man led to a moment that changed everything. A car accident when she ran a red light. Her daughter had undone her seat belt. Two people dead and a four-year prison sentence. She did her time knowing she deserved the sentence.

I did not get why he did not talk to her in the prison, trying to work through the tragedy and changed circumstances himself, and then he expected everything to simply click back into a new beginning when she got out. She did not open his letters so they did not communicate at all through that time. The man looked after his sons in the meantime but again he neglected his wife. The brother said he was no good and that she should ditch him.

The story communicates the strength of a woman pushed to the extreme by the neglect of being an army wife, by the stresses of being a single mum, and finally by a stroke of incredibly bad luck also. To keep on loving like that truly demonstrated strength of character.

Powerful stuff. I could not fault, hence the award icon.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.


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532
532
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The End of the GameOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A monster is imprisoned by a jailer who is quite pleased with his accomplishment at capturing it. But how safe is that cage and that Beaumont forcefield?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So the protagonist or hero in this piece is you and the antagonist is the incubus. Having certain Christian convictions about demonology I was unconvinced of this as a description of an incubus. It had a physical body that was clearly monstrous and ugly while incubus was fairer of form in order to seduce women. It had all sorts of extra superpowers like super strength, knock-out gas for breath, and acid saliva which are never associated with these kinds of demons. The mind control abilities might be more plausible, however. In your account, it ate its victims rather than just impregnated them. But this was a pop culture monster not a demon of the ancient world to me.

Also, in your account, the being is meant to be unique but it has a gender and the implication is that it would rape you before it ate you adding humiliation to your demise. If it is the male form then is it also the female form or is that a separate creature? In Christian theology, the succubus appears first as a beautiful woman to collect male sperms. These are then adapted and refined and then a good-looking male incubus impregnates a woman with them. Many theologians speculated a single demon was both incubus and succubus on that basis. In this way, some suggest, the angels of the fall were able to impregnate women and conceive demonic children or Nephilim. When these were destroyed by the flood they became the demons that still afflict us to this day along with the more powerful fallen angels that are part of the rebellion against God.

So since I held colossal doubts that the creature could possibly exist in this form and seemed an implausibly materialistic fantasy I did not find him that scary.

This is probably why I should never enter competitions like Screams they seem out of touch with the reality of evil. Evil is fundamentally spiritual and that is where its real power is. That a materialistic and visually focused age does not recognize the power of the spiritual to the same extent at some 15th-century theologian like Alphonso de Spina classifying demons reveals the kind of world we live in and its disconnection with spiritual realities.

There is no happy ending to this story and evil wins, furthermore evil has the apparent advantage of always winning and of having lived forever and a day. I would hope in the improbable event of ever facing such a monster that I would not scream and simply trust in God who would one day hold it to account.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.


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533
533
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello, tifany Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "TRAGIC ROAD ACCIDENTSOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Road accidents kill people and cause a lot of pain to families, companies, churches, and communities. This is bad news. We can identify some of the causes.


*Quill*Commentary

This is descriptive only, rather than prescriptive. No recommendations or helpful advice are offered about what we could do about the problem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to load a grammar checker of some sort as this piece is riddled with grammatical errors. For example the first sentence. Errors highlighted in bold:

The description has errors:
Soo may people are dying on road accidents

So many people are dying in road accidents

Accident is one of the worse things that could happen to anyone, not even to that one person you call an enemy, this is because of the agony and effects as a result of this accidents.

1. An accident is or given that you use plural at end of sentence maybe Accidents are.
2. worse - worst
3. not even to that one person you call an enemy - something you would not wish on your worst enemy
4. effects as a result - choose effects or as a result not both as they mean the same thing.
5. this accidents - Depending on the choice made in 1. these accidents or this accident.

Word order is often false.

Plurals and singulars are mixed up.

Wrong word choice.

Inappropriate use of 'the.'

Extra pronouns: many families an and homes

Sentences do not always begin with capitals.

accidents have been associated with a number of causes but the most common cause being road accident as a leading cause of deaths.

Accidents are caused by accidents - good to know!

Think this one needs a rewrite.

Thanks for sharing.


