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Review Requests: OFF
102 Public Reviews Given
105 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The Other Woman  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola,

I happened upon your writing via the Read and Review area. I liked your piece and thought I would offer my review. Of course, these opinions, thoughts and questions are mine and you are welcome to discard anything that doesn't work for you.

What I liked about your piece is the unexpected way the other woman impacted the wife. I certainly wasn't expecting a drunk driver.

I also liked being surprised in a poem.

The only other comment I have is regarding the last line.

Another woman had claimed him from her.

"...claimed him" works but "from her" makes the sentence weird for me. Cancer claimed him. Another woman had claimed him. I get that.

Taken seemed to fit better with the "from her".

Another woman had taken him from her.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Scribe on,

D
27
27
Review of Shadows  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,

I happened upon your writing via the Read and Review area. I liked your piece and thought I would offer my review. Of course, these opinions, thoughts and questions are mine and you are welcome to discard anything that doesn't work for you.

What I liked about your piece is I can envision your nightmare with what you've written. I don't mind dreams but I dislike nightmares.

What I'd suggest is that this line needs some editing. "The began monsters black and formless." Possibly They began as monsters black and formless
.

If you want to stick to the repeating text, I think "...I saw it one last time, formless as I faded amoung shadows." should include black for "...I saw it one last time, black and formless as I faded amoung shadows."


Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Scribe on,

D
28
28
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Schnujo,
I happened upon your writing via the Read and Review area. I liked your piece and thought I would offer my review. Of course, these opinions, thoughts and questions are mine and you are welcome to discard anything that doesn't work for you.

What I liked about your piece is it made me laugh. I tried that prompt for a few minutes but went back to the Flash Fiction one I was working on.

I feel your pain with the prompts. Sometimes the idea pops right up and with others, like with this one, I struggle. My name is Donna and I'm not fond of it, so that bugged me too.

I like that you took this almost self-depreciating path, although exercising your creativity good or bad is better than not writing at all.

Check out Flash Fiction. It's only 300 words so it a bit tighter writing. http://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/896794-...


Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Scribe on,

D
29
29
Review of Family poem  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

Your piece came up in the read and review. Although I write poetry when the mood strikes me, I am no authority.

These are my opinions, thoughts and questions. You may discard them if you please.

I was reluctant to use the edit points as I wanted to see and copy the text for my review. I also found them to be a bit distracting, but that's just me.

I liked that you indicated this was your first public post and that you asked for constructive criticism. I like how you moved through the family structure in your poem.

Suggestions:

You might want to check the rules on who and whom. I need to refresh on them as well as I'm not sure which should be used here.

Do away with the word "like". Why not "What is a family?"

A family is like the strength of the father
the one who cares and protects....

Why does it have to be like when it is?

A family is the loyalty of the brother(s)
who protects you when your weak
and fights when your too powerful

"Your" should be you're or you are in both instances.

Also I understand how one protects when you're weak, but why fights when too powerful? Doesn't make sense to me.

A family is like the love of the sister(s)
who love with all their hearts
and teach you to love with all your hearts

Because of the (s) it makes these sentences difficult. You are treating the sisters as plural with hearts but using your, you should make it "with all your heart" or "with all our hearts"

Again thank you for posting your work and allowing me the opportunity to review it.

Scribe on,

D
30
30
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
I think it's really cool that you wrote a song. I'm not musically inclined enough to put it to music, but I'd like to give it a shot some day. Your post has me thinking about it.
I really liked it. The only thing that tripped me up was here:
....I walked down the hall and saw you, you flash me a smile
I smile till I see her wrapping her arms around you...
I didn't transition out of the bedroom far enough. I thought the hall was in the house / apt at first so I was wondering why this other chick in there too. I'm too literal sometimes.
Anyway, that's my first song review. No offense meant in anyway.
Scribe on,
D

31
31
Review of All I Have Left  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice.

Happy musing.

D
32
32
Review of The Lonely Tower  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good job. I liked it. Congrats on the win too.

D
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