This macarbre story is precise and cynical. The idea of an artist shooting himself in front of his students has massive, dramatic potential.
The cynicism of an artist making his final work the splatter pattern of his own blood, is very stylish. It says so much about common attitudes to modern art.
I really appreciate the simplicity of the tale. It could be rewritten as a poem and thus escape the calls for more detail, from those who like time to immerse themselves in the possibilities.
You should be commended for drawing attention to bad published poetry. One of my favourites is the famously, unintentionally funny, William McGonagall. See his poem "Tay Bridge Disaster". In fairness he did vanity publish, and became known as the "poet laureate of the Tay Bridge".
I hate John Donne. Samuel Taylor Colleridge wrote these superb lines:
On Donne's Poetry
With Donne, whose muse on a dromedary trots,
Wreathe iron pokers into true-love knots;
Rhyme's sturdy cripple, fancy's maze and clue.
Wit's forge and fire-blast, meaning's press and screw.
What do you think of that, It makes you love Colleridge, doesn't it?
You feel very strongly about the injustice of the love of beauty. Believe me, it is all to do with maths and the ratio 1:1.638. That aside, I think your poem expresses your anger very fully. If you take that anger and use it to explore the subject more deeply you may find a more satisfying release. For instance how does the desire for silky hair and a slim body effect society? Why should it bother you? What is the difference between a beautiful woman and a beautiful object? Is it wrong to value beauty in nature or just in women?
As someone once said, "Of course beauty is only skin deep, we'd look dreadful without skin."
Railing against injustice is fine but directing your mind to use your anger creatively is where it's at.
Have a look at something beautiful and then compare your feelings as expressed in the poem to the feeling that beauty gives you. Then write about it. That would make a truly interesting poem.
Your emotions are very well developed, thank you for sharing them with me.
Best wishes
Mavis Moog.
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