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534
for entry "The Bible, Take 2Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Jeff Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Blogocentric FormulationsOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Personal account and plans on reading through scripture. Includes ambition to read the bible five times in the next five years.


*Quill*Commentary

Thought-provoking piece. It made me look around the house.

I grew up with King James and NIV. The NIV remains my favorite marrying contemporary English with accuracy. I had the Jehovah Witness version (NWT) in my teens without realizing it though I never warmed to that version. Looking around the house I found seven other adult versions including two in German. (NASB, Good News, The Message,
RSV, New American Bible). I had a cartoon book bible I gave away and have not found since.

I reckon I have read it more than thirty-five times and have had phases where I tried to memorize bits. When in actual Bible College studying theology I read it comparatively little ironically. Nowadays I read it differently diving into different places or reading a whole book at once. Previously I just read through it chapter by chapter once a year or so. I figure that if I ever get imprisoned for my faith I should have the full thing in my head if I think about it and that would help sustain me. Having this library in your head which is independent of an actual book or smartphone gives you a resilience that could survive the worst persecutions and imprisonment. I have always thought those times were just around the corner but have been very lucky thus far.

I try and read it in German now and have two versions:

1. Schlachter Version 2000 (German NIV Version)
2. Hoffnung für Alle (German good news version)

But not made it through to the other side and find this heavy going. In English, it is always new and fresh to me whichever version I read. I have not clicked with the feel of the German and it is heavy going and a struggle to keep disciplined about it. I find myself remembering the English to make the translation rather than wrestling with the words in front of me.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Did not have time.


Thanks for sharing.


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535
535
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Marvelous Friend Author IconMail Icon. This is a followup review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* you pointed me to "A Dream of God's WrathOpen in new Window.. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A scary vision of just how angry God is with us and how Jesus has substituted Himself for us as the object of God's wrath. Being like Christ is being willing to sacrifice ourselves for others just as He did.

*Quill*Commentary

This vision sounds correct and also its fruit tests out as it made you want to get right with God and to act more like Jesus. Thanks for sharing it.

Becoming more like Jesus does not mean becoming Jesus. It is still He who saves us and stands between us and God's anger. We are not righteous, not even one of us and we are justified by faith in Him. Our sacrifices echo His but do not have the same effect. Our sacrifices do not save people, Jesus does that. Our sacrifices do not save us. Jesus does that also. But who can deny the impact of the martyrs or of the legacy of believers that grew from the blood of their sacrifice?

Jesus looked upon those that wept for Him as He approached the cross seeing the sins of Jerusalem when they would be full-grown in the Jewish rebellion a generation later. By then the church would have fled to Pella and there would be no prayer warriors crying out for the salvation of the city from God's wrath. When the anger fell it was terrible. The Jews fought among themselves as the Romans closed in on them, many starved, some ate their own children. Finally, when the Romans entered the city, they were all killed, enslaved, or died later in the arena. The Temple was razed to its very foundations and the city became a ruin. The anger of God is a terrible thing and without Jesus, all will face it at the appointed time. He sees what our sins will bring down on us before we do, He has made provision for those sins but He wants us to spread the news about that, which is what you do here. Your reaction, to get your life together, to consider how you can work for the good of others seems an entirely correct one to me.

Luke 23: 28-31

“Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. 29 Look, the days are coming when people will say, ‘Blessed are the barren women, the wombs that never bore, and breasts that never nursed!’ 30 At that time

‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!”

and to the hills, “Cover us!” ’

31For if men do these things while the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”



*Quill*Mechanical issues

Think about that for awhile. - awhile is the adverb meaning "for a while" so you do not need the "for" here.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review of MY MOTHER'S MOUTH  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, SSpark Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "MY MOTHER'S MOUTHOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A black woman in a racist era supports a supposedly racist candidate in the name of state rights. Her campaigning energy helped to elect George Wallace to office, and also a black woman as the Democrat conventions VP and showed what a black woman could achieve against all the odds as an evangelist for transformations that would come long after her time.

*Quill*Commentary

I guess everybody wondered what moment in their lives they will be best remembered for. I guess we all live in hope that it will be a moment like this. Your mother stood at the turn of the tide against white supremacy and at the beginning of a new era that would ultimately elect a black man to the presidency.

I was interested in how she achieved her success, not by simply bad-mouthing racists but by immersing herself in the political process, learning the agendas of her time, and then taking a stand. Thereby she gained the position to be able to nominate someone and thereby change a little bit of history.

In a partisan political era like today where it is easier to simply denounce the other side, she is a lesson in practical politics, persuading by example with intelligence and by being relevant.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Marvelous Friend Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Take Up Your Cross And Follow Christ Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Are we willing to live for Jesus and take up our crosses, suffering, and even death if necessary? Let us keep our eyes on the prize of being with God for all eternity and share our faith with others.

*Quill*Commentary

No objection to the message of the poem which echoes scriptures very nicely and expresses a powerful faith.

Would sacrifice yourself for other people’s sins? -

I believe in Christ's once for all atonement of our sins. The implication of this line is that our own sacrifices add to the potency of that sacrifice rather than merely express it. Obviously, all the apostles but John were killed for their faith and that is the example of the martyrs in the early church. Also living the Christian life also demands sacrifices of us. But we are not justified by those sacrifices but rather by faith in Christ. I know you believe this but I felt the lines in the poem left this ambiguous.

Share Jesus with your family and friends.

I used to have a practice of trying to meet a stranger every day and tell them about Jesus. I was a street evangelist for a season of my life and that was always with strangers also. Now I tend to do this online or embed my witness in longer terms interactions and friendships but the principle remains - it is not just family and friends we share with.

We can all spend eternity in heaven above.

Universal potential for salvation does not mean everyone gets saved. Also, the vision of the afterlife seems to be a resurrection to the new heavens and a new earth where God dwells with us here in the New Jerusalem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I guess this is not a convention in the secular world but when using gender-specific references to Deity Christians tend to capitalize. So him when referring to Jesus would be Him.

So also with "Your creator" the Your could be written your because you are not God and Creator should be capitalized as in a title and also a description of the Deity.


Thanks for sharing.


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538
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Review of Shattered dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, piecesofmyshatterededsoul Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Shattered dreamsOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Losing a child was bad, as was the shattered dreams and tears. Now she lives surrounded by violence with others who stand in deafening silence. Maybe this is even worse.

*Quill*Commentary

This describes a tormented soul who has not been at peace since the loss of her child. The deafening silence and violence of those with her now might be even worse.

Losing a child is as tough as it gets and I guess the grief can be all-consuming. But it is important to get even such a traumatic event like this into some kind of perspective. This poem expresses a hopelessly extreme, bitter, and unhinged reaction to the trauma.

The contrast is made with those who seemingly have no emotional reaction at all and use violence to keep her and the pain she carries in check or at arm's length.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You repeat usage of some words like shattered and scattered which could be replaced by synonyms.

been woken up from my own screams. - someone can benevolently wake you from your screams or you can be woken by the loudness of your own screams. Given the theme of dark distrust of all around you by your own screams seems better. Otherwise, you are admitting that there might be some goodness in the silent people still with you.

You are inconsistent with the use of commas. You end some lines with them and not others.

Thanks for sharing.


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539
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Review of Generations Past  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, socialscribe. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Generations PastOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Lena was not like the rest of her family. She was not motivated by the money or power that her family's estate might grant her. She preferred the fiery spirit and company of her great-grandfather Magnus Sorensen, who had built the original fortune from the ground up, to the entitlement and indifference of trust fund babies, as to how that money had been made. His authentic drive and spirit would go on to animate her life. She became a teacher.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Magnus is a self-made man who built a business empire. He emigrated and did great things but now lies forgotten and neglected in a wing of the home he built. Neglected by all but Lena his great-granddaughter who like Magnus is a square peg in a round hole in this family. She has the authenticity to do something original with her life rather than simply exist on the basis of past victories won by someone else.

This story could be a satire on the contrast between the original American dream and the materialism and entitlement of the majority of the One Percenters today who inherited what they have and live inauthentic and useless lives for their own pleasure and enjoyment but without any sense of mission.

Lena could have a lot worse first jobs and a lot worse trainers than such a man as her great-grandfather. Her mission became to "pay it back" and to reach out to the disadvantaged in inner-city schooling endowing them with some of the advantages she had been born with but unlike her family did not take for granted.

I have nothing negative to say about this piece. It was descriptive rather than deeply moving but it did the job.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review of THE MOUNTAIN  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Imogene M Karma Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "THE MOUNTAIN Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This seems to describe a mountain or hillside view of a misty lake in the middle of Winter. There is a nearby forest full of snow. Local streams might be dammed by beavers into small pools and the lake itself might have been formed by a manmade dam of stone. The hiker surveys a mountain path that becomes a metaphor for his life choices: between Joy and Gloom; between Felicity and Doom.

*Quill*Commentary

Before the Pandemic, I spent a lot of time in the mountains every season. A Winter walk in snow that no one else has walked in, viewing views of white, with green trees poking through. Seeing lakes that shimmer in the sunshine or are shrouded in the sharp angles of mountain silhouettes due to the sun being so low in the sky and casting shadows. I missed all that as I read your poem.

Your description of the mountain trail reminded me of this bible verse:

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Math 7:13-14

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This line puzzled me and seemed a little awkward:

The douglas-fir, an evergreen
To eternal sleep will now succumb


Firs are not killed by snow and stay green through the snow so I was not sure what you meant by eternal sleep here.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, LeJenD' Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "PPC Week 19: Just a DreamOpen in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author had a dream that seemed more real than the world her waking eyes opened to find. She yearned to return to its perfection and to live it all again.


*Quill*Commentary

Some dreams hit all the key places: affirm our key values; live out our key pleasures; describe and enact our most perfect moments.

Then we awake from this VR Metaverse of possibility into the more subdued colors and less intense emotions of the real world. Our tripping on perfection over, we wallow in our post-high blues.

To some extent, this is a cultural description of the modern age and younger generation especially. Gaming, drugs, and Social Media personas often seem more real to people than the hard grind of reality. The easy victories of our dreams become the messy struggles for outcomes that always seem elusive. The muck of politics replaces the irresistible perfection of dreamed moments.

I liked the poem which captured the theme of the competition you entered very well.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was a freeverse, so structural violations of this or that poetic format.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Willy Author IconMail Icon I found " Influenza and Covid19?Open in new Window. when searching for articles on covid. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Writing at the very beginning of the Pandemic two years ago now the author suggests Covid is hardly that much worse than flu so let us get it into perspective.


*Quill*Commentary

Writing with 20-20 Hindsight and more facts at my disposal than were available in April 2020 I conclude the author was deeply wrong.

Peak flu was running at about 25-30k deaths in the worst seasons in NHS England.

Covid Deaths over the last two years in England have topped 133k and that with masks, social distancing, and even vaccines hardly employed at anything like the same scale with flu. Clearly, Covid is more deadly and more transmissible. Deaths are still running at 400 a day with 85K cases yesterday.

My uncle was one of those who died of covid. Yes, he also had other underlying issues. But covid was identified as the cause, rightly, because it pushed everything else over the edge and triggered his final accelerated rush to the grave, alone in a hospital without friends or family to comfort him in his final hours. Five other far younger members of my family have had it and shrugged it off.

This is not just killing pensioners, as if their loves are somehow worthless, with more than 12000 non pensioners also dying. It is mainly people with underlying conditions who have died outside of old age. Eventually, we all get old and this illness is here to stay so defeating this illness seems like a priority for the future of most people. It is something that hits males of all age groups harder than females.

But something that is often overlooked is the incidence of long covid out there. With flu, you die or recover but covid has maimed people for prolonged periods. There are estimates of some 10-30 % of people developing long covid with debilitating effects. One lady I know with this is only in her early forties.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Was more interested in the errors in the content. But nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review of Death  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, PoetInTheInside Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I noticed "DeathOpen in new Window. while browsing your portfolio. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A twenty-two-year-old female discusses death without any idea about what comes next. She thinks pat answers are meant to be reassuring but does not seem that convinced by any of them. She thinks that death is inevitable and even welcomes the idea of dying in a car crash young at twenty-seven. She lives for herself and tries to be authentic in pursuing her own ends but without marriage, kids, or the promise of long life. She considers living for others to be inauthenticity.
She believes she will be at peace when she dies though she gives no good reason for that. She will donate all her organs.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This does read as being a little naive and egotistical. You live for yourself and do not contemplate sharing your life with anyone else. There is also sterility about a vision without actual reproduction. The naivety here is that even though you have no firm reasons for thinking death is a good thing you welcome it. But what if a life lived for yourself earns you a ticket to hell, how could you be at peace then. This notion of death as an ending fits a nihilistic materialistic perspective of death better than a religious outlook of any sort. But to be honest it reads as a little empty of any long-term feeling for others. Donating your organs after you no longer need them is only partially a rescuing act of benevolence. I hope you live longer than twenty-seven. There was a man if you could call him just a man who came back from the dead to talk to us about it. But you might have to go to a church to find out about Him.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Numbers under twenty should definitely be written.

We don't want to die, we do everything to avoid death because not only we are sacred by ii but also scared by others' deaths, our loved ones.
- We don't want to die. We do everything we can to avoid death because not only are we scared by it but we are also scared by others' deaths, and especially those of our loved ones.

Thanks for sharing.


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544
544
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Graywriter Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I noticed "Proposal in ChocolateOpen in new Window. while browsing your portfolio. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Very funny account of how Gil proposed to Deirdre. She insisted he be creative and after wracking his brains and exploring various options he came up with the perfect chocolate solution, or was it?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So Deidre thinks she is entitled to a little more creativity than has yet been displayed. The list of possibilities is hilarious and the chocolate solution seemed like a solid one. But maybe he should have researched her chocolate tastes a little more thoroughly and in fact, he should have known this. I guess he definitely knows it now.

There is an element of waste in this whole romance lark. Especially if you do not quite pull it off or did not know your fiances taste in chocolate. I wonder who got the ring in the end.

This read as being quite authentic even though you did not say it was biographical by genre.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I separated the egg into to halves - I separated the egg into two halves


Thanks for sharing.


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545
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Review of The Family Bible  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, 🌖 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* "The Family BibleOpen in new Window. fits the Raid Review Comedy theme for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A family bible includes the birth and death date information of the family going back generations. But little Tommy discovers something altogether more ancient and important still.

*Quill*Commentary

I have always wondered how this sort of thing worked. I have a large family and have worked out the genealogy going back three centuries. My family consistently had loads of kids. So who got the ancient bible? Moreover, they were always moving around, country to country and so it could really be anywhere. Unless that it is it followed the principle of primogeniture and is, therefore, the heirloom of some gentleman farmer in Shakespeare country near Stratford on Avon. I wonder if there is a leaf in those pages?

Anyway, I digress. This was brilliant. The punch line would have made me spill my coffee if I had not already finished it.

I really could not fault this in any way - so five stars.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, rhymereisen. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* "Interview with LeeLooOpen in new Window. fits the Raid Review Comedy theme for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Famed international reporter Rhymer Reisen (or is it Mike Addisphon (rhymes with my cat is fun)) interviews
his bambino hairless kitten, LeeLoo. It is hard to tell who is running the interview - the cat or the reporter.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You did this in the style of an interview with some celebrity. But this was not fluff and glitz but rather ended up a painful experience for the reporter.

So we have two characters here Rhymer Reisen who wrote the story for Purry Lit and is now following up with an interview with the cat in the story which apparently just so happens to be his own cat. Then we have LeeLoo who is in no mood to flatter anyone but herself.

LeeLoo has all the personality of a cat and is in no mood to pamper anyone's ego but her own. She wants the best food, constant attention plays tricks on her owner whose name she continually gets wrong. Though to be fair he did pretend to be someone else in the story that got published about her. She also seems a little peeved at having been dressed up in a Lamby Lamb costume.

Important revelations from the interview included the ability of cats to manipulate government documents and the degree of control they exercise over international trade routes ie the recent blockage of the Suez canal.

The interview roams around all the themes of a cat's life including dietary preferences and inappropriate cleaning habits. He plans to use her story for a movie called fifty shades of LeeLoo.

Very funny and creative.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing worth mentioning.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review of Naked Santa  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Steev the Friction Wizurd Author IconMail Icon. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* "Naked SantaOpen in new Window. fits the Raid Review Comedy theme for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Funny description of a naked Santa, robbed by his gang and abandoned. He tries to bribe some kids to help him...

*Quill*Commentary

This was well written and very funny.

It is also an interesting commentary on the play between greed and scruples. The boys would have taken Santa's presents but even their greed was not enough to make them refuse the money he had hidden where the sun doesn't shine.

Santa is white though apparently, he used to benevolently give presents to black kids also.

I wonder what help the kids would have been able to provide him anyway.

This reads a little like a night on the town gone horribly wrong. The man abandoned, for a prank by his "mates," in the middle of the roundabout tries to run home but the policeman gets to him before that happens. The man on his stag night is tied to a bridge naked and is there in the morning when the rush hour begins and the motorists honk him.

Anyway thanks for a good read that made me smile.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing uncontroversial.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review of Recipe  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Doe Hart Author IconMail Icon. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* "RecipeOpen in new Window. fits the Raid Review Comedy theme for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A strange recipe for a little sister's birthday cake.

*Quill*Commentary

Very funny. But I could not work out if you actually liked your little sister or not?

The result of this would be dirty water that would never set into a cake but would include floating bogies, sinking belly buttons, sand, and the optional slice of meat.

You combined the sacred (Holy water from the Pope) and the profane (what you picked out of your nose) here in your relationship with your little sister.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the rhyme with no obvious mechanical issues.


Thanks for sharing.


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549
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, W.D.Wilcox Author IconMail Icon. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Roy Mayo And JuliettaOpen in new Window. via the Raid Review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The Hickville Players Present Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet to a backward country town. Ms. Jones aims to educate them and introduce some culture. The performance might have gone better...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was deeply funny from start to finish and was high-quality writing also. You employed your extensive vocabulary to great effect introducing me to words like "muumuu."

There were no straight lines in the pathway to Hank's red barn. Everything had the chaotic and unfinished feel of nature gone wild.

The choice of the plump Henrietta and the scruffy Roy for the parts were hilarious, though I guess Ms. Jones was hardly spoilt for choice. The farcical reinterpretations of a language, the country folk had no connection to, completely destroyed the meaning of the play but added to its comedic value.

They turned one of Shakespeare's plays from a tragedy into a comedy. Some have suggested that was Shakespeare's original intent given how the first two acts are structured but the dumb country folk were perhaps not doing this for that reason.

You had me laughing from start to finish but then having lived in both country and city another thought occurred to me as I reflected on this piece. You write Ms. titles rather than Mrs and could come across as full of metropolitan snobbery and schadenfreude at the ineptitude of dumb country folk with their rotten teeth, unpleasant smells, and ill-fitting clothes. You have us all laughing at these small-town hicks because their chaos and stupidity do not fit into our neatly planned city architectures with their geometric patterns and straight edges.

This piece is a clash of world views between a teacher, with big plans to drag her locale into the mainstream culture, and her country town. But unlike Shakespeare who matched his language to his audience, her dream of enlightenment does not fit the people she works with. This is what makes it so funny but perhaps also this is what also restores the play to be a tragedy. Can these two worlds coexist without the straight, precise lines inside the teacher's head bending a little, even breaking a little into the chaos of where she lives and which you described so exquisitely?

You ended the play after only one scene. Since the audience was in the hay by then and Shakespeare's play thrown out the window perhaps it was just as well.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Graywriter Author IconMail Icon. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Amazing Amazon BirthdayOpen in new Window. via the Raid Review Comedy Theme. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dog's paws and noses are not ideally adapted to keyboards. So ordering on Amazon might be difficult for the family dog...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So the star is the old dog who somehow figures out the English language, that computers are an ordering system and the specific wishes of its owner's son. This is a comedy so the implausibility factor is suspended.

My own pet died last year and I understand how we all end up anthropomorphizing our pets and attributing intelligence to them they definitely lack. But I might add I write this review as a cat person. I will try not to let my bias tell.

Leaving one's computer unlocked like this was probably a recipe for disaster with such a dog around.

I found this mildly amusing but not hilarious. It made me smile not spill my coffee.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the piece, the dog is clearly old but in the description, you describe him as a pup.

My Grammar Checker picked up on a few missing commas.

I get to sit in Daddy's lap - on Daddy's lap


Thanks for sharing.


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